The Power of Being Undefended
Edwin Friedman says differentiated leaders should expect sabotage.[1] That does not sound encouraging. Over the past weeks, several members of the DLGP04 cohort have shared stories where their leadership efforts had resulted in undeserved personal attacks. The hurt is enough to prompt a now familiar question of whether accepting a role is worth the effort.
A recent poll from Barna shows evidence that protestant pastors are feeling more confident in their leadership.[2] While that banner sounds optimistic, the upturn is with respect to 2020-2022, a period defined by Covid-19 and social disruption. Furthermore, the improvement is back to the level where only half of the pastors are questioning their call to ministry. Is the call to church leadership worth the emotional stress?
In Leading out of Who You Are, Simon Walker says that idealization, idealism, and unmet emotional needs turn leadership into a lonely pursuit.[3] Idealization is the expectation that a leader is flawless. Idealism chases the perfect outcome regardless of reality. Unmet emotional needs often comes when the leader neglects their own wellbeing in service of others. These three dangers were common in the life of a pastor between 2020 and 2022. Pastors were pushed into understanding and navigating a range of social and political disputes. Congregants voted with their attendance. There were at least two sides to every issue and no answer was satisfactory. It is remarkable that only two out of three pastors questioned their calling.
Walker describes a series of potential defenses against this dangerous combination of expectations. The first is managing a private life separate from the public presence, something that Erving Goffman described in terms of a front stage presence versus a back stage presence.[4] By itself, the two stages are neutral. The back stage can be used for healthy purposes like recharging or it can be used to conceal vices. The second defense is power. It can be used for good, like defending the marginalized. Power can also be used to elevate oneself while oppressing others. The third defense is control. This can be good, like self-control or preventing children from running out into a busy street. As a defense, control can offer the illusion of escape where the leader surrounds themself with a world in their own image.[5]
Walker calls for undefended leadership. This is leading through the freedom of felt approval, removing the need to act defensively.[6] It is seeing life as a gift worth giving generously to others rather than life as a possession to be hoarded.[7] It is enabling others to lead.
Reflections
The focal passage from Sunday’s sermon was 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (ESV)
I meditated on the passage Sunday and led a small group discussion on it Monday night. In between, I read Walker’s book. Not surprisingly, his chapter on power drew my attention. He highlighted several different kinds of power. I am in danger of exercising experience, expert, and positional power.[8] If I am honest, it feels good to tell the war stories, to be the guy that figured it all out long ago, to be the title on my business card. I worked hard to get here, and they are lucky to have me!
Really? I am God’s gift to humanity? In fact, the passage says the opposite. My grace—God’s undeserved gift—is sufficient. When I am busy using my so-called power to defend against insults and calamities, then I leave no room for the life-changing power of Christ.
Do I believe that he is a God of abundance? Or am I content to lead in a manner that testifies to scarcity. “He must increase, but I must decrease.”[9]
This is not a call to withdraw. Walker’s book is about undefended leaders, not passive bystanders. I have been entrusted with experience, expertise, and position not for my good but to improve the lives of those around me. It is perspective: serving others from the security of God’s grace rather than the insecurity of idealization, idealism, and unmet emotional needs.
[1] Edwin H. Friedman. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, ed. Margaret M. Treadwell and Edward W. Beal, rev. ed. (New York: Church Publishing, 2017), 262.
[2] “New Data Shows Hopeful Increases in Pastors’ Confidence & Satisfaction,” Church: Leadership, Barna Group, March 6, 2024. https://www.barna.com/research/hopeful-increases-pastors/.
[3] Simon P. Walker. Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership. (Carlisle, UK: Piquant, 2007), 19.
[4] Walker, 24.
[5] Walker, 43.
[6] Walker, 103.
[7] Walker, 119-120.
[8] Walker, 36-37.
[9] John 3:30. John the Baptist said this about Jesus rather than lean into his positional authority.
About the Author
Rich
9 responses to “The Power of Being Undefended”
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What an enjoyable post to read, Rich. I enjoyed the scripture 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. “Boasting gladly of my weaknesses” and “Content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, calamities,” Walker suggests vulnerability in our leadership journey and leading out of who we are. How has that presented itself to you as you read this book or even in a real-time experience as a Christian leader?
Thank you, Judith. In the concluding chapter, Walker characterizes the goal of leadership as “helping people to move towards fully mature, responsible personhood.”[1] Twice in my career, I have willingly stepped aside and coached my replacement. The first time, I gave up team management and reported to the person who I empowered to replace me. I am in the midst of the second time, having handed over my global technical authority to my eventual replacement while I can still be present to assist. Walker calls this “enabling people to embrace their vocations.”[2] In both of these cases, it came at the cost of giving up positional power.
