Sacred Memories: Nurturing Our Relationship with God Through Remembering
We were on a cross-country driving trip when I told my sister about how apparently, an angel had taken care of me.
It was July 2020, the month when it finally dawned on most people that Covid wasn’t going away “in two weeks.”
After an ugly divorce, my sister – younger than I am by three-and-a-half years, and childless – had moved to Texas from Oregon less than three years before. She is an incredible massage therapist and esthetician. Needless to say, however, her livelihood was completely shut down at that time; she was living utterly alone and isolated; and she knew it was time for another dramatic change.
Although post-college she had started as a paralegal in little Orford, NH, she had spent several decades living on the West Coast. Now she decided to sell her house near Dallas, Texas, and move back to NH to live with our parents until she could work again, and so she could be close to my tight-knit family of adult children (she has always been the “cool aunt”!), and start her life all over again.
I knew I needed to help her, but I didn’t trust flying at that time. So I drove a rental car from Maine to Nashville, where I met her, along with her three dogs and a trailer with all her worldly possessions. We took turns driving her car from there to New London, NH.
Along the way, we talked about our earliest memories. I told her about how – when I was only about three years old, living in the first apartment our parents had rented in NJ – I used to play a little game.
I would climb from the landing to the first step, turn around, and jump down.
Then I’d go to the second step, turn around, and jump down.
I kept doing this until I got higher and higher. When I jumped off the sixth or seventh step, I distinctly remember “floating” down to the landing at the bottom. It felt like an angel had carried me through the air and placed me gently on the floor. (I stopped jumping off of stairs at that point!)
“Oh my God!” she said (yes, she says that). “I had almost the exact same experience!”
Here we were, in our 50s, just getting to know each other for the first time in our adult lives. Driving across the country together for several days, sharing stories we’d never shared before. Remembering things we had forgotten.
Remembering helped us connect with each other in a more caring and intimate way. It set the stage for continual growth in our relationship.
Remembering is also an important way we attach to God and grow in him, through depending on him.
In Psalm 77, the psalmist writes,
“I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands, and I would not be comforted.
“I remembered you, God, and I groaned; I meditated, and my spirit grew faint… I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night…”
The first part of this psalm is written in clear desperation and despair. But it doesn’t stay there. As so often happens in the Psalms, the psalmist ends by remembering the goodness of God. He writes,
“Then I thought, ‘To this I will appeal: the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
“’I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
“’I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds…”
In his book, Thinking Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman first explains that we have two “systems” that operate in our minds. System 1 is unconscious and affects our thoughts and behaviors in ways about which we are often ignorant. System 2 is conscious; we think we’re in charge of what we’re doing and the choices we make, but System 1 often sneaks in priming and other strategies that affect everything we think and do.
Kahneman then introduces the concept of two selves: the experiencing self and the remembering self. The experiencing self lives in the moment, feeling pleasure and pain, while the remembering self reflects on past experiences and evaluates them overall. The remembering self plays a significant role in decision-making, as it focuses on memories rather than present experiences.
Kahneman highlights that our happiness is influenced more by how we remember experiences rather than the experiences themselves. Because memory is aided by powerful emotions, this influence is due to factors like the peak-end rule, where memories are shaped by the peak pleasure or pain of an experience and how it ends, and duration neglect, which minimizes the impact of the duration of an experience on memory.
How does our experience or memory contribute to – or detract from – our happiness? Kahneman writes,
“The experience of a moment or an episode is not easily represented by a single happiness value. There are many variants of positive feelings, including love, joy, engagement, hope, amusement, and many others. Negative emotions also come in many varieties, including anger, shame, depression, and loneliness. Although positive and negative emotions exist at the same time, it is possible to classify most moments of life as ultimately positive or negative…
“An individual’s mood at any moment depends on her temperament and overall happiness, but emotional well-being also fluctuates considerably over the day and the week. The mood of the moment depends primarily on the current situation…” [1]
In his book Self-Care: A Theology of Personal Empowerment & Spiritual Healing, Ray S. Anderson explains what this means for faithful believers,
“We can make a distinction between feelings as the irrational aspect of the self which ‘stirs up’ the heart, and emotion which is the attitude of the heart as oriented toward the promises of God. The psalmist prays: ‘Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distress’ (Ps. 25:17). The first sentence literally reads, ‘Expand the narrow places of my heart.’ H.W. Wolff comments: ‘Here the pains of angina and its anxiety coincide. But in Ps. 119:32, talk about the “enlarging” of the heart, that is to say the relieving of its cramp, has already left the idea of physical recovery far behind:’ ‘I run the way of your commandments, for you enlarge my understanding [heart]’ (ps. 119:32).” [2]
Anderson continues, “the intellectual or rational aspect of the self is not viewed as a capacity for abstract thought but as fully integrated with the affective power of the emotions. As a matter of fact, there was no Hebrew equivalent to our infinitive, ‘to think.’ Rather, the function of the heart is ‘to remember,’ ‘ to reflect upon,’ and ‘have true knowledge.’” [3]
As we also learned from A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman, “Messages… come through less because of the quality of their content than because of the emotional envelope in which they are delivered.” [4]
In our spiritual journey, remembering is key in our relationship with God, and emotions play an important role in encoding those memories into our experience and our bodies. Just as recalling past experiences with my sister deepened our bond, reflecting on God’s faithfulness, provision, and guidance can strengthen our faith. Remembering stories of God’s goodness can inspire gratitude, provide comfort in trials, and nurture a deeper connection with the God who calls us “beloved child.” In this journey, may we look back with thankfulness and forward with hope, trusting in God’s promises to guide us in love and faith.
