The Triumph of the Erotic & Therapeutic
Carl L. Trueman, as a professor of biblical and religious studies, provides a commendable analysis of our culture and its current views on sexuality in his book The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self. [1] He paints a history of how pornography has impacted how we now think and behave in the chapter entitled “The Triumph of the Erotic and the Triumph of the Therapeutic.” Whoever has the power to define words and make legal decisions based on these definitions has the power in our society, Trueman argues. Due to our “culture of psychologized selfhood and an ethics based on personal happiness,” “the key issue is not philosophical consistency in the interpretation and application of the law but the therapeutic result that needs to be achieved by any plausible means necessary.”[2] So what does he mean by “therapeutic result”?
In the chapter on the Triumph of the Therapeutic, the author brings little definition to the word “therapeutic.” Greater definition of this word would have helped readers understand the different ideas he proposes. I believe he interprets this word to mean how people define themselves, what he calls this “expressive individualism.” [3] In a therapist’s office there is a driving force for the individual who deems what is best for them personally, and this is what is widely accepted as what is “best” or the cause for the greatest good.
So what is the greatest good and how do we evaluate this “expressive individualism”? In this blog I will look to ancient wisdom for a better definition of relational terms, explain how we traumatize ourselves personally, and pinpoint the missing ingredient of intimacy.
Ancient Wisdom
I would assert that what is most therapeutic can be found in the Old Testament in Leviticus 19:18: “love your neighbor as yourself, I am the Lord.” In this command, the individual’s role in human relationships is addressed. God’s commandment provides a dynamic “interdependent relating.” First, God is the one giving this command in how relationships are to work; clearly He is the ultimate authority. Second, the individual is being charged with seeing him/herself as the other. We can conclude then that we must take into account God’s command and the others’ best interest. How is a person to have God as the authority and considering the other first?
Personal Trauma
Having an honest evaluation of how we love God, ourselves and others has great value. I believe it is personally damaging when we are not honest with ourselves when exercising or demonstrating love in relationships. Often, we are unable to make an honest evaluation due to the choices we have made. Sometimes an honest evaluation is difficult due to the trauma we have suffered. A woman who has undergone an abortion may be a good example of this. Trueman gives a good idea of having to look honestly in evaluating a child in the womb. “Sonograms have significantly changed attitudes to abortion: they have not changed the nature of the child in the woman, but they have changed the aesthetic experience of such children by adults.” [4] How we choose to treat the unborn child is important as it relates to how we love God, ourselves, and others. If a woman chooses to abort her baby, she traumatizes her relationship with herself. Similarly, a “detachment of sex from interpersonal narrative” will create personal pain. Pornography presents a similar pain. [5] If we are honest with ourselves, we will admit to not wanting sex with detachment. We incur personal injury when we think that pornography will not have consequences, personally and in our relationships. We need to stop self-harming by having a healthy view of God, self, and others. Liberation and fulfillment will come when we embrace responsibility and self sacrifice.
Intimacy is missing
Narcissism can be defined as “self importance, antagonism, and sense of entitlement.” [6] If narcissism is rooted in a person’s personality and ways of thinking and behaving, true intimacy is extinguished. Intimacy is a feeling of closeness and sense of attachment to another person. In the therapy office, I am grieved to know that couples are choosing to let pornography into their lives. They struggle to see it as an imposter in their relationship when it has become an accepted menace. Trueman quotes Roger Scruton who encourages “real sexual encounters” which are “interpersonal.” [7] True intimacy can not be found if sex is “all about the individual and what personal satisfaction and pleasure he or she can derive from it without reference to other.” [8] Intimacy begins in discovering what will demonstrate the most love for the other person, this can be by seeing a baby in the mothers womb, loving one’s partner unconditionally, or by talking with God. In the counseling office, I attempt to strengthen a foundation of trust and commitment in relationships, promote negotiation and compromise as operative interventions, and propose forgiveness and kind communication for intimacy.
[1] Carl R. Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to Sexual Revolution (Crossway: Illinois), 2020
[2] Ibid. p.307
[3] Ibid. p.302
[4] Ibid. p.317
[5] Ibid. p.290
[6] W. Keith Campbell, The New Science of Narcissism (Sounds True: Colorado),2022. p.6
[7] Carl R. Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to Sexual Revolution (Crossway: Illinois), 2020 p.289
[8] Ibid. p.289
About the Author
Kristy Newport
4 responses to “The Triumph of the Erotic & Therapeutic”
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Kristy, thanks for your post and insights! I appreciate you bringing up the idea of intimacy. In my understanding, intimacy seems to be an understanding that the needs of both self and other are held in balance. Kind of a know and be known.
In regards to narcissism as a barrier to intimacy, I’ve experienced quite a few of my friends who have experienced failed relationships label their significant other as being narcissistic. While having language to describe and talk about what is going on is helpful, I’m wondering if you’ve witnessed an increase in the labeling of narcissism between partners. And along those lines, is it possible that there is an over-pathologization that can also shut down conversation and intimacy?
Kristy,
I appreciate what you wrote about intimacy. Especially how you deal with it in counseling… “I attempt to strengthen a foundation of trust and commitment in relationships, promote negotiation and compromise as operative interventions, and propose forgiveness and kind communication for intimacy.”
I have found that young people (school-age, I mean) lack in these areas primarily because they spend time online. Have you found that to be problematic in adults?
Kristy,
I love, love, love that you address the personal trauma that individuals may experience, such as the emotional repercussions of abortion or the detachment fostered by pornography. There is so much in that. I also like that you emphasize the importance of honesty and responsibility in relationships, arguing that liberation and fulfillment come from embracing self-sacrifice rather than self-indulgence.
Wow, this is so good. You are on point and I think you could write a book on most of our topics. Seriously such great work and thought and research and personal experience. The devil wants To ”extinguish” that intimacy and I’m not sure how you face it head on with those you counsel. It’s such an obvious move of the dark influences in our lives. Removing that love and sacred intimacy and making everything so selfish is disturbing alone but worse that it is consented in many cases.
Thank you for mining for gold in all of us and bringing out the best in this cohort.