Healthy Ministers Create Healthy Churches
Through reassurance, hope, and practical steps, Percy consistently reminds the reader of the significance of religion and how to make subtle, yet distinct changes in an ever-changing church culture. His nurturing tone flows throughout his analogies, as he persuades the reader to pay attention to the implicit messages that shape the purpose of church and the role of the minister. Percy graciously reminds us of the real focus of religion by encouraging ministers to “worry about size a little less, concentrate on worship, discipleship and outreach just a little more.” (94). Additionally, he regularly reminds us of the intended ethos of church, where we bravely comfort one another through the difficult life experiences and provide a hopeful space for people that the world cannot offer. A few of my favorite points:
A simple recipe to foster change…
From the many effective tools and concrete steps to empower the minister to make changes in shaping the church, I enjoyed the 3 R’s tip for confidently navigating the dynamic church culture: be relaxed with the shifting culture of church, be comforted in the resiliency of God and religion, and respond to the challenges society offers. Percy summarizes with: “So the recipe is this: relax; have faith in the resilience of God and the church; but also respond to the many tests of faith that dominate every age”(62). It reminded me of the 3 R’s I had on my office wall: “Refresh, Rejuvenate, Renew.” It was a constant reminder for me of the sacred space I shared with others and the responsibility we each had to heal through hope. The 3 R’s of religion would work nicely for an inspiring message on my office wall to stimulate change in a comforting manner.
Like a mother…
Clergy are reassured they are effective and productive, as Percy compares them to mothers who are busy “being with and being for the child” (99). Through the tasks of caring for the sick, praying for the hurting, baptizing the believer, aiding in conversions, “marrying and burying” ceremonies, plus administrative duties and weekly sermon prep, it is easy to see how a minister can be very busy, emotionally fatigued and overwhelmed with the emotional demands of ministry. Like a mother, much of what ministers do is caring, comforting, nurturing, and assisting, which are all difficult to measure, yet very necessary to the health and well-being of people. Being a preacher’s kid, I remember the emotional strain and fatigue my father expressed as he provided: comfort, stability, inspiration, discipleship, leadership, instruction, and correction. To people, he appeared to be viewed as an extension of God, who could heal, inspire, save, and provide hope, versus a human who needed mothering and nurturing himself. He was praised as highly as he was criticized, and I marveled at the low empathy and insight people expressed in communicating their disappointments or concerns with him. Amazingly, he seemed to take it in stride and expressed a resilient spirit to the barrage of unrealistic expectations, shame, and criticism. After decades of this in a very conflictive church, it took its toll on him and the family. I wished he had a clergy to mother and minister to him. When we are ministering to people, they place their hurt, expectations, failures, and hopes on us. It is our decision to pick it up or redirect it to the real Savior who carries all our burdens. And it is our choice to get the coveted nurturance and mothering we readily give to others for ourselves, as we cannot give what we do not have. This leads me to my final point.
Emotional healthiness…
If the two rules for dysfunctional families are: “don’t talk, and don’t feel”, then the first step to creating functional emotional health in a family is to talk and feel. Percy reminds us of the importance of creating emotional health by resolving anger and productively expressing feelings so relationships can thrive. Unresolved anger and hurt can distort the ministry and negatively affect your leadership influence. Increasing your EQ or emotional intelligence by understanding what you feel and what to do with the feelings, gives way to reconciliation, understanding, and growth in relationships and authentic community. When we can have command over our emotional bank account, access the corresponding need to the current emotion, and communicate this in a productive, fair manner, this paves the way for a powerful and effective leader who can then create healthy community. Understanding how to communicate anger effectively takes years of practice, support from others, desire, and the work of the Holy Spirit. At least this is what it takes for me. Having conflict can be scary and tempting to avoid, but when we do we lose out on personal and relational growth, and from experiencing real community.
Through his writings, Percy’s implied tone of kindness and acceptance complimented the rich examples ladened with mutuality and respect for various views, which inspired and challenged me to be a healthier person, leader, and therapist.
About the Author
Jennifer Dean-Hill
12 responses to “Healthy Ministers Create Healthy Churches”
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Nicely written piece Jennifer! It was good to read of your own personal experiences of church, being a pastor’s kid! The last section of Percy’s book on dealing with conflict and anger in a church or denominational setting is such a big issue – and we have to get better at it! Otherwise we range from the grumblings and murmurings of the passive-aggressives, to the explosive ruptures of the “I’m outta here!” brigade. Conflict in the church is still one of the things that causes me to lose sleep!
I hear you Geoff! It’s amazing how one very wounded angry voice can drown out hundreds. I think we give them too much attention and power. It’s hard to disconnect from them – emotionally and spiritually.
Jen, I always feel like I’ve gotten some free counseling when I read your posts!! They are full of wisdom and great illustrations and this one was especially warm. Did you also suffer some fallout as a PK? It sounds like your father marvelously handled it. I’m so glad whenever anyone reminds us that the emotional aspects are important. I think our culture is getting better but we still have a ways to go. Great post!
Thanks Mary! Yes, I suffered some fall-out from being a PK, mainly seeing my parents both mistreated when they gave their hearts to the church. It was sad to see, yet they taught me to love God and the church regardless, reminding me that hurtful people are wounded people.
Jennifer, I read “Like a mother…” with tears in my eyes. No need to say more. Thank you!
Aww, thanks Jim!
Jennifer– You would resonate well with Emma Percy’s What Clergy Do book. Much like her brief lecture, but deeper. As a pastor preparing to re-enter the ministry (hold my nose and dive in!), I have found her model of ministry as mothering giving me the sense that what I hope to do may actually be possible.
Thanks Kay, I’ll check it out. Also, they are fortunate to have you. Looking forward to hearing how your new ministry goes. You got this.
Jennifer – thanks so much for your post…. as a pastor, I often think/wonder/worry about the effects on our kids of being PK’s…..
Great post overall, but I particularly appreciated the points about emotional health….So often churches are led (usually implicitly!) by the personality and emotional health or lack thereof of the pastor…. One of the earliest lessons I learned in ministry was this little phrase: ‘A church is almost always exactly as political as the senior pastor wants or allows it to be.’
A slightly different point, but similar – the implicit focus from the pastor has a profound effect on a church, for good or bad
Yes very true Chip…the implicit focus of the pastor does indeed guide and direct the ethos of the church. It is challenging to redirect the focus when the implicit focus of the leadership is fixed.
Yes, it can be a rough and rewarding life for PK’s. I enjoyed it and was always so proud of my dad, and later my husband when they operated as pastors. My suggestion for your kids, protect them from unhealthy, conflicting people and situations because it hurts their hearts to see and hear their pastor parent disrespected publically.
Jen, you write with such compassion.
Emotions affect response.
Emotional health is so important and is one the many areas churches ar afraid to or inexperience to address. Some churches say pray. Jesus did not just pray for the people, he walked with them, he touched them, he healed them.
The church must take action.
Beautifully said Lynda.