Gen Z Needs Us!
Social psychologist Jonathon Haidt has written a timely book with an urgent message. I’m grateful for the opportunity to read The Anxious Mind and will pass it on to my now-adult children. I’d like to think my kids escaped what Haidt describes as the “great rewiring.” Though my kids didn’t have access to smartphones until college, and only my youngest is considered Gen Z, I’m among the anxious parents who began raising children in the mid-1980s. I felt overwhelmed trying to keep up with all the new technologies, the internet, and social media websites my kids were engaging with, first at school and then at home. Is it too late to contribute to the solution?
Because my children were born and raised in Southeast Asia, I had numerous unfamiliar situations to navigate and consider. But I remember vividly the day in 2006 when the tiny flip phone became a huge topic among my middle and high school-age children. After much debate, I acquiesced, and they received their coveted flip phones. My justification was primarily to give them more freedom and me some peace of mind as they made their way around a city of 8 million people. Fast forward nearly 20 years, and I still struggle to keep up. I’m dismayed by how much time we spend on devices. Yet, I’m grateful our smartphones keep us connected now that we’re spread all over the globe. However, regardless of age and in an era of mounting addictions, I fear the impact smartphones and other devices have on us all, especially our children. A frequent topic in my counseling office is the challenge of managing smartphones, the internet, apps, and social media in an effort to improve mental health and personal relationships.
Jonathon Haidt identifies two plotlines that contribute to the “great rewiring” of the Gen Z brain. The first is the rapid changes in technology beginning with the new millennium. Haidt writes, “Gen Z became the first generation in history to go through puberty with a portal in their pockets.” This phenomenon led to less time playing and interacting with friends and family while opening a world of unsuitable information and stimuli. These factors negatively impact their developing brains and, among other things, their ability to focus and develop healthy social and relationship skills.[1] Because of the rapid changes in the brain, puberty is an especially vulnerable time. Haidt outlines the second plotline as beginning much earlier when, in the 1980s, a generation of parents who wanted to safeguard their children became over-protective and thus gave way to a generational shift from a “play-based childhood” to a “phone-based childhood.”[2] The added stressors induced by a “phone-based” childhood leave adolescents more susceptible to mental health disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder.[3] Haidt has practical suggestions for a course correction highlighting four foundational reforms and suggests parents take the lead and band together.
- No smartphones before high school
- No social media before age 16
- Phone-free schools
- Far more unsupervised play[4]
I found it fascinating that as an atheist, Haidt points out, “The phone-based life produces spiritual degradation, not just in adolescents, but in all of us.”[5] He identifies six spiritual practices that help mitigate the impact of life lived on devices, all of which scripture supports.
- Shared sacredness
- Embodiment
- Stillness, silence, and focus
- Self-transcendence
- Being slow to anger and quick to forgive
- Finding awe in nature[6]
I find a connection to Gratton and Scott’s The 100-Year Life. Given the possibility of living longer, I wonder how Gen Z will manage, given the developmental disruptions smart devices have created in early life. Gratton and Scott identified a loss that may have contributed to the events leading to the “great rewiring.” They note how the loss of multi-generation living in Western cultures has resulted in segregation of the ages, representing a major societal shift between 1910 and 1980.[7] I’ve seen the benefits of multi-generational living in Southeast Asia. I lovingly recall the days I regularly visited my grandparents as a child, adolescent, and adult, as well as the three years I worked in a retirement home. The impact of elders is significant, particularly regarding mental health and spiritual formation. I remember Peter Northouse highlighted the work of Dr. Dixon Chibanda in case study 8.3 Grandmothers and Benches.[8] Chibanda’s clinical trial showed that grandmothers were more effective at treating depression than doctors.[9] I wonder how we, as elders living a multi-stage life, might find purpose through developing deeper bonds with younger generations.
While writing this blog, I received several notifications. One was a blog post entitled “Part One: Why Gen Z Needs Elders.”[10] While chagrined that I left my notifications on, I’m glad that one grabbed my attention. For those of us who are baby boomers and understand how easily we get distracted by our devices yet still remember the freedoms we experienced as children, might we be part of the solution Haidt suggests? In his book On the Brink of Everything, Parker Palmer says that when the young and old connect, they “generate energy for personal and social change that an age-segregated society cuts off.”[11] Palmer advocates for mentoring relationships, discovering that the old and the young learn from each other. I wonder if both might feel less isolated and alone in a world that doesn’t quite understand their needs.
