Sexuality – Don’t wake it up until the appropriate time!
As leaders, we have learned the importance of staying in the room, hearing all sides of an issue. We have also learned the importance of knowing and understanding the culture that surrounds us. In this post I am going to discuss sexuality and how I present the various voices and aspects of sexuality to my Christian university students allowing them to begin to understand the culture and hopefully stay in the room.
The Distortion of Sexuality
God created sex, but man has spent thousands of years distorting it. Jeff Myers writes “The seeds of the sexual revolution were planted during the Age of Enlightenment, when the church began to be viewed as a barrier to societal advancement.”[1] Yet, one only has to read a few chapters into the book of Genesis to discover that the sexual revolution has existed for thousands of years (Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot’s daughters, the rape of Dinah, temple prostitutes, Potipher’s wife’s attempted seduction of Joseph).[2] The sexual revolution may have been somewhat held at bay by Christian ethics and culture, but “any constraint on sexual impulses was unnatural” and it re-emerged in the 1900’s.[3]
Despite the warnings found in Song of Songs “Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and the wild does of the field, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time,” our culture seems to do everything it can to ignore the warning.[4] Sexuality is plastered on billboards, magazine covers, and television/movies. Jean Kilbourne in a TedTalk discusses and provides visual examples of the ways the media sexualizes both men and women.[5] Showing this video in class I have been accused of showing students soft porn. Internet pornography is a multibillion-dollar industry with the website OnlyFans reporting $7.22 billion income in 2024.[6] Pornography usage is my NPO:
Christian Universities have students who struggle with a habit of viewing pornography impacting current and future relationships, with self, others, and God.
Educating My Students
Because sexuality is so prevalent in our culture, the church needs to be well informed on the topic, hearing people speak for and against the various sexual behaviors. But this is a topic on which I believe the church on a weekly basis is silent. How many church potlucks have you been to where topics of sexuality were discussed? In my teaching I try to educate my students on issues related to sexuality and gender, issues that I have had to wrestle with over the years. The last two weeks of my Cultural and Human Diversity class are devoted to these two topics. Before diving in on topics of sexuality, I preface my talk by stating that I am not advocating for anything that goes against the Nazarene values the university is founded upon, but as future mental health workers it is important that you are aware of these behaviors so that your jaw does not drop to the floor when the person(s) in front of you opens up about their sexual practices. I discuss the following topics, same-sex attraction (SSA), sex work, consensual non-monogamous relationships (polyamory, swinging, and open relationships, friends with benefits, hooking up), pornography and sexting, sex dolls and sex robots, and bestiality.
Same Sex Attraction
To help students process this topic, I present information from a variety of perspectives. When talking about same-sex attraction (SSA) I play an interview that Preston Sprinkle did with Dr. Lisa Diamond, a lesbian who has spent her career studying SSA.[7] She discusses the genetic component of SSA and how both nature and nurture can influence its emergence. Dr. Diamond also discusses the fluid nature she has found in sexuality where people with SSA will fluctuate between being strictly gay/lesbian and bi-sexual.
Sex Work
When I discuss sex work, I start out discussing sex trafficking citing statistics from the Polaris Project and the psychological and physical trauma that sex workers endure.[8] But then I move on to discuss volunteer sex work, legal and illegal. I show a clip from a YouTube channel “Ask a Sex Worker” in which Alice answers questions people leave in the comment section of her channel.[9] In this episode Alice discusses working with mental health workers to provide nonjudgemental services to the various brothel’s sex workers. I then show them an interview with a Blind Prostitute, who discusses how she got into the work and her enjoyment in being a prostitute.[10] I also discuss interviews from sex workers discussing the benefits of utilizing the services of a sex worker.[11] Nicole Emma states that “on average sex only lasts 5.4 minutes,” and asks the question, “what do you do for the rest of the time?”[12] Emma and other sex workers discuss that time spent with them allows the individual to feel normal and can even be healing.[13] These are ideas that most of my students and prior to teaching this class, I have never considered.
