My Last Georgefox.edu blogpost
Soul and Identity Mapping: Thresholds of the Leader’s Inner Life
Revisiting Friedman and Walker during this second phase of reflection has forced me to look not only at leadership theory but at the deeper terrain of my soul—the places where anxiety, identity, vocation, and grace intersect. What has emerged is a clearer understanding of how their insights have shaped my inner life, even in the very real pressures of ministry, family, and public conflict.
One of Friedman’s most disruptive gifts to me has been naming the truth that anxiety is not merely an emotional experience—it’s an atmosphere, a system, and sometimes a culture. When I started this program, I carried an inner narrative of not knowing enough, not being smart enough, and not belonging. I remember walking the streets of Oxford feeling like an imposter, wondering who exactly I was to be pursuing a doctorate. That sense of inner fragility ran deep. Friedman’s emphasis on self-differentiation exposed how much of my identity had been tethered to external affirmation and my ability to perform.[1]
Walker, on the other hand, placed the language of ego, defense, and “front stage/backstage” into my hands.[2] Reading him, I realized how often I had been leading from a defended posture—guarding perceptions, anxiously curating my image, and trying to prove that I deserved to be in the room. His vision of undefended leadership hit a deep nerve. I resonated with his insistence that the leader who is free—free from the need to protect, posture, or perform—is the leader who can truly offer a non-anxious presence. That was the threshold I did not expect to cross this semester: not only learning to understand undefended leadership but learning to live it.
A recent incident crystallized this shift. In a newsletter, I shared a thoughtful, nuanced conversation I had with a Somali Muslim woman about Israel and Hamas. I described how listening carefully, leading with curiosity, and allowing nuance actually opened a door to share the gospel. The backlash from supporters was swift and harsh—some even withdrew their financial support. A year or two ago, this would have undone me. I would have spiraled into self-doubt, stress, or anger.
Instead, I waited a day before responding. I prayed. I reflected. I wrote from a posture of calm, asked ChatGPT to check my tone, and sent a response that was both gracious and honest. People still left. But I remained undefended. I felt anchored—led by the Spirit, not by fear. And I realized this: it does not diminish me to consider someone else’s perspective.[3] Their accusations did not define me; nor did their withdrawal threaten God’s provision. For the first time, I felt the fruit of undefended leadership in my bones.
This connects deeply with what Friedman describes as the leader who maintains a solid sense of self in anxious systems. For me, that anxious system is not hypothetical—it is my home, my city, the political climate, my workplace, and sometimes even my church community. Parenting my son, for example, remains one of the hardest parts of my life. His early trauma, medication shifts, and puberty have often triggered my own frustration, anger, or exhaustion. In earlier years, I interpreted his behavior as a reflection of my leadership or fatherhood. Now, I am learning—slowly—to lead him from a place of stability and peace. That shift did not come from technique; it came from identity. As I lead from the pasture, as Geoff and Cyd Holsclaw would say,[4] I show up differently: more grounded, more compassionate, more attentive. Leadership, I am learning, begins with presence, not performance.
One of the deepest thresholds of the soul for me has been realizing that leadership is not about fixing people or problems—it is about presence. That shift—from performance to presence—has changed how I view myself, my son, my work, and even conflict. It has softened the edges of my leadership while sharpening its clarity.
My identity as a leader has evolved intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Intellectually, I now see leadership as layered, consilient, and systemic—more about navigating complexity than offering quick solutions. Emotionally, I am less reactive, more reflective. Spiritually, I am more rooted in Christ, less concerned with outcomes, and more attentive to the slow work of formation.
What sustains me amid pressure are the rhythms I intentionally cultivate. Study, prayer, quietness, and reading anchor my days. Family rhythms—walking with my wife, Sunday games with my kids, spontaneous ice cream runs, hikes—create peace within our home. Structuring work rhythms (certain tasks on certain days, limiting email, protecting boundaries) provides margin. And my weekly calls with a small group of like-minded believers passionate about refugee and immigrant care grounds me in community and shared mission.
Where do I sense new thresholds emerging? I sense the Lord inviting me into deeper discernment about vocation—how my writing, teaching, and bridge-building might expand beyond this program. I don’t know precisely where I am headed, but I trust the One who leads. I plan to keep reading, writing, and guiding others with the peace I have received—encouraging those entrusted to me to live in a non-anxious, self-differentiated way.
This program has taught me to lead through the swamp, not avoid it—to create bridges across messy terrain, not stand on either side shouting about who is right. And perhaps most importantly: to walk the swamp undefended, grounded in Christ, and attentive to the Spirit’s gentle leading.
