Where Do I Go From Here?
For years, I questioned whether I wanted to lead again. Honestly, I was burned out from my experience leading a team in Kenya. My team went through some significant challenges, including two different families making emergency returns to the United States for different reasons. Both families were dealing with serious issues, and I wasn’t being supported up the management chain. Even a few years after leaving that role, I continued to refuse other leadership positions that were offered to me. So, I found myself asking why I was in this Doctor of Leadership program if I didn’t even want to lead anymore.
In this week’s reading of Healing Leadership Trauma, authors Rowe and Rowe state, “Leadership trauma is when leaders experience fear and panic about their work as it relates to the past, present and future. It can take a toll on the nervous system, mind, body and spirit.”[1] I knew I had gone through a traumatic leadership experience, but I hadn’t really thought about how it might have affected my own nervous system. Over the last few years, I have been slowly regaining the willingness to lead as I’ve wrestled with and healed from past trauma. Rowe and Rowe remind us, “True healing must address the root causes of the wounds that we try to avoid in the first place so that the Spirit can reveal them—and they can be healed.”[2] Now, as this program winds down and I am closer to earning a doctorate in leadership, I feel ready to step into leadership roles again.
Another husband-and-wife team recently wrote about trauma, attachment and hurt as well. In Landscapes of the Soul, the authors discuss attachment theories and apply them to our spiritual maturity and relationship with God. They write, “How we were raised, the specific survival skills we’ve learned, and the attachment strategies we’ve developed all impact how we respond to the common storms of life.”[3] They describe four different landscapes in which we may have grown up or currently find ourselves. Without condemning those who are in the landscapes of the jungle, desert, or war zone, they encourage Christians to seek the landscape of the pasture—where God leads us and where we can find true rest.
I have found myself in the three other landscapes at different times, but I am working toward leading others into the landscape of the pasture—a place of peace and rest, where I can humbly point them toward God’s care and encourage them to rest there themselves. Holsclaw and Holsclaw write, “Jesus moves us beyond the easier encounters where he first meets us into territory that challenges us to release our insecure attachments and become stronger in our attachment with him.”[4] Somewhere along the way, through these last few years in this leadership program, I have been learning to release those insecure attachments and to find peace in the pasture. Though we have engaged in a variety of readings, one overall lesson that I have learned and applied is to lead from within. By this I mean, I need to lead from a place of security and humility myself. Different books have called this same concept different things but the overall concept is simply leading out of a healthy attachment to God.
Where do we go from here? This week, I accepted a role overseeing our workers throughout the United States—a role I had previously refused. I am again willing to step into positions I once turned down. But I am a different leader now. I would still respond to challenges with my team in much the same way, but I would do so from a healthier place of attachment and security. I could lead from the pasture. Rowe and Rowe encourage us, “Dear leader, here is the bottom line: wherever God places you in leadership and service, your life’s purpose is an extension of your love and delight in him and a reflection of his heart to establish in and through you his kingdom of peace.”[5]
Practically speaking, I am embracing the idea of humble leadership as highlighted by Schein and Schein. The father-son duo write, “Humble Leadership must also paint the picture of something new and better with a keen focus on what is coming, what is about to happen, and not only on what is happening now. The Humble Leadership shift happens with both presence and anticipation.”[6] Leading from humility, rooted in the security of the pasture, I can reengage with the challenges of leadership. I know that overseeing teams throughout the United States is not my final role as a leader, and I am eager to see how this program has prepared me to lead beyond it.
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[1] Nicholas Rowe and Sheila Wise Rowe, Healing Leadership Trauma: Finding Emotional Health and Helping Others Flourish, 1st ed (InterVarsity Press, 2024), 2.
[2] Rowe and Wise Rowe, Healing Leadership Trauma, 73.
[3] Geoff Holsclaw (PhD) and Cyd Holsclaw, Landscapes of the Soul: How the Science and Spirituality of Attachment Can Move You into Confident Faith, Courage, and Connection (Tyndale Refresh, 2025), 10.
[4] Holsclaw (PhD) and Holsclaw, Landscapes of the Soul: How the Science and Spirituality of Attachment Can Move You into Confident Faith, Courage, and Connection, 129.
[5] Rowe and Wise Rowe, Healing Leadership Trauma, 163.