Polyamory
When discussing polyamory, I show a video of a throuple who discuss being asked to leave a church due to the church’s conservative values yet finding acceptance in another church.[14] They even talk about how the one woman in the relationship did not conceive until she started exploring her lesbian side suggesting that God opened her womb only after she fully embraced who she was sexually.
Most of the students in my class know the evangelical Christian teachings regarding sexuality that espouse no sex until marriage, and that marriage consists of one man and one woman. In a world where the sexual revolution is going strong and consists of many different voices, I intentionally provide the students with information that might contradict the ideas and beliefs that they have been taught. I need them to construct their own, not their parents, map regarding sexuality and its expression. I also need them to consider how they are going to help a client deal with sexual issues that contradict their (the student) own map. I still hold conservative values regarding sexual ethics, but I’ve enjoyed hearing voices from the other side as they have challenged me to consider why I hold onto my beliefs.
[1] Jeff Myers, Understanding the Culture: A Survey of Social Engagement, (Manitou Springs, CO: Summit Ministries, 2017), 229.
[2] Genesis 19, 34, 38, 39 (Christian Standard Bible).
[3] Myers, 229.
[4] Song of Songs 3:5.
[5] Jean Kilbourne, “The dangerous ways ads see women,” TedX Talks, Easton, PA, May 9, 2014, 15 min, 50 sec, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy8yLaoWybk&t=1s
[6] Todd Spangler, “OnlyFans 2024 Financials: Gross Revenue $7.2 Billion, up 9%,” Variety, August 22, 2025, https://variety.com/2025/digital/news/onlyfans-fiscal-2024-revenue-earnings-1236495750/
[7] Preston Sprinkle, “#859- Sexual Orientation, Sexual Fluidity, and the ‘Born this Way’ Myth: Dr. Lisa Diamond,” Produced by Preston Sprinkle, Theology in the Raw, May 7, 2021, 1:09:35. https://theologyintheraw.com/podcast/859-sexual-orientation-sexual-fluidity-and-the-born-this-way-myth-dr-lisa-diamond/
[8] Polaris, “Polaris-Analysis-of-2021-Data-from-the-National-Human-Trafficking-Hotline.pdf,” accessed on October 15, 2025, https://polarisproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Polaris-Analysis-of-2021-Data-from-the-National-Human-Trafficking-Hotline.pdf; Stotts jr. and Ramey, “Human Trafficking: A Call for Counselor Awareness and Action, “Journal of Humanistic Counseling, Education, and Development, 48, Spring 2009.
[9] Alice Little, “Ask a Sex Worker – Mental Health in the Brothels,” February 22, 2020, YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DzM3kCqAjc (not available anymore)
[10] Soft White Underbelly, “Blind Prostitute interview-Nautica,” September 28, 2021, YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvetzM-17-o
[11]Emma, “What a Sex Worker Can Teach us About Human Connection, TED Talk, Salt Lake City, September 2018, 12:36, https://www.ted.com/talks/nicole_emma_what_a_sex_worker_can_teach_us_about_human_connection; Matthews, “Sex Workers Offer Intimacy and Connection for Disabled Clients in the Age of the Dating App,” ABC News https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-07-12/disability-sexuality-intimacy-connection-modern-dating/9931480; Little, “More Than Sex – Coffee With Alice Little, YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV8IN4e68KE (not available anymore)
[12] Emma,
[13] Emma; Little; Matthews.
[14] Love Don’t Judge, “Being Polyamorous and Christian Is Not a Sin,” Produced by Martha Hewett, Ruby Coote, YouTube, November 16, 2022, 7:32, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D1fFDdL_wQ
About the Author
Jeff Styer
Jeff Styer lives in Northeast Ohio's Amish Country. He has degrees in Social Work and Psychology and currently works as a professor of social work at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. Jeff is married to his wife, Veronica, 25+ years. Together they have 4 beautiful children (to be honest, Jeff has 4 kids, Veronica says she is raising 5). Jeff loves the outdoors, including biking, hiking, camping, birding, and recently picked up disc golf.10 responses to “Sexuality – Don’t wake it up until the appropriate time!”
