Seems Simple Enough
Book Summary
In his book, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk argues that trauma is not just a psychological problem, but also a physical one. When we experience trauma, our brains and bodies go into “fight-or-flight” mode.[1] This is a natural survival response that helps us to cope with danger. However, if we are exposed to repeated or prolonged trauma, our brains and bodies can become stuck in this mode.[2] This can lead to a variety of physical, emotional, and mental health problems. One of the core ideas that van der Kolk highlights is that trauma doesn’t just create mental and emotional states, it changes a person’s physiology.[3] Van der Kolk draws on research from a variety of fields, including neuroscience, psychology, and psychiatry, to explain how trauma affects the brain and body. He also discusses the different ways that trauma can be treated.
One of the mediums of healing presented is through support groups. Van der Kolk states that “finding a responsive community in which to tell your truth makes recovery possible.”[4] I’m drawn to this because it sounds so simple. As a pastor, I recognize that everyone at church, including myself, has been touched and shaped by trauma to varying extents. So how do I facilitate building communities that help people heal?
Seems Simple Enough
It seems simple, but I have to be a good listener. In his book, Soul of Shame, Curt Thompson discusses how the listener is vital in helping someone tell their story. He says that “storytelling is much more a dance between teller and listener than it is a monologue”[5]. Good listeners are just static takers. Van der Kolk’s description of a responsive community resonates with Thompson’s hope that good listeners can energize the storyteller and help them tell a more honed story through good questions and helpful exploratory responses.[6] Modeling this as a norm for all community gatherings helps to shape them into healing spaces. What’s exciting about this, is that just as trauma can create behavioral templates[7] through physiological, emotional, and mental changes, healing can do the same. In these communities, participants learn not only to live as if “they will be okay”, but also learn to live as if “they are ok”[8]
It’s Not Simple
While it sounds easy in theory, creating spaces that accommodate various manifestations of trauma can be difficult. When I was a youth pastor, a student whom I’ll refer to as K began to attend our weekly gatherings. It quickly became clear that K was often angry and would become aggressive relatively quickly. Many parents became concerned and pushed me to consider barring K from attending our weekly gatherings. I don’t blame them. Regularly, K would get upset and begin to throw furniture around. On more rare occasions, he would threaten to physically harm others and/or himself. I share this to say (a little defeatedly) that sometimes maybe we’re simply not equipped to be the community that someone needs. There’s a weird tension that comes with that realization. Van der Kolk mentions that survivors of trauma, of which I think K is, can often “begin to fear they are damaged to the core and beyond redemption.”[9] How could it possibly be that a community of God’s people might not be able help K heal? To this day, I remain frustrated at this tension because I felt we did everything we could. We prayed for healing, we sat and listened, we were, as best we could be, a responsive community. On top of that, K was going to therapy and on medication.
Navigating trauma, our own and others’, is frustrating and difficult. The only solace I find is in the reassurances that God is working when I feel like world methods are not and the hope we have in new heaven and new earth. In the meantime, I will settle to bring healing and spread life by taking the posture of a continual and constant learner in communities that are willing to do the same.
[1] Bessel A. Van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, (New York, New York: Viking, 2014), 52.
[2] Ibid, 42.
[3] Ibid, 5.
[4] Ibid, 246.
[5] Curt Thompson, The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves, (Westmont: InterVarsity Press, 2015), 88.
[6] Ibid, 88.
[7] Poole, Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership, (London: Bloomsbury Publishing Plc, 2017), 11.
[8] Thompson, The Soul of Shame, 137.
[9] Van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score, ii.
About the Author
Caleb Lu
9 responses to “Seems Simple Enough”
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Caleb,
Great post and synopsis. Thank you for adding your personal experience in this matter. In a multicultural church with different financial backgrounds, broken people can struggle to find a place of acceptance and love.
Community and fellowship can be a difficult thing in the Church and amongst Christians. Great post!
God Bless
Greg, thanks for the encouraging words!
Caleb – Thank you for the vulnerable post. It IS so challenging to walk alongside people who have experienced trauma and abuse. All we can do is our best and trust that God will continue to bring caring people into their life for their healing journey. Does your church have support groups for people experiencing trauma? I’m looking into some for ours and was curious if you utilized any particular formats or organizations.
Laura, we don’t currently have formal or specific support groups. The church I attend is pretty small. Our hope is that every regular gathering is centered around being a community that is responsive, listens well, and allows people to tell their stories.
If we feel that a more formal and specific support group might be helpful, (and more often if someone asks for something more formal or specific), we’ll look with them for one that already exists in the community .
That makes sense. Thanks, Caleb!
Caleb, thank you for your honest thoughts in this. Yes, simply being a good listener in order to bring healing to others sounds good in theory as you say. And there is truth to this. But it is, as you pointed out, more complex than that. I guess this is why the spiritual practice (an unfortunately overlooked one at that) of lament is needed for us to be communities of healing. Not that this would “fix” K, but I do believe that if we are going to be communities of healing for those with trauma, we need to take seriously the practice of lament. I lament with you the story of K, but I hope alongside you that trauma does not have the final say in his life, but healing love does.
David, thanks for the thought about lament. Lament is so important in creating welcoming spaces because it reminds us that pain, suffering, and trauma are all part of the broken world we live in. I’ve been thinking about what it might mean to regularly work lament into liturgy and practices of worship. I’d be curious to hear if you had any thoughts on how that might be done well or if you’ve tried anything that has been helpful for your community!
Caleb, Great Post!
How can leaders create communities that are able to effectively support people affected by trauma? Do you have any initial thoughts on first steps?
When you have the love of God in your heart and you want to help it is hard to accept when you can’t. What are your thoughts about bringing someone into the church that can.