The vital role of community in finding balance
I have been reflecting deeply on authentic, relational community lately, especially its significance for Christian leaders. The further I journey in leadership, the more I recognize community’s essential role in sustaining leaders. A healthy community provides diverse perspectives, constructive feedback, and shared reflection—offering mutual encouragement and growth. However, this kind of community can look different for everyone: it might be a group of close friends, trusted colleagues, a faith-based group, or family members. Regardless of its form, authentic community is vital for leaders seeking balance.
Eve Poole insightfully states, “One way of defining ‘sustainability’ is about the health of each relationship we have.”[1] This perspective underscores how relationships serve as a foundation of support, helping leaders navigate the challenges of an imbalanced, dopaminergic world that constantly demands more.
Lieberman and Long’s insights in The Molecule of More shed light on dopamine’s role in driving relentless ambition and future-oriented thinking. They write, “Dopamine can only say, ‘More.’”[2] The authors further explain, “In many instances…dopamine and H&N [Here-and-Now] get thrown out of balance, especially on the dopaminergic side[3]. The modern world drives us to be all dopamine, all the time.”[4] While dopamine is critical for setting goals and spurring progress, it often leaves individuals, especially leaders, restless and dissatisfied. For instance, Lieberman and Long describe a “business executive working in financial services [who] spent his days brooding over stock options, asset derivatives, foreign exchange rates, and other imaginary beasts. He was wealthy and miserable.”[5] This executive’s experience exemplifies how unchecked dopamine-driven focus can trap leaders in cycles of imbalance and discontent.
Similarly, leaders today are often pressured to stay in a perpetual state of forward motion, fixated on the future. Without intentional safeguards, this tendency can lead to burnout and frustration. As Lieberman and Long note, “Only H&N circuits can bring about feelings of satisfaction, feelings that the end has been reached and it’s time to stop.”[6] H&N neurotransmitters like serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins enable leaders to pause, savor their accomplishments, and experience connection and fulfillment. However, these feelings are often suppressed by dopamine’s unrelenting drive.
Authentic, relational community offers a remedy to this imbalance by fostering spaces where leaders can experience the grounding effects of H&N neurotransmitters. Through meaningful relationships, leaders can find connection, trust, and emotional well-being—creating an environment where they can truly be present. Singer-songwriter Andrew Peterson illustrates this when he speaks of “the humility of being in community with people who you’ll truly listen to, who will help you to see when you need to change and when you need to stick to your guns.”[7]
Now more than ever, leaders are being called to navigate uncharted waters, and attempting to do so alone will almost certainly lead to disaster. Peterson writes, “…the point is that none of us can do it alone. There’s no doubt in my mind that what’s shaped me and my work more than any particular talent on my part has been living out a calling in the midst of a Christ-centered community. ”[8] This reminder emphasizes the vital importance of community in leadership. In a world where isolation and individualism are often celebrated, strength is found in collaboration and shared wisdom. Lieberman and Long speak to the importance of relationships. They explain that most relationships serve both agentic and affiliative purposes, with agentic relationships focused on achieving goals and affiliative ones centered on social connection and enjoyment.[9] However, I believe we are in desperate need of affiliative relationships. This affiliative type of relationship “[is] for the purpose of enjoying social interactions. The simple pleasure of being with another person, experienced in the here and now.”[10] The authors continue, “…if we neglect affiliative relationships, we will most likely lose the ability to be happy ourselves…our brain needs affiliative relationships just to stay alive.”[11]
Living overseas has deepened my appreciation for community’s vital role in our well-being, especially through its influence on dopamine and H&N neurotransmitters. A thriving community should foster connection, encourage collaboration, and strengthen resilience, enabling individuals to stay true to their values. In my experience overseas, I’ve often felt a gap. Life in a different country, with its unique pressures, can leave missionaries grappling with unchecked dopamine-driven goals and the challenges of isolation. Unsurprisingly, many struggle with longevity, spiritual vitality, or emotional health. I believe this often stems from underestimating the power of community and the affiliative relationships necessary for people to thrive. While we are eager to mobilize people for the Great Commission, there is often a lack of intentional focus on equipping missionaries with the supportive networks they need when overseas. Instead, many missionaries feel the burden of unrealistic expectations—to produce more, to please churches and supporters while navigating the journey alone. A shift toward fostering a deeper, life-giving community could transform their personal health and their long-term impact. Ultimately, there is a need to shift from reactiveness to proactiveness when ensuring missionaries, pastors, etc., have affiliative relationships to help them “stay alive” and thrive.
Discovering and nurturing authentic community is not easy. It requires openness and vulnerability and makes us stop and be present. It requires the here and nows. However, this authentic community provides the support needed to balance the constant drive of dopamine with the fulfilling effects of H&Ns. By prioritizing these life-giving connections, leaders can thrive, experience joy, and persevere over the long haul.
What does community look like for you?
[1] Eve Poole, Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership (London: Bloomsbury Business, 2017), 163, Kindle Edition.
[2] Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long, The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity—and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race (Dallas: BenBella Books, 2018), 24, Kindle Edition.
[3] Dopaminergic—exhilarating, idealized, curious, future-looking.
[4] Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long, The Molecule of More, 212, Kindle Edition.
[5] Ibid, 220.
[6] Ibid, 176.
[7] Andrew Peterson, Adorning the Dark: Thoughts on Community, Calling, and the Mystery of Making (Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2019), 100, Kindle Version.
[8] Ibid, 4.
