Digital Dependence We Can’t Ignore
Nothing incites panic quite like realizing your phone is missing.
While driving through a narrow street in our neighborhood, Kari hopped out of the car to help direct me through. Somewhere between exiting the car and stepping into her role as traffic guide, her phone slipped from her lap and disappeared into the sand. Neither of us noticed.
Minutes later, as we drove away blissfully unaware, the realization hit. Cue the frantic U-turn, the desperate car search, and the slow, sinking dread in my stomach. This could ruin our night.
But then, a miracle: a kind local found the abandoned phone and somehow connected it to the “Toubabs”[1] now scouring the roadside. He handed it over, crisis averted, and just like that, the world was right again.
This experience got me thinking. The panic over a lost phone feels personal, but it points to something larger: our deep dependence on digital technology. In The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt examines the harmful impact of i-culture—the pervasive influence of smartphones and social media—on Gen Z. He pinpoints a pivotal shift between 2010 and 2015, a period he terms the Great Rewiring of Childhood, during which digital immersion profoundly altered social development, mental health, and overall well-being. Haidt’s concerns are echoed by other researchers, including Mari K. Swingle, who warns in i-Minds, “For children, adolescents, and youth, excessive usage of digital media is now highly associated with learning disabilities, emotional dysregulation, as well as conduct or behavioral disorders.”[2]
Haidt argues that two key trends have driven the rise of an increasingly anxious generation: overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world.[3] He emphasizes that free play, attunement, and social learning are essential for a healthy childhood. Haidt writes, “The human transition from child to adult depends in part on getting the right kinds of experiences at the right time to guide the rapid rewiring of the adolescent brain.”[4]
Similarly, Gabor Maté highlights the critical role of these experiences in childhood development and laments their decline in modern society. He warns, “Free play is one of the ‘irreducible needs’ of childhood, and it’s being sacrificed to both consumerism and the digital culture.”[5] Haidt and Maté highlight the urgency of restoring these fundamental elements before their absence takes an even more significant toll.
Building on these insights, Swingle raises a pressing question about the neurological effects of digital culture: But what has this done to our brains? The short answer, she explains, is overstimulation. Digital immersion keeps the nervous system in a constant state of arousal, impairing self-regulation and fueling anxiety in today’s youth. [6]
This anxiety is now visible in Gen Z college students. Concerning this, Haidt highlights two distinct mindsets: Discover mode (BAS) and Defend mode (BIS). Discover mode thinks, “Let me grow!” while Defend mode insists, “Keep me safe!”—a tension between exploration and protection.[7] This tension between growth and protection mirrors Maté’s argument that humans can’t simultaneously exist in growth and defensive modes. When children become overly guarded, they lose their sense of possibility and connection to the world.[8]Haidt illustrates this shift by contrasting millennials, who entered college in discover mode, with Gen Z students, who arrived in defend mode. He notes that ideas and speakers that were once uncontroversial in 2010 were suddenly deemed harmful, dangerous, or traumatizing by 2015 [for Gen Z]. [9]
Haidt’s mindsets align closely with Carol Dweck’s fixed versus growth mindsets concept. While Dweck’s research primarily focuses on adults, its implications also extend to younger generations. Dweck explains, “The fixed-mindset leaders were, in the end, full of bitterness, but the growth-minded leaders were full of gratitude.”[10] Those with a fixed mindset—driven by a need for validation and a fear of failure—tend to suppress curiosity and meaningful debate, often leading to groupthink rather than intellectual growth.
Breaking free from this mindset is crucial, even if it feels uncomfortable. The real question is: How can we help children escape a fixed, defense mode shaped by excessive exposure to digital technology?
