Recipe for Success
Cooking is one of my favorite activities. There’s something deeply therapeutic about it, and nothing excites me more than discovering a new recipe, experimenting with ingredients, and adding a personal twist. But it wasn’t always this way. When I first began, cooking felt like a high-stakes test. I needed a foolproof recipe, something guaranteed to come out perfectly. I approached every dish with a drive for perfection, as if my entire reputation were on the line.
While reading Carol Dweck’s Mindset, where she explores the concepts of fixed and growth mindsets, I realized how closely her ideas mirrored my own journey in the kitchen. I was self-taught and anxious about every outcome; if my cooking wasn’t met with praise like “delicious” or “superb,” I’d quickly doubt my abilities, feeling I had no future in the kitchen. I cooked with what Dweck would call a fixed mindset. She explains, “The fixed mindset—creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over…those with the fixed mindset [don’t] want to expose their deficiencies.”[1] My worst kitchen flops came when I was trying to prove myself, and each failure filled me with frustration and self-blame. Dweck captures this feeling perfectly: “You look for your talent to carry you through, and when it doesn’t…you’re a finished product. And finished products have to protect themselves, lament, and blame. Everything but take charge.”[2]
This example of my fixed mindset in cooking is meant to be lighthearted yet telling. In truth, this mindset has affected other areas of my life beyond the kitchen. Dweck explains that, within a fixed mindset, failure becomes more than just an action—it’s an identity.[3] This sense of failure seeped into my work, studies, and even my faith, where I would default to self-criticism instead of acknowledging that every challenge takes practice, and yes, “flops” are part of the process. Fortunately, Dweck offers an alternative: the growth mindset, which she defines as “the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others…everyone can change and grow through application and experience.”[4] The growth mindset is a recipe for success.
Over time, I’ve learned to appreciate the growth mindset in my own life and constantly experiment and adapt my recipe for success. Here’s a list of essential “ingredients” I’ve come to value, and while these can be adjusted to taste, they’ve each become a key part of my approach.
Recipe for Success from a Growth Mindset:
- 1 part curiosity
- 1 part self-confidence
- 1 part humility
- 1 part responsibility
- 1 part feedback
Directions:
The recipe for success from a growth mindset isn’t quick or easy. It requires patience and a willingness to keep improving. Edwin Friedman warns against what he calls the “desire for a quick fix,” describing it as “a search for certainty, a penchant for easy answers, an avoidance of the struggles that go into growth.”[5] Dweck also refers to this as Low-Effort Syndrome, a tactic people in a fixed mindset use to avoid exposing weaknesses.[6] The Low-Effort Syndrome leaves little room for curiosity, yet curiosity is essential for any recipe for success to truly thrive. Dweck reminds us, “Great contributions to society are born of curiosity and deep understanding.”[7] So, don’t be afraid to add a generous amount of curiosity. Harford supports this idea, saying, “Once we start to peer beneath the surface of things, become aware of the gaps in our knowledge, and treat each question as the path to a better question…curiosity becomes habit-forming.”[8]
With curiosity stirred in, it’s time to gently fold in self-confidence and humility. These two qualities complement each other: self-confidence allows you to face your weaknesses honestly, while humility keeps you open to learning. Parrish notes, “While the ego tries to prevent you from acknowledging any deficiencies you may have, self-confidence gives you the strength to acknowledge those deficiencies. This is how you learn humility.”[9] Dweck shares the story of Jack Welch, former CEO of GE, who realized that true self-confidence isn’t about status or perks; it’s about maintaining a mindset open to growth.[10] By embracing both self-confidence and humility, you lay a foundation that supports continuous learning.
Now, knead curiosity, self-confidence, and humility together with responsibility. Dweck explains how, in a fixed mindset, some leaders and educators absolve themselves from responsibility, blaming others for setbacks. But in any role, it’s essential to create a growth-mindset-friendly environment.[11] Parrish advises, “If you’ve taken command of your life, you need to acknowledge any contribution you’ve made to a mistake and take responsibility for what happens afterward. Even if the mistake isn’t entirely your fault, it’s still your problem, and you still have a role to play in handling it.”[12]
Finally, sprinkle feedback to your recipe for success. Poole recommends, “Ask for feedback…so that you build up a picture of your range and vulnerabilities.”[13] Parrish adds that “when we get feedback about our own weaknesses from the world, it’s a rare opportunity for getting better and getting closer to the kind of people we really want to be.”[14] Feedback isn’t always easy to hear, but it’s an invaluable tool for growth.
This recipe for success may not be simple, but it’s worth every bit of effort. Like any good dish, it requires practice, a willingness to adjust, and a mindset open to learning. As in cooking, success often comes through experimentation, trial and error, and embracing each “flop” as a stepping stone toward growth. When we adopt a growth mindset, we become more than the sum of our achievements or failures—we become works in progress, resilient and always ready to improve.
What’s in your recipe for success?
[1] Carol S. Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (New York: Random House, 2006), 6, 18, Kindle edition.
[2] Carol S. Dweck, Mindset, 103, Kindle Edition.
