The Story of a Family
When I first started reading Wild Swans: Three Daughters of China by Jung Chang one of my friends stopped by my office, she saw the book sitting on my desk and asked, “Are they having you read romance novels in your class”? Of course, she was joking with me but in actuality this book is a love story. The love of a family in China over three generations of women who went through so many difficulties it is hard to believe this book did not have a bitter and angry tone. Far from it, this book is a story of perseverance, bravery, and outright strength. From her grandmother born in 1909 to Jung’s move to London to study and live she takes you through the end of the era of warlords through the Japanese occupation, the civil war between the Kuomintang and Communists to the death of Chairman Mao and the changes that came from his death.
In reading about Jung’s family history one thing kept coming to my heart, the historical mistreatment of women. When writing of her grandmother being given to General Xue as a concubine, a decision that brought her to tears, this is what she wrote: “She hated the idea of being a concubine, but her father had already made the decision, and it was unthinkable to oppose one’s parents. To question a parental decision was considered ‘unfilial–and to be unfilial was tantamount to treason.” [1] Even though she was given a lavish house with servants and all the comforts she could want, she was still a prisoner. She lived in fear of her servants making stories up about her to ingratiate themselves with the General. The idea of having no decision on your own life, but being sold like cattle to the person who can bring you the most prestige seems barbaric. Yet, this is not isolated to just China, or even the East. In every civilization this was, at one time, the way things were done. There is an argument, though, for the arrangement of one’s marriage. In the Journal of Marriage and Family, there is an article in which a point is argued about the ability of arranged marriages being longer lasting. In fact, the point is illustrated by the quote “love matches start out hot and grow cold, while arranged marriages start out cold and grow hot”.[4] While this still does not convince me of arranged marriages being better there is an argument to be made. I also will point out the divorce rate before the 1960’s back to the 40’s in the U.S. were around the low 20% with a few spikes every so often, and before that in the teens. You move to the 60’s and on it starts an upward trend till the 80’s when we hit 50% and higher. So, for many years, picking out one’s mate did not result in higher divorce rates, it started its move with the free love movement of the 60’s.[5]
We see the grandmothers anguish come to its conclusion as Ellen Shull puts it “Possibly the most telling of Chang’s observations comes with the death of her grandmother: “It was as though she felt in her own body and soul every bit of the pain that my mother suffered, and she was finally killed by the accumulation of anguish” [2] She lived a life of pain that in the end took her spirit. Yes, she did marry Dr. Xia, but even that was full of pain due to his family. One of his sons killed himself and one supported him but the rest of the family ostracized them to the point that they left the family home (which gave them plenty) and forced them to start over at the bottom rung of society in Jinzhou, “He could only afford to rent a mud hutt about ten by eight feet in size in a very poor part of town…the ground around the hut turned to a quagmire, and the stench of sewage, kept down in winter, permanently lodged in their nose.” [3]
Jung moves forward into her mom’s life, the daughter of a General, who is then taken in by Dr. Xia, she becomes so disenfranchised with Kuomintang that she works for their downfall (and who could blame her) with the communists. She finds herself as a rebel and revolutionary working from the inside of Jinzhou. She is a strong woman who is not afraid of putting her own life on the line for what she believes. In fact, all three of the women are strong and are wonderful pictures of standing in the gap for what they believe in. If I had a daughter I would want her to be as strong as these ladies (as well as my wife).
[1] Chang, Jung. Wild Swans: Three Daughters of China. London: Simon & Schuster, 2003. 11.
[2] Shull, Ellen. “Wild Swans: Three Daughters of China.” English Journal 86, no. 4 (1997): 85.
[3] Chang, Jung. Wild Swans: Three Daughters of China. London: Simon & Schuster, 2003. 39.
[4] Xiaohe, Xu, and Whyte, Martin King. “Love Matches and Arranged Marriages: A Chinese Replication.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 52, no. 3 (1990): 709-22.
[5]Swanson, Ana. “144 Years of Marriage and Divorce in the United States, in One Chart.” The Washington Post. June 23, 2015. Accessed June 13, 2018. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/23/144-years-of-marriage-and-divorce-in-the-united-states-in-one-chart/?utm_term=.a03efe988f0c.
About the Author
Jason Turbeville
A pastor, husband and father who loves to be around others. These are the things that describe me. I was a youth minister for 15 years but God changed the calling on my life. I love to travel and see where God takes me in my life.7 responses to “The Story of a Family”
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Jason,
Good reflection on marriages, whether arranged or romantically-begun. After 28 1/2 years, we’ve found we need to choose to love. All the fuzzy romantic feelings wore off a long time ago, and are not a great thing to build a relationship on. I’m sure you could say the same. That said, we try to keep the spark alive and keep cultivating romance. Sitting now in an Italian train with wifi doing comments… we are on our way to France. Karen’s never been to Paris and I’ve promised her a trip there for oh, about 20+ years.
Mark,
Can’t say I am not jealous of where you were writing your post. I agree a good marriage is something you have to work through and for.
Be well!
Jason
Jason,
Interesting Blog. It brought me back to a gal we graduated with college. She was from India but lived Seattle. The day after we graduated she was wed through an arranged marriage. She never met the man until the month of their wedding. With awe we all watched how this worked. Unfortunately, he was immediately abusive, and we all supported her annulment. Not sure how I feel about arranged marriages after that…
Jay,
I have been friends with Indians growing up and many were part of arranged marriages and too many of them ended the same way your friends did. I am not a fan of them at all.
jason
Jason it is books like these that make me wonder why some are in this world to suffer and others have life that is easier. I have talked with some that been in arranged marriages and they love it. I am sure it depends on the situation. Like Mark said any marriage is a choice. ( and because I want to rub it in I am writing this blog for France about an hour south of where Jenn lives). This is our first time in Europe and the memories and fiends we are meeting are precious.
Jason,
Thanks for this walk walk through this book. I agree, that the strength and resilience we see in these women is incredible and something I would want for my daughter as well. See you soon!
Hi Jason! You posed some good, challenging questions…Of course I’m going to focus on the arranged marriage discussion. Do you truly believe it made marriages more successful or was it that women were rendered powerless to do anything but stay? My guess is there was a feeling of ownership and shame associated with marriages and people stayed because they were compelled to. Nevertheless, my interest is piqued! I’ll have to do some research on my own!