The Anxiety Trap
A few years ago, I took on a project that became bigger than I ever anticipated: a neighbourhood fireworks show. What started as a small, local event grew into something special, something that brought our entire community together. For ten years, we lit up the sky—literally and figuratively—and the final few years saw over 4,000 people gathered to enjoy the celebration. It was a huge success by any measure. Our local city councilor even stepped in, acquiring permits to move it into a city park. It should have been a no-brainer to keep the event going.
But here’s where things took a turn. A small group of vocal opponents in our local neighbourhood Facebook group—just a handful of people, really—began posting about how fireworks were harmful to wildlife. Now, I’m not denying that fireworks have some impact, but their posts were filled with misinformation and exaggerated claims. Instead of a few balanced concerns, their voices began to overwhelm the group of more than 2,500 members. Their negative energy and constant online presence discouraged me. Despite the overwhelming support from the community at large, I eventually stopped pursuing the fireworks show. It just wasn’t worth the emotional toll, especially when I began worrying about running into one of these vocal critics at the coffee shop or on the street.
This isn’t a story of extreme cancel culture, but it’s a familiar one. A few critical voices on social media can have a disproportionate impact, shaping the decisions we make, sometimes even leading us to abandon meaningful projects. In a way, it’s a small reflection of the larger societal forces that Jonathan Haidt talks about in The Anxious Generation and The Canceling of the American Mind—forces that are reshaping how we live, communicate, and feel about ourselves in this digital age.
The Power of Social Media: A Catalyst for Anxiety
In The Anxious Generation, Haidt makes a compelling case that younger generations—those born after 1995—are caught between two trends: overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world. As someone who works in marketing, particularly with brands targeting teens and children on social media, this hits home for me. I spend a lot of time thinking about the impact our content has on the younger generation. Social media offers incredible opportunities for engagement, but it also comes with a dark side: clout chasing, superficial validation, and an endless scroll of content that can feed anxiety.
Haidt’s concept of underprotection in the virtual world couldn’t be more relevant here. In my own life, I’ve stepped back from certain platforms like TikTok because they tend to promote the parts of me I don’t want to feed—rage-bait videos, seductive content, and mindless humor that ultimately doesn’t add any value to my day. It’s easy to see how teens, constantly immersed in this content, might feel overwhelmed. It’s not just the content itself, but the culture of constant comparison and the fear of missing out that can lead to deep anxiety.
For teens today, platforms like TikTok are a battleground for identity formation, where every post, every like, every follower carries weight. It’s no wonder that Haidt links this digital environment to increased anxiety. What used to be playground rumors or high school gossip now plays out on a global stage, with the pressure to conform, perform, and avoid any potential backlash looming over their every move.
Cancel Culture’s Quiet Influence
My fireworks story might not fit the most extreme cases of cancel culture, but it still illustrates how a small group of vocal critics can have a significant impact. In The Canceling of the American Mind, Lukianoff and Haidt explore how cancel culture works, especially in the context of young people. They argue that the fear of being publicly shamed or “canceled” can lead to self-censorship and avoidance, as people start worrying more about potential backlash than about expressing themselves.
I can relate to this. That small group on the neighborhood Facebook page didn’t have the power to stop me directly, but their presence made me question whether it was worth continuing. I worried about my reputation. I worried about running into them in public. And eventually, I just stopped. Even though the event was successful, even though the majority of people supported it, the constant negativity made me feel like a target. This is exactly what Haidt and Lukianoff describe—how even a few voices can create a sense of overwhelming scrutiny in the online world.
For the younger generation, cancel culture plays out on an even larger scale. One wrong comment, one misunderstood post, and they might find themselves facing a digital mob. The stakes feel impossibly high, and the result is often an increase in anxiety and self-censorship. The idea of expressing your true self becomes fraught with risk, so it’s no wonder many young people choose to conform or stay silent.
Identity and Anxiety: A Trap for the Next Generation
In Identity Trap, Yascha Mounk explores how identity politics have become a source of pressure, particularly for young people. The demand to conform to specific group identities, to be “correct” in every aspect of how you express yourself, adds yet another layer of stress. For today’s teens, navigating this identity landscape online is a constant challenge. Who are you supposed to be when your identity is always up for debate in the public sphere?
