What is under your Coat?
It was an unbearably hot and humid Sabbath morning in the peak of summer in El Salvador, and my father was preparing to take the pulpit. Dressed in a full suit and tie, I could only think how crazy he was for doing so. He stepped up to the pulpit and began his sermon. As he spoke, he paced back and forth, and sweat beads started dripping down his forehead. First, his tie came off, followed by his coat. As he turned to place his coat on the chair behind the pulpit, there was a collective gasp from the congregation. I quickly looked up, and to my surprise, my father’s white dress shirt was torn to shreds across his back.
He turned around, hoping the message he had just delivered was clear, but to be sure, he elaborated.
“We all come to church dressed in our finest clothes, putting on the best versions of ourselves, hoping others will see only what we want them to see. However, we are all broken, dirty, and torn beneath the pretty clothes. We are all struggling—some more than others—but we all need a Savior to redeem us and brothers and sisters to lean on.
He asked the congregation, “What would the church look like if we stopped pretending? What if we brought our authentic, broken selves here? What would it mean if we saw each other not as people to judge but as people to love and encourage?”
He continued, sharing deeply personal stories: the grief of losing his father at a young age, the burden of being a teenage father and husband and the mistakes that came with it, and the fear he felt as a young and inexperienced pastor, afraid of failing those who were counting on him. That Sabbath, my father did not just lead his congregation—he changed how I saw ministry and how I would one day choose to lead.
As I read Simon Walker’s Leading Out of Who You Are, I could not help but think back to that sermon, and the lessons it taught me came rushing back. In his book, Walker introduces the concepts of “front stage” and “backstage” to understand our different leadership roles. The “front of the stage” represents the public persona we project — how we present ourselves to the world. It is where we perform according to what we think others expect, asserting our authority and leadership positions. This is where we show up fully suited, prepared to meet the external demands of our roles.[1]
Then, there is the “back of the stage,” where we reveal our private emotions, personal thoughts, weaknesses, and reflections. Walker explains that by “keeping things backstage, we appear modest, but we also reduce the risk of rejection.” He contrasts the two realms by saying, “The front stage is the place for conviction and confidence, the back of the stage is the place for struggle and uncertainty.” The backstage is where leaders can be honest about their shortcomings, doubts, and challenges. [2] It is a place where we can be authentic, a place where we should feel free to take off our suit jackets.
This framework helps clarify how leaders interact with others publicly and privately and how understanding these dynamics can make us more effective and authentic. Walker references psychologist Erving Goffman, who suggested that “instead of looking inward to understand the origins of our behavior, we should look outward to see what our behavior is trying to achieve.” [3] As leaders, we are responsible for confronting our shortcomings and doing the inner work necessary to lead effectively. Walker adds, “A leader who hides away his thoughts, dreams, plans, hopes, and feelings backstage may suffer by being remote from his followers.” [4]This reminds us that vulnerability and transparency are key to building trust and connection.
The back of the stage is where authentic leadership takes place and where leaders are genuinely formed. In this space, you confront your inner struggles, work through them, and determine how you will present them on the front stage. In those moments of facing your brokenness and imperfections, you become fully aware of the work that must be done.
