Soul and Identity Mapping: Thresholds of the Leader’s Inner Life
As I sit with Friedman and Walker in this second week, I am realizing that their ideas are no longer just “leadership theories.” They are pressing into the deep places of my inner life—my anxieties, my defenses, and the edges where I am being invited to grow.
Friedman’s picture of anxious systems—families, churches, organizations, and even nations—has helped me name something I have felt for a long time but could not articulate. He describes a chronically anxious emotional climate filled with reactivity, outrage, blame, and fear of offending others, where quick fixes are preferred over real change and leaders are often sabotaged when they try to lead with clarity.[1] When I read that, I recognized my own environments: family expectations, community pressures, church conflicts, and organizational demands. I saw how easily I can be pulled into people-pleasing, rescuing, or avoiding criticism rather than standing calmly and clearly in who I am and what I am called to do.
Friedman’s “offense moves” toward anxiety have especially touched my inner life. He calls the leader to be clear about who they are, what they are about, and what they will and will not be responsible for; to be present; to expect sabotage and respond calmly; to focus on their real responsibilities; and to remain visionary and adventurous. These ideas challenge my tendency to shoulder everyone’s burdens and to confuse love with rescuing. They invite me to stay connected to people without being swallowed by their anxiety.
Walker comes from a different angle but lands in a very similar place: leadership starts with who I am, not what I do. His language of frontstage and backstage, and his vision of the “undefended leader,” have opened up a spiritual dimension in my leadership.[2] An undefended leader is not in self-protection mode, but is grounded in God’s security. This has been a big relief. I am learning that leadership does not begin with my abilities or knowledge but with who I am in Christ. When I remember that, I feel more able to admit weakness, to share power, and to steward power on behalf of others rather than owning it for myself. Freedom comes when my backstage and frontstage begin to align, so I do not live from a false self. Walker’s call to release control, approval, performance, and dependency into God’s hands has become a spiritual invitation for me to seek healing from self-defensiveness and to grow in generosity, humility, and courage.
These ideas have become very concrete in recent situations. One example is my extended family. My wife and I wanted to help relatives by offering short-term accommodation. That hospitality slowly turned into long-term housing, and now it is a real strain. Underneath, I notice my fear of displeasing others and my desire to avoid criticism. Another example is in our Micronesian community’s funeral practices. A few of us suggested that each family begin taking responsibility for future funeral expenses, including considering life insurance, because the number of funerals is increasing. That perspective was not welcome. In both cases, I felt the tension of wanting to help, wanting to keep peace, and yet also sensing that the system was “stuck” and that clearer boundaries were needed.
Looking back now with Friedman and Walker in mind, I can see how I would respond differently. The key difference would be starting with self-examination and clearer boundaries of responsibility. Instead of just reacting to pressure, I would ask: What am I truly responsible for here, and what am I not responsible for? I would aim for better alignment between my backstage convictions and my frontstage actions. I would expect pushback as normal in an anxious system rather than as a sign that I am doing something wrong. And I would intentionally respond with grace and humility, while leaving the results to God. This is what it means for me to “push through the system”: to stay present, clear, and compassionate without collapsing into fear or control.
Several ideas have become thresholds of the soul for me—inner crossings that change how I see myself and others. One is that leadership truly starts with the inner life: realigning my frontstage and backstage, expecting resistance, and still following through with grace and humility. Another is that I am called to be creative, visionary, and adventurous, not just cautious and compliant. I am slowly embracing the truth that I can stay connected to people without carrying all their anxiety, and that I do not have to defend my image if I am grounded in Christ.
My leadership identity is evolving on several levels. Intellectually, I now see that while understanding leadership and having skills are important, my presence as a leader is even more important. Being there—emotionally and relationally, not just physically—is part of my calling. Emotionally, I am learning to name anxiety without being driven by it. I am beginning to see that I can acknowledge tension and criticism without letting them define me. Spiritually, I recognize more clearly that all of this only holds together as I entrust my leadership and its outcomes to God.
New thresholds are emerging as I continue to integrate the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of my identity. I know there is more growth ahead and more situations that will stretch me. I sense that future thresholds will come in the same kinds of places: family expectations, community decisions, and leadership roles where clarity, courage, and humility are all required at once.
Certain practices and relationships help me remain calm, present, and undefended under pressure. Knowing myself in relation to the issue and, more importantly, in relation to God is central. Prayer, reflection, and balancing my inner life (backstage) with my public responsibilities (frontstage) help me stay grounded. It is not just about being present, but being firm when needed, while still disciplined in grace and humility.
