Mentoring Without Necklacing
I grew up in a complementarian church, never witnessing a woman preach or lead from the stage. I currently attend a church that has leaned even further into complementarianism, where women are not allowed to lead in any program for sixth grade and older. When I first began attending, the church only leaned complementarian, but over time it has fully embraced and defended the position. I often find myself questioning why women are considered unqualified to teach junior-high students but are somehow qualified to teach preschoolers—children who are arguably more impressionable and unable to differentiate between biblical perspectives.
It was during my time serving in a small Islamic village—entrenched in patriarchy—that my biblical perspective began to shift. I became what some would call an egalitarian, or a mutualist. I began asking questions: why were single female missionaries sent overseas to plant churches, yet later deemed unqualified to pastor those very same congregations? Why would God allow nearly 80% of pastors in Kenya to be women if women were not supposed to lead men at all? Could the growth of the Kenyan church really be built on what some consider “sinful behavior”?
Understanding Kenyan culture forced me to reexamine my own. South African pastor Terran Williams writes about his journey through complementarianism: “What most fail to appreciate is that up until the 1960s, the historical teaching of the church was that women are subordinate to men because they are inferior to men.”[1] Similarly, Beth Allison Barr observes, “Cultural assumptions and practices regarding womanhood are read into the biblical text, rather than the biblical text being read within its own historical and cultural context.”[2]
Over the years, my own perspective has evolved as I’ve developed a deeper cultural awareness and understanding of Scripture. Yet I’m still left wondering: what role should I play in developing women leaders? This week’s reading by Anna Morgan provides some insight into that question.
Morgan briefly acknowledges the debate about women in leadership, but rather than dwell on it, she simply affirms that women are in leadership—and challenges us to consider how we might best develop them. Her book is both rich and well-researched. She identifies the needs of female leaders and outlines seven specific areas of focus. Recognizing that some men might feel threatened by the growing presence of women in leadership, she writes, “My paradigm is that leadership is not a finite resource. It can be created, perhaps infinitely. This means that leadership is not a zero-sum game and that for women to gain power, men do not have to lose it.”[3]
Morgan also spends significant time discussing the Billy Graham Rule and the limitations it can create for developing women leaders. There’s an inherent tension here. I once adhered strongly to this rule—it was the “gold standard” in the church I grew up in—but that same church did little to mentor or develop women leaders. Esteemed colleague Glyn Barrett addresses this rule in his blog, writing, “An accusation, even if unfounded, can do untold damage to a leader, a family, or a congregation.”[4] That statement rings true and reminds me of a lesson I learned in Kenya, where thieves were sometimes “necklaced.”[5] I learned that one should never get caught stealing—but even more importantly, never be accused of stealing. The power of the mob (or social media, in Glyn’s analogy) is immense and often destructive.
The Billy Graham Rule can protect men, but it can also stifle the growth of women. Morgan notes, “The Billy Graham rule creates distance between men and women in ministry… This attitude is demeaning to men because it assumes that all men are sex-crazed and incapable of controlling their urges.”[6] She continues, “Our oversexed societal view of everyone as sexual objects makes brother-sister ministry partnerships difficult.”[7]
A few years ago, I discussed this topic with a female colleague, and she quipped, “You know, every woman is not waiting for random men to be alone just so they can jump all over them. Men need to get over themselves.” Her comment, though humorous, underscored a deeper truth: how can men lead in a way that protects their marriages while still valuing their female colleagues as equal image-bearers of God?
I believe the answer lies in prayer and discernment. Men should follow organizational guidelines, maintain transparency (such as giving spouses and friends access to backstage or private spaces), and intentionally treat colleagues as fellow image-bearers. As Annabel Beerel writes, “We need many effective leaders working collaboratively together, complementing one another’s capacities and skills yet keeping one united goal in mind.”[8]
Leadership is hard. Navigating the tension of developing opposite-gender leaders while remaining above reproach is complex. The Billy Graham Rule might be a starting point, but it likely needs to be amended by egalitarian leaders who are committed to developing women while avoiding being metaphorically “necklaced” by the social media mob.
I appreciate Morgan’s work and her willingness to engage this under-discussed topic. While this week’s reading may not feel as weighty as some previous ones, the issue of women in leadership remains deeply important—one that requires balance, nuance, and courage to navigate well.
____________________________________________________
[1] Terran Williams, How God Sees Women the End of Patriarchy (The Spiritual Bakery Publications, 2022), 46.
[2] Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth (Brazos Press, 2021), 6.