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Jeff,
What an interesting class! I am wondering if any of your previous students have ever come back to discuss with you how some of the lessons have shaped the way in which they see others? Is there a particular lesson that has been more shaping for them?
Adam,
I haven’t had too many students bring this back up. I didn’t get into this in this post but when I discuss gender, I talk about transgender and I really stress the importance of understanding that gender dysphoria is a real phenomenon for people and we need to love them and walk them through those feelings not marginalize them and walk them about the back door. I read an excerpt of Preston Sprinkle’s Embodied book about a young adult being walked about a pastors back door and told never to come back. Years later they had an experience with another church who loved them back into the church. I don’t agree with all the medical and hormonal treatment options, but we cannot discount a person’s feelings
Jeff, I fully agree with you that Christians must be educated and prepared to face these issues. The first gay person I had a conversation with a patient when I was a brand new nurse. I had not been educated on this topic from a Christian perspective, and I wish I had had more tools to use as that naive 22-year-old. By God’s grace, the Holy Spirit prompted me to treat him as much as I would any other male patient.
What are the ways you see as appropriate (obviously age-appropriate) ways to start discussions and even classes like yours about sexuality in churches, small groups, and homes?
Kari,
I think we (parents, grandparents, pastors, etc.) can be prepared to discuss all these issues at an age appropriate level. But to really start the discussion, I would ask the kids what they are seeing or hearing other people talk about. Start off where they are at. What do they have questions about. You could even bring pop culture into it to start the conversation, did you see this movie, what did you think about . . . ?
Hey Jeff,
You are absolutely correct! I can’t say I’ve ever discussed sexuality at a church potluck either—but I’m definitely keeping that in my back pocket for the next time I want to see people squirm.
I find your NPO’s work really important, and I’m curious—what are some of the reasons pornography is so prevalent within this demographic? I recently read a book on trust that included a chapter about trusting yourself. It mentioned a neuroscience component showing that willpower is limited—when we resist one temptation, we often rationalize giving in somewhere else. The author suggested that it’s crucial to proactively plan how we’ll handle future challenges, since we can’t predict how we’ll feel in the moment.
It made me wonder if porn use in the Christian community might connect in some way to that pattern of diminishing self-control and rationalized escape.
Elysse,
Have you ever been to an AA meeting? Step outside during a break and see how many participants are smoking or how much coffee they are drinking. People often give up one addiction for another. I think this is similar to what you are saying. For example, especially in our sexual purity culture, I can refrain from the temptation of having sex with my girlfriend before we are married, but I’ll masturbate while viewing porn to release the sexual tension that I am experiencing. Yes, viewing porn is bad but at least it’s not having premarital sex. I believe that rationalization occurs often in Christian circles.
Jeff, thank you for preparing your students to be clinicians who have a reduced risk of expressing shock when with a client who discloses divergent sexual activity. I think you are allowing them to listen with the ears of Jesus. You are also modeling for your students that it is important to be knowledgeable about their field, even the parts that are not aligned with their faith and values. Have you had pushback from your administration for this curriculum?
Diane,
Thanks for the comments. I have not had any pushback. We’ve had pushback for discussing Critical Race Theory, which is always presented as a theory, one way of seeing the world and explaining things, but not about gender or sexuality issues.
Hi Jeff, thanks so much. How do you help your students be sensitive to culture and compassionate without losing confidence in their personal theological convictions?
Christy,
Being at a Christian college we encourage students to dive into their faith, make it their own. We also ensure that students understand social work’s core values and how they come from scripture. One of Social Work’s core values is the dignity and worth of a person. That is repeated over and over again in every class. Students are told to hold firm to their beliefs but always see the humanity in others.