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[1] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, 10th anniversary revised edition, ed. Margaret M. Treadwell and Edward W. Beal (Church Publishing, 2017).
[2] Simon Walker, Leading Out of Who You Are, The Undefended Leader Trilogy 1 (Piquant Editions Ltd., 2007).
[3] Quote from Jason Clark during some cohort session, during 2025.
[4] Geoff Holsclaw (PhD) and Cyd Holsclaw, Landscapes of the Soul: How the Science and Spirituality of Attachment Can Move You into Confident Faith, Courage, and Connection (Tyndale Refresh, 2025).
About the Author
Adam Cheney
I grew up in California, spent five years living along the beautiful coast of Kenya and now find myself working with refugees in the snow crusted tundra of Minnesota. My wife and I have seven children, four of whom have been adopted. I spend my time drinking lots of coffee, working in my garden, and baking sourdough bread.9 responses to “My Last Georgefox.edu blogpost”
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Adam,
I would love to read your newsletter. I’m glad that you had a conversation where the seeds of the Gospel could be planted. Thank you for your work in fulfilling the Great Commission. I love how John Stott focuses on the commission found in John, “Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, I also send you.'” — John 20:21 (CSB). As we read the Gospel we see the many ways Jesus was sent into the world, such as talking with the Samaritan woman at the well.
Adam as I read your post, I realize how defended I can be and realize that defendedness over the years has come from a sense of fear. As the “man of the house” I feel I have the responsibility to financially provide for my family and have defended myself in ways to ensure that I maintain employment rather than fully trusting God to handle everything in his ways and his timing.
Two questions of a not serious nature focused on your spontaneous activities with your family. What is your favorite Ice Cream Flavor/place to buy it, and best spot to go hiking near you?
Thanks for a final great post!
Hi Adam,
This has been a great journey! Thank you for your post.
How has Walker’s language of ego and defense helped you recognize your own leadership posture?
Adam, brother, what a great ride. I have appreciated your sense of humour, friendship, and your prophetic voice for the marginalized. I have been encouraged and challenged by you.
Thanks for your steady presence in our peer group and for helping Glyn to show up each week for the online meetings. It’s been pure joy, my friend.
Adam, I admire your passion and willingness to use your voice on behalf of others. Thank you for sending your gift of encouragement in my direction; it made a difference. I appreciate how you described both the willingness to become a well-differentiated leader and examples of having done so. Well done, friend!
Hi, Mr. Cheney, your blogposts have taught me a lot about Christian leadership, and it is very encouraging as well. The ending is well said: “to walk the swamp undefended, grounded in Christ, and attentive to the Spirit’s gentle leading.” Thank you, Adam!
Hi Adam, thank you for your post, and all of the contributions you have made to our cohort in this program. It’s been a blessing to learn alongside you. I am praying that you are continually able to shift toward undefended leadership and stay grounded rather than pulled into old patterns of reactivity or self-doubt.
Hey Adam,
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve really appreciated your vulnerability throughout the program, and this post was no exception. The way you named the imposter feelings, the pressure to perform, and the backstage realities was honest in a way that invites others to be honest too.
And this line really stood out to me:
“That was the threshold I did not expect to cross this semester: not only learning to understand undefended leadership but learning to live it.”
I love that. You captured something so important about what this program has been forming in all of us.
The way you’re learning not to internalize your son’s behavior, but to lead him from a steadier place, really stood out to me. That takes courage.
I also appreciated your point about moving from performance to presence. It’s a good reminder.
And I’m excited for whatever comes next for you—your writing, teaching, and bridge-building all feel like natural next steps.
Thank you for the kindness you’ve offered me throughout this program. It’s truly been a privilege to walk through this journey with you.
Adam, you are such a good human being. I am so grateful to have been on this journey with you. Your work is so important and so hard. I pray that God blesses you with courage, confidence, and connectedness to all the right people at the right times, so that you may do His work in new, creative ways that bring Him glory and relief to His beloved children.
Thank you. Let’s please stay in touch. God bless!
Adam, what can I say? This DLGP03 journey would not have been the same without you! I’m so thankful that we got put in the same peer group. I have learned a lot from you in how you have walked through deep, dark valleys and yet chose to cling to God’s sovereignty even as you questioned Him. I remember walking the streets in DC and hashing out my struggles with the elections. On this side of them, it has been a tremendous privilege to watch you live out being an undefended leader, courageously being a minority leader, and defending those who are not being given a voice. I look forward to reading your book! You can count on me to leave you a review 😉