Sandbox Leadership and The Mental Balance
My first job as a youth landed me at an office with my older sister who had the crazy notion that my teenage brother needed something to do. As a result, she got me a volunteer job at her place of employment. She worked on 41st Street and Park Ave in New York City, in a 21st-floor, high-rise building with glass offices. Inside, I would find Hank, who was a VP in charge of a team of people. He was a spiritual church going man who professed his faith often.
Hank’s supervisory role was intense. He oversaw about 15 people and was responsible for meeting these hard deadlines three times a week. This pressure led to a hostile working environment characterized by shouting, blaming, and toxicity. My first job on Park Ave was becoming disastrous, and Hank was the cause. As a result, 10 people quit, leaving the company due to Hank’s poor leadership style and emotional outbursts.
Hank could be described as a sandbox leader. Sandbox leaders are grown-ups in positions of responsibility whose lack of emotional maturity creates catastrophic consequences for their unsuspecting followers. [1] The term sandbox leader is introduced by Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder in their book Rare Leadership. Unpacking four habits of rare leaders, they use RARE as an acronym for their four points. [2]
R – Remain Relational
A – Act Like Yourself
R – Return to Joy
E – Endure Hardship
Warner and Wilder suggest building emotional competence by seeing our brain through a fast-track processing pathway using an elevator model. This analogy intrigued and alarmed me, when they talked about our mental desire to feed ourselves, calling it predatory. Unlike computers, the brain must self-assemble as it grows. It must seek what it needs and feed itself. 69 As predatory is a harsh term, what Warner and Wilder state is factual, but the alarm rings in how we have the propensity to feed our brains in negative ways and the potential consequences for these actions.
This rewiring of the brain and the fast and slow system takes me back to Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking Fast and Thinking Slow. While they come from different perspectives—psychology and neuroscience for Kahneman and leadership with a relational and emotional intelligence focus for Warner and Wilder—they all share a common denominator: the brain. Kahneman highlights how biases, emotions, and cognitive shortcuts play a role in our decision-making, often leading to errors. This is done through System 1 and System 2 thinking. System 1 is a no-brainer. System 2 requires putting our brains to work. People who are cognitively busy are more likely to make selfish choices, use sexist language and make superficial judgments. [3]
Warner and Wilder come from a similar but different perspective. They emphasize emotional maturity and relational circuits within leadership and suggest that leaders who operate from a calm, relational mindset make better decisions.
“A well-trained fast track operates in a protective, life-giving way to the attachments it forms. A poorly trained master-system will tend to be predatory, defensive, fear-bound, and selfish.” [4]
As I enjoyed this practical reading, what resonated with me was the spiritual interconnectedness to leadership. As I think about how Christian leaders operate in sacred and secular spaces, this is an effective tool for balancing one’s thoughts and emotions. Reflecting upon my first job experience, one of the things that might have benefitted Hank was group therapy. He was off the rails and needed guidance beyond accountability he required identity. There is a difference between an accountability group and an identity group. An accountability group asks people to get together and be honest about their behavior and whether they are living up to their commitments an identity group is focused on helping people remember who they are and how God created them to act.”[5]
Identity groups are a key practice in the road to transformation, and Warner and Wilder add two other suggested areas, imitation exercises and intimacy with God. Reflecting upon the life journey of many spiritual leaders, a common pitfall cited is the decreasing amount of time spent in intimacy with God. To this point, Warner and Wilder write, We intuitively understand that mature believers should be better practiced in the art of intimacy with God and recognizing his still small voice within than those who are just beginning their journey.[6] Should be, could be but are we? That is the real question? The major takeaway I receive out of this is balance. Healthy leaders must have balance. We must work to balance our minds and our time with God while remaining relational. If we do this, we become better and brighter in reflecting the image of God to the world that desperately needs to see it.
[1] Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead, (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2016). 41-42
[2] Warner and Wilder, 25.
[3] Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2011). 41.
[4] Warner and Wilder, 84.
[5] Warner and Wilder, 53.
[6] Warner and Wilder, 113.
About the Author
Daren Jaime
12 responses to “Sandbox Leadership and The Mental Balance”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Daren, This book also took me back to Kahneman. As you think about your own life, what area do you want to work on to bring more balance to your RARE leadership?
Hi Kari! I can say with certainty being relational. Dealing with generational, cultural and social swings can be hard to navigate. Remaining prayerful, discerning and inviting has been a steady force for me being a leader. It is a daily gfrind but I pursue to become better each day.
Daren,
I too, was thinking of Kahneman. I see that the other cohort is reading him this week and maybe I will read a few of their posts to give myself a better reminder of his theories. You mentioned the identity groups. I had never really heard of these before. I had always heard of accountability groups. Do you have an identity group? If so, how has that helped you grow?
Hey Adam, I’m Glad to know we shared similar thoughts. I have never heard of an identity group, but my accountability brothers and sisters are Christian, so we always have this as the primary backdrop in all of our dealings. The identity group appears more intentional, and to that degree, I have not heard of it before.
Hi Daren,
Reflecting back across the decades of your leadership, where do you see pivotal moments of personal transformation along the RARE model (even if you didn’t have that type of language at the time)?
Hey Julie, I think the pivotal moments came in enduring hardship. In my formative years of ministry, I was either shielded or too green to endure hardship, partially due to age and inexperience. Some things that have occurred since- loss, grief, tragedy, family, and other congregational matters- have certainly thrown me into the waters.
There is a lesson in hardship, as it fosters several elements of spiritual formation. But the most significant learning curve is how enduring hardship makes you a witness for Christ to others who may not know him and to those weak in their faith.
Daren, thanks for sharing your personal experience with sandbox leadership. I’m wondering if you’ve also been able to experience the kind of identity group the authors discuss? If so, what benefits did/do you receive? If not, is this something that might be a priority for you? Why or why not?
Hi Debbie! Thanks for your question. Similar to my response to Adam, I have four accountability partners with whom I check in frequently. The identity portion referred to in our reading is encompassed in our talks and gatherings.
The fruit of this group is a safe space for vulnerability, direction, correction, encouragement, and even rebuke. This prevents us from walking in isolation and allows room for the dark side of leadership to overtake. We have done this for 15 years and added someone new to the group a few years ago. We vowed not to go past bringing 5 people into this space to maintain group intimacy.
Hi Daren – sorry about the poor experience you had with Hank. That experience probably resonates with all of us. How have you seen people like Hank grow over time in their leadership?
Yes, Daren. And also, how did this early experience with a ‘Sandbox leader’ form you in your leadership and connection with other toxic leaders through the years?
Hey Christy! Ironically, Hank did a 180 when I saw him several years ago. We have a mutual friend who is a partner in Hank’s present company, and he attests that Hank has made a huge turnaround.
Seeing people with Hanks qualities has gone a couple of different ways. Either they don’t go far at all, or individuals who feel comfortable maintaining their leadership style and behavior patterns may end up with many W-2s by year’s end.
Alternatively, there are corporate and organizational environments that choose to look past negative and toxic behavior for the sake of productivity, which, from my perspective, is sad and alarming.
Joel, the example Hank demonstrated actually stuck with me, and I said if I ever hold a space in leadership, I would work proactively to be inviting and not heavy-handed. I can vividly remember him being the topic of water cooler conversations. My early experience paved the way for me to look at ways to better engage and reach the bottom line while avoiding the minefields of the leadership terrain.