Renaissance Leaders
To develop a strong sense of self while still being a part of a community, and fostering a sense of togetherness is the challenging goal of a self-differentiated leader. Friedman maintains that if one wants to be a bold effective leader, self-differentiation is required, and without this, they are at risk of being ineffective leaders who succumb to anxiety and abandon their life’s purpose. Their sense of adventure and creativity becomes stifled as fears, apprehensions, and the need to please others become their new quests. In contrast, a self-differentiated leader is able to rise above the fears and conflicts of the group and provide a vision so alluring, people abandon their apprehensions to follow that leader. There are 5 main aspects that leaders need if they want to create a “…renaissance:
- a capacity to get outside of the emotional climate of the day
- a willingness to be exposed or vulnerable
- persistence in the face of resistance and downright rejection
- stamina in the face of sabotage along the way
- being headstrong and ruthless.”[1]
Rosa Parks, an unassuming leader, expressed self-differentiation by rebelling against unjust laws that favored one race, and by just sitting down on a bus because she was tired. This brave act inspired another self-differentiated leader, Martin Luther King Jr., who was able to look beyond the plight of his people and offer a vision that all races could get enthused about following. His “I Have a Dream” speech, ignited a spark that changed the nation, and continues to influence our world. These and other significant leaders would not have been able to influence change if they were not able to be self-differentiated with a value for themselves, and a better vision for a healthier community. Moving families, communities, or organizations from good to great takes vision, courage, and a sense of adventure. A self-differentiated leader is a Level 5 leader[2], who has the ability to develop unseen greatness within a community.
What does it look like to be a self-differentiated leader who is able to positively influence change? “To be determined, decisive, visionary, and still keep your wits about you may be what it takes to reorient any marriage, family, organization, society, or civilization”. [3] As a marriage and family therapist, I understand having to keep my wits when others do not act rationally.
A few days ago, a wife became so angry at her husband for not hearing her about wanting to have a baby, she suddenly decided that cursing at him very loudly would help him hear her better. Every time I started soothing her, she would start to be reasonable then escalate again to make certain he was going to hear her, as well as everyone in my building. After a few attempts to calm her with little to no effect, I had to act. I dismissed the husband, to which he gratefully and quickly exited. Then I was able to converse with her, rejoin the husband and finish our session peaceably. Keeping my wits in emotionally charged situations was a skill I had to acquire, by keeping myself calm, centered, and in charge. Friedman validates this by encouraging leaders “to focus first on their own integrity and on the nature of their own presence rather than through techniques for manipulating or motivating others.” [4] This is challenging enough for me in dealing with a distressed couple, and I cannot imagine doing this for a whole organization, community or country. Yet, I could see how Friedman continued to compare families to organizations. There are similar DNA’s that resonate with all organisms.
Another challenge for a self-differentiated leader is to: develop a strong sense of self, who does not become consumed with narcissistic behavior and disillusioned with grandiose thoughts of self-importance, while still building a community that has a shared purpose and clear vision of togetherness. “The tension between self and togetherness is universal”[5]. Many times, well-meaning leaders start off with beautiful, inclusive visions for their communities and country but end up only self-serving their needs.
When I was in Zimbabwe, the economy was so inflated they were selling their own dead currency to tourists. We bought 50 billion Zimbabwean dollars for 1 US dollar. When we talked with the citizens, the regular complaint was the corrupt leadership and the selfishness of their president. The views on him were repeatedly communicated how he doesn’t serve the needs of the people by providing basic needs like education, a stable economy, and jobs. He just takes care of himself and his family. This is what Friedman would consider to be a poor differentiated leader. He has a low awareness of his responsibility for his country, and he exclusively looks out for his own needs. Similarly, in Leadership is an Art, he lacks servant leadership “as the leader is the ‘servant’ of his followers in that he removes the obstacles that prevent them from doing their jobs” [6].
Leader Blessing: May God bless us as pastors, politicians, therapists and leaders striving to develop a renaissance in our corner of the world. May we courageously live the adventure we were designed to live without being capsized by anxiety. May we learn to be self-differentiated leaders who are servants to our followers, and wise guardians of our hearts as we live in a peaceful, dynamic community with God, ourselves, and others.
[1] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, (Seabury, NY: Church Publishing Inc, 2007), 3336, Kindle.
[2] Jim Collins, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap–and Others Don’t, (Boulder, CO: Harper Collins, 2001), 662, Kindle.
[3] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, 3384, Kindle.
