Sticky Love
In the book, Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead, the co-authors Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder collaborate to write about maturity in leadership. [1] They have come up with the acronym R.A.R.E. to denote the four habits that will cause your emotional intelligence to “soar”, or grow. [2] The first R represents remaining relational. This deals with a person’s sense of belonging. [3] The letter A stands for acting like yourself. Some leaders, for instance, change their personalities with every emotion they feel. [4] This change in personality makes it difficult for those that are under this type of leader to know exactly who they are dealing with from day to day. A good leader controls their emotions, even under stress. [5] The second letter R represents a return to joy. [6] Joy is the fuel our brains want to operate on, as opposed to fear. [7] The final letter is E. This is enduring hardship well. [8] Another way to understand this letter is to think of using our hard times as a way to bring us closer together. [9]
My favorite of these four habits was the first one, belonging, or remaining relational. For the remainder of this blog, I would like to take a closer look at this habit. The authors shared a moving story about hesed love in their book. The story was of a couple who spent time in a Nazi concentration camp many years before. They were older now. She had lost much of her memory, and sanity. He had not. Many people pressed him to put his wife in a home because she had become hard to handle. But he remembered the woman she used to be… a talented, renowned concert pianist. He still saw her this way. [10] He loved her with an enduring, “sticky” kind of love the Old Testament calls hesed love. [11] I love that!
I well remember the woman my mother used be before she succumbed to Alzheimer’s disease. She was entertaining, talented, beautiful, and could light up a room with her stories or even just her laugh. She was generous to a fault. Alzheimer’s changed her personality. She lived with me the last eight years of her life, until the Lord took her home. Many people thought I should put her in a nursing home, especially when times were tough and she was hard to handle. But I remembered her… Her bright eyes and joyful, heartwarming laughter, and her gentle touch. And I kept her with me. She’s gone now, and I have no regrets. I would do it all again if I could. It was that sticky kind of love.
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[1] Warner, Marcus, and Apollos Watered. “What Is Rare Leadership and Why Is It Important?” Premiumbeat.Com. December 30, 2022. Link.
[2] Warner, Marcus, and E. James Wilder. Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead. Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2016, p.19.
[3] Ibid, p.31.
[4] Warner, Marcus, and Apollos Watered. “What Is Rare Leadership and Why Is It Important?” Premiumbeat.Com. December 30, 2022. Link.
[5] Ibid.
[6] Ibid, p.31.
[7] Warner, Marcus, and Apollos Watered. “What Is Rare Leadership and Why Is It Important?” Premiumbeat.Com. December 30, 2022. Link.
[8] Warner, Marcus, and E. James Wilder. Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead. Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2016, p.19.
[9] Ibid, p.31.
About the Author
Tonette Kellett
Missionary, teacher, Bible student, traveler ... Having lived in Kenya and Korea, I now live in Mississippi and work with the Mississippi Band of Choctaw Indians.10 responses to “Sticky Love”
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Thank you Tonette for sharing your and your mom’s story. Your love for your mother reminds me of Jesus’s love for his disciples. It wasn’t that it was easy and many times he was angry with them and he never left them. Even as I reflect on the acronym RARE, I realize that much of what you’ve shared with us in your posts have reflected each of these principles. Thank you for being who you are and sharing that with us!
Thank you Caleb for your comments. I appreciate you and your kindness very much.
Tonette, Thank you so much for writing about your love for your mom. I so appreciate how you write from the core of your being and about the people who mean so much to you.
Also, what an excellent breakdown and explanation of the RARE qualities about which Warner and Wilder write. I like how you condensed these meanings all into one paragraph and then chose one on which to expand. Thank you so much for sharing your writing and thoughts. This blog really touched me.
Jenny,
You are so kind. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family! Much love to you my friend!
Tonette,
What a beautiful tribute to your mother. Eight years is a long time to care for your mother. What a gift of love! I know your reunion with her will be sweet with her when you see her in Heaven.
Is God challenging you to have sticky love in your life right now? I pray that you will persevere in this.
Thank you for your example Tonette!
Kristy,
Sticky love in my life right now is not the same as it was with my mother… but there is always the need to love others unconditionally and continually. That’s still sticky. So yes, I press on in it from day to day as we all do.
Hi Tonette,
Thanks for a great post. I was also touched by the couple’s story; I love the title you gave it. “Sticky” love indeed. I pray we are infused by this kind of love.
Do you realize, like I do, that this is very rare in our world today?
Jean,
I do think it is rare to love with a sticky kind of love – but I think it is what God calls Christians to do… love unconditionally and continually.
YOU ARE A RARE LEADER!
Do you have a Rare Leader within your school that you can confide in together?
I pray we all get the chance of the sticky love that you talk about!
Alana,
You are such an encourager!
In my school, I have a “triangle” of friends. We support one another and encourage each other. There are others too, but the triangle offers real support when needed.