This integrated way of understanding myself—intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually—has become a foundational tool for any leadership role, whether in family, church, community, or larger organizations. Leadership requires self-awareness, and that self-awareness grows best when my thinking, feelings, and faith come together. As I continue this journey, I sense that God is inviting me to lead not from anxiety or defense, but from a deeper, more integrated self-rooted in his presence.
[1] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, 10th anniversary rev. ed. (New York: Church Publishing, 2017).
[2] Simon P. Walker, Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership (Carlisle, UK: Piquant, 2007).
About the Author
Noel Liemam
15 responses to “Soul and Identity Mapping: Thresholds of the Leader’s Inner Life”
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Noel,
I have appreciated the last couple of years learning fro your unique perspective. You bring insight to the class that comes from your cultural background and location as a leader. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn alongside you.
Hello, Mr. Cheney, thank you for your comment. I hope I at least contributed something. Well, this program has stretched my limits; I have learned so much not only from our lead mentor but from you and everyone else in this program that I cannot contained. After this course, I will revisit my notes and the blogposts. They were so rich that I needed more time to digest, ingest. Thank you, Adam, for making the learning lively. Thank you again, Mr. Adam Cheney!
Noel, as I read your post, I saw some of myself in it. Thank you for articulating it. As you are more aware of the limits of caring for others, what concrete steps have you considered taking to care for yourself and your family within the framework of your culture where extended family is very important?
Hello, Ms. Tuttle, thank you for comment. I appreciate you point. You know this is really difficult situation for me when it comes to family since my reaction to this would go against the tradition back in the islands. The main concrete step that I would be taking is just to pray and stand my ground for now. Thank you once again, Ms. Diane Tuttle.
Noel, I have appreciated reading your blogs. You have always brought a unique perspective and have brought your whole self into these. I’ve learned a lot about your world and worldview through this. You are inspiring. Bless you, brother, as you continue to serve the mission of Jesus.
Thank you, Mr. Graham English, for your encouragement. I am very well blessed and fortunate to have you and the rest of our group members to be learning from. As I mentioned earlier, the fellowship, the learning and the experiences are so rich that have shaped not only my learning, but my life as well. Thank you so much, Mr. Graham English.
Hey Noel,
Thank you for sharing so honestly. You named dynamics that many of us feel but rarely articulate, especially how anxious systems can pull us toward rescuing, peace-keeping, or carrying more than we should. Your examples—from family housing to funeral practices in your community—made those tensions very real, and I appreciate the vulnerability it took to share them.
I’m encouraged by the way you’re paying attention to what’s beneath the surface—your desire to help, your fear of disappointing others, and your growing clarity around boundaries. That kind of self-awareness is courageous and will continue to shape your leadership in meaningful ways.
It has truly been a joy to be in your peer group on this journey. Your closing reflection on leading from a deeper, more integrated place rooted in God’s presence was a beautiful way to end, and I trust you’ll continue stepping into leadership with steadiness and grace.
Thank you, Elysse, I have been so enriched from learning from you and all the cohort members. It has been both a privilege and a blessing to be part of this group!
Hi Noel, It seems like the inner work you are doing is going to be making a real difference for the community you love and serve. Thank you for being part of our peer group, I have enjoyed your sneaky humor! I bless you with endurance to the end, Dr. Liemam!
Thank you, Julie, I needed all the prayers out there for myself and my involvement within this Micronesian community. I am thankful that I am part of this group. Thank you for the blessings!
Noel, you were one of the first people I met in Oxford at our first Advance, joking with you in the dining hall. Since then, I have appreciated learning from your unique perspective as a Micronesian leader. As you step into this “deeper, more integrated self-rooted in his presence,” may you experience God in unbelievable ways!
Thank you, Kari, for allowing me to be part of your circle. Your open-heartedness and kindness have been a source of blessings for me. I have never met someone with your caliber with such humility and grace. Thank you, Kari!
Noel it has been a pleasure sharing with you on this journey. As you talked about your emotional, spiritual and intellectual response which was the toughest adaptation?
Hi, Rev. Jaime, thank you for all that you have contributed to my learning journey. You are one of those I look up to for encouragement and guidance. Thank you once again, Dr. Jaime!
Great final cohort post, Noel!
Indeed, your desire for “releasing control, approval, performance, and dependency into God’s hands” is evident in you.
May you not only grow in generosity, humility, and courage yourself, but may this ooze out of you into the lives of so many others, Micronesian or otherwise.
And let’s get you to Canada someday. Peace, brother.