There is a poem at the end. #Clickbait
Like many, I’ve read dozens of leadership and ministry books. Most are written by high achieving leaders who are successful and renowned. That is partly what has enabled them to write (or ghost write) a book on this topic. And according to Mcintosh, its possible that these leaders were driven to reach such high points of their success because of a hidden dark side. Perhaps a dark-side that they themselves are not aware of. So these respectable leaders, driven by an unending need for achievement, admiration and recognition are the ones willing to pay the price to rise to the top of the leadership conference circuits and deliver the top selling leadership books. Then it follows that these leaders give birth to more dark side throughout the young pastors sitting under them to learn. And as flesh gives birth to flesh, so spirit gives birth to spirit and this unhealthy “watch me burn out for Jesus” that somehow carries a misplaced badge of honor is transmitted to the admiring onlookers.
Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership by David Mcintosh was a paradigm shifting book for me and a must-read for all ministers. This is because so many of our disorders seep into our lives imperceptibly because they began under the guise of a virtue. The intentions to help and serve becomes an insecure people pleasing instinct. The intentions to be thorough and punctual becomes a paranoid restlessness. The intentions to make an impact for a kingdom of God becomes a narcissism and admiration addiction.
Take for example my dark side.
I picked up my dream because my youth pastors and college professors and chapel speakers and leaders told me “dream a God sized dream for God” and so with my ambition to make an impact for the Kingdom of God I began to become excited to be the one that God used to bring the change. I truly do want to do great things for him. I know this achiever drive in me can be used for God’s glory. But I also recognize that I do these things so people say “wow Kyle does great things for God!” And all the sudden I am more concerned about me, than about God and his glory What excites me more I wonde… 1,000 people lead to Christ? Or that I was a pastor who led a 1,000 people to Christ?
If I don’t perceive that I am perceived as accomplished or extraordinary to people, I become very self-conscious with myself. I remember stepping down off a sermon I gave Sunday morning and feeling insecure about the message I had just preached. I immediately began looking busy to avoid talking with the congregation and walked back stage. I was hiding. I couldn’t face the people, because I didn’t think what I gave was good enough, and I didn’t think they thought I was awesome enough. I was embarrassed. Of course this is what Mcintosh identifies as a class sign of narcissism. Ouch.
The good side of this is that it pushes me to be excellent, spending extra time in preparation, and to stay busy. Unfortunately I sense the enemy working this gift against me. I can see how God created this drive in me and intended it for my good, but I feel the enemy trying to pervert this gift in my life and use it against me. When I am not viewed as great, as I felt like I wasn’t that Sunday morning I break down. Its hard for me to function. I get depressed.
This ambition is hijacked and quickly becomes perverted into selfish ambition. The dramatic breath taking moment for me while I read this book is seeing that my personality type, was illustrated best by King Solomon. Are you kidding me? I’ve preached so many negative messages about King Solomon. Sermons like, “How to Destroy your Calling” and “How not to finish well.” And all the sudden the warning light is flashing that I have King Solomon tendencies.
In reaction to this I attempted the swing the pendulum back to the other side, but I honestly probably swung back to far to the other side. I actually began curbing my ambition out of fear that all my ambition was selfish. I significantly cut back ministry events and I became suspicious whenever our church did big outreaches or events.
I wrestled with this tension for years and carried it with me in isolation. I had a breakthrough at a conference I attended as I listened to our National Youth Director of the AG Heath Adamson who is one the smartest and sharpest leaders I’ve ever seen. And in a brief moment I got to visit with him about my tension between wanting to honor God and be humble and the need for ambition in the Kingdom of God. I shared with him my Solomon illustration, and of course he was familiar with this book The Dark Side of Leadership (He has read 2-3 books a week for the last twenty years). His words were simple and true, “It was ambitious of Jesus to switch our world from the old covenant to the new covenant. It was ambitious of Paul to plant church after church. Don’t ditch your ambition. Keep your ambition Holy.”
Another example would maybe be the illustration of Billy Graham. Few challenge his ministry and the works he did. His ministry schedule and ministry assignments was ambitious. And the face and attitude of all Christianity in America was changed because of it, as the Bad Religion, one of our future books I’ve been slowly consuming on audio, is beginning to explain.