[6] Edgar H. Schein and Peter A. Schein, Humble Leadership, Second Edition: The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust, Second Edition (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2023), 124.
About the Author
Adam Cheney
I grew up in California, spent five years living along the beautiful coast of Kenya and now find myself working with refugees in the snow crusted tundra of Minnesota. My wife and I have seven children, four of whom have been adopted. I spend my time drinking lots of coffee, working in my garden, and baking sourdough bread.14 responses to “Where Do I Go From Here?”
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Congratulations on the new opportunity, Adam! The visual image of leading from the pasture is a nice symbol of peace and stability. How do your trauma and leadership skills match up with the people you served in Kenya, who have a very different lived experience, but are also survivors of trauma? What have you learned from them, and in return, what would you offer from your lessons?
Jennifer,
I think the biggest lesson I learned overseas from them is that the life of the Christian is not always going to be simple and cushy. The Christian who is not persecuted in America is an anomaly and we have grown to expect it. A theology of suffering is needed for Americans to learn.
Adam, I once heard David’s “green pastures” in Psalm 23 described as small patches of grass in an otherwise dry, rocky landscape. This has helped me recognize how God provides even in the most difficult and dry places. Thank you for your faithfulness even when your green pastures were less luscious. Congratulations on this new opportunity! As you enter this new position, what will help you remember to dwell in those green pastures?
Kari,
I like that mental image as well. That is great. As we move forward I am already thinking about what I will focus on learning next. I have already put together my own book list and given it to family for Christmas 🙂 My next focus will be on trying to lead some people through sitting in the Sermon on the Mount and Jesus’s teachings for a year.
Congratulations on your new role. I am confident you were steward it well. What warning signs or symptoms will you look for as clues that you are leading out of a trauma response instead of a trusted response?
Ryan,
Good question. When I just returned to Kenya I had a few days where I was very angry. It was an anger I had not had since leaving there and it was noticable. I think I am learning to recognize unhealthyness a bit more now.
Dr. Cheney,
I appreciate you mentioning Landscapes of the Soul—I’ll look into it. Rowe and Rowe’s emphasis on embodied SIFTing practices has me thinking about how our spiritual disciplines can be refined over time and across different places.
I’m curious: as you reflect back on your time in Kenya, which embodied SIFTing practices have been refined, shifted, or changed for you?
Elysse,
The biggest change for me now is rest. I love the cyclical seasons of Minnesota and it allows for a longer period of rest. Some call it winter. Some call it cold and snowy. I would call it the season of rest. I love it. I did not get rest in Kenya
Hi Adam, Congratulations on your new role. I pray it will be meaningful for you and those you serve. As you meet God in the landscape where He draws you, what message of hope do you hear from Him? And, how would you encourage those you lead to continue to seek God on a regular basis?
Diane,
I have been challenged to read through the sermon on the mount this next year and to simply sit in those chapters. Then, the Holy Spirit has challenged me to invite others along for the journey. I am currently trying to put something together to do this.
Mate, I am glad you did do the DLGP with us and congratulations on your new role. As you now step into leadership “from the pasture,” what specific practices will help you sustain this secure, humble attachment to God when the inevitable pressures, crises, and competing demands of team leadership rise again?
Glyn,
I am glad as well. Some things are quite different for me now. I have a ton of Christian friends around me. I am not living in the desert, but a place of peace and security. In Kenya, we were the only light on a hill (literally). As the only light in the area, it was easy to burn out and flicker. Yet, now we are living in a city that is 20% Christian. Though it is not always easy, there are many lights now around us and more people to pour into us to help us burn strong–not burn out.
Adam, I’m thrilled for you, and for those whom you will be leading in this new role. You are a humble, compassionate leader. And yes, we’ve all been changed, haven’t we?
As you go forward, considering your past feelings of being unsupported in Kenya, what specific, non-negotiable expectation have you set for your own management chain to ensure you are supported in this new position?
Debbie,
I am not sure I have a specific non-negotiable but I do look back at lessons learned and ways to handle issues. But the one non-negotionable was for me to take on this position with my family in a safe and secure location. This has now happened and our family is learning to thrive in our city rather than survive. It makes it much easier for me to now step into a leadership role.