The mysterious thing we call influence
Simon Walker’s Undefended Leader is a great book that I enjoyed reading. It has great insights for self-leadership and leading others. Like other clergymen reaching beyond the four corners of the church, his leadership insights can impact even those that have not found the church welcoming. As I read this book, it becomes clearer how challenging leadership can be. Walker sheds light on the truths of today’s leadership failures where most leaders will want to show forth strengths choosing to hide the other side of leadership for fear of scrutiny and rejection.
Below are a few insights I choose to highlight that are shared by other leadership authors I admire. Leaders act as a guide between the known and the unknown. “Leadership is about who you are, not what you know or what skills you have. Why is this? These two reasons: leadership is about trust, and it is about power”[1]. Even though leadership might not require a considerable crowd following, leaders will always have people who look to them for inspiration. John adds, “A leader knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”[2] The above statements agree with Walker’ Leading from Front Stage insights. Undefended leadership must come from a place of authenticity (who the leader truly is). Whether leading a family, a church, a community, or a county level, a leader must earn the trust of others who will take his guidance to a particular destination.
Walker shares Erving Goffman’s theory comparing human behavior to theatre performance. He believed our personal behavior is our performance, where we attempt to attract attention to affirm our self-identity. Our front stage is where we perform for our audience; this represents everything that can be seen by our team. Backstage is where we house all things we feel we cannot show our audience. This is where we hide our hopes, thoughts, plans, feelings, and more negative thoughts like doubt, failure, frustration, and fears.
This reminds a few other quotes from John C. Maxwell in his Becoming a Person of Influence teaching on leadership where he emphasizes, “Leadership is influence nothing more nothing less”[3]
- A leader sees more than others see
- People of positive value add value to others
- Borrowed beliefs have no power
- People will not reach the future until they touch the past
- Meanings are not in words, but they are in people
It is challenging to lead unless people trust you as a leader; they will not follow you into the unknown. In Proverbs 27, we read, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Putting forward a different face might work for a short time but won’t last for an extended period which will require authenticity, and it builds trust. Walker explains that there is the kind of leadership we put out for others to see (Front stage), whereas backstage leadership is the part we want hidden. He adds there is a need to balance backstage and frontstage; saying otherwise, the backstage will start leaking out to frontstage if a leader fails to balance. Since the backstage is usually messy with possible unresolved challenges, one wonders who will qualify to lead undefended.
Vulnerability, as shared by Brené Brown’s quotation of Theodore Roosevelt in his speech commonly known as the Man in the Arena, says it best:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Every one of us has had our best and worst moments in life. Our backstage might look different, but we all share humanity and the flows that come with it. Learning to accept it and balance it with the front stage is the best way to lead. Miller’s words sum it up best. “There have been meetings of only a moment, which have left impressions for life, for eternity. No one can understand that mysterious thing we call influence…yet. every one of us continually exerts influence, either to heal, bless, leave marks of beauty; or to wound, hurt, poison, and stain other lives.”[4]
[1] Simon Walker P., Out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership (United Kingdom: Piquant, 2007).
[2] John C. Maxwell, 150 Essential Insights on Leadership (Harvest House Publishers, 2021).
[3] John Maxwell C., 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You (New York: HarperCollins Leadership, 2022).
[4] James Miller R., The Building of Character (Kessinger Publishing, 1984).
About the Author
Jean de Dieu Ndahiriwe
Jean de Dieu Ndahiriwe is a Clinical Correctional Chaplain and former Child Refugee from War-torn Rwanda. A member of the Maxwell Leadership Certified Team, Jean is passionate about Servant Leadership and looks forward to seeing more leaders that inspire Lasting Peace and Justice for all, especially "the least of these".10 responses to “The mysterious thing we call influence”
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Jean, I appreciate your focus on the alignment of a leader’s backstage and frontstage identities because I feel like this is one of the main ways I navigate unsafe spaces or spaces where I haven’t built trust. Perhaps even more accurately than simply having two stages, my tendency to code switch as I move between different groups and spaces highlights my defendedness (is this a word?). If you don’t mind sharing, what are some practices or principles that you have found helpful in growing in who you are rather than having a backstage and frontstage self?
Thanks, Caleb; I wish I would claim I am fully undefended! I tend to switch sides for safety; I think trust is not easy to build after going through tough times of brokenness; it is a process.
Hey Jean de Dieu,
It is a scary this to be authentic, rather than impress. To trust and empower others rather than do it all yourself and maintain control. And to lead from who you are with influence rather than leading from position with power. These are the reflections that came to mind as I read your post. In addition to John Maxwell, who are other leaders you are influenced by and look to for wisdom?
Great post my friend. May we continue to courageous lead risk failing, for in doing so we are, as the “Man in the Arena” speech says, “daring greatly.”
Thanks, David; it is a blessing learning from these giants of the faith who have come before us. Thanks to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the source of all hope and courage.
Many people have influenced me, including men like Rwasibo, my friend and spiritual leader back in Rwanda; he might never write a book in a foreign language or such a post but has served Jesus faithfully for several years. Others are those who inspire hope and courage through adversity. People like Viktor E. Frankl, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, Martin Luther King Jr., Bonnie St. John, Henri J. M. Nouwen, and many others.
Jean,
Thank you for your post. I loved reading your insights on leadership. If you were to name one person, besides Jesus Christ, who has had the most impact on your life, who would you name? Thank you!
Hi Tonette, good question,
Bishop Rwasibo is the faithful servant who led me to Lord. His influence is precious.
Jean,
I almost used John Maxwell’s book as well. My question is, with our cancel culture, how would you support someone (a leader) who is in the arena and comes up short without canceling them out after the first attempt?
Hi Audrey, thanks for the question.
I will attempt to be present and celebrate them; they are in the arena, which is a significant step.
Jean,
Great post! What is something that you have moved from the front stage to the back in your own leadership?
Hi Alana,
Great question; I tend to push flesh wounds backstage. Older and healing wounds and scars I don’t mind keeping frontstage.