Navigating “Delta Days” and Returning to Joy
I still remember my first week in North Africa. I sat in a small room, staring at my two duffel bags—the only things that held my entire life—and felt a wave of uncertainty wash over me. I don’t think I have the capacity to truly love the people here, I thought.
Each time I’ve wrestled with this feeling, I’ve sensed the Lord’s gentle response: No, you can’t. But I can. It didn’t happen all at once, but over time, God’s love for these people took root in me—and that love became a driving force in my life.
I once heard another expat describe the hardest days overseas as “Delta Days”—the days that make you want to book the next flight home. I’ve certainly had my share. But every time I consider leaving, I picture the faces of my friends, the burdens they carry, and this complex, challenging country that has woven itself into my life. These aren’t just acquaintances; these are relationships that anchor me here.
Living overseas has shown me just how much relationships matter. In a challenging environment, healthy connections provide strength and stability. But when they’re strained, they can drain you, wear you down, and even steal your joy.
In Rare Leadership, Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder outline four essential RARE habits that define exceptional leaders. They emphasize the critical role of identity and belonging, stating, “The four RARE habits of exceptional leaders are built around identity and belonging.”[1] These habits include:
- R – Remain relational (fostering belonging)
- A – Act like yourself (rooted in identity)
- R – Return to joy (finding gladness in being together)
- E – Endure hardships well (using challenges to strengthen connection)
In the remainder of this post, I will focus on two specific habits from their RARE leadership framework: R—Remain Relational (Belonging) and R—Return to Joy (Being Glad Together). These habits, I believe, are crucial to sustaining both leadership and relationships in challenging environments.
Aside from physical illnesses that may necessitate leaving North Africa, I believe the most significant factors contributing to turnover among overseas workers is the breakdown of relationships and the loss of joy.
Remaining Relational
Warner and Wilder are not alone in recognizing the critical role of relationships. In his book Making Your Partnership Work, the late Daniel Rickett highlights the importance of relationships, which he refers to as “alliance champions.” He writes:
Partnership is nothing if it is not personal. It’s all about relationships. In the end, it comes down to how people relate to each other and how they work together. Sounds simple. But in actuality, the ability to work well together is the function of many factors such as shared values, trust, communication, expectations, competency, interpersonal skills, and cross-cultural skills, just to name a few. The most significant factors reside in individuals and the commitments they share.[2]
Similarly, Warner and Wilder discuss a similar idea through the concept of “identity groups,” emphasizing the importance of vulnerability in leadership. They write:
As leaders, we need to have some place where we can take off our mask and show our weakness. We need people around who will protect us in our weak state long enough to heal and grow. We need people who remind us of who we are. [3]
Finding identity groups or alliance champions can be especially challenging in overseas work. There is often a strange tension between the need to grow personally and the pressure to “just do something” — to take action and make an immediate impact. After reading Rare Leadership and reflecting on my observations, I believe many overseas workers often “[mistake] management for leadership.”[4] There’s an inherent pressure to “fix” the country, which often leads to relationships being pushed aside in favor of task completion. While this isn’t done intentionally, it’s a common pitfall we can easily fall into when working overseas. However, Warner and Wilder caution, “Forgetting our group identity and acting in isolation may seem like a small thing. But small things like this damage relationships.”[5] Similarly, Lieberman and Long, in The Molecule of More, stress the fundamental need for affiliative relationships, writing, “Our brain needs affiliative relationships just to stay alive.”[6]
Returning to Joy
Warner and Wilder write, “Returning to joy may just be the most important habit you can develop as a leader.”[7] They go on to say, “Dropping joy levels create risks the way dry conditions affect a forest. Many leadership failures can be traced to declining joy levels in leadership teams, marriages, and families. As joy drops, the ‘fire danger’ reaches critical levels without being noticed. RARE leadership is powered by joy.”[8] This is a narrative often heard about overseas workers. In my own context, I’ve observed a pervasive emotional unhealthiness that significantly inhibits people from experiencing joy.
The ability to return to joy is a sign of emotional maturity, one of the RARE habits Warner and Wilder discuss in their book. They argue that the current crisis in leadership stems from a lack of these mature, fast-track[9] skills. Warner and Wilder state, “People who build fast-track skills into habits operate with greater love, joy, peace, patience, and self-control.”[10] I often find myself wondering how we, as overseas workers, can effectively impact others—preaching freedom in Christ and joy—if we aren’t experiencing that freedom ourselves and are struggling to find joy? It’s something I’ve had to wrestle with, especially on those “Delta Days” when everything feels like it’s falling apart.
