Taking Responsibility in a Blaming Culture
The issue of taking responsibility seems central to the development of a functional society and yet seems to be one that can cause confusion, anger and indignation. Walker asserts that ‘the only proper goal of leadership is this: to enable people to take responsibility.’[1] Yet the general population globally seem to be determined to fight systems and leaders in anger that someone somewhere is to blame for their state of being. Glanzer articulates that which I see within my work which is that ‘we live in a BCD (blame, complain, and defend) culture. It is always someone else’s fault. The situation is bad. I am a victim. I have my rights.’[2] How do we as leaders continue to lead by asserting healthy boundaries and cultural expectations when everyone believes they have ‘rights’ to their own expression of their personal opinion in all places, regardless of the impact of them on another person’s life.
Even in our UK governance system, within HR policies and procedures, we can feel powerless despite carrying total responsibility for everyone’s safety on every level- physically in the buildings, emotionally in relationships with leaders and staff and legally with finance and safeguarding matters. I have even been unable to terminate the employment of staff members who have stopped completing over 50% of their contracted job description due to ‘their rights’ in the last five years. Ethical issues such as employees intentionally lying and blaming others is rife and yet twenty years ago seemed rare.
Friedman notes that one of the characteristics of a chronically anxious family is one who blames and has a quick-fix mentality.[3] In my book exploring the impact of shame on behaviour, emotions and relationships, I explain how people can adopt ‘tools to protect themselves from others, such as the use of projection (so they are never wrong), blaming others (similar) or they may self-blame, hate themselves and sabotage themselves.’[4] Blame seems to be a natural way to fight for survival and self-protection, but it is the opposite of responsibility. How do we help and support people to take responsibility?
As leaders Glanzer encourages us with some descriptions of our role to shape the world around us. I find these encouraging considering the chaos of the blaming, shaming, avoiding culture that we find ourselves as those who have responsibility to care for others. These lines help me continue with determination to see change in the pockets of society that I have been entrusted to influence:
- The best leaders, like the best music, inspire us to see new possibilities.[5]
- A leader is someone you will follow to a place you could not or would not go by yourself.[6]
- The intended outcome of kingdom leadership is to experience and witness trans-formation.[7]
- Leadership can be life-giving or life-diminishing.[8]
- Leadership is “being” resulting in “doing.” [9]
Glanzer reminds us that we can inspire those who are avoiding responsibility, and we can encourage them to choose a different path than what is being normalized in society. That our goal is one of experiencing and witnessing transformation and that we can seek to be life giving and can make every attempt to avoid being life diminishing. The Bible gives us clear instructions of how to live a selfless life where we serve others, prefer others and pray for others and that seems to be a radical lifestyle in today’s culture of self-obsession and refusal to take responsibility. Philippians 2:4 asserts a culture changing concept which is for all humans to ‘do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.’[10]
Ultimately our work as leaders is to be those who ‘seek to proclaim the activity of the king’ and ‘influence rather than control’ as we teach and encourage those around us to choose a different path.[11] We can help the next generation learn to take responsibility which extends to the challenging process of confronting unhealed wounds, acknowledging them, experiencing the associated pain, and allowing that pain to incubate personal growth and transformation that changes mental maps. This does require psychoeducation, support and emotionally safe and wise communities.
I have never read a book that so clearly identifies what an explicit Christ-centred, globally minded, and theologically informed leadership role looks like with such clarity, motivation and purpose. It has inspired me and encouraged me to leave a legacy and count how many people I am actively discipling into leadership.[12]
#Glanzer #Leadership #DLGP04
[1] Simon Walker. Leading Out of Who You Are.153.
[2] Jules Glanzer. The Sound of Leadership. Kingdom Notes to Fine Tune Your Life and Influence. Invite Press. 2023. 110.
[3] Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. New York: Church Publishing, 2017. 274.
[4] Betsy de Thierry. The Simple Guide to Understanding Shame. Jessica Kingsley/ Hatchette Publishers. London. 2018.39.
