The Danger of Refusing the Call
When I was a young girl growing up in Mount Laurel, New Jersey, I spent endless hours playing outside in the woods behind our house. Most times I was with the neighborhood children exploring the trails, paths, lakes and forests building forts and, if we were lucky, collecting turtles. If I wasn’t out exploring the woods or practicing the piano, I would live in an imaginative world literally for hours: teaching imaginary students in my bedroom closet or since my mother led me to Jesus, spending endless hours talking to a God I couldn’t see but could imagine. Then one day I watched a show called Wonder Woman who captured my heart and imagination in such a way that during 3rd grade math classes, I methodically took a deep breath, turned my Girl Scout bracelet around and around on my wrist and instantly glided into my imaginary world where I was the Heroine for whatever story I created that day. For me, imagination was power.
In his book, A Hero With a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell takes us through the journey a hero faces as they unlock their inner potential.[1] When my idyllic childhood was shattered by tragedy that destroyed my stability, I no longer had the innocent powers of imagination where I was the heroine. A separation and initiation began for me, as it does with all leaders at some point on their journeys and as Campbell writes, “There is nothing we can do except be crucified and resurrected, dismembered totally and then reborn” (16).
Each one of us in this program can look back and name the point of separation when we started our character development journey. So what does this hero’s journey have to do with a Doctoral Leadership Program? From what I am reading about the hero and how inner potential is unlocked, I cannot help but think about our current leadership crisis and ask the question: Why have so many of our current leaders missed the process of their own Hero’s Journey?
Could a Lack of Separation Be the Reason?
A significant number of well-known leaders grew up in unhappy homes. By God’s grace, many of these women and men developed into healthy leaders. Others, however, have remained in emotional and psychological bondage as adults. How do we know this? The Roys report covers the news about Christian leaders who are failing in their roles in churches and nonprofits.[2] While a recent Barna study conducted in partnership with World Vision, data show that young adults perceive deep, wide, systemic problems facing the world’s future. Four out of five affirm—and nearly half strongly affirm—that “society is facing a crisis of leadership because there are not enough good leaders right now” (82%). This is one of the most widely endorsed statements in the entire global survey, which suggests its significance to this generation. In addition, one-third believes that “what it takes to be an effective leader seems to be changing.”[3]
What this tells me is that a leader’s shadow undermines their success. So what is needed?
It has been said, “If knowledge is power, then self-knowledge is superpower.”[4] Joseph Campbell’s assertion that all heroes journey from separation, call to adventure, refusal of the call, meeting with a mentor, crossing the threshold, facing trials, allies and enemies–all the way to the return—is missing something for our day. Our leaders don’t know themselves. We have too many leaders either not taking their journey or missing key character development.
Might the real problem lie in the very first process of a hero’s journey–the separation piece?
Consider Desmond Tutu.
When we were in Cape Town, South Africa visiting the Tutu museum, we heard about a hero’s accomplishments while walking from room to room. I was mesmerized by the public hearings we watched on the large screen TVs where Tutu mediated between Mrs. Mandala and the family she oppressed. I heard the gentle tone of Tutu’s voice, I saw the humility in his eyes and I felt the power of the Spirit work through him. And then I discovered through reading his books and listening to his colleagues, that Desmond Tutu spent 5 hours a day in prayer. Despite his prominent position as the ArchBishop of Cape Town, He chose to separate himself to “make himself like a child of God in a fetal position.”[5]
As much as I love the power of storytelling, literature and hearing how character is born of adversity, one of the greatest limitations for today’s leaders is their inability to separate from anything–including themselves. Why is there an inability (with leaders) to understand and acknowledge how their past cripples their current effectiveness? My guess is that Desmond Tutu understood his emotional and spiritual need and sought healing through Christ in those 5 hours of prayer each day. He understood that only birth can conquer death–”the birth, not of the old things again, but of something new.”[6] His life of prayer was his mythology, his poetical fantasy, a hero’s journey.
As I mentioned above, a separation and initiation began for me when I was very young and as Campbell writes, “There is nothing we can do except be crucified and resurrected, dismembered totally and then reborn” (16). Reading through Campbell’s book and thinking of my own NPO leads me to questions about our current leadership crisis:
What part of their journey did leaders today stop taking? And if they did refuse the call and not cross the threshold, then how did they get the leadership position to begin with? I strongly believe we must answer these questions for the generations to come.
