Thread of Gold
In Mining for Gold, Tom Comacho explores ways for individuals to recognize their spiritual and personal gifts, their gold. The process for doing this can be for personal use or to assist others to find what inspires and energizes them through coaching.
Reading this book brought a flood of thoughts that initially seemed independent of one another but on reflection, each is a thread that has been weaving through my life as God invests and refines the person I am.
Comacho suggested an exercise to study Romans 12:6-8[1] and reflect on what gift resonates most. Reading them it was abundantly clear that leadership was present. Yet, my leadership is grounded in faith and desire to serve the Lord by inviting others to participate in that service. This affirms a belief that we are not just one thing. Our primary gift may lie in one area but there are secondary and tertiary gifts that can augment the primary gift to create a stronger, multidimensional person.
During my master’s work for Mental Health Counseling, the professors recommended we find a therapist. I learned that knowing the vulnerability of opening my world complete with failures and fears to another human being who would help me process, assess and then pray through them was one of the best things I could do. I became a better version of myself and my empathy for my clients was genuine. I look forward to experiencing coaching next.
While working as a counselor, I often thought that if people had someone to really listen to them, the need for counseling could be diminished. That was an oversimplification, but we were made to be in relationship with God and each other. We need someone to listen to and help us explore our joys, anticipations, fears, and sorrows.
When Martyn Percy spoke in Oxford, he mentioned The Rule of Benedict book because it starts with profound words that related to his topic, ” Listen carefully, my son”.[2] I knew I needed to read it. However, my first reading of this book brought disappointment. I saw the abbot as a dictator with authority to instill fear of punishment upon the monks to teach them obedience and humility. While good qualities, the methods were harsh and humiliating, which is different than the humility he sought.
I wonder if my initial reaction to The Rule of Benedict was tainted by my experience in a Catholic elementary school where fears of unexpected punishments were constant. Yet, I knew I needed to revisit The Rule of Benedict when reading Mining for Gold. Even though the methods were extreme, I was open to consider that it was another form of purifying the gold within the monks under his care. In the second reading I saw thought processes and reasons for his methods. I am pleased that the Benedictine code has been modified, but still disagree with them. However, it is another point of view that gives me a fuller picture of how God, even in harsh circumstances can purify the hearts of individuals.
In When God Interrupts: Finding New Life Through Unwanted Change, M. Craig Barnes, [3]professor, and pastor, shared different scenarios of interruptions in everyday life. These could be expected such as when failing eyesight limits an older person’s ability to drive, or a beloved family member dies. It could also be the loss of a job, friend, or a home. In all of them, Barnes discussed where people could call on God to help them find new life through the change. Barnes’ book is an encouragement to church leaders in their work with people in transitions.
I do not think that God is zapping people arbitrarily to teach lessons but uses the situations of life to teach and refine. God is present in the pain as is stated in the oft quoted scripture Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (NIV).
Each of these books offers a different perspective on ways refining the gold of our lives can happen. For me, I picture me running a race, tired, thirsty, and dragging. God is running the race alongside me, knowing when I will fall and picking me up to continue. The race might include something unkind that I said or one that I had no control over such as the death of our child, many years ago, when he was 19 years old. About 4 weeks after his funeral, I needed to go to a grocery store. Stepping inside, everyone was hurriedly going about their shopping, and I froze. My thoughts screamed inside me wondering why everyone didn’t know that the world had come to a screeching halt. Slow down! Don’t miss something! I felt God’s nudge in the store that day telling me it was okay to move slowly and know God was bigger than even the death of our son. The world is God’s, and God was with me. As the healing gradually took hold, I knew then and today that I am a different person after experiencing pain and sadness.
The final takeaway for this book is an affirmation that coaching is a part of leadership no matter the setting. While in a secular world I am limited in the words I use to coach my direct reports, I have been asking many of the coaching questions for years. And even in a secular setting, when I silently ask God to assist me to be the leader God wants me to be, I sense God’s presence and guidance.
[1] Comacho, Tom, Mining For Gold, Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching (London: Inter-Varsity Press, 2019), 132.
[2] Fry, Timothy, OSB, ed., Imogene Baker, OSB, Timothy Horner, OSB, Augusta Raabe, OSB, Mark Sheridan, OSB, eds., The Rule of St. Benedict in English, (Collegeville, Minnesota, 2019), 9.
[3] Barnes, Craig M. When God Interrupts (Downers Grove, IL, 1996)
About the Author
Diane Tuttle
11 responses to “Thread of Gold”
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Wow Diane thank you so much for your willingness to share about your life, your journey and your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you must have felt, and still feel, in the loss of your son.
You write with a strong and empathetic voice that is insightful and compelling. Reading your post has reminded me about the importance of compassion in coaching and interacting with the people in our world because of complexity and brokenness we’ve experienced in our lives. I’m curious, as a counselor, where do you see similarities in coaching and counseling and where do you see differences?
May God continue to walk with you through this part of your journey and may you sense His peace and presence.
Ryan, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. As far as coaching and counseling, I must make a disclaimer here…… I have been working as a CEO of a non-profit for the last 24 years so am not still working as a counselor. However, the skills of asking questions to help the person begin to speak their story then carefully listening are important for both. The coaching I do at work or in the nonprofit sector is typically related to a function of the person’s position. The questions sometimes are just exploratory but ultimately they are focused on how the behaviors of the person, or lack of them support or sabotage their efforts. Not sure my answer gave what you were seeking. diane
Diane,
First I want to say I am sorry for the loss of your son, whenever that might have taken place. I am sure that was a life shaking time and hard to navigate through.
