Letting Go Lustfulness and Legitimize Love
Undefended leadership is about a kind of generous hospitality: a giving of ourselves to the world that transforms it, an opening-up of space in our lives in which the ‘other’ is welcomed and, indeed, utterly changed (Simon P. Walker)
The allure of power resides in its capacity to influence others and fulfill personal desires. Possessing power may facilitate the attainment of one’s objectives. Paradoxically, individuals vested with authority frequently succumb to the temptation of its abuse, revealing inherent character traits. Consequently, power serves as a litmus test for one’s true character. Abraham Lincoln said, “If you want to test a person’s character, give them power.”
Within the ecclesiastical ministry, pastors and church leaders are not immune to the temptation of leveraging their authority to assert dominance over peers and congregants. Acknowledging this temptation is an integral facet of ministerial self-awareness. It is a formidable challenge to resist the allure of power, including in a ministry setting. Frequently, in my role of authority, I am faced with the challenge of resisting the urge to consistently exert dominance, a vulnerability that can be difficult to manage.
Upon discernment of Simon Walker’s writings, I found a profundity resonance with his concept of the “self-emptying strategy.” His insightful statement impressed me: “Self-sacrifice is the conscious choice not to use force or exercise power but, instead, to allow something to be done to you”.[1] This perspective underscores that authentic leadership entails the willingness to accept circumstances or actions, often motivated by a desire to serve others or uphold ethical and moral principles. This commitment frequently demands a preparedness to endure personal discomfort or harm, all in service of a greater good or deeply ingrained values, highlighting the significance of selflessness and altruism. According to Walker, individuals who embrace this deep virtue willingly surrender their positions of authority, acknowledge their inherent vulnerability, and nurture significant relationships. This approach ultimately leads to their authentic liberation as leaders.[2]
In contrast to adopting an authoritarian and domineering leadership style, an undefended leader consistently embodies the practice of genuine hospitality. Such leaders wholeheartedly welcome and embrace individuals, recognizing their shared fragility and vulnerability. Simultaneously, they remain open to learning, growth, and collaborative efforts for the greater good of many. This approach aligns with Walker’s assertion that “Undefended leadership is about a kind of generous hospitality: a giving of ourselves to the world that transforms it, an opening-up of space in our lives in which the ‘other’ is welcomed and, indeed, utterly changed.”[3] Essentially, this form of leading mirrors the example set by Christ, emphasizing humility, self-emptying, acceptance of weakness, and a willingness to make sacrifices as genuine expressions of divine love.
In a world where leaders face the temptation to use power and authority for personal gain, Walker reminds us that effective leadership requires making space in their lives to seek guidance. Walker insists, “Every leader needs to have an area of her life in which she is being led.”[4] This perspective underscores that leadership is not primarily about the act of leading but, fundamentally, about being willing to assume the role of a follower. Walker eloquently articulates this concept: “Leadership is not a primary activity but a secondary one. A leader is not a leader first but a follower. First and foremost, she must be focused on the source of the love and grace that gives her security and sets her free.”[5] This perspective highlights that leadership is not rooted in human grandeur but rather emerges from the grace and love received, which both deserves and enables individuals to lead.
Recognizing our identity as recipients of divine grace and love empowers us to engage in leadership with love and a willingness to give our utmost, even through self-sacrifice. It is within this framework that an authentic leadership emerges. Stephen Cottrell, the Archbishop of York, in his 2020 Annual Borderlands Lecture, articulates, “The power to keep on loving when everyone else is full of wrath and hatred is the greatest power of all. It is the only way that hatred is defeated. It is the pattern of Christian discipleship and therefore the pattern for the Church’s leadership. But it also has something vital to say today to all leaders.”[6] Therefore, as individuals committed to serving Christ and identified as His friends, we must develop a deep sense of awareness in how we carry out our service and leadership roles. As John 15:14-15 articulates: “You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you”
[1] Simon P. Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership (Carlisle, UK: Piquant Editions Ltd., 2007), 122.
[2] Simon P. Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, 146.
[3] Simon P. Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, 154.
[4] Simon P. Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, 142.
[5] Simon P. Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, 154.
[6] Stephen Cottrell, Undefended Authenticity: A Christian Understanding of Power and its Relevance for How Power and Leadership is Exercised in All Organisations, The Annual Borderlands Lecture 2020. https://www.archbishopofyork.org/speaking-and-writing/sermons/keynote-address-annual-borderlands-lecture Accessed September 13, 2023.
About the Author
Dinka Utomo
Dinka Nehemia Utomo is an ordained pastor of the Protestant Church in the Western part of Indonesia (Gereja Protestan di Indonesia bagian Barat or GPIB). He has served for more than 15 years. The first five years of his ministry were in the remote area of East Kalimantan, including people from the indigenous Dayak tribe in the small villages in the middle of the forest, frequently reached using small boats down the river. For more than 15 years, Dinka has served several GPIB congregations in several cities in Indonesia. He has always had a passion for equipping Christian families, teaching and guiding them to build equal relations between husband and wife, maintaining commitment, love, and loyalty, creating a healthy and constructive Christian family atmosphere, and rejecting all forms of violence and sexual violence. Dinka's beloved wife, Verra, is also a GPIB pastor. They have two blessed children. Dinka and his wife and children love to spend quality family time, such as lunch or dinner, and vacation to exotic places.4 responses to “Letting Go Lustfulness and Legitimize Love”
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Hi Dinka, I really appreciate your post. So much wisdom in your words and I can sense what a wise and effective leader you are through your honest and vulnerable writing.
You made a very important point here, “In a world where leaders face the temptation to use power and authority for personal gain, Walker reminds us that effective leadership requires making space in their lives to seek guidance. Walker insists, “Every leader needs to have an area of her life in which she is being led.”” This is often hard for pastors and leaders. How do you seek out opportunities to be led by others? How do you benefit by opening yourself up to be led?
A wonderful post as always!
Dinka, once again…great post.
You’ve given me a gift in this quote: “If you want to test a person’s character, give them power.” Abraham Lincoln
I want to keep meditating on this, and find opportunities to share it with some of my younger staff and leaders. So formative and important!
Dinka,
Thank you for highlighing the quote: “Leadership is not a primary activity but a secondary one. A leader is not a leader first but a follower. First and foremost, she must be focused on the source of the love and grace that gives her security and sets her free.”
Following is coupled with a curiostiy to grow and learn from someone else, to submit to the leader’s vision. It is a humble exchange for leaders who are taught so much on leading. I have seen how this has lacked in my life. One of the things that has change me regarding this has been coaching. The coach is to be curious, attentive, and willing to learn and not always offer their ideas and ways of doing things. Listening this way demands followership as a discipline in every conversation.
How do you see yourself following instead of always leading?
As always written brilliantly.
You wrote.”Frequently, in my role of authority, I am faced with the challenge of resisting the urge to consistently exert dominance, a vulnerability that can be difficult to manage.”
Ahh now this is real temptation for me. Lately, our bible study has being discussing availability. Making ourselves to God’s call.
I remember sitting there thinking about this, and added this amendment, there is “availability with pride, and availability with humility.”
The class paused to let it soak in. For myself, it was a reminder to heed his call, but to not let MY power taint my availability. Letting His power guide my availability is something I am working on now as GoodSports International begins to operate in Ukraine.