Tiger in Charge!!!
May 21, 15
While reading about the Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother I really related back to the style of leadership that my father had. I lost my mother when I was in the sixth grade so I did not get to know her real well. But what I did learn is how fiery should would get. My father was authoritative and Amy Chua comes off like an authoritative mother. How she dealt with her two daughters was a little rough to me but my father has got rough with me too in things he would say when he was angry. I can’t say much about how other people raise their children because I know I have had my struggles with just one child. So I cant really get on her how she raised her daughters. But the real underlying thing about her is how far do you push your children without it being abusive? As a parent we want the best for are children but I have learned from my daughter that she has her own mind. I try to set high goals and standards so that I can say, “see I did it you can too.” But that does not work all the time. My father pushed me a lot but I don’t think it was abusive. And abusive language if it is used in an angry way is not helpful to me. So I had mixed feelings about her method even though I understand it.
Another thing that caught my attention is her not wanting her daughters to be victims of affirmative action. I understand the principle behind it and being competitive has its place. But when you don’t start like other people they do have an advantage in most things. I have played college football and track over my years so I have a high level of competiveness. I remember wanting to be an architect wile attending Santa Monica College. And the only way I could possibly get in the program was through affirmative action. I wish I was as familiar with architecture from the high school I went to but I went to an inner city school where too many trades are taught. I ended up going to Texas Southern University on a football scholarship. The point I want to make is that it’s not always how your parents raise you. When you get on the playing field if the odds are stacked high against you its really hard to compete. I don’t believe in making excuses or anything like that but some arenas are not fair.
I believe like Chua that we should strive very hard to see our children’s success but we have different cultures in the West even though she a Chinese from the United States. Chinese parents really work hard for their children’s success and I applaud them. But there are other issues that are important that are not written in books and in my culture it can get real crazy. I mean some parents be just trying to make ends meet and they cant put that type of time into their children. Also the exposure to things in the United States to me makes a difference. I was just having a conversation with my daughter the other day about moving my grandsons closer to me. I know what it is like growing up in Los Angeles and I really don’t want them to have to experience some of the things I did.
Being authoritative has its pros and cons. I just think that it should be done out of love and with respect. There are a lot of authoritative tiger moms in this country but that does not mean their children will turn out good. Trust me I know a lot of them that did not.
About the Author
Travis Biglow
Pastor of Victory Empowerment Center. Regional Chaplain High Desert Regional Center Graduates Azusa Pacific University. Licensed General Contractor B. I am the married with one daughter, two grandsons and one step son.15 responses to “Tiger in Charge!!!”
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Travis,
I appreciate how you brought out that “I mean some parents be just trying to make ends meet and they cant put that type of time into their children”. I saw that too as I read through this book. Chua’s approach to parenting required most afternoons and evenings exclusively focused on enforcing her high expectations. I wonder how differently Chua’s parenting would have been if she had to work 60 – 70 hours a week to support her kids? Regardless, I really enjoyed the contrasting of parenting values — very thought provoking.
Dave and Travis,
The lack of financial reality was one take-away that I had also. I doubt that Chua would have been able to push her girls so far without time, money and influence.
Dawnel
Dawnel,
I think you are so real in your evalution of Chua and i know it was hard for my family growing up. My father was barber all of his life but he did bless us to attend Catholic school up to the 9th grade for me. But he did have a fancy car or anything he really sacrificed! God Bless Dawnel
Travis,
I also noticed that Chua’s parents seemed well educated. I am a firm believer in solid education and teaching life-long learning. My husband wasn’t encouraged in the area of education growing up. He is the first person to get a college degree in his family. Going on and getting a seminary degree, and now a doctorate, has meant a lot of hard work. He has been determined to create an environment so that his children and grandchildren can live a different life. Like your Dad, he understands the importance of pushing your children for more. The legacy your dad has left is one of wisdom and sacrifice – both attributes necessary to success (and success isn’t necessarily financial).
Thank you Dawnel, he really did sacrifice for us in so many ways and i am really thankful for what he has done. And that is a great thing that you and your husband are setting such a powerful example for your kids and family. God has some great things in store you both. Blessings
Dave thank you brother,
It is not easy for some parents to do what other parents do for their children and some circumstances are out of their hands. Some parents are trying their hardest just to make ends meet. God bless you Dave
Amen Dave, my father worked all the time at his barber shop. He had to work long hours to keep us in Catholic School after the death of my mother. He put the majority of his money into us at that time but we did not have a lot of extra money. And parents who work long hours because of how expensive it is to live the U.S are not neglecting their children, they are just trying to make ends meet. Blessing Dave!!!!!
Yeah if she was slinging burgers or diggin ditches she wouldn’t have time to meddle and micro manage! Ha!
Travis, “But the real underlying thing about her is how far do you push your children without it being abusive?” While definitely avoiding abuse is something we want to avoid, in Western culture I feel like I have always tried to push my kids while avoiding “rebellion.” I fear (not good) like our culture, that we will loose our kids to in rebellion against authority. While I believe submission to authority is an essential character trait and obedience to external guidelines, I have always feared “rebellion” and push too hard in a way that shuts our kids down. I believe this is a cultural mindset created through media and the advantage and privilege our kids our born into, and like with most of the other posts too, I believe culture wins and strategy needs to be defined in the context of culture. It sounds like your father did a great job of this in his culture and with the circumstance that took place in life. Thanks for the good post.
God bless yo Phil!
“some parents be just trying to make ends meet and they cant put that type of time into their children.”
Great point, Travis. I remember wanting to join Little League. It was $8 to join and that included the team shirt. It was a real sacrifice for my parents to come up with $16 for both my brother and myself to join. My Dad never made it to a game because he was working to support a large family. He wanted the best for us, but violin and piano lessons were not part of his repertoire.
Lol Brian, you know how it is then when you could not do little things because it was not in the budget. I definitley do. When you could not where All Star(Chuck Taylors) tennis shoes (the Nike’s when i was young) and you had to get those tennis shoes that we called bubble gums. Thanks Brian
Anyone remember “Trax”?
Travis – even before reading your post, I was thinking of your father this weekend. He must have been an amazing man, considering the kind of son he raised. And to know that he pushed you while loving you in some difficult circumstances makes it all the more remarkable. I believe God uses some of the most creative means to raise children when there are limited resources. Sounds like he did just that in your family.
God bless you Mary, yes he did I dont know if i could have done what he did under those circumstances. Blessings