Written by: Jeff Styer on December 2, 2025

Soul and identity Mapping

Part of being a leader is recognizing and attempting to understand who you are as a person, but how does a person map their soul and identity? One way I have done this is through reflecting upon the content of the books we have read mapping out what the author is discussing  and where it applies to me. I have done this with both Simon Walker and Edwin Friedman’s books. Four ideas of Walker’s jump out.

1. “You are not as successful as you think you are—but you cannot be as unsuccessful as you fear. “[1] I tend to downplay success, so it is the latter half that struggle with, especially when standing in front of students teaching.
2. “Enjoy the moment and stay in it.” [2] This is hard for me; I have a hard time of slowing down when there is a list of things to do. Even in my recreational time, I find myself thinking about what I need to do next.
3. “It is clear to me that, as a leader, we can never give unless we have first received. Receiving should always come before giving.”[3] I love giving to others, time, and resources, but find myself struggling often feeling like I don’t deserve people’s gifts.
4. “The role of the leader is often, in fact, to make the situation worse so that it can get better. He needs to be the one who can allow things to go wrong and let people struggle and fail—for only then will people start to take responsibility for the situation and the choices they make. A Leader, who is a Mr. Fixit, is not leader at all.”[4] I am a Mr. Fixit, taking responsibility that doesn’t really belong to me and often trying to soften the consequences of what should be a person’s failure.

Looking at Friedman’s book, I find myself needing to do a better job differentiating myself from the anxiety that is going on around me.[5] For example, last year our organization went through some major change that appeared unwanted and even unjust by many. As I learned about some actions and decisions that were reportedly made, I felt anger and found myself developing a herd mentality. However, after taking a step back, assessing my position and my goals, I began to emotionally distance myself from the rest. I prayed for everyone who I knew was impacted by this change, lamented over the loss that the organization experienced, and rejoiced with those who reported positive changes.

Looking back at the event, I felt frustrated with myself to have been caught up with a herd mentality but rejoice that I neither said nor did anything that I would be ashamed of. If something like this were to occur again, I want to exhibit more trust in others as Walker suggests.[6] This is especially true when I don’t know the entire situation.  I want to trust that they said or did what they felt was right in that situation. If I have learned anything about leadership, I have learned that leaders make difficult choices, thus the need to be well-differentiated. I would also like to not be as easily reactive and jump into a herd mentality with my thoughts or actions. To stay spiritually grounded I would like to take time to pray before doing anything else.

Thresholds of the soul

We have read so many books that have focused on how and why people act the way they do. Overall, this allows me to see myself and others differently. These concepts allow me to offer more latitude towards a person’s behavior and even my own mistakes. Focusing specifically on Friedman, I see the chronic anxiety that exists in society, and the emotional triangles people engage in.[7] Focusing on Walker, I am more apt to notice a person’s front stage and backstage and how some of the ego structures are manifesting themselves.[8] Schein and Schein’s idea of Humble Leadership was a threshold of the soul.[9] The idea that a leader needs to personize his followers. To build personal relationships with people that “foster openness and trust.” [10] Many leaders do not feel like they can be vulnerable with others. But Schein and Schein suggest that vulnerability is essential. Warner and Wilder’s acronym of RARE leadership allowed me to see things that I do well and areas of improvement. Annabel Beerel wrote “there can be no one hero to do it all. We need many effective leaders working collaboratively together, complementing one another’s capacities and skills yet keeping one united goal in mind.”[11] From this statement I see that leadership is complex and does not, cannot involve just one person.

My evolved picture of leadership

Intellectually, I have a much better understanding of how I make decisions and areas where I need to grow as a person and as a leader. Emotionally, I have learned how to better stay in the room when I disagree with someone’s point of view, how to realize that I am not being attacked but instead realize that a person is engaged in their System 1 thinking and are attacking the things I said. Spiritually, I and my cohort members have been able to weave spiritual insights into all the readings in which we have engaged. Seeing these insights has enable me to examine my own relationship with God as it relates to my current leadership context and seek to trust him more.

I see that God is calling me to be an undefended, well-differentiated leader. A leader who can sit with people amid their anxieties and hardships and be present with them without being drawn into their chronic anxiety or be concerned about what others think and/or say about me. Also a leader that can assess their own intellectual, emotional, and spiritual health and seek out others when assistance is needed, knowing that they need others for my their health as a leader.

Next Stage of Growth

I am not sure what my next stages of growth entail. My role at work will be changing some next semester as I take on additional administrative duties and step out of the classroom some. I have mixed feelings about this. There are some classes I thoroughly enjoy teaching and others that I continue to feel like an imposter. I know that I will grow in my new duties, I will have to make more decisions, seek the input of others and rely more on God to help me lead. Once I am finished with this program, I also see myself becoming more involved with my church and denomination. I have been asked to consider being the vice moderator and then moderator of my presbytery. The thought of this intimidates me because I am not a pastor and feel like I don’t know much about leading a church.

[1] Simon Walker, The Undefended Leader, (Carlisle, CA: Piquant Editions Ltd, 2010), 107.

[2] Walker, 108.

[3] Walker, 116.

[4] Walker, 152.

[5] Edwin Friedman A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. (New York: Church Publishing, 2007).

[6] Walker, 110.

[7] Friedman.

[8] Walker.

[9] Edgar H.Schein and Peter A. Schein. Humble Leadership: The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust. (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2018).

[10] Schein and Schein, 20

[11] Annabel Beerel, Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories, (New York, NY: Routledge, 2021)., 4.

Image created by ChatGPT “Person Drawing Map at Table with Books.”

About the Author

Jeff Styer

Jeff Styer lives in Northeast Ohio's Amish Country. He has degrees in Social Work and Psychology and currently works as a professor of social work at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. Jeff is married to his wife, Veronica, 25+ years. Together they have 4 beautiful children (to be honest, Jeff has 4 kids, Veronica says she is raising 5). Jeff loves the outdoors, including biking, hiking, camping, birding, and recently picked up disc golf.

One response to ““Soul and Identity Mapping: Thresholds of the Leader’s Inner Life””

1. Shela Sullivan says:

   December 3, 2025 at 7:36 pm

   Hi Jeff,

   This will be my last question. Thank you for sharing your stories.
   What does being “well-differentiated” look like in your current leadership context?

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