For me, working in marketing, I see firsthand how brands interact with this reality. There’s a fine line between creating engaging, positive content and feeding into the cycles of validation-seeking that fuel anxiety. It’s a line I’m constantly aware of as we target children and teens with our messaging. It’s not just about getting their attention—it’s about ensuring we don’t contribute to the mental health crisis Haidt and Mounk describe.
A Way Forward: Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World
So, what’s the takeaway from all this? For me, it’s a reminder of the importance of balance. Haidt’s analysis of overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world points to a need for stronger boundaries and better emotional resilience. We need to protect our kids not just from physical dangers, but from the mental and emotional tolls that come with growing up in a hyperconnected, always-on digital world.
For those of us who work with or raise children, the challenge is even greater. How do we foster environments where they feel safe expressing themselves without fear of public shaming? How do we teach them to navigate social media in ways that don’t feed into anxiety? How do we equip them to handle criticism, online or off, with confidence and resilience?
The answers aren’t simple, but they’re critical. As we grapple with the pressures of cancel culture, identity politics, and social media, we have to remember that it’s not about eliminating these challenges—it’s about preparing ourselves, and the next generation, to face them with strength.
About the Author
Mathieu Yuill
While raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens may be a few of Julia Andrews' favourite things, here are a few of mine: Talking to strangers, Learning about what you do for fun, Conversation over coffee. I own a marketing and communications company in Toronto, Canada called Leading With Nice. There are a lot of names I could have given the company but a trusted friend encouraged me to name it that because I really value the humanness in us all. Bah - this is starting to sound like a horrible LinkedIn post. So whatever, let's have coffee. I'd love to hear about what you do for fun!5 responses to “The Anxiety Trap”
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Hi Matthew,
This was brilliant.
I am so sorry to learn about the fireworks.
Thanks for diving deeper.
My three children are of this generation and I have to say, that I may have failed in so many ways in setting up guard rails at the start.
We did LEARN about parental controls, but perhaps too late!
Still sports and play were a big part of my kids lives so perhaps not all is lost.
Sigh…what is a daddy to do.
PRAY HARD.
Shalom
Hi Mathieu,
I really enjoyed how you brought Lukianoff and Mounk into the discussion! It’s so true that the concepts of identity politics and cancel culture are interlinked with social media. All three seem to be an attack on humanity’s need for compassion, connection, and community. I’m sure your event lives on in the memories of those who participated and look back with fondness at the sense of community you created and are inspired to do more of the same!
I think the fight to regain a sense of community is at the forefront of many Gen Z’s. I think they know that they’re missing out in terms of authentic human connection and compassion, and need us to understand and engage with them. And you’re right, it takes balance and sensitivity!
I was discussing this with my son over the weekend. He was born in 1996, got his first phone at 16, and decided to ditch all social media a few short years later. He has not reengaged! He doesn’t consider himself Gen Z (he attributes that to growing up in a third world country). He talks about community all the time, actively seeks it out, and creates space for connection with others. He particularly enjoys volunteering with middle schoolers, and as an elementary school teacher is always discussing with his students the impact of social media. There are many young people who are actively engaging with community and that give me hope!
Thank you for being a community builder!!
You have an interesting insider perspective on this issue, given how it relates to your job. I appreciate that you tied Haidt’s thinking to Mounk and emphasize the need to find balance in social media use. Great post!
The digital mob. Your story about how much a few voices affected what literally thousands of people had come to enjoy (the fire works show) is, well, sad. Sorry about that. But your story — and your post — nicely connected the dots between Haidt’s book, Lukianoff’s Canceling of the American Mind, and Mounk’s Identity Trap. Really, every time I read your blog posts I marvel at your ability to make the syntopical connections you do. I will be curious what your syntopical work will look like when we read and post about Moore’s Losing My Religion. The mob effects that Moore (and others) experienced came to mind as I read your own cancel culture experience. Great post.
Mathieu~ You wrote a self-revealing statement:
“That small group on the neighborhood Facebook page didn’t have the power to stop me directly, but their presence made me question whether it was worth continuing. I worried about my reputation. I worried about running into them in public. And eventually, I just stopped.”
What you identify here as a force stopping you, a grown, professional man is what I observe all the time in people–the social media world and the world wide web have in fact changed our behaviors. Might I say it’s changed even our values?!? So my question for you is how do we find the courage to climb to the other side of that force and become ourselves again? Great post, Mathieu!