Rent-A-Family: Evidence of a Wicked Problem
What if loneliness became so overwhelming that people started renting families just to feel connected? In Japan, this isn’t just a hypothetical—it’s a reality. Companies like Family Romance provide actors to fill roles as family members, friends, or romantic partners for people craving human connection.[1] While this may seem extreme, it highlights a larger issue affecting societies worldwide: the loneliness epidemic. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General released a report calling loneliness a public health crisis, linking it to serious risks like heart disease, stroke, and mental illness.[2] Despite the illusion of constant digital connection, many people feel more isolated than ever. Part of the problem lies in American rugged individualism, which prioritizes self-reliance and often makes building the deep, interdependent relationships we need harder. Joseph Bentley and Michael Toth make it clear in Exploring Wicked Problems[3], loneliness is a wicked problem that may not have a clear solution but requires our attention. In this article, we’ll explore why loneliness is such a complex issue, how the Church can begin to address it by providing authentic connections that are hard to find in today’s world.
Wicked Problems
According to Bentley and Toth, wicked problems are more easily identified than defined. A wicked problem can be understood as a complex, interconnected issue that defies simple solutions and must be continually addressed rather than definitively solved.[4] They are multifaceted and cannot be solved with simple, one-size-fits-all solutions. There are no clear-cut answers, and solutions often evolve over time. Additionally, wicked problems are often linked to other systemic issues. Further complicating things are the varied perspectives and interests held by different groups making consensus difficult, when wicked problems require collaborative, long-term approaches rather than quick fixes or isolated efforts.
Unlike tame problems, which have clear solutions and can be systematically addressed, wicked problems are messy, unpredictable, and often involve competing values, limited resources, and conflicting expectations. They are not just challenging to solve—they cannot be solved in a final, absolute sense.[5] Instead, any attempted solution is partial, imperfect, and unique to the specific circumstances.
The Loneliness Epidemic as a Wicked Problem
The loneliness epidemic exhibits the many characteristics of a wicked problem because it is complex, evolving, and deeply interwoven with other societal issues.[6] It is complex because of multiple factors including digital technology, urbanization, and social imaginaries[7] drive loneliness in our society. While social media can connect us, it often creates superficial interactions, reducing deep, meaningful relationships.[8] Many people no longer live in tight-knit communities; frequent moves and transient lifestyles weaken community ties.[9] Individualism is often prioritized over collectivism, making community involvement seem less critical and desirable. There are no easy, one-size-fits-all solutions (e.g., renting a family, social media, therapy). Adding to the complexity is the interconnectedness with other issues including mental health, isolation in the workplace, and aging populations.
No single solution will ever fully “fix” loneliness, but ongoing, adaptive, and multifaceted efforts—such as fostering real-world community, rethinking social structures, and leveraging institutions like the Church—can help mitigate its effects and guide society toward a healthier, more connected future. Understanding wicked problems can help the Church embrace a community-driven response, focusing on long-term relational solutions rather than quick solutions.
The Role of the Church
When the Church functions primarily as a family rather than an institution, it can be more effective in addressing loneliness. The Church offers a deep, interdependent community rooted in shared beliefs.[10] In a consumer-oriented culture, as a family, the church provides commitment over transaction. Unlike rent-a-family services, the Church fosters relationships grounded in unconditional love and mutual support. Furthermore, the Church can offer a rich, intergenerational support network that bridges gaps between different age groups and life stages, unlike the affinity-driven associations common in our society.
Three Practical Considerations
Small, Intentional communities: Foster avenues for small groups where members can genuinely know and support each other. It is in the “one another” commands of Christ that we experience and exhibit the love we were designed for.[11] We have recently launched something called table groups, which provide a low barrier to entry for our church family to connect with one another. We have found that this leads to meaningful connections, especially for people new to our community.
Radical Hospitality: Providing meals, inviting people over, or even visiting them in their homes are ways to make people feel truly seen and cared for. Also, adopt-a-newcomer initiatives where you pair new attendees with seasoned church members for deeper integration. We have found a couple of ways in our context to be intentional with this, with great success.[12]
External Focus: Partner with local organizations to reach people who are isolated outside the church (e.g., elderly, single parents, remote workers). Also, leverage technology to keep people connected, without replacing authentic in-person relationships. We need to find ways to use screens to foster community instead of allowing them to try and replace it.
Conclusion
The work of Bentley and Toth highlights that wicked problems are central to the human experience. As individuals and societies, we are constantly confronted with challenges that are too complex to fully resolve but too important to ignore. Dealing with wicked problems requires an ongoing, adaptive approach. The Church remains one of the most powerful institutions for combating loneliness, but it must adapt to modern challenges. By focusing on authentic relationships, hospitality, and outreach, churches can restore their role as a refuge for the lonely in a fragmented world.
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[1] Elif Batuman, “Japan’s Rent-a-Family Industry,” The New Yorker, April 23, 2018, accessed February 26, 2025, https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/04/30/japans-rent-a-family-industry.
[2] U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), Office of the Surgeon General, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community, (Washington, DC: HHS, 2023), https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf.
[3] Joseph Bentley and Michael Toth, Exploring Wicked Problems: What They are and Why They are Important, (Bloomington, IN: Archway Publishing, 2020).
[4] Ibid., 11.
[5] Ibid., 103-104.
[6] Ibid., 39.
[7] Philosopher Charles Taylor describes the social imaginary as a complex web of beliefs, expectations, and assumptions that members of a community share. Charles Taylor, A Secular Age, (Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 2007), 171-172.
[8] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, (New York: Penguin Press, 2024), 120.
[9] Robert Putnam, Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2000), 288.
[10] Matthew 12:48-50.
[11] For a great sermon exploring the “one anothers”: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-art-of-one-anothering.
[12] We have a six-session discovery class for people interested in learning more about our church family. In this class, seasoned church members sit at tables filled with newcomers. It has been a very helpful way for new people to develop deeper connections sooner. We also have a Tables of Eight ministry, where people sign up and are placed in groups that rotate every month for four months, eating at each other’s houses.
About the Author
Chad Warren
A husband, father, pastor, teacher, and student seeking to help others flourish.6 responses to “Rent-A-Family: Evidence of a Wicked Problem”
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Hi Chad, Thanks for the great blog. I especially liked hearing about your church’s radical hospitality initiative! I’m curious: what specific changes have you seen with these “wicked problems” in your church?
Hi Chad, Thanks for sharing how your church is intentionally connecting people and thus combating loneliness. Is there another wicked problem the church might uniquely combat in your context?
Hi Chad, this is a great post. I appreciated reading your list of practical applications and your thoughts on how the church serves a unique role as a refuge. As a pastor, I can imagine that you see more than enough wicked problems. How did your church decide which wicked problem to tame (e.g., loneliness)? And how do you remain focused when new problems rear their ugly heads daily?
Hi, Chad, thank you for addressing loneliness and the church. When you mentioned ‘small intentional communities’ I wonder if the smaller churches would be more suitable to deal with this issue? Thank you, again!
Chad, I love the way your church is being intentional about building connections. I’ve been in a church where we had similar programs, and it is a significant way to help people feel like they belong.
You discuss American rugged individualism as a barrier to building deep relationships. How do you think cultural attitudes toward community and connection can be shifted to address loneliness more effectively?
Hi Chad, great post! I love the ways that your church combats loneliness through intentional hospitality and making space for meaningful connection. Have you ever read “The Gospel Comes with a House Key” by Rosaria Butterfield?