Week 2 Soul and Identity Mapping: Thresholds of Leadership Identity
Friedman and Walker: Touching the Inner Life
Edwin Friedman’s concept of self-differentiation has touched me most deeply in the realm of anxiety. His insistence that leaders must resist being consumed by the emotional processes of others resonates with my tendency to absorb communal tension. As Friedman notes, “The way out requires shifting our orientation…from one that focuses on techniques that motivate others to one that focuses on the leader’s own presence and being” (Friedman 2007, 4). Simon Walker’s undefended leadership challenges my instinct to build protective defenses when criticized. His invitation to lead out of authenticity, rather than armor, exposes my growth edge: the courage to remain open even when vulnerable. Walker writes, “Leadership is about who you are, not what you know or what skills you have” (Walker 2007, 5–6).
A Recent Leadership Situation
Recently, in a professional meeting where I presented a proposal for streamlining procurement processes, colleagues raised concerns about its feasibility. Instead of reacting defensively, I paused, acknowledged their perspectives, and thanked them for engaging critically. By clarifying my vision without over-explaining, I kept the conversation constructive. This approach reduced my anxiety and opened space for collaboration, as colleagues offered suggestions that strengthened the proposal.
Guidance from Friedman and Walker
Friedman would remind me that self-differentiation means staying connected without being emotionally fused: “It is only when leaders value self that they can prevent it from being eroded by the chronic anxiety of a society in regression” (Friedman 2007, 5). Walker’s model of undefended leadership encourages absorbing criticism without retreating into self-protection: “Undefended leaders are free of the need to dominate, conquer, oppress, consume, acquire—because they are free within themselves” (Walker 2007, 9). Together, these frameworks guide me toward a more centered, non-anxious presence.
Thresholds of the Soul
Henri Nouwen’s wounded healer has been a threshold concept for me. His insistence that our own wounds can become sources of healing reframes weakness as a doorway to ministry: “In our own woundedness, we can become a source of life for others” (Nouwen 1972, 93). Likewise, Ronald Heifetz’s notion of adaptive leadership—that leaders must mobilize people to face loss and change, has shifted how I see conflict. Heifetz distinguishes between technical and adaptive challenges, noting that adaptive work requires “constantly learning about value conflicts that different team members hold” (Heifetz 1994, 103–105). These ideas mark inner crossings: from seeing anxiety as failure to recognizing it as an invitation to deeper authenticity.
Evolution of Leadership Identity
Intellectually, my leadership has evolved from seeking technical fixes to embracing adaptive challenges (Heifetz 1994, 71–73). Emotionally, I have grown in resilience, learning to hold tension without collapsing into defensiveness. Spiritually, I now see leadership as a vocation rooted in humility and service, where wounds and wisdom intertwine. The integration of Friedman’s clarity, Walker’s openness, Heifetz’s adaptive lens, and Nouwen’s spiritual depth has reshaped my identity into one that is more holistic and grounded.
Emerging Thresholds
I sense new thresholds emerging in generational leadership. As I develop my NPO—5.4.1. Cultivating Cross Generational Leaders model for Millennials and Gen‑Z, I recognize the need to trust younger voices and collaborative processes. This threshold requires courage to release control and embrace co‑creation.
Practice for Calm and Presence
Several practices sustain me amid pressure: contemplative prayer, journaling, and trusted peer relationships. These disciplines help me remain present and undefended, reminding me that leadership is not about proving worth but embodying presence.
Integration of Identity and Vocation
This integrated way of understanding myself—intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, deeply influences my vocation. It calls me to lead not from anxiety or defense, but from a centered identity that embraces both strength and vulnerability. My leadership calling today is to cultivate spaces where others can cross their own thresholds of growth, drawing on wisdom that is both academic and spiritual.
Reflection and Critical-Reflective Commentary
The interplay of Friedman’s self-differentiation and Walker’s undefended leadership challenges me to resist both fusion and defense. Heifetz situates my work within the reality of change, while Nouwen reframes vulnerability as vocation. Critically, I recognize the tension between Friedman’s emphasis on differentiation and Walker’s call to openness. One risks detachment, the other risks exposure. Yet together, they form a paradoxical balance: clarity without rigidity, openness without collapse. This dialectic is precisely the crucible in which my leadership is being refined.
Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. 10th Anniversary Edition. New York: Seabury Books, 2007.
Friedman, 4.
Walker, Simon P. The Undefended Leader: Leading Out of Who You Are. Carlisle: Piquant Editions, 2007.
Walker, 5-6.
Friedman, 5.
