Thinking Under the Influence (TUI)
“The man’s words to me are not offered but flung:
‘So, what are you? I mean, where are you from?’
I say, ‘New York.’
‘But your name is Carlos–where are you really from?
‘I say, ‘New York.’
‘Bueno, yo soy Latino-mi padre es Colombiano,
Mi madre es Estadounidense, nació en New York City,
I lived in 4 countries, moved 12 times, and went to 12 schools before I
Graduated from high school–is not what I would ever say in 12,341 years because
I don’t owe a damn thing to anyone.
‘What am I? What am I, a financial aid form? A vegan, red velvet cupcake recipe?’”[1]
In the poem above, Carlos Andres Gomez uses poetry to fight the evil of bias when he says the question, “Where are you from?”–in our current America–is a slur disguised with a question mark, a passive aggressive microaggression saying: ‘You are other. You are not from here. You are not, nor will ever be, one of us. Go back to where you came from.’”[2]
Pragya Agarwal’s Sway: Unraveling Unconscious Bias looks at the past and the future, at how evolution might have shaped our biases, and how tech can further perpetuate these biases. Agarwal writes, “Our instincts help us to assess people and situations quickly, determine whether or not we can trust them, and make timely decisions.”[3] Based on behavioral science, Agarwal, a data scientist who has worked on the dynamics of social interactions, unravels implicit bias theories. Implicit hidden biases, she claims, impact our actions, decisions and interactions.[4] Building on multiple bias’ theories like hindsight bias, conformity bias, stages bias, negative bias, and all the while detailing what is happening in our brains when bias is present, Pragya Agarwal uncovers the root of evolutionary bias. As I read the book, it seemed her driving question was what can we do about our problem with bias?
Because I am an insatiably curious person and I genuinely want to know people, this is a question I must ask myself. I, too, have asked a person with an accent, “Where are you from?”
As I reflect on the question of what we can do about our problem with bias, I find my thoughts circling around a key statement from Sway:
“Prejudice is emotional bias that can lead to discrimination and alter our instincts about people.”
In Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking Fast and Slow, he writes how many people are overconfident and prone to place too much faith in their intuitions–they apparently find cognitive effort mildly unpleasant and avoid it.[5] Just like our physical bodies need constant discipline to fight off decay and disease through vigorous exercise, our brains need equal discipline in switching to system 2’s deliberate reasoning about the way we rely on bias. Our brains are naturally lazy and to save energy, it perceives problems easier than they are. Thus, our overconfidence and flawed human reasoning impacts not only the way we see ourselves but also the way we see others.
My overconfidence can come in the form of curiosity; At times, my curiosity can serve my own needs more than another’s. What can I do?
Several times in Sway, Praga Aragal named bias a “moral” and “ethical” issue claiming that as human beings we have a moral responsibility to move toward change. She writes, “When stereotypes are played out and reinforced in the media, this quickly dehumanizes individuals, makes whole groups homogeneous, gives us permission to exercise our biases, and normalize such labels.”[6] What can we do?
Becoming Aware of Our Thought Processes and Behaviors
Communication and culture scholar Brenda Allen coined the phrase “thinking under the influence” (TUI) to highlight a reflective process that can help us hone our intercultural communication competence.[7] She encourages us to monitor our thoughts and feelings about other people, both similar to and different from us. As we monitor, we should try to identify instances where we are guilty of TUI, such as uncritically accepting the dominant belief systems, relying on stereotypes, or prejudging someone based on their identities.
I once found myself “surprised” by a woman in a wheelchair who was joyfully (and with a wicked sense of humor) organizing an event for a conference. Upon reflection, I realized my preexisting negative assumption and tried to unpack and learn from it. Because she was different from me, I realized I had an assumption that people with disabilities would have a sad and disappointed outlook on life. Might my moral or ethical responsibility be to pay more attention to the stereotypes I internalize about race, language, intelligence or even someone’s happiness? Rather than criticize myself when I am caught in a TUI, I am learning the importance of reflecting on the moment and trying to adjust my thinking processes.
Pragya Argarwal writes about the inner workings of the brain highlighting how our brains can change with experience and environmental influences. Recalling chapter three in Rare Leadership, I remember the “elevator in my brain”[8] analogy as I clarify my values in light of my deep sense of curiosity in relationships. Might radical humility invite me to a place where my brain can heal of biases I know and biases I don’t know? As Warner and Marcus note, “without healing, the brain cannot be trained. Without training, the brain often doesn’t recover.”[9]
My prayer is that my questions to others will fling the doors of hospitality and acceptance wide open so a stranger hears, “Welcome! Welcome. Come in.”
What experiences or environmental influences bring your brain healing in light of bias?
[1] Bournes, Micah, and Chris Cambell, eds. Fight Evil With Poetry – Anthology Volume One. Sideshow Media Group, 2018.
