Self-Differentiation Helps Your Brain At Work
It’s after 2pm and I’m just sitting down to write this blog post. I know better than to try to write cohesively after 2pm. The afternoon is not a good time for me to try to think creatively or even to try to organize my simple thoughts into a readable blog post. By 2pm I’ve already been up for many hours and even if it hasn’t been an incredibly mind tasking day during which I’ve had to make a huge decision by the afternoon I’ve already made a thousand simpler decisions taxing my mental capacity to dig deep and think creatively. In his book, “Your Brain At Work, Revised and Updated: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus and Working Smarter All Day Long” author David Rock writes, “It’s helpful to become aware of your own mental energy needs and schedule accordingly. For example, if you have to do some creative writing in several different projects, which requires a clear, fresh mind, you might do all your creative writing on a Monday”[1] or in my case, I should do my creative writing first thing in the morning as I am drinking my quad-latte.[2]
In today’s fast-paced world, distractions and information overload have become the norm. As a result, it has become increasingly difficult to focus and work smarter all day long. To overcome these challenges, many authors have written books on various strategies for improving focus and productivity.
One of the first things Rock emphasizes is the importance of managing your mental energy. He writes, “The pre-frontal cortex has much in common with other energy hungry parts such as muscles. It tires from use, and can do a lot more after a good rest.”[3] This means that I shouldn’t be starting to write this blog post at 2pm when my brain is already tired. Perhaps I would have better insights[4] and even be more productive if I took a break, went for a walk, did something entirely different, instead of trying to power through.
But here I am, caffeine long gone from my system, afternoon lull setting in, my phone right next to me alerting me to every text and news story and phone call.
Which is another thing I have working against me: this stupid phone sitting here buzzing me to complete distraction. Our phones have become somewhat of an appendage these days. Never far from our sides, they are always calling our names, trying to get us to pick them up, to look away from anything other than their colorful screens. I was talking with a colleague this morning about how we are “always on,” “always available.” How, if we don’t return a church member’s email right away we are apt to get another email asking if we saw the first email! To be able to prioritize work, to choose to NOT answer an email takes what Friedman calls “self-differentiation” because you are choosing to not give in to the chaos and anxiety of others around you but instead to focus on the goal you have set.
This is something I really want to consider. How much of my distraction and inability to focus and to be productive is a result of not being self-differentiated? Friedman says a self-differentiated leader can remain a “non-anxious, well-principled presence”[5] in the face of stressors swirling outside and within the group she is leading. Rather than getting caught up in the same dysfunctional behaviors which plague the group, she stands apart from and above the dysfunction. In this case, the dysfunction would be co-dependency with our phones.
Is it that I am too worried about pleasing others that I feel that I need to immediately respond to their needs or is this a learned behavior based on what I’ve see seen my “masters” do?
In Eve Poole’s book, “Leadersmithing” she talks about the importance of apprenticeship. Poole writes, “If you can do something beautiful in miniature it convinces you and your masters you are ready for bigger things.”[6] She then discusses how as an “apprentice” we learn how to do the “big” things, such as our job, from doing the work under and learning from our “master.” Most “masters” under which I have “apprenticed” have been tied to their phones, checking them regularly, responding when a text or email arrives. When I have been the one to beckon the master he/she usually comes quickly, answering my question or my email or my text even within a few minutes. What I’ve learned from this is that to be a “good” master or leader, I too must respond almost immediately.
And yet, as we’ve read in Rock’s book, this kind of constant distraction leads to less productivity, less ability to think clearly and efficiently, less creativity and no room for insights or problem solving. As we step into leadership or into the role of “master” as Poole writes, how might it benefit the workplace as well as our “apprentices” if we modeled putting our phones away, turning them to airplane mode, taking a day or two to answer questions and emails? How might productivity increase if we modeled taking a mid-day walk with our phones left on our desk, or going to the gym, reading a fiction novel, or finding time to paint or dance as part of the work day?
To be able to do this will require us as leaders to be self-differentiated. I can already imagine the chaos and anxiety it might produce in those who are “nose to the grindstone” types, those who think work should be just that: work, not rest or creativity or fun. But as a leader perhaps it is vital to our apprentices as well as to ourselves and to our work to learn to take breaks, put down the phone, let our minds rest and recuperate so that we can think clearly and creatively.
[1] Rock, David. Your Brain At Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long. Revised and Updated edition. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 2016, 32.
[2] IBID, 93. Caffeine is like a bigger computer screen, a proven technique for increasing mental performance.
[3] IBID, 31.
[4] IBID, 109.
[5] Friedman, Edwin H., and Peter Steinke. A Failure of Nerve, Revised Edition: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. 10th Anniversary edition. New York: Church Publishing, 2017.
