Response-ability
I was recently presented with an opportunity to define leadership from my cohort colleague, Robert. Here’s how I chose to do so:
Leadership defines what today is and influences others toward what tomorrow will be. Good leadership does so while not losing one’s own soul.
It’s a work in progress and open to critique.
In Clear Thinking, Shane Parrish provides a guide to cultivating thinking and decisions that contribute toward goals. [1] Early in the book, I came across this quote from Jeff Bezos:
“Complaining is not a strategy. You have to work with the world as you find it, not as you would have it be.” [2]
This caught my eye for a couple of reasons. It speaks to the hard realities of leadership right here, right now, and it also begs the question: “What about vision and creating something different for tomorrow?”
Because of this, I was curious to explore the concepts in Parrish’s work through the lenses of today’s reality, tomorrow’s possibility, and safeguarding our souls on the journey between.
The Reality of Today
Bezos’ quote reminds us that we must function within the world in a manner that is consistent with what is real. We have a word for thinking about a situation as anything other than what it actually is: delusion.
It is the leader’s responsibility to dispel delusions. This includes delusions of the world, people, and our minds and how they work, as demonstrated by Hans Rosling [3], Daniel Kahneman [4], and David Rock. [5]
However, for the good leader, it also includes delusions about identity and purpose, as described by Simon Walker [6] and Jules Glanzer. [7]
Defaults and Delusions
Parrish describes some emotional and behavioral “defaults” we operate with. [8] I have added my thoughts on where we may experience delusion in these areas, including examples from others.
- The emotion default: we make decisions based on feelings before reasoning. We are deluded when we mistakenly believe we are thinking rationally. Duffy describes the reality of being wrong and how we can respond. [9]
- The ego default: we respond to threats to self-worth and social position. We are deluded when we think these are determinants of our value. Glanzer tells of a life event that affected his sense of identity and value. [10]
- The social default: norms of social groups influence what we consider good behavior. We are deluded when we conform and consent to harmful practices. Parrish describes a hallmark of a leader as their ability to nonconform. [11]
- The inertia default: comfort and habits are powerful motivators, and we can resist change. We are deluded when we believe staying static is always the best choice. Poole describes the leader as needing to ‘step up’ and initiate change. [12]
To dispel these delusions, Parrish outlines how leaders can build strength through self-accountability, self-knowledge, self-control, and self-confidence, followed by how they can manage weaknesses through familiarization, safeguards, and handling mistakes. [13]
Friedman describes this as being “well-differentiated.” [14] The well-differentiated leader is positioned to describe realities without it being a threat to their own sense of identity.
The Possibility of Tomorrow
In Parrish’s view, the path to getting what you want from the world lies in identifying the reality of how the world works and aligning yourself with it. [15] For tomorrow to be different, something must happen in today’s reality that would cause it to be different. A leader is responsible for defining a problem and its root cause and then working toward something different. [16]
Response-ability
Whether the situation we find ourselves in is of our own doing or that of others makes no difference. ‘Fault’ and ‘responsibility’ are not the same thing. Parrish writes, “Just because something happened that was outside of your control doesn’t mean it’s not your responsibility to deal with it the best you can.” [17]
Another fact of reality is that every situation we find ourselves in results from a combination of choices we have made and choices others have made. When tempted to blame, complain, or defend (BCD), [18] a good leader must reject these options and instead take ownership of regulating their own emotion, ego, social response, and tendency toward inertia. Betsy de Thierry describes this in practical detail in her recent blog post. [19]
Whatever situation they find themselves in, leaders have the responsibility–the ability to respond–to envision a different future and inspire others toward it.
Mistakes as learning
We may be tempted to be cautious about the future, which I think is wise. However, caution cannot last indefinitely. The leader must be decisive.
Parrish provides a helpful framework for decisions based on the severity of their consequences and their potential to be reversed. [20] The less impactful the consequences, the greater the capacity to absorb the mistake. Mistakes are the building blocks of learning and a key function of dispelling delusions about reality. [21]
Keeping the Soul
Leadership involves defining reality and setting a path forward. However, bad leaders chart a path forward that is harmful to others or themselves. What makes leadership good is the quality of that future and how we arrive there.
“Good judgment is, above all else, having wisdom,” writes Parrish. [22] He describes wisdom not simply as knowing how to get what you want but as knowing what is worth getting. [23]
Jesus asks, “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul?” (Mark 8:36-37)
The vision of the future needs to be different but also better for those involved. It should shepherd their souls.
What is that future vision? Is it running the hedonic treadmill, chasing pleasure after pleasure? [24] Research, scripture, and life experience testify that this is not the path to a good life. [25]
Is it driven by the defaults and delusions of our emotions, ego, social anxieties, and fear of change, or is there a better, wiser source that preserves our souls?
Fruit that Abides
Jesus describes the “fruit that abides,” the change that lasts:
“I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.”
John 15:16-17
The wisdom of Jesus points us toward love for one another.
Love is not cheap. In fact, it is the most costly thing. Love does not ignore today’s reality, nor does it abdicate its responsibility to lead into the future. It is willing to give of itself so that others may live, and, in return, the giver receives new life themselves.
This is leading the Jesus way.
Notes
[1] Shane Parrish, Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results (New York, NY: Portfolio/Penguin, 2023).
[2] Parrish, 44.
[3] Hans Rosling, Ola Rosling, and Anna Rosling Rönnlund, Factfulness: Ten Reasons We’re Wrong About the World–and Why Things Are Better Than You Think, First edition (New York: Flatiron Books, 2018).
[4] Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow, First paperback edition, Psychology/Economics (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013).
