Trust Based Church Environments
Simon P Walker’s Leading Out of Who You Are is the first in a trilogy of books he writes about what he calls “undefended leadership”. Walker’s main assertion seems to be that undefended leadership is characterized not by knowledge or skill, but by who the leader is and the trust they establish with their followers. There are however, three things that cause leaders to be “defended”: “idealization, idealism and unmet emotional needs.” Leaders can fall into the trap of holding onto who their followers have idealized them to be, which is alienating and forces the leader to use tools like stages, power, and control rather than leading in trust. Walker sums up these ideas by saying “our primary task is to grow up. It is to learn, through the experiences we are given, who we are—what it means to be courageous, what it is to serve, what it is to be loved and to love, what it is to be real, what it is to be fully human. True leadership is leadership of ourselves and others into this kind of life…”
The church where I’m currently on staff exemplified this goal in my hiring. My wife, Anya, and I had been attending the church for 8 months when I began to look for pastoral job openings in the area. When the elders at Common Ground found out that I was looking, they decided to offer me a position on staff. In the process they made sure that I understood if I was coming on staff, there wouldn’t be a set of responsibilities that I had to fulfill. They made clear that I was not being brought on staff and paid for services rendered but because they believed that I had a pastoral gift that they wanted to help me develop and simply wanted to bless Anya and I by giving me a salary as well.
As I reflect on Common Ground’s approach in tandem with Simon Walker’s book, I realize that the elders’ thought process laid the foundation for a trust based leader-follower relationship. In a way, the way many churches approach hiring, by creating a job profile with the ideal candidate qualifications and characteristics, often a list that is realistically unattainable (or at the very least unsustainable). This also creates an environment where the person being hired is idealized as a hero or savior that can come in and meet all the identified needs or hopes. Post-hire, the person needs to continue being that hero and when the asks inevitably become more than they can bear, they quickly become a defended leader.
This is especially true when I consider Chinese heritage churches (churches that have historically served Chinese immigrant communities). Culturally, relationships between leader and followers are driven by feelings and positions of shame and honor rather than trust. The innate understanding that every person plays their part in maintaining communal harmony only further entrenches leaders in the idealization and unmet emotional needs that can occur. Many post-1st generation Chinese Americans feel these very tensions and choose to leave.
What might be helpful is for Chinese-American leaders, that have the capacity to become undefended (as Walker states), or perhaps even self-differentiated (as Edwin Friedman posits) leaders, to arise as “change agents” (Twiss, 45) that seek to bridge the cultural gap and move Chinese-American churches and Christians toward a more trust based model of leadership.
About the Author
Caleb Lu
8 responses to “Trust Based Church Environments”
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Caleb,
Thank you for sharing from your personal experience and I am grateful to learn about your Chinese culture.
I was sad to read this:
“Culturally, relationships between leader and followers are driven by feelings and positions of shame and honor rather than trust.”
I would be very curious what an example of this looks like. You said that: “Many post-1st generation Chinese Americans feel these very tensions and choose to leave.” Would you help me understand shame based relationships better? (I know this is a big question ;))
I pray you and Anya continue to thrive in the church you are in.
I’m not sure I’d be able to do it justice here in a comment (and honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever really explained it out loud or in writing before), but I think the way that shame-honor culture played out in my life was the idea of “face” or “saving face”. Essentially that there were communal balances and reputations to be upheld that could be upset or kept depending on what I might say or do. For example, when I was growing up, I knew that if I did something in church like get into a fight, I would “throw face” or in a way disgrace myself, by extension my family, and perhaps even further by extension the church community.
Thank you for sharing Caleb.
I have not heard of “throwing face” before.
Thank you for adding to my learning.
Hey Caleb,
I found Walkers exhortation for leaders to focus more on their growth – to “grow up” – rather than focusing on the self-preservation of maintaining an idealized image their followers have of them. What are some examples you have seen of leaders who have operated out of self-preservation of their idealized image, and, besides the leadership of Common Grounds, who is an example of someone who has led in an “undefended” way?
I’m an example of someone who has operated out of a self-preservation of idealized image. When I was first approached about the possibility of teaching a preaching class at a local seminary, I felt this incredible burden to somehow be incredibly funny, witty, insightful, and enlightened every time I preached. I started to feel so anxious about messing up and possibly having someone lose faith in me or see me as not excellent that I would freeze up. I was so focused on being this person that I thought I needed to be that I stopped being myself and it was detrimental.
Maybe Damian Lillard? I appreciate that he had to work out who he is even though it didn’t necessarily match what the fan base wanted for him or what the nba old heads were saying he should do (move teams). It was cool to see him be comfortable in his identity as someone who is a loyal rather than someone who would do anything to win. I think this instills confidence and trust from the city to him and from his teammates and coaching staff.
Hi Caleb, wow! What a wonderful way to be brought on staff. I love that your church is supporting your role and calling as a pastor, not giving you a set of expectations to fulfill. Thank you for sharing about the differences with Chinese heritage churches. I am reminded of the discussions on Cultural Mapping. Do you think that this difference is culturally based and therefore Walker’s commentary does not apply or is there a need for change within these churches?
I think the type of leadership Walker writes about is something that all churches and church leaders can aspire to. In regards to Chinese-American communities, there are helpful things that can be gleaned and learned from a shame-honor and communal culture. For example, I think shame-honor is really helpful in understanding sin relationally and communally rather than simply an individual’s guilt/innocence. With that being said, I do think it can perpetuate some of the things that push leaders to be defended.
Caleb,
I have never heard of a church mentoring in this way and I am in awe. Can you elaborate on ways that they have continued to mentor you?