The delicate balance of Leadership and Humility
As I enter my final year of Doctoral work on Leadership, I am left with more questions than answers. We began our studies with a profound quote from our professor that I have found myself repeating to others; “As the island of our knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance.”[1] Studying leaders who have overcome adversity, such as Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela in South Africa, then hearing Martin Percy in Oxford and other speakers who have studied where leaders go off the rails. I am left with the question of pursuing leadership without losing my way. It is with this in mind that I chose to read The Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila.
When in Seminary, I read so many male authors, so when tasked with a similar assignment to read, I chose Julian of Norwich, a mystic of the church; I enjoyed how her mind worked and how she experienced God. In preparing to read this book, there were many references to St. Theresa of Avila as one of four women Doctors of the Church. I felt a kinship with her as I pursued my doctorate. The other three women Doctors of the church are Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, and Saint Hildegard of Bingen.”[2]
St. Teresa of Avila was a 16th-century nun in Spain. A man tasked her to write a book about prayer to speak to her sister’s nuns. I immediately related to her as she began her book with this thought, “For the past three months, I have been suffering from such a cluttering and fragility in my head that I have a hard time even focusing on mundane business matters.”[3] Can any of you relate? I can! Teresa, at times rambling off into thoughts, writes of the journey of our soul as we seek God. She describes our soul as a castle with a diamond inside. Inside this castle of the soul are many mansions ( as noted in heaven as well). She begins the book by explaining what is outside of the castle as those who are separated from God, and then entering into the castle requires repentance. Once inside are seven mansions, each one getting closer to complete union with God.
As a quick rundown, as brilliantly summarized by the Biblical Bookworm on YouTube, here is how St. Teresa explains each mansion. As we enter Mansion One, we are forgiven but still attached to the world outside. We enter through prayer and meditation. In the second mansion, souls are partially detached. Souls are attracted to sermons and holy conversations. St. Teresa encourages avoiding lousy company and embracing the cross. As souls enter, the third mansion takes up 30% of the book. It is through this mansion that we go through a night of the soul. We go through desolation and distractions. The Biblical Bookworm describes this as a time to “chill and not focus on perfection.” In Mansion Four, souls taste consolation, primarily detached and not attracted by worldly affairs. As souls continue towards union with God, they move into the fifth mansion, entirely detached from outside of the castle. Souls grow selflessness. In the sixth mansion, we reach ecstasy and levitations, which cumulate in complete union with God in the seventh mansion.
Leadership learnings:
As we pursue leadership and power in the world, even as Christians, we must remember our interior life. Contemplation and meditation are a must. St. Teresa, over and over again in this book, expresses humility. She ends her description of the seventh mansion by saying, “I confess that I am deeply confused, and so I ask you through the same Beloved to remember this poor creature in your prayers.”[4] This year, my favorite Bible verse seems to be guiding everything I do in leadership and my life and serves as my prayer. Last week in my blog, I asked for God to give our next leader of this country this, and through reading the humility of St. Teresa, I repeat it, “But to do Justice, and to love Mercy and to Walk humbly with our God.”[5]
I believe St. Teresa suffered from insecurity. I was listening to the audiobook and was utterly disturbed by how many times St. Teresa called herself stupid and unworthy of knowing such things. As seen above, she ended the beautiful book by downplaying her thinking. I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so others won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously permit other people to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.[6]”
How often I have found myself having to play “small” in my rise in leadership as any sense of independence or confidence caused other leaders to feel threatened. I wish this were not true, but Marianne Williamson’s quote has meant the world to me, and yet I respect the balance between this quote and the humility of St. Teresa. I want to think that if St. Teresa were alive today and in our doctorate with us, she may not call herself stupid so much. I mean, nine times she calls herself that, why?
What does God mean for us to have humility? Where do confidence and humility find each other? How do we balance living God’s call, leading confidently and gracefully, and not losing our interior connection to God? I’d love to hear how you all balance humility and confident leadership!
[1] Clark, Jason. Maps of meaning lecture. (Cape Town, SA, 2022).
[2] Google.com
[3] Avila, St Teresa. The Interior Castle Translated 1552 (New York, Penguin group, 2004) Pg 29
[4] Avila, pg. 295
[5] Micah 6:8
[6] Williamson, Marianne. A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”. (HarperOne, 1996)
About the Author
Jana Dluehosh
Jana serves as a Spiritual Care Supervisor for Signature Hospice in Portland, OR. She chairs the corporate Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging committee as well as presents and consults with chronically ill patients on addressing Quality of Life versus and alongside Medical treatment. She has trained as a World Religions and Enneagram Spiritual Director through an Anam Cara apprenticeship through the Sacred Art of Living center in Bend, OR. Jana utilizes a Celtic Spirituality approach toward life as a way to find common ground with diverse populations and faith traditions. She has mentored nursing students for several years at the University of Portland in a class called Theological Perspectives on Suffering and Death, and has taught in the Graduate Counseling program at Portland Seminary in the Trauma Certificate program on Grief.9 responses to “The delicate balance of Leadership and Humility”
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Hi Jana,
Your post is beautifully written and I love the subject that you covered – women! Given that our current culture is written on the foundation of status, how would you coach your younger self to stay true, confident, and focused on the Lord, but all with humility?