========
1 – Daniel Kahneman, Thinking Fast and Slow (New Delhi: Penguin Random House, 2011), 393-394
2 – Ray S. Anderson, Self-Care: A Theology of Personal Empowerment & Spiritual Healing (Eugene, OR: WIPF & STOCK, 2010), 80.
3 – Anderson, 81.
4 – Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve (New York: Church Publishing, 2017), 136.
About the Author
Debbie Owen
Deborah C. Owen is an experienced spiritual director, Neuro-based Enneagram executive and life coach, disciple maker, professional writer, senior librarian, and long-time church Music Director and lay leader. She has earned the award of National Board Certification for teaching excellence, and a podcasting award, and is pursuing a Doctor of Leadership degree through Portland Seminary at George Fox University. She lives in the backwoods of Maine with her husband and flat-coated retriever. She spends as much time as she can with their 3 grown children, daughter-in-law, and 2 small grandchildren. Find her online at InsideOutMinistries.info.12 responses to “Sacred Memories: Nurturing Our Relationship with God Through Remembering”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Debbi,
Our church has printed a book that is full of testimonies of what we term “God Sightings.” These are stories of how people within our congregation saw God intervene in their lives. Our family has 3 stories. I like how you bring in the psalms. I am reading through the Psalms during Lent. I was challenged by my coach to not just read them but to explore the emotion the psalmist has in each. I am struck by the psalmists memory of God’s faithfulness despite what is currently going on in his life. Which does seem to encourage him.
Knowing what we know about memory, I am curious on your drive with your sister, did you discover that you and your sister remembered the same event differently? I am amazed at how much System 1 thinking is involved with our memory.
Jeff, my sister and I had similar experiences at around the same age, but we are 3.5 years apart. So our events were different. To be honest, I don’t remember more of the details, as that drive was 3.5 years ago. But I do know we both felt like we were carried downstairs at a young age. That’s pretty amazing!
Hi Debbie, as you wrote this post on “remembering”, I wonder if there was a particular memory from your spiritual journey that came to mind that was an encouragement or conviction for you in your current faith walk?
Great question Kari, about what I remember from my spiritual walk. Just today, as I was out for my morning quiet time walk in the woods by the lake, I remembered a moment from my first residency with the Renovare Institute.
I was out for my morning walk, alone, talking with God. I was asking for some sense of what the future might hold. God showed me the future, but it was like a black hole. God asked me, “Do you trust me?” I said, “Yes, I trust you. Let’s go.”
God showed me that memory just today as I contemplate even just the next few weeks. So… I move forward in trust…
Hi Debbie! Thank you for sharing, and I am glad to hear about reconnecting with your sister. That was a lot of driving you did. I am prone to find the closest airport, but long-distance driving indeed forms that bond. I’m interested to know what other things may have stuck out in Kahneman’s book that you find readily applicable to your life in this season?
What else about Kahneman’s book stuck out? I’d say just the idea that there is a conscious and an unconscious way that our brains work. I’m very interested in how the Enneagram can be used as a tool for transformation, and the key to using it – or any other personality tool – is acknowledging that we have hidden, unconscious motivations that drive our thoughts and behaviors. When we are self-aware enough to first notice, and then choose how we respond, that is the work of the Spirit in transformation – with our cooperation.
Hi Debbie, thanks for your post. I appreciate your emphasis on remembering what God has done. How do you think “the experiencing self” plays a role in discipleship as well?
Graham, good question. In the context of discipleship, the experiencing self is responsible for the immediate and ongoing experiences of the disciple. This includes our encounters with God, our interactions with fellow believers, and our participation in spiritual practices. The experiencing self is also responsible for the emotions and feelings that arise during these experiences, such as joy, peace, gratitude, or doubt.
The remembering self, on the other hand, plays a role in shaping the disciple’s overall perception of our spiritual journey. It stores and recalls memories of past experiences, both positive and negative, and uses these memories to form beliefs and attitudes about God, ourselves, and the world. The remembering self also influences our expectations and motivations for our spiritual growth.
Debbie, I appreciate your emphasis on remembering drawn from the Scriptures and Kahneman’s work. I agree the remembering is key to following Christ and being shaped into His image. What are your own rhythms of remembering? What do you suggest to others?
Chad, my rhythms of remembering include writing in my journal on most days. I use it to talk with God about the scriptures I’m studying and what God is saying to me in applying those scriptures to my life. And I use journaling to work out what is happening in my everyday life, and the thoughts and experiences I’m living.
Every once in a while I start a prayer journal so I can keep track of the many times God has answered my prayers in one way or another. I seem to fail at staying with it. Maybe it’s time to try again. 😉
Hi Debbie, the word “remember” kept coming to mind as I was reflecting on Kahneman’s concept of the experiencing self and the remembering self. I used Exodus 13 and 1 Corinthians 11 as examples of remembering the Lord. Thank you for highlighting verses in Psalm 77.
What methods of remembering best help remind you that you are God’s beloved child?
Elysse, to remember that I am God’s beloved child, I write regularly in my journal, especially the conversations I have with God.
I also have a couple of cut-out stars on the edge of my computer from the last two Epiphany Sundays (Star Sunday). Every person gets a star word to take home. In 2023 it was “forgiveness”. That word was a life-line to me last year. This year it is “wonder”. I am eager to see how many ways in which God calls me to wonder this year. 🙂
And after our trip to Oxford in the fall, my husband and I spent a couple of days on the Isle of Iona in Scotland. I had a profound experience of God’s presence in the sanctuary while there. The next day we walked to St. Columba’s beach where I picked up a big handful of white pebbles and shells. I gave some away, but I have many sitting on my desk. I look at them and pick them up and feel their smoothness, and their uniqueness, and I am reminded that God is always with me. It wasn’t just in that sanctuary for that moment; it is always.