This week’s book calls on leaders to focus on their inner selves as the foundation for effective leadership. Walker argues that when leaders know who they truly are, they can build deeper relationships, inspire trust, and foster an environment where both they and their teams can thrive. Instead of focusing on external techniques or methods, Walker encourages leaders to cultivate a leadership style that is deeply personal and reflective of their values and experiences.[5]
Walker explores how leadership is tied to other factors like control and power and the dangers that arise when we are unaware of or unprepared to handle that power. Many leaders fear power, fearing being seen as tyrants or negatively judged. However, Walker explains that power “is a pragmatic thing—in itself, it has no inherent value. It is neither good nor bad to be powerful; the issue is how power is used. It is a question of praxis.”[6] Power is a tool, and there will always be opportunities to wield it. However, “the most dangerous kind of power is unacknowledged power,” or the power that is neither recognized nor understood. According to Walker, this kind of power becomes a liability. [7] Walker argues that leaders who fail to recognize how to use their power are what he calls “defended leaders,” while those who acknowledge their “exercise of power and the flow of power in their organization, and make them both explicit and accountable” are known as “undefended leaders.”[8]
Throughout his book, Walker explains how our identity shapes our leadership style and stresses the critical importance of self-awareness. He emphasizes the value of reflection in leadership. He encourages us to assess our behavior, decisions, and thoughts regularly to ensure we stay aligned with our values and goals as leaders. Ultimately, the book suggests that leadership isn’t just about techniques or authority; it’s about leading with integrity and a strong sense of self. We cannot truly understand who we are if we are constantly afraid to take off our coats, step behind the curtain, and face the back of the stage. Walker’s book reminded and motivated me to take off my coat, embrace vulnerability, and continue doing the hard work needed to become the leader that both I and those I lead can be proud of but most importantly, the leader Christ can be proud of.
[1] Walker, Simon, “Leading out of Who You Are (Undefended Leader Part 1),” (CA: Piquant Editions Ltd, 2007) 41-43.
[2] Walker, 43-45.
[3] Walker, 42.
[4] Walker, 46.
[5] Walker, 54-55
[6] Walker, 61
[7] Walker, 64
[8] Walker, 65
About the Author
Linda Mendez
6 responses to “What is under your Coat?”
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Linda, I really connected with your post—I’ve experienced that same tension of showing up to church looking composed while feeling chaotic inside. Many young people feel the same way. Walker does an excellent job of describing both the inward and outward experiences. It’s a great reminder that God calls us to be authentic, not just polished. I’m discovering that leading with honesty about my struggles actually fosters more trust than trying to appear perfect. How do you create environments where people feel safe enough to be themselves and openly share what’s really happening?
Ivan,
I truly believe in wearing your heart on your sleeve. If I fail, I try to take responsibility. If I am frustrated, I share it with my team. I am not sure if being so open all the time is a good thing but so far, it has created an environment in my department that has fostered trust. If it’s ok for me to share my frustrations with decisions from higher up, it means they can share them as well and we can try and figure out solutions together. If I get it wrong and own up to it, they will be more open to taking in the criticism when its comes their way. I have watched so many pastors and leaders crash and burn due to the stress of the job and feeling that they have to keep its together that I feel its best for people to know you completely, so that they will feel compelled to follow but also carry you when you need it.
I completely agree. I believe it’s not always beneficial to be open with everyone. Some things are better kept to myself. However, it’s a blessing to have a fantastic team with whom I can share and be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing!
Linda,
Thanks for sharing. While living in NW Arkansas, we encountered a few pastors who were highly concerned about the front stage. Their actions made this apparent, making it difficult for others to relate and feel relevant to the congregation.
On the other hand, I came across a VP who did exceptionally well when I worked in the aerospace sector. He was a USAF pilot and had an advanced degree at Princeton. When he came to our site in Arkansas, he addressed the workforce wearing a suit. I don’t think any of our team members owned suits. 2 minutes into his presentation, his coat and tie were off, and the sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up. He read the audience well and wanted to get as close to them as possible. He asked very personal questions outside of the business aspects. It was masterful and highly transparent, and the audience’s concerns were heard.
Would it benefit leaders to introduce key members of their teams to components of the backstage as part of an integrated plan? It can be an extremely messy venture and would be a risk.
Michael,
I think that in order to create a safe and trustworthy environment, the curtain needs to be pulled back sometimes; I think Walker would agree as well. While some aspects of the backstage can be messy, people want to know, need to know, we can relate and we know what they’re going through or at least that we empathize, the inability to emphasize with the people we lead creates a lack of trust and connection that is important for growth in a team.
Great reminder, Linda. Authenticity is hard but a much-needed virtue in today’s society. Do you think that the same drive to be authentic can yield backlash? And how can a leader navigate such a situation?