About the Author
Pam Lau
Pamela Havey Lau brings more than 25 years of experience in speaking, teaching, writing and mediating. She has led a variety of groups, both small and large, in seminars, trainings, conferences and teachings. Pam’s passion is to see each person communicate with their most authentic voice with a transparent faith in Jesus Christ. With more than 10, 000 hours of writing, researching, and teaching the heart and soul of Pam’s calling comes from decades of walking alongside those who have experienced healing through pain and peace through conflict. As a professor and author, Pam deeply understands the role of mentoring and building bridges from one generation to another. She has developed a wisdom in how to connect leaders with their teams. Her skill in facilitating conversations extends across differences in families, businesses, schools, universities, and nonprofits. Pam specializes in simplifying complex issues and as a business owner, has helped numerous CEOs and leaders communicate effectively. She is the author of Soul Strength (Random House) and A Friend in Me (David C. Cook) and is a frequent contributor to online and print publications. You can hear Pam’s podcast on Real Life with Pamela Lau on itunes. Currently, Pam is a mediator for families, churches, and nonprofits. You can contact Pam through her website: PamelaLau.com. Brad and Pam live in Newberg, Oregon; they have three adult daughters and one son-in-law. One small, vocal dog, Cali lives in the family home where she tries to be the boss! As a family they enjoy worshiping God, tennis, good food and spending time with family and friends.17 responses to “The Danger of Refusing the Call”
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Hi Pam,
I really enjoyed reading your post and how during childhood your imagination felt powerful to you. It seems you were discovering yourself in the process, tapping into your dreams, your “inner potential,” and the essence of who you were created to be. It makes me smile! For years when I looked back at my childhood imaginings it was with embarrassment. That didn’t change until I found delight and wonder in my children and grandchildren’s imaginative play. You have inspired me to revisit some of those old play themes from my youth. Maybe I will uncover or at least welcome a bit more of my true-self. Thank you!
Self-discovery is an amazing and challenging journey. You wrote, “Our leaders don’t know themselves. We have too many leaders either not taking their journey or missing key character development.” I wonder how much of the false-self gets in the way of good leadership. Do you have any thoughts about that?
Jenny, First, I cannot believe you’re a grandmother! How wonderful. I have spent time wondering about your question and it makes me think of Abraham
Lincoln whose mistakes were stepping stones to his presidency. He never escaped failure but instead overcame adversity. Somehow very few people have the skill of self-reflection and the skill of truly hearing feedback. Thus, the false self gets perpetuated. We need a better system or process for placing anyone in leadership positions. What are your thoughts?
Jenny, First, I cannot believe you’re a grandmother! How wonderful. I have spent time wondering about your question and it makes me think of Abraham
Lincoln whose mistakes were stepping stones to his presidency. He never escaped failure but instead overcame adversity. Somehow very few people have the skill of self-reflection and the skill of truly hearing feedback. Thus, the false self gets perpetuated. We need a better system or process for placing anyone in leadership positions. What are your thoughts?
You had me at the DC characters picture!! In case you didn’t read my post I’m a big Superman nerd! Glad I’m in good company.
“And then I discovered through reading his books and listening to his colleagues, that Desmond Tutu spent 5 hours a day in prayer.”
This is one of the things that stood out too me as well Pam. I believe Desmonds prayer life gave him the ability to transcend peoples criticism and stay joyful. I think it absolutely helped him challenge the status quo and the injustices of Apartheid. What a good reminder of how dependent we are on prayer to not only maintain courage but discern and nuture God’s heart within us at this time in history.
Adam, or should I say, SuperMan Adam! If so many of us are struck by Desmond Tutu’s extended prayer life, might we consider adding this character quality to the definition of Leadership? In relation to the Hero’s Journey, I believe prayer can be symbolic, much like Homer’s Odysseus when he is tempted by the siren’s call. To prevent the sirens from enticing him and his crew to destroy their ship on the coast of the sirens’ island, the Greek hero Odysseus instructed the sailors to fill their ears with wax. They tied him to the mast so that he might hear the sirens’ fabled but deadly songs. I know that sounds dramatic but isn’t that what prayer does for us in a sense? When we pray to God, the covering of prayer protects us from the myriad of enemies who want to derail us. What are leaders doing today to protect themselves?
