Why Are You Still Here?
The little red dirt trail had become familiar as I walked between the tall grass and coconut trees. We had been living in a small village in Kenya for about a year and I had learned to always vary my route, never returning the same way I had come. Our arrival into the village we called home was less than welcoming. I came across a man whom I had not seen for six months and after a casual greeting he simply said, “Wow, I can’t believe you are still here. I can’t believe we haven’t chased you off yet.”
Those simple words changed my mindset. We had endured sickness after sickness. We had endured witchdoctors chanting outside of our windows keeping us up all night long. We had endured continual threats against our safety and that of our children. Yet now I saw the game they were playing, and I decided to embrace the challenge. (It never got easier.)
Angela Duckworth, a psychologist, writes about grit in her book with the same title. She writes, “Grit is who you are.”[1] I have always been gritty. My parents never let me quit anything as a child when things got tough. My grittiness caused me to get hired in a group of twenty firefighters when the original hiring pool was over ten thousand applicants. Firefighters exude grittiness. Missionaries might exude it even more. Duckworth says, “Grit has two components: passion and perseverance.”[2] Grit has defined my two careers.
My favorite aspect of living in Kenya was going on safaris. I loved watching the lions, giraffe, and elephants and spent hours upon hours watching them. Though rare, one animal that was always a highlight was the rhinoceros. The rhino is the gritty king of the animal worlds. Always found alone, the rhino keeps his head low and just keeps going. He is not afraid of those around him because he has tough, thick skin. He can trot across fields without being distracted. He knows where he is going, and he gets there. Everything else, including cars, needs to get out of his way.
After my interaction with the man on the trail, I resolved to be like the rhino. My wife and I resolved to endure the suffering and demonstrate Christ’s love to our neighbors through the suffering we endured. Duckworth writes, “It isn’t suffering that leads to hopelessness. It’s suffering you think you can’t control.”[3] We realized that if we were choosing to remain in our village through the suffering, it was something that we had regained control of. We have often been asked how we stayed? How did we endure it? Grit and determination were simply a matter of the mundane choices and actions and a resolve to keep going.[4] The suffering did not get easier but it did begin to make more sense.
We remained in that house and in that village for another four years. Each month got harder than the previous. Each month took more grit. Along the way, we taught our children to have grit. In his book titled Clear Thinking, Shane Parrish writes, “What matters is there’s someone out there looking up at you and using your behavior as their North Star.”[5] We had begun to realize that our intentionality in enduring suffering was being watched by more than our children. We were being watched like fish in a fishbowl by the villagers around us. They knew the curses and witchcraft we were enduring. They knew the threats that we were living with. Our fellow Christians, living back in America also saw and were encouraged by our grittiness. They saw the pain in our eyes when we would send out another request for urgent prayer.
One question I might ask Duckworth would be, “Is grit contagious?” We certainly saw others begin to live a grittier life and have had friends share that we were acting as a role model for them in their lives.
Shane Parrish writes that to have clear thinking we must accept hard truths. “We all have to deal with the world as it is, not as we want it to be.”[6] Our lives in Kenya were enveloped in suffering. We were living in a village that desperately wanted us to run back home and leave them alone. Once we realized the challenges we were up against, we developed a gritty attitude to stand against it.
Currently, the culture in America is moving more and more in the direction of Christian Nationalism. This bothers me and is very concerning. Yet, I realize that it is the truth of the situation and what we are currently up against. This Christian Nationalism is a factor in my NPO and a reason why many Christians are not being hospitable towards the Somalis in our community. What is grittiness going to look like over these next few years? In what ways might I need to focus my determination and grit against my own home culture?
If only I could see a rhinoceros trot through the snowy corn fields of Minnesota I would be reminded to keep focused, keep a thick skin, and just keep moving forward.
[1] Angela Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, First Scribner trade paperback edition (New York London Toronto Sydney New Delhi: Scribner, 2018), 252.
[2] Duckworth, 56.
[3] Duckworth, 172.
[4] Duckworth, 38.
[5] Parrish, 87.
[6] Shane Parrish, Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results (New York, NY: Portfolio/Penguin, 2023), 66.
About the Author
Adam Cheney
I grew up in California, spent five years living along the beautiful coast of Kenya and now find myself working with refugees in the snow crusted tundra of Minnesota. My wife and I have seven children, four of whom have been adopted. I spend my time drinking lots of coffee, working in my garden, and baking sourdough bread.6 responses to “Why Are You Still Here?”
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Great post Adam. I appreciate the telling of you story and the rhino metaphor.
What does it look like to be a rhino as you face into Chrsitian Nationalism in your community?
Ryan,
I think that I need to have a better vision of the direction I want to go and rely on my thick skin to not be distracted by the things that rub up against me along the way.
Hi Adam, I was happy to see you brought up your experience in Kenya. My blog also focuses on my host country and the hopelessness that pervades it. I appreciated your question, “Is grit contagious?” I think it is! I have witnessed a handful of local friends embrace their agency and move forward in purpose because Kari and I poured the beliefs surrounding grit into them. I like to think we are gritty. Some days more than others!
I am curious about your observations concerning grit and the Somalis you work with in the United States. My blog touches on survival vs. grit. I recognize my host country’s resilience to survive (sometimes mirroring grit), but I don’t usually see the forward-thinking hopefulness that comes with true grit. I would like to know if Somalis grow in grit when they are in a country like the United States or if there is more of a survivalist mentality.
Elysse,
As I shared on your blog, I do think that maybe there is a religious component to the idea of grit. Many people who follow a different religion simply fall back into the idea of Insh’allah. Joel mentioned the idea of grit and the dutch culture. Glyn mentioned the idea of grit and Jesus. I am starting to think there is a specific aspect of grit and a cultural/religious upbringing that is not brought up in her book.
Adam, this is tough stuff. Thank you for sharing so openly. Thank you also to you and your family for grittily sticking it out. Did you ever see results of your stay in Kenya?
And as we all look ahead to a difficult time here in the US, what hard-won advice can you share with others of us who are also deeply concerned about “so-called Christian nationalism”?
Hey Adam I appreciate your depth, your vulnerability. You asked a question is grit contagious? From your perspective how would you answer this?