Training The Brain In Joy, But Curious About Lament
In a post-pandemic survey done in 2022 by the Barna group, they reported alarming statistics on the decline of pastoral health in the US. The effect of the pandemic continued to ripple through the ranks of pastors, as it has through many professions. The research does not paint a promising picture. They write, “The number of pastors who are feeling burnt out, lonely or unwell is on the rise, and this is especially true of young pastors.”[1] Alarmingly, women in ministry saw their confidence wane even further. They report that 25% have lost confidence in their calling since starting ministry.[2] While these are the most recent statistics I could find, I hope that pastoral health is trending upwards again. The book we read this week certainly promises to provide some hope.
In Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead, Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder provide a pathway to joy-filled leadership. Their main thesis is that the practice of four rare habits related to emotional intelligence causes trust, joy, and engagement to soar.[3] They note that the source of joy is relational. “We have found in our study of Scripture and brain science that joy, that feeling of well-being in the deepest part of our soul, is primarily relational. To the human brain, joy is always relational.”[4] Rooted in neuroscience and attachment theory they describe the four foundational habits of Rare Leaders. These are:
- R – Remain relational (belonging)
- A – Act like yourself (identity)
- R – Return to joy (being glad to be together)
- E – Endure hardships well (using hard times to bring us closer)[5]
I have a particular interest in this, both personally and professionally. When I went through burnout several years ago, a feeling of fear and dread crept over me that would hang there like a black cloud for a couple of years. I remember wondering if joy would ever return. It did eventually emerge after a season of rest. The stated purpose of our district office is, “serving leaders who invite others into fullness of life” and the purpose of the leader development team I lead is “Cultivating the health and effectiveness of our Licensed Workers (pastoral leaders).” My vocational goal is to help leaders flourish. On that basis, I thought that this book would be helpful. While I have learned from the book, it was not quite as clear as I would have liked. For the remainder of the blog, I will describe what has been helpful and what I am still trying to reconcile.
First, training the “Fast Track” brain is critical for joy. In Thinking Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman identified two systems for thinking in the human brain. System 1 (fast thinking) operates automatically and swiftly, relying on intuition and heuristics. System 2 (slow thinking) is deliberate, slow, and analytical. It requires effort and conscious thought.[6] Reading Kahneman left me with the understanding that it was important to engage System 2 rather than simply allow System 1 to be in the driver’s seat. I was a bit surprised because Warner and Wilder lean toward the fast-thinking brain, which seeks either joy or fear but thrives on joy. They state, “This right-sided master system impacts our emotions and relationships faster than we have time to think about consciously. From bottom to top, the right brain is designed to seek, build, and thrive on joyful relationships.”[7] It was helpful to interact with this material because, based on my reading of Kahneman, I had perceived the fast-track brain as something to be mastered rather than cultivated in joy. This was an important distinction, but I was still left with lack of clarity.
Secondly, joy can be cultivated through three types of exercises. Joy is cultivated through Imitation, which is essentially practicing healthy relational skills in a safe environment. Joy is cultivated through Intimacy with God by developing conversational prayer. Finally, joy is cultivated through Identity groups, surrounding oneself with allies who call you to live out your identity as God’s child. These are not accountability groups that are fear-based but groups that, “call out what is best in you.”[8]
I find the idea of cultivating joy by nurturing the brain, through a strategic approach, encouraging. Many leaders who are emotionally unwell feel stuck. Having a strategic approach to cultivating joy provides hope for leaders and empowers them to overcome their circumstances. They caution, however, that building new habits takes a long time. There are no shortcuts to joy. It would be best to be proactive rather than wait for an emotional crash.
Next, I’ll identify one issue I’m still contemplating.
As I read the book, I wondered about such things as healthy grief and the role of lament in a faith community. Leaders and church communities experience tremendous pain. In July 2023 one of our churches lost five young men in a plane crash. One of the men who died was the youth pastor. Another was the worship pastor’s son. Their parents were all church leaders, elders and key volunteers. They were all best friends, and we’re involved in leadership. The pastors have been in mourning and have been helping people mourn. The pastors have shown tremendous resilience, but there have been many times when they have just mourned for long seasons. Lament has played a crucial role in the life of this church community. The author’s write, “Returning to joy may just be the most important habit you can develop as a leader. Leaders who return to joy do not lose their fast-track guidance or ability to develop the group identity simply because the leader or the group is feeling angry, sad, afraid, disgusted, ashamed, or hopeless right now.”[9] That idea of returning to joy as quickly as possible didn’t seem like the immediate solution. The authors did handle this in Chapter 10, Endure Hardship Well, but I found it lacking. There is a season to lament, and I wonder if it’s not always appropriate to return to joy as quickly as possible.
I searched further by listening to The Huberman Podcast, in which neuroscientist Andrew Huberman interviewed Dr. Jordan Peterson. Peterson noted that the ideal would not be inhibiting the fast-track system but rather integrating the fast-track system into a larger vision for life that would include flourishing for self and others. His perspective is that the slow-track system helps the fast-track system to determine a context-dependent response. If trained properly, the fast-track system learns to respond appropriately in the various contexts we are in. He admitted that this is not easy but that it helps one develop appropriate control over the fast-track system. Integrating both systems made much more sense to me than favouring one over the other.[10]
While this book left me wanting more, I did appreciate how reading this helped me discover that the integration of both the fast-track and slow-track systems is optimal for flourishing. Integrating both helps leaders respond in contextually appropriate ways, depending on what the situation requires.