Ohhh Pam….you’re speaking my language here! I’ll resist going on a serious word-count blitz and just say that you are hitting a major important point, and I am convinced (thus my Doctoral project) that at least one part of the problem lies in the training of the Christian leader. Teaching leadership skills or (if a pastor) exegetical skills or business plans are all pretty tangible and measurable. Exploring the depths of our soul, our trauma, our shame, our shadow, our ego is much more personal and much longer than a semester of learning. Consequently, we are graduating Christian leaders who have a lot of the necessary tools to lead and are missing the most important part: a wholeness (or growing wholeness) of heart and mind and a soul at rest in God….and leading out of that place of abiding in Christ in step with the Spirit. God have mercy on us and grow up healthy Christian leaders!
Scott, I’m so glad we are in the same peer group so we can keep talking about this leadership crisis. Just last week, I was sitting with a friend who is an elder at a prominent church as she carefully and sorrowfully shared about the broken leadership situation she is working through at the senior level. Exasperated, she said, “What is it going to take for our seminaries to raise up Christian leaders and pastors who can self-reflect and learn what growth mindset looks like in today’s churches?” I just listened and thought of our cohort who cares enough about the future of the Church that I wished we could take on one large group project and offer something magical, miraculous and meaningful to the world.
Hi Pam, I really like that you brought the discussion back to the topic of leadership.
I agree with you that we are encountering the recurring theme of failed leaders. The list of Senators (both parties) expose some insidious current in the way flawed leaders in America are rising to the highest levels. I read a British article that stated America has the leaders it deserves. While I suppose you could fire a shot back at the British, it did give me pause to wonder what has gone wrong. I wish I had an answer to suggest.
Still, our DLGP program is designed to create a line of leaders who will expand His kingdom. This morning in our weekly peer group zoom call, there was a period in the discussion when it was apparent, that neck injuries, chest pains, and other ailments were derailing some of us physically. I wondered out loud if we were experiencing the “spiritual battle while we were in the liminal space.”
As doctoral students we are all trying to find a new balance in our already busy lives with the academic rigors of this program. Perhaps, just perhaps, the cohorts are a group of “Christ filled” leaders destined to expand His kingdom. Thus, Satan moves against us in so many ways (physically, emotionally, spiritually) as a backhanded compliment to the work that we are destined to do.
(oops I over spiritualized)
Shalom…Russ
Oh, Russell, you’re not over-spiritualizing at all! That’s what I like you so well! The spiritual battles we are facing are our reality. I believe that if we were to pull back the curtain that thin veneer that separates the physical world from the spiritual, we would become giants in the land and fight with with all our spiritual super powers. Of course the enemy wants us tired, in pain, distracted and discouraged about this doctoral program. Perhaps we need more prayer within our peer groups than what we are already doing. I know prayer takes time but I have never seen any person out-give God. Do you have any ideas of how that could happen? On another note, I am encouraged when I read about spiritual leaders in history who journaled their prayer lives for us to read hundreds of years later–they were fully dependent on The Lord emotionally and mentally and physically.
Oh wow I really liked your call out to the leader and the leader’s shadow. It made me wonder how helpful or unhelpful the idea of leadership as an academic pursuit. Both in my master’s program of Leadership and Management and now in this doctorate program it is easily understood we are pursuing the study of leadership. However, I see so many ads (mostly on social media) for leadership courses and “be a leader” and I wonder if when someone – especially a young person – might see this and believe there is a shortcut to “leadership.”
Is that why so many leaders are missing the first step? I would be willing to explore that in a further post as I think there is lots to unpack.
A couple of questions:
1. As someone who has been teaching in a classroom for many years, what have you observed as a trend in students’ pursuit as being known as a “leader”? Have you seen this at all?
2. On your best day, how many turtles would you catch?
Let’s start with the most important question, Matthieu: On a good day I caught only 1 turtle because they were the big box turtles you had to carry with two hands!
You wrote: However, I see so many ads (mostly on social media) for leadership courses and “be a leader” and I wonder if when someone – especially a young person – might see this and believe there is a shortcut to “leadership.”