[3] Carol S. Dweck, Mindset, 33, Kindle Edition.
[4] Carol S. Dweck, Mindset, 6, Kindle Edition.
[5] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, 10th Anniversary, Revised Edition (New York: Church Publishing, 2017), 131, Kindle edition.
[6] Carol S. Dweck, Mindset, 58, Kindle Edition.
[7] Carol S. Dweck, Mindset, 220, Kindle Edition.
[8] Tim Harford, The Data Detective: Ten Easy Rules to Make Sense of Statistics (New York: Penguin Publishing Group, 2021), 280, Kindle edition.
[9] Shane Parrish, Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results (New York: Penguin Publishing Group, 2023), 63, Kindle Edition.
[10] Carol S. Dweck, Mindset, 126, Kindle Edition.
[11] Carol S. Dweck, Mindset, 217, Kindle Edition.
[12] Shane Parrish, Clear Thinking, 116, Kindle Edition.
[13] Eve Poole, Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership (New York: Bloomsbury Publishing, 2017), 141, Kindle Edition.
[14] Shane Parrish, Clear Thinking, 97, Kindle Edition.
About the Author
Elysse Burns
12 responses to “Recipe for Success”
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Elysse, I love your recipe post! 🙂
In your context, both for yourself and as a leader for others, how do you create a growth-mindset-friendly environment?
Hi Debbie, thank you for your kind comment and great question. We have talked about this briefly, but I try very hard to prioritize the relationship as the foundation of a growth mindset-friendly environment. In my context, I think there is a lot of fear regarding the growth mindset, or there is a fear of “taking action.” At this point, I want to create an environment where people can discuss anything freely without judgment or shame. This is a very private culture, so it takes time. My desire as a leader and friend is for people to feel confident that we have an authentic relationship and can create a growth mindset-friendly environment.
Elysse, This is a fantstic post– well done! As one of your taste-testers, I would like to bring attention to one more ingredient that you use well in your recipes: humor. Thanks for the smiles.
Thank you for reminding me of the importance of humor! I’m not sure how I forgot about that. My recipes are usually humor-heavy. Thanks for your kind comment!
Hi Elysse, What a creative way to discuss this book with something you have learned to enjoy. Knowing that you changed your mindset regarding your cooking, do you see other places in life where a fixed mindset might get in your way? In the meantime, keep experimenting, it sounds fun.
Hi Diane, Thank you for your kind comment. In my context, I do find there are moments when my Western worldview creates obstacles to a growth mindset in my host country. This usually manifests in poor listening (on my part) or disregard for a local friend’s view because I find it oppressive or ignorant. I know this sounds harsh. I think this has prevented me from learning the culture deeper.
Elysse, I love this post! I can completely resonate with having a fixed mindset in the kitchen. For a long time, I would say, “I’m just not good at cooking” and would feel nervous about cooking for a crowd. Today, I’ve come to love cooking and enjoy trying new things. Now there is a thrill in making a brand new dish that I would have been terrified of years ago.
Have you been able to identify any fixed mindset tendencies in your life that you want to change?
Hi Christy, Thank you for your comment and question. I have a fixed, fixed, fixed mindset concerning the local dress the women wear in my host country. I have worn it several times, and it slips off my head and gets twisted. I am a mess, and locals tease me because it’s hard for me to manage. Also, most of the women hate it, and I view it as oppressive. This is my unfiltered fixed mindset. However, a new acquaintance recently told me she is proud to wear it when she travels because it highlights her country (relatively unknown) when she’s on international business trips. This view softened my mindset concerning my enemy, the mulhafa. I am considering embracing the local dress from time-to-time and to not be so negative about it. I will let you know how it goes.
Elysse, I was delighted with your post. You mentioned feedback and connected to Poole – brilliant. In the context of your current ministry, how are you able to ask for, receive, and possibly offer feedback?
Hi Julie, Thank you for your kind comment and great question. Constructive feedback has been a challenge in my context. Most feedback I receive is from people who have never traveled to my host country or similar contexts and don’t plan to. I have to dig deep to receive their feedback with an open mind. Unfortunately, I haven’t received much helpful feedback from locals, but this is slowly changing. This is important because I want to know how locals experience me. Typically, they are perplexed about me leaving my family and the United States to live here. Sometimes I am tempted to respond, “You and me both!” However, our doctoral program has really created a fantastic platform to receive feedback from locals. I have lived here for almost 4 years, but I feel like authentic, reciprocal relationships are just starting to strengthen.
Using Dweck’s method of praise, I will say, “I appreciate the thought, creativity and effort that you put into writing this post.”
Which of these five ingredients do you find most difficult to add to the recipe for success in your current context? Why?
Hi Graham, Thank you for your kind comment and great question. Self-confidence has been the most challenging ingredient to add to my recipe for success in my context. I often say God has a sense of humor to have sent me to this country. When I have a hard day here, self-confidence is the first ingredient to be substituted. I can be overly critical about my language ability, energy levels, outreach ideas, etc. However, when I maintain the proper perspective about God and the way he uniquely designed me, self-confidence is usually a staple ingredient I have on hand.