[6] Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership, n.d. Accessed February 15, 2023. https://www.scribd.com/book/338727696/Leadersmithing-Revealing-the-Trade-Secrets-of-Leadership, 86.
About the Author
Kally Elliott
Mom of four. Wanna-be Broadway star. PC(USA) pastor. Wife. Friend. Sometimes a hot mess. Sometimes somewhat together. Is this supposed to be a professional bio?8 responses to “Self-Differentiation Helps Your Brain At Work”
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Thanks Kally,
You motivated me….I think I will go for a walk with my dog (also a source of my dopamine daily fix).
I too am a morning person. I have given up great thinking after I have had lunch. So that means my mental sweet spot is 4:00 am to 6:00 pm. After that my day is household chores and focusing on my special needs daughter.
Thank God for Niki (my daughter), I have to detach from “me” and focus on “her.” At first I couldn’t do it, I am better in 2023 (2022 was a lousy relationship year).
Respond, not react.
Those words were spoken into my life. Respond as in first responder. Arriving on the scene to help and heal.
Not react as in knee jerk reactions. As we have learned, my initial reactions are usually heuristically WRONG.
Respond PLUS two seconds. Letting the “director” kick in. Perhaps I need to focus on HIM being my director. Two seconds and the Holy Spirit. Hmmmm…might be on to something here.
Great post..Shalom…Russ
Kids keep us from being completely selfish with our time! We have to detach from ourselves, our work, etc and focus on them. It can be difficult to do, especially when pressure from work (or school) is breathing down your neck. I appreciate your movement to “respond not react.” I find that super helpful.
Kally…I also started to think through my interface with technology this week. While I can quite easily leave technology on the desk without fear of disappointing people (I’m not a big people-pleaser….I sin in other ways!)….I am becoming aware at how much my phone (which is alway on) and my email (which is on my computer that I am trying to do focussed work on all the time) distract me and force me to re-calibrate once I check the beep, respond to the email, etc… I’m not even sure if I can turn off notifications on my email! I’ve never considered it….until now. Perhaps now is the time to start deciding when I am going interact with the world via technology…and not let the world decide for me!
“Perhaps now is the time to start deciding when I am going interact with the world via technology…and not let the world decide for me!”
This comment was a good framing for me to think about my use of technology. So often I let the technology decide for me (or the people on the other end of the technology decide for me) about when I am going to respond and interact. I need to do a better job of deciding for myself. It should be a tool to help us not a burden.
I think we are just on the cusp of discovering all that our “devices” are doing to us mentally, emotionally, and let’s add, relationally and spiritually.
I have certain hacks and tricks I utilize such as turning off all notification, every buzz, alert and even those numbers that tell you how many messages you’ve missed. That helps me focus. I also have to put my phone out of eyesight when I’m doing “Deep Work” (ala Cal Newport).
I appreciate the hacks and tricks you’ve mentioned. I’m gonna see which ones I can integrate!
“I think we are just on the cusp of discovering all that our “devices” are doing to us mentally, emotionally, and let’s add, relationally and spiritually.”
I’ve been thinking about this comment all week, especially as my tween daughter keeps asking for more technology and I keep resisting. The technology ship has sailed with my older kids but I have an opportunity to do things a bit differently with my daughter.
I have noticed a bit of a shift in how younger people are thinking about and interacting with their devices. I’m not talking about teenagers or tweens but about young adults – in their 20’s and maybe early 30’s. In my experience they seem to be better about not answering at all hours and turning the device off from time to time.
Kally, you wrote your post at 2p…I’m writing my response at 10p after a full weekend of Easter services that just got done. Talk about brain-done.
Our phones and email are a mixed blessing/curse. Great tools, terrible taskmasters.
It would be great if we could all culturally reset the expectations surrounding these things. But that’s not gonna happen. So I guess we have to reset our own expectations of how we will use them and let others just be frustrated or disappointed.
I have a pastor friend who is terrible at answering texts and emails. I used to be frustrated at that. Now I wonder if he’s onto something!?!
“It would be great if we could all culturally reset the expectations surrounding these things. But that’s not gonna happen. So I guess we have to reset our own expectations of how we will use them and let others just be frustrated or disappointed.”
Whew! YES! It would be great if we could all culturally reset the expectations! I was listening to an audiobook last night at 10pm, winding down for bed, when a text from a congregation member came through. Of course, my notifications were not off and the entire text was read to my by Siri. I found myself super annoyed that this person would text me with stuff that definitely could have waited until the next day at 10pm at night but then whose fault was it for having her notifications still on? Ugh. I did not answer the text. Still haven’t. Might not even answer it. Oh, who am I kidding?