The words of Jonathon Haidt’s daughter astonished me, “Daddy, can you take the iPad away from me? I’m trying to take my eyes off of it, but I can’t.”[12]Her cry for help is insightful, and her experience is relatable to all of us. I believe Gen Z is looking for a different way to live apart from the empty world of their screens. They just might not know it yet. Maybe, as elders, we need to put our smartphones down first. It’s incredible to look up and notice what we’re missing! Invitations to play, go outdoors, converse, listen, learn, and wonder together are experiences we all need. By extending these invitations, we just might make a difference for the Gen Zs among us and add to our already increasing lifespan.
[1] Jonathon Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (Penguin Press: New York, 2024), 5-6.
[2] Haidt, The Anxious Generation, 7.
[3] Ibid., 97.
[4] Ibid., 290.
[5] Ibid., 199.
[6] Ibid., 202.
[7] Lynda Gratton and Andrew J. Scott The 100 Year-Life: Living and Working in the Age of Longevity (Bloomsbury: London, UK, 2020), 275-276.
[8] Peter C. Northouse, Leadership: Theory & Practice Ninth Edition (Los Angeles, CA: SAGE, 2022), 213-216.
[9] Chibanda, Dixon. 2017. TEDWomen 2017. November 2017.
https://www.ted.com/talks/dixon_chibanda_why_i_train_grandmothers_to_treat_depression
[10] Ploegstra, Hannah. 2024.” Part One: Why Gen Z Needs Elders.” Life Model (Blog) Life Model Works, October 6, 2024.
https://mailchi.mp/lifemodelworks.org/why-gen-z-needs-elders?e=15ed5edff0
[11] Parker Palmer, On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity & Getting Old Berrett-Koehler: Oakland, CA, 2018), 31.
[12] Haidt, The Anxious Generation, 142.
About the Author
Jenny Dooley
Jenny served as a missionary in Southeast Asia for 28 years. She currently resides in Gig Harbor, Washington, where she works as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Spiritual Director in private practice with her husband, Eric. Jenny loves to listen and behold the image of God in others. She enjoys traveling, reading, and spending time with her family which include 5 amazing adult children, 3 awesome sons-in-law, a beautiful daughter-in-law, and 8 delightful grandchildren.6 responses to “Gen Z Needs Us!”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
I really appreciate how you drew connections between The Anxious Generation and your personal experiences raising kids in different cultural contexts. Your reflections on technology’s impact, paired with the wisdom of multi-generational living, make this post so thoughtful and engaging. Your insights about elders’ roles in bridging generational gaps and fostering deeper connections are especially powerful. Well done!
Thank you, Mathieu!
I also liked what Kim shared about giving Gen Z some credit. I mentioned in my response to your post that not all Gen Z’s struggle with their use of technology. For those who do I suspect at some point they will get tired of it. At least that’s my hope. The challenge is that they may need help, both professionally and relationally.
Hi Jenny,
So what next? If the cat is out of the bag. If our children have already traveled down this path.
What are we to do?
I gather that you will be focused on your grandchildren?
For me, I have 20 somethings that may or may not have been harmed. How do I heal their wounds.
How do interact with them on this topic. How do I rewind, the mistakes I made.
What is a daddy to do?
PRAY HARDER!
Shalom
Hi Russell,
My short answer is just to engage with our adult children and make the invitations suggested above. I’m not sure mine want to get more life lessons from me at this point but asking them what they think and having discussions in which I do most of the listening and understanding go along way, as does having fun together. I’m not sure that answers your question. Prayer, as you suggested, is the best place to start!
Hi Jenny-
I appreciated your reflection on your experiences of raising kids just a little ahead of mine. You said you will be giving this book to your children. What do you hope for them as they navigate this domain with their kids? Also, in your experience in counseling clients, what are some of the tricks that you are seeing them deploy that are helpful?
Hi Jennifer,
Thank you for responding to my post.
With regards to my kids, I just hope to increase their awareness and put to use the suggestions Jonathon Haidt prescribed. With my clients we talk about putting a whole family plan into place. For example: all cell phones put away in a central location at a set time, internet use limited and monitored, using parental controls, modeling appropriate use of devices, engaging with family and social activities together and with peers, and involving kids in sports and other creative pursuits. Even things like creating family rhythms such as dinner together or family night can have a positive impact.
I’m a little surprised by how little family interaction and play there is among families seeking help. Parents being too busy to engage, expecting kids to “know better”, and then over reacting is common. Now, I will be recommending Haidt’s book and his suggestions!