[5] Jules Glanzer. 1.
[6] Ibid. 53.
[7] Ibid. 96.
[8] Ibid. 89.
[9] Ibid. 59.
[10]Philippians 2:4. The Bible. NIV.
[11]Jules Glanzer. 94-95.
[12] Jules Glanzer. 65.
About the Author
Betsy
10 responses to “Taking Responsibility in a Blaming Culture”
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Betsy,
I enjoyed how you took us to Philippians 2:4 and clarified its institution of “looking out for others’ interests” with the reality that sometimes that looks like inspiring and encouraging them to move in a different direction and not simply validating their current choices. Do you find that most people respond well to an inspiring vision of how they could be, or do they need to first realize the negatives of their current reality before they can see the benefits of change.
Hey! I think sometimes people need hope for a future that could be different and they can struggle to imagine that- especially when they only see generational trauma or dysfunctional patterns around them. Inspiring people with the possibility of new directions and empowering them to have leadership of their lives rather than resign themselves to being a long term victim can be a completely new concept for them. Then once they feel hope for this possibility, the journey will take them through transformation and change that they would probably not have had the energy to walk through, without the vision for that future. Have you seen that?
I am still learning how to paint that picture in for people in a way that connects deeply with them. My context is not trauma but routine and the option to improve. Feels like I can help people get so far only to realize that we never crossed the threshold and they are stuck in a place of liminality. Never really connecting with the benefit because they never really bought into the change.
Yes i do see that. There is such a carbon monoxide kind of sleepiness around for so many that seems to lead to avoidance of change and lack of hope for transformation. I just said to Joff that my main weapon I use intentionally to fight the prevalent passivity and sleepiness is the power of testimonies and I do see that then just seems to multiply them!
Betsy,
I suspect that one of the most critical misunderstandings of my generation is that of “rights.”
“Rights” now cover the spectrum of basic human dignity to an inviolable rationale to do whatever we feel like. It’s not a logically or emotionally tenable path. Rights cannot be an end unto themselves. Unlimited rights for everyone can only result in conflict which can only be resolved by preferring one person or group’s rights over another’s.
I also find it a very Western and individualistic approach. Growing up in southern Africa taught me the beauty of a community that is based on obligations and responsibilities. Individualists might chafe against those words, but I found this way of living so much more fulfilling, meaningful, and reflective of God’s intent for our relationships.
It’s not like BCD goes away completely in these settings either. I still catch myself doing it at times. It’s just that the point of reference for what is good and healthy is different.
God bless you for persisting in the face of these obstacles!
What thinking patterns and ideas are important to you in your perseverance?
Thanks Joff. It has been extraordinary last decade for watching this rights base obsession grow in pace and intensity hasn’t it? I think it could be one of the biggest challenges to leadership today. I also think it seems to often go hand in hand with a lack of respect or grasp of a leaders role and therefore often has a hint or more of rebellion in it.
I think I hold hard to the hope that Jesus can and is transforming us all. That we don’t know what we don’t know and so everyone is one lightbulb moment away from having a total change to the realisation that they can actual have more power to lead their lives than they ever realised they had. I think one of the themes of my preaching this last 2 years has been around ‘leading your life under Jesus Lordship.’ It is taking so long for the younger generation to grasp that they have power to change and learn rather than the only other available options which are to be silent in the face of injustice or conform to avoid rejection or rebel against authority. I am in the midst of seeing miraculous transformation in families as we speak.
I am stubborn in my hope for the most stubborn rebellious people to realise that actually the survival mechanism of avoiding responsibility is fuelled by fear and hopelessness. Jesus is Hope and empowers us with hope for our future, He has good plans that we can uncover when we trust Him and the strength to walk through the pain and refiners fire to use that to become more like Him. I really do believe that with everything and i think it leaks out of me and eventually seems to influence those who are stuck. Of course testimonies are our biggest weapon and we have so many stories of radical transformation covering our walls of our church and in a book called Testimonies!