Ultimately, being relational and returning to joy are not things we can accomplish in our own strength. On my own, my instinct is often to feel like I don’t have the capacity to truly love the people here. And when I’m having those “Delta Days,” the last thing I feel like doing is returning to joy. Yet, I agree with the authors when they write, “We have found in our study of Scripture and brain science that joy, that feeling of well-being in the deepest part of our soul, is primarily relational. To the human brain, joy is always relational.”[11]
This reminds me that joy isn’t just an individual pursuit—it’s something that thrives in connection with others. Even on difficult days, when I can’t muster it on my own, joy can still be found in the relationships around me, with God and others leading the way.
[1] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2016), 46, Kindle.
[2] Daniel Rickett, Making Your Partnership Work (Daniel Rickett, 2014), 56, Kindle.
[3] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 53, Kindle.
[4] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 20, Kindle.
[5] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 33, Kindle.
[6] Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long, The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity—and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race (Dallas: BenBella Books, 2018), 201, Kindle Edition.
[7] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 171, Kindle.
[8] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 24, Kindle.
[9] Did you know that there is a system in the brain that operates faster than conscious thought? We call it the fast-track or “master” system. People have known for years that there are things happening in the brain we cannot quite catch consciously. While most people have been looking below consciousness for that activity, we are only now discovering there is activity above consciousness. This supra-conscious action does its work faster than we can “keep up” consciously.
[10] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 24, Kindle.
[11] Ibid.
About the Author
Elysse Burns
22 responses to “Navigating “Delta Days” and Returning to Joy”
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Thanks so much Elysse. What has been the most unexpected way you’ve experienced joy or relational strength in North Africa, especially on those “Delta Days” when everything felt like it was falling apart?
Me.
Mic Drop.
Hi Glyn, Thank you for your question! Beyond the immense joy Kari brings to my life, I’m constantly in awe of how the Lord’s timing is always perfect, showing up in ways that never fail to amaze me. I shouldn’t be surprised by this, yet He speaks so powerfully through the smallest things—like a small flower blooming in the midst of a garbage pile. He is always orchestrating new connections, opening doors to unexpected opportunities, and deepening the meaning of my time in this country. So, on the days when I feel like leaving, the Lord shows up in powerful and unexpected ways, refreshing my soul and filling me with the joy and strength to keep going another day.
I love how your answer confirms the significance of joy, and how to find it in the everyday concourse of life. When you look back, what is the most unexpected time or place that you have received joy?
Hi Elysse, Thank you for sharing your personal, contextual insights. I think your ability to intentionally choose to move to a place because of God’s call on your heart to be in relationship with the people there is a testament to your faith and response to Jesus and a witness to the possible. As you say the delta days still come, which I think is true for people in almost any setting, what are your clues that your joy needs a boost?
Hi Diane, Thank you for your kind words and great question! I can usually tell my joy needs a reset when negative inner dialogue starts creeping in, often revealing itself through heightened insecurities in navigating the culture or a strong urge to withdraw. Thankfully, God placed Kari in my life, and she often notices it before I do. The moment I hear her say, “You’re speaking a lot of negativity about yourself,” I know it’s time to pause, refocus, and reset.
Elysse, Thank you for choosing to push through those Delta Days, especially at the beginning. You have helped me find relational strength and to return to joy even on the hardest of days. What are ways we can encourage those around us who “aren’t experiencing that freedom [themselves] and are struggling to find joy?”
Hi Kari, Great question! I think this is something we’re both still figuring out. It really depends on the individual, but as Dr. Clark likes to say, we can offer an alternative. Whether we’re with other expats or locals, we strive to create a space where people feel free to be authentic and have honest, meaningful conversations. My hope is that by simply allowing people to be—without any ulterior motives—we can help cultivate genuine joy.
Elysse,
I like what you said about joy being a communal thing, and not simply individualistic. I think I have always thought about it more from a personal level. Now, I need to start thinking about it corporately. How do you seek to find joy in a communal setting?
Hi Adam, Thank you for your question. One of my biggest takeaways from last semester’s “The Molecule of More” was the importance of affiliative relationships—connections that exist simply for the sake of being together, without ulterior motives or attached projects. In ministry work, there’s often a tendency to assign meaning and purpose to everything, but lately, I’ve been intentionally seeking relationships where we can simply be. Essentially, I’m seeking people and spaces where there’s no pressure. A great example of this was last week when a group of us gathered to celebrate Pancake Day. I know each of us carries unique burdens here in the country, but for that moment, they weren’t discussed. It was simply a time for pancakes, which naturally flowed into a time of singing and shared joy.
Hi, Elysse, within the context of where you are serving and as a leader, what is most challenging about building partnership? Thank you, Elysse for your post.
Hi Noel, Great question. One challenge I’ve encountered in my context is compatibility, particularly within the community of Jesus followers. I think there’s often an automatic assumption overseas that if you’re a Christian, you’re naturally compatible with all believers. However, I’ve found this isn’t always the case, and it can be really difficult to navigate, especially when things become unhealthy. This can make it difficult to build strong, healthy partnerships.