[2] Bournes, Micah, and Chris Cambell, eds. Fight Evil With Poetry – Anthology Volume One. Sideshow Media Group, 2018. P. 82
[3] Agarwal, Pragya. Sway: Unravelling Unconscious Bias. 1st ed. London: Bloomsbury Publishing Plc, 2020. https://doi.org/10.5040/9781472971364.
[4] Agarwal, Pragya. Sway: Unravelling Unconscious Bias. 1st ed. London: Bloomsbury Publishing Plc, 2020. https://doi.org/10.5040/9781472971364.
[5] Kahneman, Daniel. Thinking, Fast and Slow. 1st edition. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2011.
[6] Agarwal, Sway. Ch. 4.
[7] “Difference Matters : Communicating Social Identity – George Fox University.”
[8] Warner, Marcus, and Jim Wilder. Rare Leadership in the Workplace: Four Uncommon Habits That Improve Focus, Engagement, and Productivity. Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2021.
[9] P. 35.
About the Author
Pam Lau
Pamela Havey Lau brings more than 25 years of experience in speaking, teaching, writing and mediating. She has led a variety of groups, both small and large, in seminars, trainings, conferences and teachings. Pam’s passion is to see each person communicate with their most authentic voice with a transparent faith in Jesus Christ. With more than 10, 000 hours of writing, researching, and teaching the heart and soul of Pam’s calling comes from decades of walking alongside those who have experienced healing through pain and peace through conflict. As a professor and author, Pam deeply understands the role of mentoring and building bridges from one generation to another. She has developed a wisdom in how to connect leaders with their teams. Her skill in facilitating conversations extends across differences in families, businesses, schools, universities, and nonprofits. Pam specializes in simplifying complex issues and as a business owner, has helped numerous CEOs and leaders communicate effectively. She is the author of Soul Strength (Random House) and A Friend in Me (David C. Cook) and is a frequent contributor to online and print publications. You can hear Pam’s podcast on Real Life with Pamela Lau on itunes. Currently, Pam is a mediator for families, churches, and nonprofits. You can contact Pam through her website: PamelaLau.com. Brad and Pam live in Newberg, Oregon; they have three adult daughters and one son-in-law. One small, vocal dog, Cali lives in the family home where she tries to be the boss! As a family they enjoy worshiping God, tennis, good food and spending time with family and friends.14 responses to “Thinking Under the Influence (TUI)”
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Pam, you asked, “What experiences or environmental influences bring your brain healing in light of bias?” My answer, at least in part, is an experience I had in working in a very large congregation (and later, in partnership with the same congregation) for many years in my late 30s and 40s. The environment required me to engage with system 2 thinking, in a major way (of course, I didn’t know to call it “system 2 thinking” back then, but that’s what it was). The checks and balances within that congregation, similar to a large organization in so many ways, forced me to keep much of my “intuitive” ways of thinking in check. Kahneman writes, “Organizations are better than individuals when it comes to avoiding errors, because they naturally think more slowly and have the power to impose orderly procedures.” (Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow, 418). That system helped set me up to lead an organization as an executive director, and I know it brought some healing, causing me to slow down and process things more slowly. I know that experience, between the large congregation and the organization (which took up about 1/3 of my career) helped immensely, in my case.
Travis,
That’s an important and timely quote from Kahneman. Considering my NPO is forming a model that demonstrates support for emerging leaders, I’d love to hear what some of those checks and balances might be.
Pam, I’ve had to learn to be careful after a church service to not ask a person I’m meeting: “where are you from?” With that question I always mean “what part of LA do you live in” since people come from all over the city, but more often I get the answer “from Mexico” or “from Columbia” or “from Russia” or “From Nigeria”.
Even when bias isn’t intended it can be implied. But I think it’s important for the speaker to gauge what is being understood by their words, regardless of what they intend.
Tim,
Where I struggle with with this (I wonder how you gauge your own responses), is that I truly want to know where people are from–hearing their stories is life-giving. What might be a question for meeting new people that unlocks the gate for us both without dehumanizing a person?
PS I am jealous of where you live–so rich with diversity!
Honestly, when we felt God was calling us back to LA (I grew up here) from Newberg, we knew we’d miss Oregon but one of the reasons we were so happy about it was the diversity we’d live in.
So I do ask where poople live in LA, but then i usually ask them second if they grew up in LA (like I did) and if not where did they grow up. Most people who live in LA are ‘from’ somewhere else whether Minnesota, Mexico, Madrid, or Myanmar so it’s an easy question to ask, but I don’t ask it first as I don’t want people to assume I think of them as “other” and asking it second allows there to be an invitation into commonality with everyone else in LA who came from somewhere else.