[3] Anna R. Morgan, Growing Women in Ministry: Seven Aspects of Leadership Development, 1st ed (Baker Academic, 2024), 1.
[4] Glyn Barrett, Women in Ministry, Leadership Integrity, and the Billy Graham Rule, n.d., accessed October 29, 2025, https://blogs.georgefox.edu/dlgp/women-in-ministry-leadership-integrity-and-the-billy-graham-rule/.
[5] To be necklaced is to have the mob wrap a tire around your neck and then light it on fire, thus ending the life of the thief.
[6] Morgan, Growing Women in Ministry, 138.
[7] Morgan, Growing Women in Ministry, 134.
[8] Annabel C. Beerel, Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories, 1 Edition (Routledge Taylor & Francis Group, 2021), 4.
About the Author
Adam Cheney
I grew up in California, spent five years living along the beautiful coast of Kenya and now find myself working with refugees in the snow crusted tundra of Minnesota. My wife and I have seven children, four of whom have been adopted. I spend my time drinking lots of coffee, working in my garden, and baking sourdough bread.10 responses to “Mentoring Without Necklacing”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Thanks Adam for bringing some cultural perspectives in and your own reflections as well. How do we help people in our churches see the cultural lenses they are bringing to the biblical texts that influence how they think about gender and ministry in the Bible? Asking for a friend…
Ryan,
I think it is important for everyone to get out of their context every now and then and see something new. Essentially this is what we have done with our advances. But, people should be encouraged to visit churches every now and then that are not their regular place of worship. Local pastors can even swap places for a Sunday morning so they get something new as well.
Hi Adam, I appreciate your comment that the topic needs “balance, nuance, and courage to navigate well”. When you wonder about your role in helping to develop women in leadership, were you talking about it in a nonchurch setting? This isn’t asked as a ‘disguised judgement’ question. I really am not sure what you meant. Thanks Adam.
Diane,
My church has become much more complementarian and has developed a lot of legalistic rules around it. Many of these leaders are my friends who I go camping with each year. They are the guys I borrow tools from, etc. However, I disagree with their rules. So, I let them know. Not in an angry email or a congregational meeting but rather through dialogue and challenging their positions. It is slow, and I am woefully outnumbered right now, but I press on.
Yes, Adam, press on!
Dr. Cheney,
Fantastic post. I really appreciated reading how your perspective on women in church leadership has developed toward a more egalitarian view. What challenges have you encountered as you continue to serve within a complementarian church setting?
As always, I resonated with your overseas experiences and the personal growth you described. I can’t say that I’ve ever felt fully affirmed as a woman in leadership within my own church settings, and as I sit here in Mauritania writing to you, I sometimes wonder—if I ever returned to the U.S.—whether I could be part of a church like that again. I’m honestly not sure.
Adam, You and I have had a lot of conversations on this topic. I appreciate the thought and working out you have put into this topic. Like Elysse, I’ve been able resonate with you on this both from similar upbringings and overseas revelations! I’m interested in hearing your response to Elysse’s question.
My church has gone more traditional as well. I am no longer invited to share with the teens. But ironically, when no man is willing to serve in that capacity, exceptions are made for the pastor’s wife to teach (just writing this I feel the anger creeping in!).
What would be your advice to a female leader in these contexts? How can they be change agents in these environments rather than just ghosting the church?
Elysse and Kari,
Living overseas changes you doesn’t it. The problem is that our sending churches send us as one person representing them and then they don’t like it when we change because we were sent. When we get back they don’t want to hear about how we have changed but instead just to hear about the work we do. So, if you go back and attend your same churches I would go back and realize that change takes time. Lot’s of it. But, when given the opportunity to speak to any group, insist on putting a Dr. in front of your name to give yourself a little bit more clout as it is needed in our churches. You can only effect change if you are present in the church, but at the same time if you go to church each week frustrated then it is probably not a good place to be at as you will not be spiritually nourished as needed. Find other friends who do validate your leadership and find ways in which you can use your giftings to the best of your ability.
Adam, I’ve read your post and all the other comments above this one. I so appreciate your honesty and your soul-searching. I’m sorry you have to work so hard in your own home church; your missionary days are not over!
I’m wondering if you can pinpoint anything that contributed to your change of heart and mind that doesn’t involve international travel, that might be a change agent in your own context?
Hi Adam, thanks for your post. On the Billy Graham policies, I understand the wisdom in it, and also have experienced the unintended consequences of reducing opportunities for the development of female leaders.
How can churches create mentoring systems that both honor appropriate boundaries and ensure women have equitable access to discipleship, coaching, and leadership development?