Written by: Sara Taylor Lattimore on January 26, 2023

In A Failure of Nerve Edwin Friedman writes about leadership and the various aspects of being a self differentiated leader. A leader who can avoid the traps of being consumed in the crisis or fears of the people or organization that they lead. As a leader I have seen these traps repeatedly entangle good leaders, and I myself have fallen victim.

Crisis of Change

When leading creating change is inevitable whether you are new to your context or you have led for a long time change will be needed for the heath of those you lead or the the organization, and change is hard. Friedman writes, “Similarly, conflict of will is always I the failure of teachers, counselors, clergy, and consultants to make headway against riptides of resistance that run counter tot heir intent.” (244) A leader who is self differentiated and also leading change will face resistance and must find a way in their self differentiation to make progress. Change can create crisis and lead to anxiety in people and organizations. “Yet the capacity of a leader to be prepared for, to be aware of, and to learn how to skillfully deal with this type of crisis (sabotage) may be the most important aspect of leadership.” (261) One of these ways healthy leader can lead through this change crisis is to be the non-anxious presence in the face of change.

Sabotage

When discussing the reality of leading change, Friedman does not sugar coat the truth and even says that there is not enough attention paid to the reality that as he put it, “It is simply not possible to succeed at the effort of leadership through self-differentiation without triggering reactivity.” (261) This reactivity is also called sabotage. It is the emotional, systemic, and often covert response to change that undermines the forward progress, creating distraction and often entrapping the leader in its midst. All the work of becoming a self-differentiated leader can be lost int he crisis of sabotage but it is the self-differentiation that will actually be able to carry the leader through the crisis. “Self-differentiation always triggers sabotage.”(261)

In the Church

This story of sabotage in the face of change is something seen often in churches. The emotional investment in church community often over generations leads to a sense of ownership and deep infinity to the history and tradition. Change therefor is challenging and slow. I have served in churches for the last 16 years and have witnessed sabotage first had and I have witnessed it consume leaders in its wake. The fear of facing sabotage often stops change in its tracks and churches remain stagnate and stuck much longer and the creation of change becomes much more challenging. Sabotage in churches can be subtle a recent example seen in more than one church would be upgrading technology or adding a TV to the worship area of sanctuary of a more tradition church. This can be seen as heresy in come churches and others are more willing to embrace the reality of engaging the next generation. So the TV is voted in and installed in the worship area. Well not everyone embraces the change and slowly the little sabotage begins to rise, the rummer mill starts, people start acting out in different ways, calling meeting with the leaders, complaining about things that don’t even have to do with the TV, people even quitting the church all together. The boat was rocked and the ripples are felt through the entire ministry. It would probably be easier to just take the TV down and go back to the way it was, right? Avoid the change, but as the leader you know that that would only lead to other failures. It is a challenging place to be in the midst of change. The change its self is not the only struggle the leader faces it is seeing that change through all of the sabotage and maintaining course while also maintaining one’s self-differentiation as a leader. Friedman says, “Another way of putting this is that a leader can never assume success because he or she has brought about a change. It is only after having brought about the change and then subsequently endured the resultant sabotage that the leader can feel truly successful.” (262)

The truth that Friedman is trying to convey is that Leaders will lead change, they will face sabotage, and a successful leader will endure, while maintaining their self differentiation and non anxious presence. It is in your self differentiation that you will find the strength to endure.

1. Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (New York, NY: Church Publishing, 2017),

About the Author

Sara Taylor Lattimore

Sara is adopted, a wife of 17 years, a mother to 2 amazing children who give her opportunities to be a cheerleader, dress up like a princess, play soccer in the mud, and go on amazing adventures. With a Bachelors in political science and sociology, Sara worked for Child Protective Services as a legal caseworker before following a call into full-time ministry in 2008. During her time in full-time ministry Sara has served in medium to large size local congregations, as well as camp ministry. Sara has a passion for serving others, writing, and speaking. In 2016 Sara worked on a joint publication as a Curriculum Writer. Sara wrote the Intergenerational/Family & Day Camp Resources in “Beyond Belief” for InsideOut Christian Resources for Outdoor Ministry- Published by Chalice Press- Release Date 2018. Sara is looking forward to writing her own book next. Sara completed her MDiv from Iliff School of Theology in 2019 and is currently working on her Doctorate in Leadership and Global Perspectives from Portland Seminary. Sara currently serves as Lead Pastor of a local church in Southwestern Montana. She has previously served in ministry positions leading congregations in engaging globally in healthy mission and outreach partnerships, living life missionally, building innovative programs, and building relationships as the Director of Missions and Outreach, College Ministry Coordinator, Family and Children’s Ministry Director, Director of Christian Education, and Camp Program Director. She is an innovator and visionary who looks to find empowering and dignity restoring ways of building communities of belonging, while listening and partnering with others to find ways to also address the needs of the communities she is planted in. Beyond her work, Sara dreams of growing her family through adoption, kayaking with Orcas, going on pilgrimage on the Camino De Santiago in Spain, traveling in an RV across North America, and traveling internationally.

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