Time for Change
When I was growing up, summer was magical. Many days my neighbor and I would grab our bikes and ride for miles. Other days were spent at the local park where along with most of the neighborhood children, we played hockey, made crafts and took turns on whatever apparatus was open. My mother’s only rule was to come home when the streetlights turned on. Sure, there were spats to negotiate, patience to be learned when the toys were being used and dirt all over us from running through a muddy stream. Today, the roads are heavily congested, parks no longer are the gathering places for children and fear of real-world violence has prompted parents to limit free play that defined so many of my days. While my daughters were able to play freely in our neighborhood, even I might be hard-pressed to give them the total freedom I experienced if there was even a park nearby.
In this blog I will discuss the two main reasons that author Jonathan Haidt discussed for the generations of children who were born after 1995 to become more anxious and depressed than those in previous generations. I will also touch on some of the ways that the author believes the trend can be reversed with intentional changes. Space constraints limit my discussion of the impact of dopamine[1] has on the drive to be on social media and the four foundational harms that social media causes[2].
The emergence of extreme safety concerned parenting has had unintended consequences on children where it actually increased anxiety in the generations of children who no longer have free play[3]. However, based on The Anxious Generation, the free play that I experienced as a child was developmentally important. Children need to learn how to navigate small hurdles to give them confidence and tools for the bigger ones to come as they reach adulthood. Play becomes a steppingstone for living through life challenges[4]. Today parents are fearful, and on one level with good cause. There IS violence in the world. Florida alone has a high occurrence of young people being sold into sex trafficking. In 2023, there were approximately 680 cases reported to the National Human Trafficking Hotline in FL alone. Of them, 181 were minors[5].
Yet, physical danger for children is not the biggest threat to the health of children and adolescents between the ages of 10-18. In 2019, a New York Times article said 45 million children being sexually abused via online images and videos. The consensus is that today, more sexual predators are online than in person[6]. Additionally, since the inception of smart phones, the enticement to spend more and more time on social media is difficult to resist. Of great concern, Haidt cited research that showed girls are more negatively impacted by social media than boys. Girls seek communion, the need to be part of a larger social unit by caring for others. Getting more friends on social media gives the allusion of doing that when in fact it sets the girls up to be shamed from not having enough “friends” or the “perfect body”, ridiculed and taken advantage[7]. Boys are drawn to the concept of agency which comes from striving to grow by building qualities such as efficiency, competence and assertiveness[8].
A coordinated effort from governments, tech companies, schools, and parents is needed to reverse the anxiety caused by lack of play and too much social media. Some of these recommendations follow:
- Government: Raise the age of internet use to 16[9].
- Tech Companies: Facilitate age verification[10].
- Schools: Have more access to good playgrounds before and during school days[11].
- Schools & Parents: Initiate the Let Grow Project that prompts kids to go home from school and do something on their own that they have never done before. Parents and children agree on the project[12]. Students gain enough independence for them to learn real life skills of coping, problem solving and competence to grow healthy, capable, and confident.[13]
- Schools: Go phone free. Cell phones out of sight[14]
- Parents: Limit screen time and content[15].
- Parents: Offer in person experiences with other children.
- Parents: Encourage independence[16]
I believe the future of today’s youth is at stake. Sound dire? It does to me. The recommendations of Jonathan Haidt push back on the profits of tech companies and their advertisers, the will of schools to enforce no phones at school or give more play time for elementary children. My real concern is for the plight of parents working multiple jobs who have allowed smart phones and all their apps to babysit their children while they struggle to cook dinner, pay bills and just get through life. I say this with no malice toward them. I hear their stories and feel their pain. Yet the research of Jonathan Haidt shows that social media in excess not only correlates to rising anxiety but actually is a significant cause of it[17]. Help for parents is a much bigger problem than I or this blog can solve today but my heart aches for them and their children.
[1]Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long, The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity – and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race (Dallas, TX, BenBella Books, Inc., 2019), xvi. Daniel Lieberman is a psychiatrist and professor at George Washington University. Michael Long is a speechwriter, playwright, and screenwriter., I was firsts introduced to the dopamine molecule through his work. p.6.
[2] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation (New York, Penguin Press, 2024), p.120-130.
[3] Jonathan Haidt,
[4] Jonathan Haidt, p. 7.
[5] National Human Trafficking Hotline, Florida Statistics, Accessed Feb. 19, 2025. https://humantraffickinghotline.org/en/statistics/florida
[6] Haidt, p. 67.
[7] Haidt, p. 152.
[8] Haidt, p.152.
[9] Haidt, p.234.
[10] Haidt, p. 236.
[11] Haidt, p. 252.