The first step is to examine our relationship with technology as adults. Haidt emphasizes that free play, attunement, and social learning are essential for a healthy childhood. If these elements are crucial for children’s well-being, shouldn’t a similar balance also be vital for adults? Maté writes, “Children’s sense of security, trust in the world, interrelationships with others, and, above all, connection to their authentic emotions hinge on the consistent availability of attuned, non-stressed, and emotionally reliable caregivers. The more stressed or distracted the latter, the shakier the emotional architecture of the child’s mind will be.”[11]
This reality demands deeper reflection on our choices—individually and as a society. How are we modeling our relationship with technology for the next generation? Are we teaching them to depend on it unquestioningly, or are we equipping them to engage with it critically, fostering balance and intentionality? The truth is the tools we use don’t control us—unless we allow them to.
Reflecting on the panic of losing a phone, it’s easy to think, “I can’t lose my phone—my entire life is on it.” But then I ask myself: Am I storing my ‘life’ in the wrong place?
Haidt’s concerns about children and their relationship with i-tech are far from isolated. Alongside him, experts like Swingle and Maté warn of the profound impact this pervasive connection has—not only on the mental health and development of younger generations but also on the well-being of adults. Swingle urges readers to “rise in arms,” not against the i-tech industry itself, but against our own blind acceptance, complacency, and the false belief that, as consumers, we are powerless.[12]
We are responsible for reclaiming intentionality and using technology to nurture our well-being and future generations.
[1] “Toubab” is a term used in West and Central Africa to describe people of European descent or visibly white foreigners. It can also refer to any traveler, especially those perceived to be different.
[2] Mari K. Swingle, i-Minds: How and Why Constant Connectivity Is Rewiring Our Brains and What to Do About It, 2nd ed. (Gabriola Island, BC: New Society Publishers, 2019), 4, Kindle.
[3] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (New York: Penguin Publishing Group, 2024), 9, Kindle.
[4] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation, 9, Kindle.
[5] Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture (New York: Penguin Publishing Group, 2022), 194, Kindle.
[6] Mari K. Swingle, i-Minds, 5, Kindle.
[7] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation, 9, Kindle.
[8] Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal, 186, Kindle.
[9] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation, 9, Kindle.
[10] Carol S. Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (New York: Random House Publishing Group, Kindle Edition, 2006), 132, Kindle.
[11] Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal, 126, Kindle.
[12] Mari K. Swingle, i-Minds, intro, Kindle.
About the Author
Elysse Burns
3 responses to “Digital Dependence We Can’t Ignore”
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Elysse,
Thanks for the post. I appreciate your story of the lost phone and your reflection “Reflecting on the panic of losing a phone, it’s easy to think, ‘I can’t lose my phone—my entire life is on it.’ But then I ask myself: Am I storing my ‘life’ in the wrong place?” I think I might have replied to Kari telling the story of the woman who fell into the pit toilet trying to retrieve her phone that fell. That is desperation, but at the same time, society is essentially forcing us to depend on them. Last spring I accidentally left my cell phone at work on a Thursday night, which is just over an hour away. I work from home Mondays and Fridays, so I would be without my phone for 4 days. No big deal, except that I could not log into my GFU account because of 2 factor authentication.
How easy would it be for you to go without your phone for 4 days and continue to engage in your day-to-day routine?
I ask this in relation to your statement “Swingle urges readers to “rise in arms,” not against the i-tech industry itself, but against our own blind acceptance, complacency, and the false belief that, as consumers, we are powerless.” If Swingle believes we are not powerless, what do we do so that we do not have to have a cell phone with us to engage in our day-to-day routines when companies and organizations essentially require it of us?
Hi Elysse, Fully accepting that as adults our experience with social media is different than it is for developing children. However, my question is do you think adults experience some of the problems of excess smartphone use such as sleeplessness, attention fragmentation, social deprivation, and addition? I sometimes think some people I know in their early 20s are still pretty locked in – although they are in that generation Haidt highlights. Thoughts?
HI Elysse, so true about the panic when I cannot find my phone.
How does Jonathan Haidt’s concept of “Discover mode” and “Defend mode” explain the mindset shift from millennials to Gen Z?