You’re killin’ me Smalls
“You’re killin’ me, Smalls” is a playful way of telling someone they’re being annoying or frustrating. It’s often used in a lighthearted way among friends or family members. The phrase is taken from the movie Sandlot and is uttered by the character “Ham” Porter to Scotty Smalls. The scene occurs when Ham offers Smalls a s’more, and Smalls asks him what a s’more is. After several attempts to explain, Ham finally exclaims, “You’re killin’ me, Smalls!” in frustration. Spouses have seriously said to one another, “You’re killing me,” in their frustration. Employees have said to one another of their supervisors, “They’re killing me.” I am sure the students have said in OTHER cohorts, “All this work is killing me.” Most of us have probably heard this phrase a few times in our lives. But did you know there is some truth to this? Allow me to explain.
The ends of our chromosomes are protected by a special structure called a telomere. Think of telomeres as the protective tips at the end of your shoelaces, preventing them from fraying and keeping everything together. When we are born, our telomeres are a certain length, but as we age, they gradually shorten. This natural shortening process is like the wear and tear on your shoelaces. However, chronic stress can accelerate this shortening, making it happen faster. As our telomeres get shorter, our risk of experiencing various health issues increases. It’s like the fraying of shoelaces – the shorter they get, the more likely they are to cause problems. Chronic stress can cause microscopic cracks in the telomere, which naturally lead to serious health problems.
I thought of the cracked, shortened telomeres as I read The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. The author delves into the growing concerns about the mental well-being of young people, with a specific emphasis on the influence of social media, parenting approaches, and cultural changes. Haidt contends that these elements have played a role in the notable rise in anxiety and depression among teenagers. One of the remarkable merits of the book is its comprehensive analysis of the mental health data, which forms a solid basis to Haidt’s arguments. Because of the mental health data in this book, I am reminded of Daniel Z Lieberman’s work, Spellbound. In this masterpiece, he writes, “Most people don’t think about their unconscious mind very much. In fact, the biggest mistake people make is underestimating its importance.” 2 Therefore, could we be where we are with the influence of technology because most did not or have not thought about the impact of all that online scrolling on the brain or young people’s mental health? Since we have failed or struggled to think about this, our young people have suffered more than we realize. So that makes me wonder: could the anxious generation become a wicked problem? But wicked problems have innumerable causes, are tough to describe, and do not have a correct answer. As I read Haidt’s book, I realized the causes have not been as numerous. “Mental illness went up in so many countries between 2010 and 2015.” 3 “There was a rapid increase in the paired technologies of social media and the smartphone, which reached a majority of homes by 2012 or 2013.” 4 It appears the problem is not tough to describe, and finally, Haidt believes there is an answer. He lays out specific plans the government, schools, and parents can take to help get rid of this problem. This means it is not a wicked problem…yet. But it is a problem that is causing serious damage to the mental health of our young people.
Jenny Dooley recommended an amazing book to me, and it gives me insight into this technology problem and what it does to young people. “Your Body Speaks Your Mind” is a fascinating exploration of how our emotional and mental states can directly affect our physical health. The author, Deb Shapiro, delves into the intricate connection between the mind and the body, presenting a compelling argument that our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs can lead to physical manifestations of health or illness.5 Haidt adds to this by writing, “Anxiety affects the mind and body in multiple ways.” 6 Social media and the pressure to look like so many others are actually inwardly damaging our younger generation. Haidt is well aware of this and provides a foundation for a healthier childhood in the digital age:
- No smartphones before high school.
- No social media before 16.
- Phone-free schools.
- Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence.7
My kids are all grown up, but I wish I had applied the guideline: no social media before 16, because it may have caused less anxiety for our girls.
In conclusion, I have counseled many teenage girls who have been victims of social media. This has led to self-harm, depression, and anxiety. When faced with these three devastating challenges, it’s partly due to chronic stress, which leads to the shortening of telomeres and severe mental health issues. Therefore, the anxious generation might say about social media, “You’re killin’ me Smalls.”
- https//youtu.be/hxJPJ6JY0Pk?si=0cE3iVI4E-_SO1CM
- Spellbound. Daniel Lieberman. 2.
- The Anxious Generation. Jonathan Haidt. 23.
- Ibid. 33.
- Your Body Speaks Your Mind.
- The Anxious Generation. 28.
- Ibid. 13.
About the Author
Todd E Henley
Todd is an avid cyclist who loves watching NASCAR, photography, and playing Madden football. He is addicted to reading, eating fruits and vegetables, and drinking H2O. His passion is talking about trauma, epigenetics, chromosomes, and the brain. He has been blessed with a sensationally sweet wife and four fun creative children (one of which resides in heaven). In his free time he teaches at Fresno Pacific Biblical Seminary and is the Founder/Executive Director of Restore Counseling Center.12 responses to “You’re killin’ me Smalls”
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Thanks for looking at Haidt’s book through the lens of wicked problems. It certainly is a huge problem, but as you point out maybe not so wicked because there are actually some clear causes and concrete solutions. I also appreciated learning about telomeres and how that could relate to the mental health crisis among young people. Thanks for your perspective, Todd!