I do think we should explore exactly what you are saying: There’s a disconnect between “BEING A LEADER” and what it takes “TO BECOME A LEADER!” I hope someone will explore this in the next post.
Your other question is a good one: What have you observed as a trend in students’ pursuit as being known as a “leader”? Have you seen this at all?
Sadly, I’ve observed a downward spiral of students who do not want to be “known” as a leader. They may want fame but not for initiating something that is good for the world at large. They want fame because they can have it at the tip of their fingertips and they have been told all their lives that they can be. The few who do follow a call to leadership do it in a more subtle way out of fear because of our cancel culture. However, I have also seen small minority of incredibly motivated, highly service-oriented, justice-minded young people who radically take the lead in the margins. They inspire me.
Oh, Pam, I love your brilliant intelligent writing. Now I see why you pray like God is sitting right in front of you. You learned how to commune with the Father as a little girl. Thank God for your mom!
“A leader’s shadow undermines their success” Come on, Lady! You are right on! You went even deeper by mentioning about self-knowledge is a super power. WOW! Your emotional health and intelligence really came out in this post…but then again, it always does.😊
Now that you can look back on your childhood, when it was shattered by tragedy, how has that childhood tragedy shaped your leadership today?
Todd, Remember when we were in Cape Town and we sat downstairs in the coffee shop (the time Matthieu bought all our snacks and drinks:)? We all shared a bit about our heritage and upbringing. Clifford Berger did a good job of facilitating our storytelling. Just that simple exercise is an example of what leaders today might do to keep their egos and their striving in check. When you go back and tell the truth, a humility forms in the soul so when you move forward, it’s wisdom working, not foolishness.
It’s been 40 years now since that tragedy shattered my life and I don’t know if I’ve ever connected to how God has shaped my leadership; I can only reflect on how it has shaped me. However, going back to the Hero’s Journey and the separation, the initiation, the mentors, I would never have pursued the mentors I did without the tragedy. In fact, I would not have suffered with God for the years I did and experienced Him giving me pieces of my truest self back. So how that tragedy impacted my leadership is that I believe I am so much more of my truest self. When I sense I am losing the self or feeling shallow, purposeless, or even like I am operating out of my flesh — for me that feels like the surface of things – I call someone to pray with me. My normal routine is to pray with someone else at least 3 times a week. It’s a sacrifice but I cannot live without it.
WHOA! This was definitely a sacred post and response! Thank you Pam! I am speechless and appreciative of your insightful loving leadership. “I am so much more of my truest self” That’s a thought I need to ponder on today…Am I being my truest self. Once again Pam, thank you…tears of joy!
Pam! I love this post. You are very right on our leadership crisis and to question how so many leaders are missing the mark. I think you really touched on something with the blend of the hero’s journey and relating to what we learned with Desmond Tutu! I focused a lot on how he embraced joy and reminds us that this also has to be fun and full of joy, that leadership can require so much seriousness that we lose the balance. I didn’t focus on his time away with God, so thank you for that reminder and what it potentially means to the hero. It also reminds me of the times Jesus needed to go to the Garden to be alone with his Father. Leaders need to strategically “retreat” from the front lines, especially when the front line is intense and is requiring all of the leader and that it is the hardest time for a leader to step back, to withdraw into oneself. Heros…aka Leaders have the pedestal effect on them and I wonder if this is where the pressures they face outweigh their need for grounding? Thank you for this post and for asking these tough questions. Wonder if there is a way to celebrate our leaders for when they step back, instead of seeing it as weakness or waiting until they themselves are in a physical, mental or spiritual crisis to do so. We praise the strength and fail to see the quiet retreat as strength…wonder how we can praise the sabbatical, the retreat, the need for our leaders to take a vacation?
Jana, You raise a great question and all I can say is until someone in our culture blazes a new trail for both men and women leaders to have breaks, sabbaticals, time away, it just won’t be a pattern for those who need it the most. I would go as a far as saying it should become a legal right
I believe that everyone is born with the ability to lead and be a hero. However, I also believe that the ability to lead and become a leader needs to go through a process of formation. Thus, to become a leader or a hero, one needs the presence and help of others. There is a need for a support system within a person’s life so that he/she is encouraged to become a hero and can emerge and shine.