Jennifer
I appreciate that question so much. If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would tell her to stop trying to get approval from men in power! I think all the authority leadership people I held up as I grew up were men ( I wouldn’t change any of them; thankfully, they are good men ), but I would tell myself you are called! Don’t doubt yourself. I went to seminary in my 20s and did not do an MDiv because I thought I couldn’t speak publicly well and wasn’t smart enough. I am so grateful for my journey, but I would not have tried so hard to wait for a man to tell me to “write my book,” as Teresa of Avila would say!
Great post Jana, you said “I was listening to the audiobook and was utterly disturbed by how many times St. Teresa called herself stupid and unworthy of knowing such things.” I noticed similar thinking in “The Rule of St. Benedict”. Although, I appreciate a lot about the book and what St. Benedict did in the 6th century, he encouraged his monks to view themselves as worms to maintain humility. This seems to be an overeaction to pride and arrogance.
Ironically, I am speaking with one of our staff (Beth) this Sunday on the difference between arrogance and confidence. We’ve been talking through the message and she mentioned several of the things you did concerning her journey as a woman in ministry. I agree, I think we’ve come to a place where we understand thinking of ourselves negatively dishonors God’s creation and the beauty God has put in us. Arrogance usually comes when our talents, skills, abilities, etc. are about us rather than mission or serving others!
Adam, I appreciate how you worded that! I have been successful at work, and I wrestle internally with agreeing with the assessment! I have done very well, received a promotion this summer, and feel seen and compensated for the first time. A week after my promotion, we discovered our company was bought out and will be transitioning in January. I got to enjoy 9 years at this job, working very hard to get where I am, and now it’s on shaky ground. What is interesting while pondering this post is that the Vice President who promoted me was let go, and there is one other man as VP who walks into our office and is not at all interested in what I am doing. I think he has put me into the weird “spiritual” box of Chaplain and has not seen the leadership work I’ve done. I find myself wrestling with confidence as to why “he doesn’t see me,” I will have to go into interviews in a month or two with the new company and convince them in a 30-minute interview what took my 9 years to earn! This book and discussion were good timing. I need to figure out how to be confident but not arrogant!
Thanks, Adam! Humility and self-deprecation are different. I definitely think these monks and nuns are of that ilk where they are wise and brilliant but need to beat themselves up a bit so they don’t get too big for their britches. I just didn’t like it, and it was very distracting for me.
Hi Jana,
Thank you for a lovely post. I’ve only read about half of Interior Castles and some of the writings of the other Doctors of the Church you mentioned. I love Julian Norwich and have read Thérèse of Lisieux’s Story of My Soul. the writings of both these women seem to be describing the working out of some of Teresa of Avila’s descriptions. Correct me if I’m wrong. I appreciate the individual experiences and stories of one’s interior life. I was encouraged by your words, “As we pursue leadership and power in the world, even as Christians, we must remember our interior life. Contemplation and meditation are a must.” What contemplation and meditation practices do you recommend, enjoy, or find most helpful? And, oh yes, I can relate to the “cluttering and fragility in my head.”
So when I did a 3-year study on becoming an Anam Cara, a Celtic midwife of the soul. In it, we learned to pray while walking with paidirean beads,
https://sacredartofliving.org/paidirean-prayer-beads/
It’s a bit like a rosary but more about praying here in the earthly realm, then the spirit realm, and then in the near (nothingness) realm. I LOVED doing this, and honestly, I need to get back to it. It was done while walking, and I loved how it connected to breath and nature.
I also practice the Buddhist prayer called Tonglen. It is about breathing in the pain and suffering of another, feeling it come down into your heart and soul, allowing your own love to transform it, and breathing out loving kindness to the person. I have found this to be my way of being in the world when I feel anxious. What are yours?
Thank you for sharing and the resources, Jana. My go to is centering prayer. I haven’t been the greatest lately but have been practicing more since the beginning of this semester. Breath prayer is always helpful to me as is getting out in nature and walking. Just giving time and space to commune with God in silence and wonder does my soul good. I have a few written prayers that I sit with from time to time that settle my soul.
C’Mon Jana, Lady! Ohhhh! My! My heart is deeply resonating with your blog…and I am challenged too. Your comment on contemplation and meditation as a must has been convicting me for a few weeks. Being in solitude and silence while meditating is slowly becoming a part of my life and leadership and to read your post encouraged and also convicted me. I believe the Lord spoke to me not to make me feel guilty but to simply nudge me to remind me of what is necessary in order to know him…BE STILL.
I also like how you recognized how St. Teresa suffered from insecurities. It made me ask, “Todd, as you write, what do others see in my writing that communicates where I am insecure?” Whoa, you provoked some strong feelings. Thank you Jana! 😊