[9] Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long, The Molecule of More, 75, Kindle Edition.
[10] Ibid.
[11] Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long, The Molecule of More, 201, Kindle Edition.
About the Author
Elysse Burns
15 responses to “The vital role of community in finding balance”
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Elysse, thanks so much for the blog – say hi to Kari for me. In your current season of life and leadership, how do you practically foster affiliative relationships that provide grounding and joy, balancing the constant drive for ‘more’ with the satisfaction of meaningful connection?”
Hi Glyn, thank you for your comment and question. In my current season, I have enjoyed more affiliative relationships with no agenda. I have recognized in my context that missionaries often feel pressure to make everything spiritual. Although I believe there are very appropriate times for the spiritual, it can begin to seem forced. I find I am most satisfied in relationships when things happen organically.
Thanks for this great article Elysse.
What sort of affiliative community do you have right now, or would you have if you could?
Hi Debbie, I currently have a tiny, tight-knit affiliative community. Something I enjoy about these relationships is there is space for things to happen organically. There doesn’t have to be an agenda. Something I responded to Glyn in the above comment is that in missions, there is a perceived pressure to make everything spiritual. There are a lot of “spiritual” events (i.e., prayer nights and prayer conferences), but the relational connection is severely lacking. It’s all about checking boxes! I stepped away from this entirely for a season because I found it so fake. However, I am trying to find ways to reintegrate myself meaningfully.
Hi Elysse,
Great post! I completely agree that strength lies in collaboration and shared wisdom. I am inspired by the positive energy of others. How do you balance H&N (Here and Now) while serving a community you are passionate about? I notice that I work more when I am traveling for business. Do you find that being away from home, you tend to dedicate longer hours to your mission?
Hi Shela, Thank you for your comment and questions. To remain in the here and now, I journal, garden, listen to music, or go to the beach. It can be hard to stay present when surrounded by many things you want to “fix.” I believe many people get burned out here because they are always attempting the next project and do not give themselves good boundaries with people. I think I have been able to find a good balance. I believe the doctoral program required me to find a good balance because we could be working 24/7 here if we allowed ourselves.
Thanks for your blog, Elysse. I appreciate your thoughtfulness about community. Many leaders feel lonely and isolated.
However, I work with leaders who have no time for authentic community because they are so busy with the demands of work. How do we help people appreciate the real value of community without making it one more thing that they have to do in an already busy life?
SABBATH! They’ll learn to say no and establish healthier boundaries. Often the work load is self-imposed. OK, I’m stepping off my soapbox now, Graham! Thanks for your awareness of these thing. I’m looking forward to hearing Elysse’s reply.
Hi Graham, Thank you for your comment. Yes, you present the leader’s common dilemma: they are too busy to build community. Unfortunately, many do not realize its importance until it’s too late. I do feel people may not have the correct definition of community. I once heard someone talking about their church community, but I knew firsthand this individual had little relationship with the people. Ultimately, their definition of community was people sitting in the same room every Sunday. If I was an overextended leader, this wouldn’t seem worth it to me either! I keep asking myself, “How do we create deeper spaces than just meeting at the same time and place every week?” I don’t have the answer to this, but we who understand the importance of community and have authentic relationships can keep inviting people to join us.
Hi Elysse! I appreciate your take on community and its need. To answer your question, creating a positive community in a dopamine-driven environment requires an intentional design that fosters connection, purpose, and present-moment fulfillment.
These people can be well-grounded and accountability partners, helping to keep me and others in check. Also, we do a horrible job of being present in many instances. Establishing norms that limit distractions like excessive phone use during gatherings and sharing in the present with a focus on contentment can create a balanced and fruitful community.
Hi Daren, Thank you for your insight into what makes an authentic community! These are great ideas.
Hi Elysse, I hear your voice in your written words. Community is such as important part of living a life of faith Where do you find the balance in your life? Do you sense more activity from your H&N molecule or the dopamine?
Hi Diane, Thank you for your comment and question. I am still working on finding balance. I would say I have learned more about balance in Africa than when living in the United States. Things take so much energy; sometimes, you just need to “check out” for a while. I have recently found a love of gardening, which allows me to remain present. I also enjoy journaling, listening to music, and going to the beach. I think a pressure we can feel here is the need to “fix” things. Everything can become a project. Early on here, I learned it was not in my power to fix such brokenness. Only God can do that. However, I can do my best with what the Lord has given me to make a positive impact. I do think this mindset has allowed me to find a good balance and to create good boundaries for myself.
Thanks Elysse. I love the connection you’re making to authentic community to combat the incessant pressure to focus on the next, the goals, etc.
My inquiry is for what sorts of values or shared practices enable authentic community? Rather than faking it (being in the room with others, but holding back on being fully present), what helps to enable a H&N reset?
Are there
Hi Joel, I love that you recognize community is not just about sitting in a room with others. I am not sure many people have figured that out yet! I suppose values and practices can differ from relationship to relationship. However, I know that in my small, tight-knit community, we value Sabbath, good food, worship, studying Scripture, creating beautiful spaces, and reading, just to name a few. Although I don’t want to close people out, I have learned there is a benefit to investing time with “my people.” In ministry work, we can feel pressure to give most of our time to people who are not life-giving. I am still working on finding a balance, as many who are not life-giving are still worth knowing. In these cases, I like preparing questions in advance to help me discover more about the person. I do believe it is a mindset we have to develop. We have to choose to be present with that person or people even though they might not necessarily become part of our authentic, close community.