Self-Reflection…And Self-Evaluation
This week I am on vacation with my family. Work calls and emails have been minimal, and my family has surrounded me with rest and comfort. Manfred Kets De Vries’ The Leadership Mystique: Leading Behavior in the Human Experience has been exceptional beach reading. In fact, I am thankful to have had time (more than usual) to devote to this book. Each chapter is chaulk full of real-world, relatable examples and practical applications. Highlighted boxes throughout give opportunity for self-reflection and self-evaluation. In fact, I was so overwhelmed with the goodness that I had no idea what to write about. Perhaps identifying the personality types that each of my colleagues exemplify? (12-13) I can quickly name those with narcissitic personality type and those with histrionic and dependent personality typed! Perhaps following up last week’s discussion about listening with an evaluation of my own active listening? (29) I used to think I was a good listener, but after taking the “Are you an active listener” evaluation, my skills are in question. Dilbert is my father’s absolute favorite comic strip, having devoted most of his career to human resources. Perhaps writing about the Dilbert Phenomenon would be appropriate since I am with him this week? (91) Chapter nine was devoted completely to leadership in a global context. (174) Ever since I read about polychronic versus monochronic time in When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert, I notice the differences in the usage of time every time I travel. In fact, the majority of the items listed on the Kets De Vries “Wheel of Culture” (177) are throughout Corbett and Fikkert’s book. Clearly, that is what I should write about this week, given my cross-cultural mission partnership interest…but I’ve written so much on Haiti lately that I am sure you are tired of reading about Haiti!
In the end, I kept returning to the Dilbert Phenomenon. Something about the whole-life versus deferred-life strategy resonated with my week. (100-101) As I said above, I am at the beach with my family. Honestly, I went back and forth about even coming. Yes, I deserve vacation, but I am gone from the church so much with mission travels that it is hard to justify (to myself) being gone for my own time. Yes, I am working long hours when I am gone on mission trips, but if my body is not in the seat behind my office desk, the bosses and colleagues naturally think I am away having personal fun! In fact, I became so concerned, I started putting a sign on my desk noting where I am located! In the end, these are all inner thoughts that I personally must overcome. Not once has one of my bosses come up to me to say, “You need to be here more.” It is simply in my head, something I have projected onto myself.
As many of you know, my dad has been very ill for the past year. Yet when my father called to tell me of this vacation week to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, I hesitated…to the point of not booking a plane ticket until last weekend! What does that say about my priorities? Before our time in South Africa, I carved a few days out to visit him. Yes, that was my first thought at why I should not go spend more time with him! I am embarrassed to even admit this! Before I even got to the sentence in the book, I thought to myself, “When I look back on life from my death bed, will I say I should have spent more time in the office.” (102) Of course not. I will probably kick myself for not spending more time with family.
Traveling as much as I do, I have been listening to the Bible on the Audible app for the last months. This week I made it to the Gospels, and I am walking through Jesus’ ministry. Listening to one long narrative of Jesus’ life, I never fully realized how much time He spent teaching. He would heal someone…and then teach. He would listen to a problem…and teach through a parable. He would take a nap on a boat…and then teach with an object lesson. He would pray…and then teach his disciples. He spent so much time teaching, and in each of those teaching instances, a relationship was at the center. I write about relationships. I teach the value of relationships. In my work life, I try to model the importance of relationship-building. But do I personally practice what I preach? Though it has not been intentional, it appears as though I have opted for the deferred-life model Kets De Vries refers to. After taking his self-reflection exam on page 100, I see how lopsided, or out of balance, life is. I love lists, and Kets De Vries gives a stellar list on achieving balance between work and personal life. (101) (This list will make it into my Personal Leadership Development Plan for certain!) The two that stand out to me most are, “Give up being a superperson.” Not be SuperWoman? That would involve learning to say no, which is also on the list. The next is, “Make recreation – that’s ‘re-creation’ – a priority.” Someone asked me not too long ago what I do for fun to relax. I sheepishly smiled and said, “What is fun?” Other than getting into a car, driving on the other side of the road to a safari and ziplining, I cannot remember the last time I had a bit of recreation. I can make all of the great excuses in the world, but in the end, I simply do not make time. Even Jesus rested. He went off to pray. He took a nap in the boat. It looks like I still have a lot to learn.
Resources:
Corbett, Steve and Fikkert, Brian. When Helping Hurts: How to Alleviate Poverty WIthout Hurting the Poor and Yourself. Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2012.
Kets De Vries, Manfred. The Leadership Mystique: Leading Behavior in the Human Experience. London: Prentice Hall Financial Times, 2006.
About the Author
Ashley Goad
Ashley is the Global Missions Pastor at First United Methodist Church in Shreveport, Louisiana. She's a UNC fanatic, Haiti Enthusiast, Clean Water Activist, Solar Power Supporter... www.firstserves.org www.solarunderthesun.org www.livingwatersfortheworld.org7 responses to “Self-Reflection…And Self-Evaluation”
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Ashley,
Thanks for your post.
I really appreciated reading your reflections.
I honestly don’t have a lot to offer in response besides some hearty affirmations, amens, yeps, been-there-done-thats, me toos, etc.
Just thanks for “listening” to the readings and being open to thinking about change.
— P.S. — I will add that E.T. Hall back in 1959 wrote on monochronic/polychronic time in The Silent Language. He touched on it further in another book, The Hidden Dimension. But personally, I love his, The Dance of Life (as relates to the concept of time) where he discusses the interaction of time and culturality extensively. I especially love his diagrammed “Map of Time” there. I found/find it very helpful.
Clint, you always add more books to my already long list! Thank you, friend.
Here’s the joy: I got to be in that car and enjoy that safari and share that zip line! Yay!
I started to write something totally different. I deleted that. Instead I just want to say – keep taking the time to do this good work of reflection. Play a little bit every day. Do the things you love – which does not at all exclude work and ministry. Trust the God who loves you and enjoy His rest. Peace my friend.
Yay! And what a great travel buddy you were! Thank you for the encouragement. I may just print this out!
Ashley…
Thank you for being “you” .. the person you are and the person you are becoming … which means letting go and embracing. Your words bounced back to me. Meaning that what you have written I need to heed in my own life. Hoping for you that there will be moments of renewal — fun and recreation each day, even if it is only for moments of time.
Thank you, Carol. Who knew a leadership book could cause such inward, contemplative stretching! 🙂 Life certainly is a journey of learning!
Ashley, glad to see you got some time away – from all of your time away. I trust that it was indeed beneficial. I have also been challenged in recent years at my own “time poverty” as compared to the cultures where we’ve been working. Coming home from South Africa, in discussion with the rest of the team that went with me, they also have been challenged with the way in which we squander and abuse the time we’re given in a day, week, month. Of course I’m typing these words after I just watched Sunday Night Football and am catching up on highlights from the other games…looks like I’ve still got some work to do on the whole “time poverty” thing as well.