The Power of Mirror Neurons in A Crisis
What does it take to be a RARE leader? What sort of teams and processes need to be cultivated in order to experience the joy and grace of leading together with others, rather than giving in to the distress and dis-ease of our leadership-deficient world? In RARE Leadership, Dr. Wilder and Dr. Warner provide a helpful template, and acronym, for charting a way forward in a sea of chaos and confusion.
This book is structured around four main concepts highlighted by the acronym RARE:
Remain Relational is the reminder than we are hardwired for relationships and that healthy leadership is much more about people and our interactions than it is about accomplishing tasks.
Act Like Yourself-Awareness, identity and emotional maturity and EQ are invaluable traits of healthy and effective leaders. In todays leadership settings, the currency of leaders is their ability to be an authentic and growing person with those they lead.
Return to Joy-Wilder and Warner remind us that teams succeed when they are experiencing joy. A leaders’ ability to pivot to joy even in challenging moments can is integral in their toolbox as a leader
Endure Hardship– We are called to learn how to suffer well, just as Jesus did.
These “uncommon habits” can help leaders transform themselves, the teams and the organizations that they are a part of.
For the purpose of this post, I’d like to focus on the the idea of remaining relational and the power of mirror neurons in healthy leadership. When faced with hardship or challenge, I can often become more of a task-oriented leader than a relational leader. For me, I think it has something to do with the need to control my environment, a dark side of my creative leadership. When stress or uncertainty arises, my coping mechanism is to disengage relationally and begin focusing on tasks that I can control (usually by myself). I found the chapter, “don’t take you eye off the fast track” helpful in this book. One of the main premises of this text is that our “slow responses” will often take over and focus more on management and fear-based motivations. In order to respond in the “fast track” we need to practice and employ relational practices and a reminder of our identity and purpose as a group.
One of the best ways this shift can take place is what they call the “mutual mind state”. In the authors’ words: “Mutual mind states work by using mirror neurons. These neurons are activated when they ‘see’ something that resembles their activity in another mind…Through mutual mind we use that mirror potential to grow a joyful and highly motivated identity in our group.”[1]
I experienced an example of this yesterday, when we got some bad news about some car repairs needed on one of our vehicles. The cost of the repairs was quite shocking, and I found myself retreating into negative thinking patterns and isolation. I even started cleaning my office as a way to cope with what felt like a situation that was out of control. Then, my wife called to check in and I broke the news to her. While she was also shocked, she reminded me that we’ll figure out what to do, that God has always provided in the past and that we have a supportive network around us to navigate this current crisis, just like we’ve navigated unexpected things like this in the past. Her response enabled me, eventually, to remember these things. Last night, then, at the dinner table when we were all talking about our days, we shared the news with the kids and we both were able to mirror and reflect a response that was honest about the challenge, but hopeful and expectant of God’s provision. This created a shared response for both my wife and I, and our kids together, which is a powerful benefit of mirror neurons. In his book, Brain-Based Leadership, Dr. Charles Stone reveals that, “…your team will mimic you…A leaders intentional actions, when seen by others, can profoundly affect a team’s effectiveness, both in a good and bad way. Mirror neurons reinforce the power of imitation…They also help us create shared social experiences.”[2] Because of my wife’s healthy mirroring and reminders, it gave us an opportunity to mirror that for our kids, and now we are navigating expectantly this situation to see God’s provision together. Regardless of how the actual situation enfolds (the results) God has used this to bring us closer together as a family and hopefully cultivate healthier relational and leadership skills in each of us.
What’s a situation when someone has mirrored joy and trust for you when you really needed it? How did it help you stay relationally engaged and bring you closer together?
[1] RARE Leadership. 101,102.
[2] Brain-Savvy Leaders. Dr. Charles Stone. 137.
About the Author
Ryan Thorson
Follower of Jesus. Husband. Father. Pastor. Coach. I am passionate about helping people discover the gift of Sabbath and slow down spirituality in the context of our busy world.6 responses to “The Power of Mirror Neurons in A Crisis”
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Ryan,
I hate car repairs, I try to remind myself that the car really belongs to God. But it is a difficult mindset to keep when the price tag of repairs add up. I believe you were having car issues on Monday that prevented you from joining us.
What’s a situation when someone has mirrored joy and trust for you when you really needed it?
How did it help you stay relationally engaged and bring you closer together?
Ryan, it is hard to pinpoint a specific situation. My wife is really good at doing this throughout our marriage. She is really good at reframing things so that I can see problems differently and she is very supportive of me. Just knowing that she is there brings us closer together.
Hi Ryan, thank you for your post.
You mentioned the chapter “don’t take your eye off the fast track” was helpful. As a pastor, what key takeaways from that chapter will you implement in your own leadership?
Hi Ryan, I’m sorry about the car repairs, but it made for a great blog illustration (and maybe a future sermon?). In response to your question, a couple of weeks ago, a friend and I got together on the 1st anniversary of the death of a dear mutual friend, Lordienne. I mentioned that I had a voice message that Lordienne sent me shortly before death that I had not yet been able to listen to. My friend with me encouraged me to listen to it together. It took me a moment to gather my courage, but we did. It brought us closer together as friends and brought much joy into our time together.
Ryan,
I hate cars. I hate repairing cars. What a drag! If we could all return to horseback I’d be okay with it.
My mom always mirrored joy growing up. At times I think she is and was a bit Pollyanna-ish but I do realize that it is good to have joy even in the hard times.
Hey Ryan! Brother, I feel you on the car repairs! It is an emotional wreck to hear the mechanic say a number that just deflates your existence. To answer your question, seminary has been that. When papers and reading are complex, I have found people who are excited for me embarking on the academic journey and reassuring me of their trust that I can and will see it through. Guess what? We are less than a year away now!
Ryan, you mention that stress often pushes you toward task-oriented leadership rather than relational leadership. Aside from the example with your wife, have there been other pivotal moments in your leadership journey where you intentionally practiced remaining relational? What did you learn from those experiences?