[4] Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, 305-306, Kindle.
[5] Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, 514, Kindle.
[6] Max Depree, Leadership Is an Art, (NY: The Crown Publishing Group. 2004), 162, Kindle.
Bibliography:
Collins, Jim. Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap–and Others Don’t. Boulder, CO: Harper Collins, 2001.
Depree, Max. Leadership Is an Art. NY: The Crown Publishing Group. 2004.
Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. Seabury, NY: Church Publishing Inc, 2007.
About the Author
Jennifer Dean-Hill
10 responses to “Renaissance Leaders”
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“…a capacity to get outside of the emotional climate of the day
….a willingness to be exposed or vulnerable
…..persistence in the face of resistance and downright rejection
…..stamina in the face of sabotage along the way
….being headstrong and ruthless.”
These are all characteristics of Jesus too! Even the last one brings to remembrance the time He threw the moneychangers out of the temple. It’s interesting, since Friedman was a Jew, but he perfectly described a good leader.
So true Mary- Jesus is a great leader to follow.
Wow Jen 2 things stood out to me:
#1″Many times, well-meaning leaders start off with beautiful, inclusive visions for their communities and country but end up only self-serving their needs.” This statement could not be more reflective of our current administration in our country. While some of them may have thought they were being well intentioned, the outcome has resulted in self serving initiatives for a select group of people.
#2 The Leader Blessing was so powerful and beautiful. I may have to print that out and pray that daily!
Yes Christal- I am saddened by the exclusiveness of our country’s leadership. How about you run for president?
Glad you enjoyed the blessing.
Jen, what a great post. I was waiting to hear what you thought of the book.
The 5 points you highlighted should be made into a poster and hung on the refrigerator door of every leader—young and not so young.
I’m not hesitant to say that I have experienced my “sense of adventure and creativity becom[ing] stifled as fears, apprehensions, and the need to please others” loomed. It’s like energy being drawn from a battery with nothing coming into recharge the battery.
At that point, a leader goes into survival mode and that is not leadership, it’s self-preservation. In this way I agree with Friedman, that self-differentiation is necessary to lead. It takes a lot of energy, but not as much as self-preservation. Also, self-differentiation has a recharging component as the leader becomes more effective and impacting, they begin to see the fruit of their labor. It’s not easy to self-differentiate. Those who can do it at it’s highest level are often brutal leaders! Those who can have a balance of heart and distance can make the biggest impact. Thanks for the leaders blessing too. I prayed it today.
So true Jim! “Balance of heart and distance.” I love this. Reminds me of you.
Glad you enjoyed the blessing. Prayed it with all of you in mind.
“Their sense of adventure and creativity becomes stifled as fears, apprehensions, and the need to please others become their new quests.”
Have you ever worked with or for someone like this, Jen? I was thinking about the different people I have worked for and realized that many of them were both self-differentiated and non-differentiated at times during my career. I understand maturing into a self-differentiated leader, but I wonder why some leaders degenerate into a non-differentiated state. What do you think?
Yes, I wonder if leaders degenerate into a non-differentiated state, or if they were ever self-differentiated to begin with? I think of Peter. If he didn’t go through the denial of Christ and come out with a stronger sense of self, where he learned to forgive/love himself and expereince grace, I don’t think he would have been the rock Christ built His church on. Yet, just moments before he denied Christ, he was ready to die for him in the garden! Challenges develop self-differentiation and a steady character if we can learn resilency, receive grace, and grieve losses. Judas betrayed Jesus, felt horrible about it and ended up killing himself. Both were leaders, betrayed Jesus in His utter time of need, and chose themselves when they were pressured, but one developed a stronger sense of self while the other revealed their lack of ability to self-regulate through trauma and chose death. It takes a strong individual to fearelessly look at ALL of who they are and deal with it. Escape and denial are so much more pleasant but alas, do not develop character strength.
Zimbabwe has been a hard country to watch spiral downward. The terrible irony this week was that the WHO appointed Mugabe as a goodwill ambassador, in spite of his human rights’ abuses and destruction of his country (thankfully, they rescinded the invitation after outcry. But still, to even consider that…!)
Thank you for sharing the blessing at the end– “May we courageously live the adventure we were designed to live without being capsized by anxiety” will be one I will continue to pray.
I know Katy- I just heard this yesterday about WHO appointing Mugabe. Glad to hear the offer was rescinded. My concern with Zimbabwe is the leadership vaccuum they are leaving for others, like ISIS to fill it. My prayers go with Zimbabwe.