I appreciate your thoughts on the Rule of Benedict. I have also found it to be a bit harsh but do recognize there is wisdom to be learned.
I wonder, how do you think coaching and counseling cross paths? Do you find similarities? I imagine there are ways in which they can be very similar but I am not a counselor and am not familiar with that field at all.
Adam, Thank you for your kindness. On the counseling and coaching aspects, I find it interesting that both you and Ryan were on the same wave in your questions. As I mentioned to Ryan, I have not worked as a counselor for over 20 years and the coaching I do is work related, primarily, with my employees. It is ongoing and sometimes it is simply to encourage them and help them reflect why they were successful so they could stay the course. Other times it’s helping them figure out ways to move from point A to B. In counseling, unless a person is forced into it due to legal, family, or other reasons, my experience was that the person is aware that something in their life is out of sorts. They may know what this is or not. There is usually a willingness to dig into personal and relational issues that get in their way.
Reflecting on the overall similarities I would have to say both require someone to listen well, ask good related questions and focus on the growth of the person in front of you. Hope this is useful.
Hi Diane, thank you for your heart felt posting. First, I am sorry for the loss of your son. May you continue to cherish the memory of your son and find healing in its existence.
I like your emphasis on “Our primary gift may lie in one area but there are secondary and tertiary gifts that can augment the primary gift to create a stronger, multidimensional person.” I totally agree with you on this statement.
In my final year at the Seminary, we underwent a self-assessment exercise (NEO). During the review session with the counselor, she remarked, ‘Shela, you are a Martha with Mary’s heart.’ Despite being an extrovert with qualities like achiever and self-assurance, my true strength emerges when I pause to pray and take a step back to listen to the Holy Spirit.
Similar to you, Diane, I also work in a secular environment. I resonate with your perspective that this is God’s world, and His presence is with us. In numerous ways, I sense God’s closeness at work, particularly when faced with challenges requiring solutions and risk mitigations.
What do you think about Camacho’s analogy of ‘Rowing versus Sailing,’ asking whether one is rowing or sailing, resonates with me. I find myself at 50/50!
Shela, for the short time we have known each other, it seems like the counselor really picked up on a valuable piece of you. What a nice balance, “a Martha with a Mary’s heart” (above). As far as a sailing or rowing, sailing is definitely preferred. But, I am human so do some rowing on my own. It’s usually when I run into trouble of my own making. one thing that helps me is praying on my way to work. Don’t close your eyes if you want to try this. On the days I turn off the radio and ask God to make me the leader God wants me to be, the day is generally smoother to navigate.
Diane,
I have thought about reading The Rule of St Benedict since first hearing about it in Oxford. Maybe I’ll have time over the summer. Slowing down is a hard thing for people to do. Even after going through a crisis event, many people really struggle to slow down. I think all the busyness helps people cope through another day instead of slowing down, listening to God and their own bodies, which is really necessary to truly thrive and flourish. So many of my students are struggling with their own mental health issues and are seeking help. I believe that their own struggles will make them a better social worker because of the empathy they will have for their clients. I think they will ultimately also be better listeners knowing what it is like to have someone really slow down and listen to them. Do you know if most people who were in your counseling program also found a therapist? In many ways some therapists don’t seek the help of others for fear of being seen as weak, how can I help others, if I need help myself.
Jeff, it was an expectation in my program at the time but I don’t know what they do now. Your question about people fearing that they may be seen as weak is very likely. Obviously, someone wouldn’t want to go to a therapist who is completely falling apart. However, in reality, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t need help in some way at one time or another. The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen comes to mind. I read it a long time ago, but what stuck with me is that in our woundedness we can help others. I believe that is only through the grace of God. Thanks for your comments.
Diane,
First, I’m sorry for your loss. Anyone who has lost a close loved one can most likely resonate with you. The world does come to a screeching halt (for the person grieving) and … God is still there, walking with you.
You pointed out Camacho’s suggestion that humans have several (sometimes many) gifts to offer the world. What gifts, other than leadership do you innately have?
And, boy do I agree with your statement of people needing to have someone really listen to them. For me, it comes down to not just listening but having someone see you, helping us explore all the dimensions of our identity and soul.
May your vein of gold always be evident in your multi dimensional self.
Blessings to you, Diane!
Nancy, thanks for your response. As I think of my gifts beyond leadership as a whole, I would say I have a gift of hospitality. I truly enjoy hosting people in my home. In some ways I am an Italian momma who shares the love by cooking for people. Hosting is more that prepping a meal to me. It is saying to the people who come, you are worth treating well. Often we sit around our table and the conversations are rich. So too, another gift, I believe I have been given a gift to listen to people, sometimes beyond their words. Thanks for asking.
Diane, firstly, I am so sorry for your loss and can only imagine the weight of emotions going through something like that bears.
You truly do write with a strong, compelling, and empathetic voice. I really appreciate your reflection here and how convicted you felt to go back and re-read The Rule of Benedict. Hearing how that simple act brought a whole new perspective was powerful. And the fact that everything in God’s design is to bring about new life through change, using everything to teach, grow, and refine us, is so key. I love that therapy was a transformative tool for allowing you to open yourself up even more deeply to embrace your humanity and I can only imagine how coaching has been a helpful tool in helping you support others to do the same <3