I pause at the door, my hand hovering over the latch.
The steps out of the Tower and out of the City are filled with Unknowns
I don’t know where I’m going –
I hardly know where I’ve been at this point.
I can still turn back.
I can still I say, “No.’
That’s what the world and culture has told me to do –
It’s what I’ve been trained to be:
Community values, attitudes, and expectations hover over my head
Yearning to leer and jeer in my face that I was wrong all along
And that I’m going to return with my tail between my legs.
“We told you so.”
“We told you it was dangerous.”
“We told you that you were nothing.”
But I have to prove them wrong.
The first steps from my Beginning to my Tower was a path wrought with peril.
It was full of unknowns and I swore –
God, did I swear –
That I would never take that path again.
I earned my peace,
Why would I ever leave again?
I fought to prove them wrong.
I fought to make my mark.
I fought to earn my knowledge, my power, my position.
Surely I don’t need to move.
Surely I don’t need to leave the comfort of my Tower.
Surely I can learn to be content.
They tell me the world is scary.
It’s a place unseen that will only kill me.
It’s a realm too big to understand.
It’s a journey I was meant to forego.
And yet, here I am again
On the edge of that precipice.
Something stirs in my heart,
The soul of my Being,
As I stand on the edge of life and death.
Anxiety floods my senses,
sharpening them to as fine an edge as any double-edged sword.
Is this the way I am to take?
To once again walk the Pilgrim’s Path?
I know where it ends –
It should end where I am –
But why does it not?
Why does this road lead ever on?
Do I not know all there is to know?
Do I not know that I should stop here and be done with it all?
But the voice continues to whisper.
Follow Me into the Unknown.
I am with you until the very end.
Trust the journey I have you on.
Your story isn’t over.
It is just beginning.”
Do I trust it?
Do I start again along the Pilgrim’s Path?
Fear is paralysis cloaked in survival.
How does it work?
Why does it work?
Fear should have no hold over me
And yet it does.
I can’t let go.
I can’t take that step.
I can’t move beyond my Self and what I know
And give it all up again.
I’m turning back –
I have to.
Hand in hand,
Arm in arm,
Heart in heart
I’m not alone.
The Pilgrim’s path is not the journey of isolation.
It was my isolation that built the Tower in the first place.
The Pilgrim’s Path is one of community –
The collective journey we all must take.
It is in the Pilgrim’s path that the I becomes We
As heart and spirit are joined.
Fear has no place here.
Only Wonder and Curiosity.