HI Pam, that question, “Where are you from?” can be so loaded. It was asked continually by me and others who were frequently getting adjusted to life in a new country. It was a genuine question that validated identity and encouraged engagement in a situation that was new and unfamiliar. However, when my kids were asked that question, it stirred up feelings of confusion about where they were from and not feeling like they belonged anywhere. They didn’t know how to answer the question since growing up they had no deep connection to the US other than a passport. I found out the hard way how unhelpful that question can be after I returned to the US when talking to American youth whose heritage was from the countries we had lived in and I thought I was making a connection point. They were more American than my kids! The bias that comes with that question here in the US creates confusion for me as well. I genuinely enjoy learning about other cultures and diverse experiences as you do, yet my curiosity has to take a back seat. I love where you landed with a generous welcome! No questions asked!
Jenny,
I am moved by your comments about your children being asked where they are from and then your interactions with youth from the countries in which you ministered. I will ask you what I asked Pastor Tim: What is an alternative question we can ask another human being we are just meeting that doesn’t dehumanize? I ask this at great risk because I am not offended when someone asks me that question. However, I am from the United States so I lack context for others. I hope this makes sense.
What a beautiful post Pam. It has so many layers that cause me to ponder…the poem, the woman in the wheelchair, etc.
You have such a way with words – you paint pictures that challenge the me, the reader. Thank you.
Now, lest, I sign off with just those words of praise, I maintain, that there is a key concept in a few simple words I’ve just typed: “challenge me.”
To war against unconscious bias is a heart that is open to being challenged. To not do so is the opposite of what you mentioned in my post: radical humility. It lacks humility, let alone, radical humility.
I humbly want to be challenged. I don’t say that in a cocky, look at how great I am, way. I say that as a declaration of faith and hope: I want to be challenged, by God’s grace. I won’t always like it, mind you. I may internally boil when I am challenged. But down deep, my better angels want to be challenged, which requires a confrontation with my unconscious biases!
John,
Our readings over the past several weeks have brought a challenge to me spiritually I never experienced before. For one, we are reading about topics I would not choose. Perhaps your most authentic humble and true self took on this program because you wanted, no, NEEDED the challenge to the self God is after with you. I’ve told my husband at least once a week: “I will not be the same after this program!” Thank you for bringing an energy to the challenge and not being overcome by it.
PS – Thank you for saying you like my word pictures. I don’t think linearly but in images.
Hi Pam,
You wrote, ” Just like our physical bodies need constant discipline to fight off decay and disease through vigorous exercise, our brains need equal discipline in switching to system 2’s deliberate reasoning about the way we rely on bias. Our brains are naturally lazy and to save energy, it perceives problems easier than they are. Thus, our overconfidence and flawed human reasoning impacts not only the way we see ourselves but also the way we see others.
Training our Fast 1 thinking to be more sensitive, and to PAUSE to see if our words come from Unconscious biases. Did I get that all right?
Once again, I have arrived at a Threshold experience where I am confronted with how I act is a default to how I was raised. (Like parenting). A lot of my behaviors were “caught” rather than “taught.”
Microaggressions need to be discussed and the retraining of our brains can start now.
Shalom…
Hi! Russell~
You do such a good job of reading a post with attention. You asked, “Training our Fast 1 thinking to be more sensitive, and to PAUSE to see if our words come from Unconscious biases. Did I get that all right?” That is how I understand our two systems: My Fast thinking System 1 is where rely on my primary emotions–my first response. With training myself well, I might question that first response before I respond and learn to rely more on my system 2–as long as I am aware of what I am thinkng/doing around bias. Are we on the same page? I may be thinking about the wrong.
React versus Respond (system1 vs system 2)
I personally struggle with this, I usually react, when I should respond (like a first responder). Same situation but a different response.
God calls us to a higher standard. Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger!
Still working on it.
Selah…
I love this sentence you wrote:
“Might radical humility invite me to a place where my brain can heal of biases I know and biases I don’t know?”
How do you practice radical humility? Are you able to help other’s to this conclusion? Humility is such a vulnerable place to be, but I think you are right!
Jana~It seems in our world, it is almost impossible to escape from our self-promoting ways either on social media or in real life interactions with others. From my research for the doctoral program, it has come to my attention that we gravely misunderstand biblical humility. (I have been researching leader humility and how that impacts emerging leaders). I’ve learned that radical humility has very little to with a low view of myself but rather an extremely high view of God. This is why the book on postmodernism was so deeply troubling to me because modernism and postmodernism teaches us we don’t have a problem. But we have a significant problem which is pride. How I understand biblical humility is that unless I humble myself, God will allow a humbling to come (or however we want to phrase that because life itself can be so humbling).
To answer your question, the way I practice radical humility is to let a certain group of individuals see my fragility and my unseen self. Sometimes that does show up publicly. How I help others with radical humility only happens if a person is open to being challenged and open to the truth about themselves. Last week, I was meeting with an executive leader who I coach and offer spiritual guidance. During our time together, he kept saying he had a fear of failure. In listening to the Spirit, I then asked him, “What is your fantasy of you being successful?” As he answered honestly, I would say in a small way, he demonstrated radical humility! Can you imagine answering that question honestly?! What about you?