[12] Haidt, p. 254.
[13] Haidt, p. 225.
[14] Haidt, p. 15.
[15] Haidt, p. 276.
[16] Haidt, p.272.
[17] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation (New York, Penguin Press, 2024), p. 147.
About the Author
Diane Tuttle
10 responses to “Time for Change”
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Hi Diane, You brought back memories I have had growing up. I lived on a quiet country road. It was nothing for us to run, bike, or skate the entire street, especially during the summers. We would undoubtedly pick up other neighborhood kids along the way or join them to play a game in their yards. If it got too late, my mom would start calling the neighbors to track us down. Sometimes, I’d ask to use the landline to tell her where we were. In the worst-case scenario, my mom would go for a walk to find us! There was no fear, just play and adventure that sometimes distracted us from the time. The community seemed tighter in “those days” (we were too far in the country for cable, so even TV access was limited)!
What are ways that those of us who are not raising teens in this era can help and support parents and teens?
Hi Kari, That is a really good question. Maybe offering to run errands for the parents or cook a meal? It takes the pressure off the parents and would allow them to be with their kids rather than working to prep for them., although prepping together could be useful too. Really, I think praying for the family and offering to be a listening ear for the parents is a big deal.
Diane,
I bet that you also told your kids you had to walk to school, uphill both ways!
It certainly is interesting how it is those in poverty who are falling into the trap of these digital devices even more so than others. What is one thing you might recommend for a family to try to establish?
Hi Adam, I actually did walk to school in elementary school, just not up hill. If I had one suggestion for families to take a first step, I would probably suggest that they have a family meal with no phones. That is hard w/ sports and other after school activities. But it would start to open more communication so that when they begin to push back even more on the social media, they actually have a talking relationship with each other. Sounds like a dismal family but I do know there are families who sit at the dinner table and everyone is on the phone. Having parents show interest in their kids school day or whatever builds the relationship that gives the parents the foundation for going to the next steps.
Diane,
I too spent most of my childhood outdoors. Our county road was only paved in front of houses and there were large potholes that would swallow a car, so people naturally drove slower. Today, there are more cars on the road, and it is paved from one end to the other so cars fly down the road at 60+ mph. I did not let me kids ride their bikes freely.
As I read your post, I thought about sports. Sports can be beneficial for our kids to engage in as they do incorporate many of the things found in natural play. However, what I have seen is the parents who obsess about their child’s sport(s) that they limit the child’s ability to engage in anything else. Billy can’t climb a tree for fear of breaking an arm and ruining his season. Robbie never shows up for scout meetings once youth baseball starts. You won’t see Katie or Ben at church on Sundays once hockey season begins. Also, sport seems to create a must win attitude. Kids can no longer play a game even a recess, just to play, the focus is on winning. While better than sitting on a smartphone all day, I wonder if we have taken sports too far in our nation.
You said “My real concern is for the plight of parents working multiple jobs who have allowed smart phones and all their apps to babysit their children while they struggle to cook dinner, pay bills and just get through life. . .. Help for parents is a much bigger problem than I or this blog can solve.” Taking into consideration all the other books we have read, do you have one thing you would like implemented to help these parents?
Hi Jeff, I thanks for the question. Long ago I used to do parents of pre-school parents. Even back then part of our discussion is that parenting takes courage and steadfastness. In terms of books we have read, I think Grit comes to mind. Parenting is not for the faint hearted. It take work day in and day out and most of the time that effort bears fruit in the relationships with their children. So even today, I would recommend electronic free family time or 1 on 1 time with each of the kids on a regular basis to focus on whatever is on their minds.
Diane, I LOVED being out until sunset. I loved meeting new neighborhood kids and maintaining friendships by “doing something” – usually exploring.
You talked about the tension between keeping kids safe and allowing them the freedom to experience the world on their own. How do you think parents can strike a balance between these concerns in a way that supports their children’s independence while still ensuring their well-being?
Hi Jennifer, thanks for the question. I like what Haidt suggested in giving kids small tasks that wouldn’t take a lot of time to do something on their own. One idea might be to ask them to go help the neighbor rake leaves, shovel snow or even ride their bike to a neighbor down the block to deliver a message. It is time limited and close by, but the child would have the experience of being on their own and doing something useful.
Hi Diane,
How do you think parents can balance the need for safety with the importance of allowing free play for their children, especially given the real dangers mentioned in your essay?
Hi Diane, Thank you for your post. I always enjoy reading about your experiences. If I remember correctly, you are part of your church’s children’s ministry. Have you noticed your church “going digital,” specifically with children, or is that limited? I would be interested to hear what this looks like for your church and your thoughts about it.