Elysse, albeit a snippet, I appreciate you inviting us into your experience. As I have the opportunity to help prepare others in your situation, what practical advice from your experience and the reading this week could I pass along to them that would help them in advance?
Hi Chad, Great question! To keep it concise, I’ll focus on the relational side and the importance of returning to joy while living overseas. Before I moved, much of my training was frontloaded, but once I arrived, I quickly forgot most of it in the whirlwind of transition. That’s why having strong relationships from the start is crucial—people who can help navigate the challenges and culture shock.
Every context is different, but I believe thoughtful and supportive member care can make a meaningful difference. It’s natural to want to lean on family and friends back home during culture shock, but I’d encourage overseas workers to also seek out a dependable mentor—someone outside their immediate circle—who can speak hope, joy, empathy, wisdom, and truth into their lives. These relationships have been life-giving for me, though, surprisingly, they’ve been difficult to find and sustain.
I know sending organizations are placing more emphasis on rest, which is so important—especially in harder places. Having time to simply be, without expectations or projects, isn’t just beneficial; it’s essential. Yet, surprisingly, it can also be one of the biggest challenges. True rest is not just a relief—it’s a discipline. Whenever I feel my joy depleting, it’s usually a sign that I haven’t allowed myself the rest I truly need.
I have a feeling you’re already familiar with this, but I wanted to share a few insights from my own experience.
Hey Elysse, Thanks for sharing. I love Kari’s response!
Can you share. little about how partnership has played out in your context-particularly as you are navigating multiple complexities.
Hi Daren, Partnerships have been one of the biggest challenges I’ve encountered in this context. For three years, I worked in an administrative role at a nonprofit clinic, which was the closest thing I’ve had to a partnership. However, one key element that was missing was reciprocity. I’ve noticed that overseas workers often feel pressured to constantly give, yet true reciprocal relationships can be rare. There are many factors at play, and through my research for my NPO, I’ve gained a deeper understanding of ways I can improve my intercultural interactions—particularly in expat-local relationships.
Beyond that, something I mentioned to Noel is how challenging compatibility can be, even within the community of Jesus followers. There’s often an assumption that being Christian automatically means being compatible with all believers, but I’ve learned that’s not always the case. When relationships become unhealthy, it can be especially difficult to navigate, making it hard to build strong, lasting partnerships.
That said, I continue to live with an openness to divine appointments and meaningful connections. Over time, I’ve grown more discerning about compatibility and shared vision, whether with locals or expats.
Great post Elysse. You – correctly, I believe – intertwine the “remain relational” and “return to joy” elements from Warner and Wilder. I wonder what that looks like for you, when you realize you’re sitting too much in your slow track brain and need to connect with the strengths of your fast track brain?
Hi Debbie, I’ll share a similar response to what I told Diane. I can usually tell when I’ve been stuck too long in my “slow-track brain” and need a joy reset when negative inner dialogue starts creeping in. This often shows up as heightened insecurities in navigating the culture or a strong urge to withdraw. Thankfully, God placed Kari in my life, and she often notices it before I do. The moment I hear her say, “You’re speaking a lot of negativity about yourself,” I know it’s time to pause, refocus, and reset.
Just this past Saturday, I could feel I needed a reset, so I did something out of the ordinary—I suggested to Kari that we play games. Normally, that’s not something I would initiate, but just an hour or so of laughter and play completely shifted my attitude and restored my joy.
Hi Elysse, thanks for sharing about the Delta Days you’ve experienced and how you instead return to joy. When you’re experiencing those days, it’s critical to return to joy, but it’s also a gift from God to have others around you. How can we support you in prayer to rally around you?
Hi Christy, This is so thoughtful—thank you! I’m naturally a very task-driven person, but during this doctoral program, I felt like God led me into a season of sitting in the gray, transitional space. Just a year ago, I stepped out of my administrative role at a nonprofit clinic to focus on relationships, language, and my doctoral studies. Lately, though, I’ve been feeling like a small boat on a vast ocean, unsure of where I should be heading. My research has uncovered many unhealthy dynamics surrounding intercultural “collaboration” in my context, and it’s been eye-opening.
My heart is to walk alongside locals, empowering them to be their own solution, but I’m finding it hard to gain clarity on what that should look like in practice. My prototypes feel overwhelming and difficult to navigate, but I trust that in this season of uncertainty, God is shaping something purposeful. I’m learning to embrace the process, even when the direction isn’t immediately clear, and hoping that with time and continued reflection, clarity will come. I would appreciate prayer to maintain grit and keep pressing forward, trusting that the journey will lead to something meaningful.
Hi Elysse, we will rally around you in prayer that the Lord produces a deep sense of determination, grit, and perseverance! Thanks for being willing to share.