Hey Kim, you mentioned that this is a huge problem. I actually like that better than referring to it as a wicked problem. Social media does have its positives, but it is also a huge problem. Pointing that out makes me/us stop to think about it critically. Thank you.
Todd, you brought up whether or not the problems associated with an anxious generation could be a wicked problem, though you concluded that the problem may actually not be so complicated/complex and according to Haidt has an answer. Though Haidt does suggest a pretty straightforward, four-part solution, I do wonder what the problem is behind the problem, and whether or not THAT problem is a wicked problem. Haidt diagnosed the problem behind the problem…not enough unsupervised free play in the 90s and not enough supervision of children on mobile devices in the 2000s. What do you think — could things have turned out differently in the 2010s if there would have been more free play in the 1990’s and beyond?
Hey Travis, as always excellent question. I lean toward things would have been different if there was more free play in the 1990’s and beyond but it was nearly impossible to predict how social media would rewire the brains of young people. I remember when Al Gore created the internet. 😊 There was no way to predict pornography would nearly quadruple in sales.
So yes, things would have turned out differently.
You definitely got me thinking about the problem behind THAT problem and maybe THAT is the wicked problem. I’m going to give more thought to that. Thanks Travis for your critical thinking! I appreciate it.
Todd, great post!
I loved the explanation of telomeres and how their shortening due to stress affects our physical health. In 2011 my mom had a liver transplant (thank God), due to an autoimmune disease attacking her liver. She thinks her autoimmune disease was a result of chronic stress – and as you explain, she is probably correct!
You did a fabulous job of making this post syntopical!
And, I really appreciated this question that you ask: Therefore, could we be where we are with the influence of technology because most did not or have not thought about the impact of all that online scrolling on the brain or young people’s mental health? In response, I think we probably haven’t thought enough about the impact of online scrolling but I wonder if those who have thought about it are so addicted to the scrolling that they’d rather continue with scrolling than think about how destructive it might be!
Hello Kally. Yes your mom is correct. A huge cause of autoimmune diseases is chronic stress and anxiety. I just ordered a book, “Beat Autoimmune: The 6 Keys to Reverse Your Condition and Reclaim Your Health.” by Palmer Kippola. I’m looking forward to reading it.
Good thought about those who do not want to think about it because of a possible addiction. I also believe that is true too, unfortunately.
Keep pastoring well, my friend! 😊
This is such a good post, Todd. The concise but comprehensive way you approach the book is really helpful to me as I read part of it and then had to inspect the rest. And your primmer on telomere’s is super interesting and useful information.
But you had me at “Your Killing Me Smalls” as I used that phrase in my preaching this week when talking about the UCLA and USC football teams! 🙂
Hey my brother. Thanks for the kind and gracious words and I’m glad my post could help a little to understand the book better.
Yeah man, that phrase is a killer. I don’t hear it much but I love when I do. Unfortunately USC and UCLA are struggling a bit. My team, Notre Dame is always overrated and they eventually end up killing me. Anyway, have a great day my friend.
Todd,
What a great way to pull me into a post! And then you brought in helpful info on the neuro-science of how stress and anxiety affect the telomeres in our chromosomes. It would be interesting to do more research on the interplay of all the strange autoimmune diseases that have displayed themselves in the last 25 years with the rise of anxiety and stress in our culture. It sounds like an NPO for another time and another person 🙂
To close, I just want to commend all that you do as a counselor in this realm. From what I understand from my counselor friends, counselor offices are flooded with highly anxious children as well as adults. You are a gift!
Hello, my dear Esther. This is a great idea to do more research on the autoimmune diseases. I’ve never thought of that. I will actually have to look into it. And thanks for your kind words and encouragement. You are so inspirational! 😊
Hi Todd!
I enjoyed reading your insightful and fascinating post. You included some valuable references that made me think I should read it, too.
I am interested in responding to your conclusion. You wrote, “In conclusion, I have counseled many teenage girls who have been victims of social media. This has led to self-harm, depression, and anxiety. When faced with these three devastating challenges, it’s partly due to chronic stress, which leads to the shortening of telomeres and severe mental health issues. Therefore, the anxious generation might say about social media, “You’re killin’ me Smalls.” My question is, of the many teenage girls who have been victims of social media, is there any help from their parents and church that they can get? Second, in your opinion, of Haidt’s four solutions, which one is the most important to implement as early as possible? Thank you.
Hey my brother Dinka. Whoa! Good questions sir. I would definitely recommend the book, The Anxious Generation. It is an excellent resource. I would also recommend the website, shapethesky.org It is an excellent resource for parents. And this video, The Problem With Pineapples
https://youtu.be/4K5Y6PMz68k?si=R7PFFgz_lUi1NQKq
Finally, one of the most important things he said was to wait until 16 for social media. that is a great idea!