[1] “7-Year Trends: Pastors Feel More Loneliness & Less Support,” Barna Group, accessed January 31, 2025, https://www.barna.com/research/pastor-support-systems/.
[2] “7-Year Trends.”
[3] Marcus Warner and E. James Wilder, Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2016), 19.
[4] Warner and Wilder, 24.
[5] Warner and Wilder, 46.
[6] Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow (Toronto: Anchor Canada, 2013).
[7] Warner and Wilder, Rare Leadership, 65–66.
[8] Warner and Wilder, 116.
[9] Warner and Wilder, 171.
[10] Dr. Jordan Peterson: How to Best Guide Your Life Decisions & Path, 2024, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0hkhbGYaGQ. 10.39-13.51.
About the Author
Graham English
I was born in Cape Town, South Africa 30 minutes from Table Mountain, the Indian Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean. My family immigrated to Vancouver, Canada where I spent my teen years, met Wendy, and got married. We now live on the Canadian prairies in northern Alberta. I think God has a sense of humour. I'm a follower of Jesus, work in leadership and church development, love my family and walk a lot.14 responses to “Training The Brain In Joy, But Curious About Lament”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Thanks for your insightful post, Graham. What are some steps to “integrate systems” in your opinion?
HI Ryan, I think that it begins with self-awareness and awareness of how the brain responds in various situations.
In the book Leadership Agility the authors claim that one of the ways leaders grow in agility is through self-reflection. In the earlier stages self reflection usually happens after the fact. They encourage keeping a journal. As a leader matures they are able to self-reflect in the moment and adapt their leadership style. I wonder if integration of the two systems may be developed in this way as well.
Graham,
I agree that a season of lament is appropriate, especially for the loss of life. I believe a lack of proper lament can lead to issues down the road.
After your burnout, do you recall what were the first signs that you were able to experience joy again?
Graham,
I’ll jump in here. You write, “There is a season to lament, and I wonder if it’s not always appropriate to return to joy as quickly as possible.” I agree. It doesn’t always seem good to return to a joyful state immediately without a proper time for lament. I think of the situation with refugees right now in the US. We had a prayer/lament a week ago and it was just what was needed. Sure, there is the deep-seated joy of Christ but we also allowed ourselves the opportunity to lament. Too many Christians have lost the art of lament.
Adam, I wrote in my response to Glyn, that Paul notes, “we grieve but not as those who have no hope.” Grief is not contrary to the gospel and the Psalms offer us a prayer book that contains lots of lament. Often Christians present a “happy clappy” picture of faith but this is not reality.
Jeff, my first signs of joy came through listening prayer and solitude. As an activist, I can easily neglect my emotions. These two disciplines help me bring myself into the presence of the Lord.
I found that I could experience signs of joy about 1 month after practicing these. It took time for fullness of joy to be restored.
Hi Graham, I don’t really have a question but your post got me thinking. I wonder if the duration and cause of the lament might be worth exploring. I guess what I am saying is that each situation could be different as well as each person experiencing it. Bottom line for me would be, do we recognize when God is trying to pull us out of it when it is time? Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 does give me freedom to eperience both. Thoughts?
Having observed people try to comfort others, I think some of the worst advice we can give a grieving person is to “move on”. Grief lingers longer in some than in others. Perhaps, if we are honest, we learn to live with grief and welcome it as part of our experience. Grief remains part of our lives and shapes us but doesn’t define us.
Hi Graham,
Yours is a thoughtful essay with many rich information. In your experience, what specific practices have you found most effective in remaining relational under stress?
Good question, Shela. I actually move toward action under stress and my relationships do suffer. I have become more aware of this tendency. So, I practice sabbath to restore myself, be with God and with others. I am also learning to put my phone down or keep it in my pocket during meetings.
Great Graham. In your work cultivating the health and effectiveness of pastoral leaders, how do you navigate the tension between fostering joy and allowing space for lament, especially when leaders are facing deep grief and loss?
Great question. I think of Paul’s observation that we grieve but not as those who have no hope. I think this an important distinction for the Christian. Too often, I have been at Christian funerals where there is no display of grief, it’s all celebration because the loved one is in heaven. But I do believe that grief is a normal part of the human experience of loss. When grief turns to despair, however, it means that we have lost all hope.
Graham, my condolences on the loss of your young leaders. You mentioned healthy grief. My mother used to say that if we didn’t love, we wouldn’t ever grieve. Our tears are a measure of the love we felt—you can’t have one without the other.
The resilience part is challenging, often because of guilt. Recovery looks different for everyone, even if they seem to be in a fog for a little while.
You mentioned that Ch. 10, Enduring Hardship was lacking. If you could have added content to this book or chapter, what lessons would you have shared?
Jenn, I think the healthy role of grief is important in a person’s life and in the life of a community. If a community doesn’t grieve well after a tragic loss it will come back to bite them.