If leadership is about me, yielding to another might be considered a failure of nerve (I need to think about that a bit more). Walker characterizes this leadership of acquiring as an outcome of seeing life as a possession.[3] The Spirit has revealed a different reality to us. Romans 12:3,8 says, “Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. . . . If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously.” (NLT). I think Walker would want us to have those words hanging in a visible place. That is ‘Leading out of Who You Are.’
[1] Walker, 153.
[2] Walker, 157.
[3] Walker, 119.
I just want to say a humble ‘thank you’ for that. Your real-time experiences have really put those scriptures into practice, Rich. I have learned a great deal from you and this post. I look forward to chatting with you more in Capetown. When I think about horizontal leadership and servant leadership, I ponder Ephesians 4, where the Lord has gifted each of us to serve Him through each of our giftings. It’s not about power, it’s about servanthood and working together. It’s amazing how you gave such incredible resourcing to your team member and also decided to lead under their leadership as well. WOW. Your post and your reply have given me a wonderful gift. Thank you Rich.
Rich –
Your note about abundance versus scarcity adds a helpful perspective to this discussion. Asking for a friend: What practices have you found most effective in cultivating an abundance (and stewarding that abundance) mindset/posture?
Let’s walk to the back stage, shall we?
Maybe two months ago, we had a home group conversation on viewing God through the lenses of scarcity and abundance. This can affect generosity. My view of God’s abundance helps me to live with an open hand. In the conversation, I realized that I can simultaneously view God through both lenses, and this affects my prayer life.
I run to God for the big stuff. I’ve got the small stuff covered. In questioning my motives over the years, I have concluded that it is in keeping with my brokenness of a reluctance to bother people or ask for help. I have not had a good grasp of the underlying issue. It never felt like pride, but it probably is.
What hit me during that conversation is that I approach prayer with the lens of scarcity. I am joyfully quick to pray for others. I am reluctant to pray for myself. This reveals some deep seeded and unconscious belief that there is only so much of Him to go around. Otherwise, why would I hold back anything?
What practice helps? It is being ready to answer the question, “How can I pray for you?” It is viewing both his creation and his love through the same lens of abundance. It is admitting my weakness so he can make me complete. Sanctification is a journey, isn’t it?
Rich – Thank you for your vulnerability here. I agree: sanctification is a (winding, sometimes disorienting) journey! The simple practice you prescribe of a genuine and ready answer to how someone can pray for you is a great invitation and something I’ll have to apply in my own reflecting, journaling, and interactions with others.
Thanks again!
Thanks for this Rich. I value your call to the tough job of leadership with that statement, ‘Walker’s book is about undefended leaders, not passive bystanders.’ So many people would prefer to critique from the side lines those of us trying our best on the field.
Whilst the data has evidence of a slight decrease for church leaders of ‘seriously considering leaving the role’, it is still a very high number that are in that space of considering leaving. And 18% have considered suicide or self-harm in the past year and only 17% of under 45’s would say they are flourishing in the role. I would argue it is still a crisis and that is fuelling my research.
I appreciate you drawing us to the Bible verse in Romans 12:3,8, “Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. . . If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously.” (NLT). I guess that is why most of us are here on this course? Thanks Rich.
George Barna. Pastors Too Grapple With Thoughts of Self Harm and Suicide. 2024. Barna Group
Rich,
I love the post and your sharing of the pastoral confidence through COVID and social media adaptation challenges. I wonder if these leaders are more biased toward “confidence” or “success,” the results are lower, but they aren’t honest with themselves about their overall health.
I saw in the comments about relinquishing power during your career. Once for raising up a leader and now for sharing expertise and body of knowledge. While the approaches are different, what did you experience in the first iteration that would lead you to an even more successful transition for the second opportunity? Understanding that the actual design and outcomes are different.
The first time around had limited success for a number of reasons. The new manager went through a big personal challenge shortly after handover and I ended up covering quite a bit. Within a year, he took a great opportunity with another company. I agreed that he should not pass it up. I then worked with the department director to recruit the replacement of my replacement. The big learning for that final transfer was how do I behave in order to get an organization to view my replacement as their leader. I had to stop answering questions that he could address.
It was that last learning that is helping this time around. Naming my replacement is easy. Supporting him over a long transition is where the work happens. I have to tell System 1 to shut its mouth quite a bit. System 2 knows that long-term success comes as my replacement gains the confidence of the organization. That takes time and intentionality.