Navigating “Delta Days” and Returning to Joy
I still remember my first week in North Africa. I sat in a small room, staring at my two duffel bags—the only things that held my entire life—and felt a wave of uncertainty wash over me. I don’t think I have the capacity to truly love the people here, I thought.
Each time I’ve wrestled with this feeling, I’ve sensed the Lord’s gentle response: No, you can’t. But I can. It didn’t happen all at once, but over time, God’s love for these people took root in me—and that love became a driving force in my life.
I once heard another expat describe the hardest days overseas as “Delta Days”—the days that make you want to book the next flight home. I’ve certainly had my share. But every time I consider leaving, I picture the faces of my friends, the burdens they carry, and this complex, challenging country that has woven itself into my life. These aren’t just acquaintances; these are relationships that anchor me here.
Living overseas has shown me just how much relationships matter. In a challenging environment, healthy connections provide strength and stability. But when they’re strained, they can drain you, wear you down, and even steal your joy.
In Rare Leadership, Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder outline four essential RARE habits that define exceptional leaders. They emphasize the critical role of identity and belonging, stating, “The four RARE habits of exceptional leaders are built around identity and belonging.”[1] These habits include:
- R – Remain relational (fostering belonging)
- A – Act like yourself (rooted in identity)
- R – Return to joy (finding gladness in being together)
- E – Endure hardships well (using challenges to strengthen connection)
In the remainder of this post, I will focus on two specific habits from their RARE leadership framework: R—Remain Relational (Belonging) and R—Return to Joy (Being Glad Together). These habits, I believe, are crucial to sustaining both leadership and relationships in challenging environments.
Aside from physical illnesses that may necessitate leaving North Africa, I believe the most significant factors contributing to turnover among overseas workers is the breakdown of relationships and the loss of joy.
Remaining Relational
Warner and Wilder are not alone in recognizing the critical role of relationships. In his book Making Your Partnership Work, the late Daniel Rickett highlights the importance of relationships, which he refers to as “alliance champions.” He writes:
Partnership is nothing if it is not personal. It’s all about relationships. In the end, it comes down to how people relate to each other and how they work together. Sounds simple. But in actuality, the ability to work well together is the function of many factors such as shared values, trust, communication, expectations, competency, interpersonal skills, and cross-cultural skills, just to name a few. The most significant factors reside in individuals and the commitments they share.[2]
Similarly, Warner and Wilder discuss a similar idea through the concept of “identity groups,” emphasizing the importance of vulnerability in leadership. They write:
As leaders, we need to have some place where we can take off our mask and show our weakness. We need people around who will protect us in our weak state long enough to heal and grow. We need people who remind us of who we are. [3]
Finding identity groups or alliance champions can be especially challenging in overseas work. There is often a strange tension between the need to grow personally and the pressure to “just do something” — to take action and make an immediate impact. After reading Rare Leadership and reflecting on my observations, I believe many overseas workers often “[mistake] management for leadership.”[4] There’s an inherent pressure to “fix” the country, which often leads to relationships being pushed aside in favor of task completion. While this isn’t done intentionally, it’s a common pitfall we can easily fall into when working overseas. However, Warner and Wilder caution, “Forgetting our group identity and acting in isolation may seem like a small thing. But small things like this damage relationships.”[5] Similarly, Lieberman and Long, in The Molecule of More, stress the fundamental need for affiliative relationships, writing, “Our brain needs affiliative relationships just to stay alive.”[6]
Returning to Joy
Warner and Wilder write, “Returning to joy may just be the most important habit you can develop as a leader.”[7] They go on to say, “Dropping joy levels create risks the way dry conditions affect a forest. Many leadership failures can be traced to declining joy levels in leadership teams, marriages, and families. As joy drops, the ‘fire danger’ reaches critical levels without being noticed. RARE leadership is powered by joy.”[8] This is a narrative often heard about overseas workers. In my own context, I’ve observed a pervasive emotional unhealthiness that significantly inhibits people from experiencing joy.
The ability to return to joy is a sign of emotional maturity, one of the RARE habits Warner and Wilder discuss in their book. They argue that the current crisis in leadership stems from a lack of these mature, fast-track[9] skills. Warner and Wilder state, “People who build fast-track skills into habits operate with greater love, joy, peace, patience, and self-control.”[10] I often find myself wondering how we, as overseas workers, can effectively impact others—preaching freedom in Christ and joy—if we aren’t experiencing that freedom ourselves and are struggling to find joy? It’s something I’ve had to wrestle with, especially on those “Delta Days” when everything feels like it’s falling apart.
Ultimately, being relational and returning to joy are not things we can accomplish in our own strength. On my own, my instinct is often to feel like I don’t have the capacity to truly love the people here. And when I’m having those “Delta Days,” the last thing I feel like doing is returning to joy. Yet, I agree with the authors when they write, “We have found in our study of Scripture and brain science that joy, that feeling of well-being in the deepest part of our soul, is primarily relational. To the human brain, joy is always relational.”[11]
This reminds me that joy isn’t just an individual pursuit—it’s something that thrives in connection with others. Even on difficult days, when I can’t muster it on my own, joy can still be found in the relationships around me, with God and others leading the way.
[1] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2016), 46, Kindle.
[2] Daniel Rickett, Making Your Partnership Work (Daniel Rickett, 2014), 56, Kindle.
[3] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 53, Kindle.
[4] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 20, Kindle.
[5] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 33, Kindle.
[6] Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long, The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity—and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race (Dallas: BenBella Books, 2018), 201, Kindle Edition.
[7] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 171, Kindle.
[8] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 24, Kindle.
[9] Did you know that there is a system in the brain that operates faster than conscious thought? We call it the fast-track or “master” system. People have known for years that there are things happening in the brain we cannot quite catch consciously. While most people have been looking below consciousness for that activity, we are only now discovering there is activity above consciousness. This supra-conscious action does its work faster than we can “keep up” consciously.
[10] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, 24, Kindle.
[11] Ibid.
About the Author
Elysse Burns
9 responses to “Navigating “Delta Days” and Returning to Joy”
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Thanks so much Elysse. What has been the most unexpected way you’ve experienced joy or relational strength in North Africa, especially on those “Delta Days” when everything felt like it was falling apart?
Me.
Mic Drop.
Hi Elysse, Thank you for sharing your personal, contextual insights. I think your ability to intentionally choose to move to a place because of God’s call on your heart to be in relationship with the people there is a testament to your faith and response to Jesus and a witness to the possible. As you say the delta days still come, which I think is true for people in almost any setting, what are your clues that your joy needs a boost?
Elysse, Thank you for choosing to push through those Delta Days, especially at the beginning. You have helped me find relational strength and to return to joy even on the hardest of days. What are ways we can encourage those around us who “aren’t experiencing that freedom [themselves] and are struggling to find joy?”
Elysse,
I like what you said about joy being a communal thing, and not simply individualistic. I think I have always thought about it more from a personal level. Now, I need to start thinking about it corporately. How do you seek to find joy in a communal setting?
Hi, Elysse, within the context of where you are serving and as a leader, what is most challenging about building partnership? Thank you, Elysse for your post.
Elysse, albeit a snippet, I appreciate you inviting us into your experience. As I have the opportunity to help prepare others in your situation, what practical advice from your experience and the reading this week could I pass along to them that would help them in advance?
Hey Elysse, Thanks for sharing. I love Kari’s response!
Can you share. little about how partnership has played out in your context-particularly as you are navigating multiple complexities.