‘They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.’ Revelation 12
Betsy –
Your discussion on responsibility brings both a thought and a couple of questions to mind. The thought is how this lines up well with David Fitch’s call for followers of Jesus to intentionally (and some would say radically) choose “power with” instead of “power over,” and immediately course correct any time “power over” someone is exerted.[1]. That is so counterintuitive in many organizational leadership circles, and a real challenge because those with “power over” are so loathe to release that power.
1) How much do you think our resistance to responsibility (including living in a mutuality of power) is a cultural desire for agency without accountability? 2) Is real agency even possible without accountability?
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[1] Fitch, David E. Reckoning with Power: Why the Church Fails When It’s on the Wrong Side of Power. Ada: Brazos Press, 2024.
Thank you Jeremiah for that book recommendation. It’s now on my list to buy.
I totally agree with the ‘power with’ concept and that’s one we have to actively speak about in psychotherapy, so that the person seeking support never feels like there is a power in-balance- which horrifically can happen. The ‘client’ should have the space and feel empowered to direct but with the help of a specialist who can suggest, teach and hold space for awful revelations and deep, deep feelings.
As a trauma specialist, I am somewhat terrified of power and actually have to work hard to sometimes use the authority I have, due to fear of ever harming another. But I’d rather be like that, unless it leads to anarchy, which could harm people again, and so the cultures needs to be carefully watched.
Your questions are great!
1. I think the resistance to responsibility is mostly rooted in shame and that terror that if we try our best and fail- what have we got then and who are we but failures? So I think that people avoid the possibility of failure that could agree with the (possibly subconscious) feeling they have that they aren’t good enough and are probably useless. Shame is so interwoven into other survival mechanisms that stop thinking and instead cause instinctive reactions that are usually formed in early years that do hinder trust, transparency and authenticity.
Accountability, I think, is sometimes given a bad press because it can often seem to be another power game. It can maybe cause a revisit of experiences with headteachers or authoritarian parents who punish any mistake. I believe that accountability should be a relationship that believes the best about the person and seeks to be a safe place to bring or explore challenge in a culture where all humans are ever transforming and becoming more like Jesus. It’s just discipleship and we all need to be discipled until heaven. Accountability should be kind, warm, safe, helpful, stimulating, Jesus led, courageous, convicting and discipling. Don’t you think?
Real agency without accountability is just a repeat of what we know happened in the Judges cycle where everyone ‘did what was right in their own eyes’ but we know how that ended. ‘Being your own boss’ and ‘you do you’ is not how we are made to function is it? We need each other and we need the courage to challenge each other when we are invited to.
Thanks for reminding me of the negative connection any people may have with the word accountability.
Wow–what a great response!
The call to compassionately engage with those who resist responsibility is SUCH a necessary reminder. To see that there may be real shame and real fear, and not just sloughing off what is difficult is a powerful invitation.
I wholeheartedly agree with your perspective on accountibility–I often invite those I get to serve and lead with to see that “accountability” isn’t just about correction when something goes wrong or unmet (that’s a base and often unhealthy approach). Accountability when done right should be empowering–it should be mutual and include clarity of what is important along with ensuring we have the necessary tools to chase those important things, understanding what approrpriate boundaries are in pursuit of “wins” and why they exist, among other things.
Your distinction between blame and responsibility is important. When things don’t go as expected I am quick to blame myself, but that does not help the situation anyway. Responsibility, on the other hand, means considering what I have responsibility for separate from shaming myself or others. Things go wrong! It will always be true. It does not have to bear the weight of blame that can turn into shame.
I agree that Glanzer’s book is a great source for “Christ-centered, globally minded, and theologically informed leadership roles.” Leadership and power are very much related, but the direction of power is what determines a strong Christ-like leader. Is the leader giving out the power they have to empower people? Do they selflessly serve like Jesus did? Or Do they use power to lord it over others?