Nouwen, Henri J. M. The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society. New York: Doubleday, 1972.
Nouwen, 93.
Heifetz, Ronald A. Leadership Without Easy Answers. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1994.
Heifetz, 103-105.
Heifetz, 71-73.
About the Author
Shela Sullivan
Born and raised on the vibrant Penang Island in Malaysia, I cherish the Malaysian greeting, “Mari Makan!!” which reflects the warmth of shared meals. Since 1996, I have called Oregon my home enjoying the raindrops and the serenity of its beaches. The ocean connects me to nature and energizes me. I am a Wife - Mentor - Traveling Pastor - Sourcing Manager Construction. Favorite Bible Verse: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:4~ I reside with my husband, David and our fur-baby Rolo. We share passions for travelling, culture, diverse cuisines, home improvements, classic cars and laughter.12 responses to “Week 2 Soul and Identity Mapping: Thresholds of Leadership Identity”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Dr. Sullivan. I am looking forward to seeing how your doctoral project brings transformation. In light of your own insights on fusion and defence, are there any aspects of this authentic leadership that you believe will be more instructive for Millennials and Gen Z leaders?
Hello Dr. Joel,
Thank you for your question.
I believe Millennials and Gen Z thrive in pluralistic spaces. Authentic leadership that fuses spiritual wisdom, emotional intelligence, and intergenerational perspectives shows them how to hold complexity without losing coherence.
Example: blending contemplative practices with agile leadership tools creates a model that feels both grounded and adaptive.
Shela,
It has been a pleasure learning alongside you over the last two and a half years. As this is the last post, congrats! It certainly has not been easy. Yet, I have seen that you have engaged reading that was difficult, especially given that English is not your first language. Even still, you have persevered and always with a smile on your face. Your work in the corporate world and the preaching circuit still boggles my mind but somehow you do it!
Hello Dr. Adam,
Thank you for your kind words.
I mutually respect the work you are doing to support justice and calling out the injustice we have been seeing.
Blessings!
Hi Shela,
I admire how you carry the light of Christ with you in professional and international settings where Jesus is not the center of most people’s lives. You are a vibrant leader. Thank you for all the ways you have contributed in our our cohort. And, a personal thanks for organizing the amazing Malaysian dinner for us in Washington. That meant a lot to me because you were sharing so much more than food, but your culture and your heart.
Hello Dr. Julie,
Thank you for your kind words.
I mutually respect your contributions as we learn together. It was my pleasure to share my culture with you and the rest of our peers.
I hope to catch stay in touch with you. Blessings!
Hey Shela,
Thank you for sharing this. I really connected with what you wrote about wanting to put up defenses when criticized. Walker’s reminder to lead from authenticity instead of armor is tough in practice, and you named that tension really clearly. “Leadership is about who you are, not what you know or what skills you have,” was a statement I appreciated.
I also appreciated how you talked about staying connected without getting pulled into everyone else’s anxiety. That’s not easy to do, and you named the tension with a lot of honesty. I’m glad you’re paying attention to it and looking for ways to address it.
Your thoughts on generational leadership were encouraging—trusting younger voices, releasing control, and stepping into co-creation takes courage, and you named that well.
And I have to echo Julie’s comment about Malaysian food in DC—that was such a fun night, and I’m glad you introduced us to it.
It has been a privilege to be in this cohort with you.
Hi Dr. Elysse,
Thank you for relating to my post and the kind words.
It has been a joy to have known you as my peer. Continue the great work you are doing. I plan to visit you and Kari one day.
Let’s keep in touch. Blessings!
Shela, it has been so fun getting to know you! I love your zeal for God, life, food, and learning. One day, I would love to explore Malaysia through your eyes. You live out what it looks like to be a leader who enjoys and treasures life.
Hi Dr. Kari,
You are an amazing person, full of life and love for humanity. It has been a joy to have journey with you on this path. In couple years, a reunion would be great – trip to Malaysia.
Blessings!
Hi Shela, I was thinking about a conversation we had in Cape Town about different scriptures and how they inform our leadership. What stood out to me was the beauty of your boldness for God. When you are asked a question about how you reach success, you tell them that you prayed, and God answered. It was something that affirmed what I have been working on and a nice reminder of that lesson. I appreciate that I have been able to travel this journey alongside you in both the cohort and peer group. Thank you for your honesty, joy of life, and sharing God’s love in our learning. Peace
Hi Dr. Diane,
This has been a great journey. I would never have met you if not for this program. The mazing work you do – a caregiver. Blessings to you!