McIntosh ended with an excellent recipe for a Christian leader to redirect their dark side, and I don’t feel I have anything to add to that. So simply I would say, from my journey, it took me to submit and surrender my dreams and accept a call even if it were to lead to obscurity. Should God call me to be a senior pastor of a church of 20 in rural farm town USA for the rest of my life, ok I accept that. And with that posture of heart, I think I position myself to actually be used by God wherever he intends me to be.
To conclude, here is a poem I wrote as I was in the midst of discovering my dark side.
~
When I was 15
I surrendered to God
to do great things.
When I was 25
I surrendered to God
great things.
He called and I followed
deep into obscurity.
Inside my obscurity
I found sincerity
in true surrender.
~
9 responses to “There is a poem at the end. #Clickbait”
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Kyle,
Thank you for vulnerability. We are all products of our upbringing and culture. We (whether we admit is or not) all love affirmation. I too have found myself not wanting to talk to people after a sermon given, wanting to hide and seeking excellence. Finding ways to have reminders of what is important has always helped me. I too have found this book thought-provoking and wish I have more time to digest it. This was the first time I read it. Thanks for sharing with us your journey.
Kyle,
Thank you for your vulnerability! And you’re a poet…love it! It sounds like you’ve taken on the task of doing the hard work (self awareness) to prevent a dark side failure. Ongoing introspection and reflection is key. Check out Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability, courage, and shame. It’s great and she offers some great leadership resources. And by the way, how cool would it be for God to use a California boy for ministry in the midwest?
Hi Kyle,
Phenomenal poem! Thanks for writing that.
I am positively struck from the words your AG friend gave you, specifically, “Keep your ambition Holy.” Wonderful advice! I think he nailed it on the head.
We are all proud of you, Kyle!
Love love love your poem, Kyle!! (And I’m not just trying to puff you up!) 🙂 There’s so much there, said in very few words, that expresses the core of the gospel. The self-surrender, and following Jesus in self-emptying, on the road to obscurity.
Keep writing poetry even if no one else sees it. I think it will be a lifeline for you in ministry.
Kyle,
To recognize your tendencies now is a good thing, even if that means coming to terms with your likeness to King Solomon. Being aware of those things that drive you, in both positive and negative ways allows you to be open to insight and relationships of accountability that hopefully will prevent you making the mistakes that Solomon did.
Your poem demonstrates a willingness to grow in spite of your recognized faults and hopefully this permits you to avoid many of the pitfalls demonstrated by Solomon. Keep up the good work and make sure you head out to the congregation regardless how ‘you’ feel your sermon went.
Kyle,
I enjoyed your self reflection in light of what we read this week. It is one of the hardest things for a leader to do, look inside ones self, not like what he sees, and then search for a positive resolution. Did you seen any other of the dark sides in yourself, unfortunately I saw to much in myself.
Jason
Kyle, your vulnerability is a tremendous gift and will serve you very well as you lead others by your own experience and journey with God. Thank you for sharing and for being real.
Thanks for the #clickbait, it lured me in. But unlike a Buzzfeed article or a survey to discover which of the Beatles I most resemble, this one paid off! Thanks for sharing about your own journey with the dark side of leadership. One takeaway from the book (and from your post) is that leaders who are aware of and active in resisting their dark side are the ones who ultimately are used by God, rather than ending up as roadkill… Or clickbait.
Kyle…the whole post sucked! Not really, but after all the pats on the back, I wanted to keep you humble. I have always struggled with what I refer to as my “David Syndrome”. I want to be a man after God’s own heart too. I’ve gone as far as ask my congregation to limit the “attaboys” to a minimum because my head likes them too much. I like to remind myself that when Paul finally “boasted” in his ministries, it was not so much the number of churches he started, but rather the trials he was willing and able to endure for the cause of Christ. We all forget that sometimes greatness comes through meekness and surrender, not attention and achievement.
I am curious if you have found a way to keep the dark side at bay? I believe at some point all ministers are threatened by AAD…attention abundance disorder…we need to learn from each other how to overcome that.