[5] David Rock, Your Brain at Work, Revised and Updated: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long, 1st ed (New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers, 2020).
[6] Simon Walker, Leading out of Who You Are, The Undefended Leader 1 (Carlisle, United Kingdom: Piquant Editions, 2007).
[7] Jules Glanzer, Sound of Leadership: Kingdom Notes to Fine Tune Your Life and Influence (Plano, TX, USA: Invite Press, 2023).
[8] Parrish, 10-11.
[9] Bobby Duffy, Why We’re Wrong About Nearly Everything: A Theory of Human Misunderstanding, First (New York, NY: Basic Books, 2019), 225.
[10] Jules Glanzer, Sound of Leadership: Kingdom Notes to Fine Tune Your Life and Influence (Plano, TX, USA: Invite Press, 2023), 125-128.
[11] Parrish, 54.
[12] Eve Poole, Leadersmithing: An Apprenticeship Approach to Making Great Leaders (New York: Bloomsbury Business, 2017)., 14-15
[13] Parrish, 41, 93-118.
[14] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, Revised Edition: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, Revised Edition (La Vergne: Church Publishing Incorporated, 2017), 15.
[15] Parrish, 246.
[16] Parrish, 128.
[17] Parrish, 48.
[18] Glanzer, 110.
[19] Betsy de Thierry, “Taking Responsibility in a Blaming Culture,” April 10, 2025, https://blogs.georgefox.edu/dlgp/taking-responsibility-in-a-blaming-culture/.
[20] Parrish, 115.
[21] Parrish, 185.
[22] Parrish, 243.
[23] Parrish, 230 & 232.
[24] Parrish, 226.
[25] Daniel Mochon, Michael I. Norton, and Dan Ariely, “Getting Off the Hedonic Treadmill, One Step at a Time: The Impact of Regular Religious Practice and Exercise on Well-Being,” Journal of Economic Psychology 29, no. 5 (November 2008): 632–42, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.joep.2007.10.004.
About the Author
Joff Williams
I help communities and people discover their identity and purpose by discovering the identity and intent of their Creator. I am a follower of Jesus, husband, father, son, sibling, music nerd, recovering IT nerd, just an all-around nerd nerd, and mediocre but happy runner. My work involves leading and loving the communities of Mercy Ships, an international hospital ship mission deeply rooted in the love of Jesus.5 responses to “Response-ability”
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Joff, great post again. I have a couple of questions that are not related to each other:
1. I love your definition of leadership. It reminds me of Max Du Pree’s “The first responsibility of the leader is to define reality; the last is to thank you, and everything in between is to serve.” Yours adds a specific component of defining tomorrow.
2. How was Hans Rosling’s book, Ten Reasons? I have it in my cart but haven’t ordered it yet. How does it compare to Duffy?
I like Du Pree’s definition. That element of gratitude is beautiful.
I like Rosling’s book. As someone who works in international development it is a relevant read. I’d say that it’s similar in nature to Duffy’s in that they’re both attempts to dispell delusions. They’re different in that Duffy’s is more explanatory about the contributing psychological factors, like biases, whereas Rosling is more explanatory on the subject matter. Rosling is also more constrainted in scope of what issues he is addressing.
Joff –
You beautifully highlight Jesus’ call to bear the fruit that only comes with abiding in him: love. Parrish notes that one of the challenges of leadership in today’s culture is the focus on results rather than process[1].
I’m working with my Council (board) on accountability measures for the lead pastor–something they’ve never had before, but I don’t want us to settle for the simple “butts, buildings, and budgets” metrics that often drive us toward unhealthy rhythms in pursuit of those easy-to-measure outcomes at the expense of healthier practices that lead to a different kind of thriving.
What would you say to them and to me about how to cultivate a culture of love (that often stands in tension with some of the other time-bound or traditional metrics of leadership success)?
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[1] Parrish, Shane, Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results (New York, NY: Portfolio/Penguin, 2023), 211-220.
Hey Jeremiah,
Great question.
I’ve thought about this topic a little, since in my organization we likewise can be overly tempted to measure the things that are easy to quantify.
Can we measure what really matters? Are we becoming more like Jesus? Is God’s spirit alive and active in our fellowship? Are minds and hearts being transformed? Is God glorified?
What I have settled on as a reasonable approach is to ask people to self-assess these. It has to be self-assessed because the risks and dangers of assessing one another are too great (and, I believe, unjustifiable when I read my Bible – Romans 14:13, 1 Corinthians 2:15-16).
If I had 100 people in my fellowship last year, and still 100 today, but they have all become more like Jesus, the Holy Spirit is working in our lives, and we see God glorified, then the church is likely very healthy.
In work settings, people are fairly used to doing a periodic workplace survey, so it’s fairly simple to incorporate. I suppose that whether or not that would be viable in a church congregation to ask this would depend on the fellowship.
Whether it’s butts, buildings, and budgets, or the spiritual vitality of the fellowship, we do well to remember that it is God who gives the growth (1 Corinthians 3:5-9).
The simple hyphenation of responsibility highlights the response a leader has to her actions. The ability to see and accept the mistakes she has made as well as the ones out of her control shows a humble and confident leader. I have come to find leadership a hard place to be. I become the one who must be accountable for myself and the others that I lead. I wonder why anyone ever wants to be a leader. There is a weight and sacrifice to it. I see my graduating college students vying for leadership, with such confidence that they can bear the weight of the job after a few classes and no experience. I recognize that they do not understand, but the only way for them to gain understanding is letting them lead and experience it.
How do you see leadership development work on Mercy Ships? What has been an example of you or a coworker that takes on the role of developing a person into a leader?