Mission Possible
This book, ‘How to Have Impossible Conversations,’ by Boghossian and Lindsay provided a good addition to a leadership tool bag for conversations, or communications between the leader(s) and the team members is the life of the organization, or group. Some of the benefits of effective communication in a group are: (a.) transparency that build trust, (b.) minimizes conflicts and misunderstandings, (c.) increases teamwork or collaboration, (d.) increases team participation, (e.) helps productivity, (f.) encourages creativity and problem-solving, (g.) boost clients satisfaction, (h.) improves mental health and morale within the team, and (I.) foundational to career growth and success.[1] These are just a few, but there could be more since conversations is communication which is essential in bridging gap, or gulf that separates two destinations.
I like this book for its straightforward emphasis on how to have impossible conversations. First, it clarifies that when mentioning ‘impossible’ it does not refer to the conversation that the other party refuses to be engaged. It simply means the conversation that the parties are willing to engage in but have a hard time dealing with.[2] As the book narrow it down to what kind of conversation, it makes me think of how this would help me in my leadership role or leadership training adventures.
One important takeaway is that productive conversations are possible – even across a big divides, when it is dealt with in a careful systematic approach. Boghossian and Lindsay provides the following approaches as a system for how to deal with difficult conversations. They (the authors) elaborate on the importance of implementing this techniques in a difficult conversations: (a.) listening, not lecturing, (b.) asking thoughtful questions, (e.) build trust, (d.) establishing common ground, and (e.) be calm, be curios and keep conversation from escalating.[3] This is the tool, but how do one implement it in a practical situation? One important concept I would suggest as the essential element to this process is having a connection. Once both parties are connected, then conversations would flow and each party may be willing to listen.
I for one have encountered many of these ‘impossible conversation’ that I just made very impossible instead of a ‘mission possible.’ Therefore, when I tried to picture myself in this situation and imagine what could help me toward ‘mission possible,’ I reflected back on the last reading, ‘Humble Leadership: The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust.’ Humble leadership or leaders are the essential fundamental to several types of leadership including servant leadership, transformative, adaptive and many other leadership forms.[4] It is humble leadership that relationship (personal relationship), openness (being vulnerable), and trust (trusting each other) is flourished. Last but the most is following the example of Lord Himself by trying to imitate His humility.
“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (Phil. 2:5-8, NIV) [5]
This supreme humility may be very difficult to achieve, but the attempt is what counts. I believe for my leadership or anyone’s leadership role or adventure, following this example is the essential foundation, for humble leadership and even for turning impossible conversations into possible mission.
[1] HR Cloud. Top Ten Benefits of Effective Communication. https://www.hrcloud.com/blog/benefits-of-effective-communication. Accessed September 4, 2025.
[2] Boghossian, Peter; Lindsay, James. How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide (p. 3). Grand Central Publishing. Kindle Edition.
[3] Ibid.
[4] Schein, Edgar H.; Schein, Peter A.. Humble Leadership, Second Edition: The Power of Relationships, Openness, and Trust (p. 4). Berrett-Koehler Publishers. Kindle Edition.
[5] The Humility of Jesus Christ.
About the Author
Noel Liemam
14 responses to “Mission Possible”
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Thank you, Noel. What types of conversations do you find most challenging in your ministry context? Also, how do you remind yourself to apply some of the communication tips you have learned?
Good evening, Ms. Eckert, thank you for your comment. To answer your question with regard to challenging conversations within ministry context, I would talk about my earlier years. After graduating from high school, I attended an institute in Micronesia for training pastors. As we started to work within our local Island churches there was always this attitude toward us (those trained to be pastors) from the already ordained pastors. Since we were mostly younger, we served alongside while displaying our respect for them as elders in the ministry and to maintain our relationship. We did this as something that we learned as part of our culture, to respect the older ones. But after the readings, I can also see how listening and maintaining relationship is important in dealing with having difficult conversations. Thank you, Ms. Eckert.
Noel, thanks for your reflections here. I am curious about impossible conversations in your cultural context? How might these principles be received? What might you need to adapt from this book to better fit your context?
Noel, I was wondering something similar to Graham. What does “building golden bridges” look like in your culture? Allowing people to graciously change their minds is not something seen often in my host culture.
Hi, Kari, thank you for your comment and question. Well sometimes in my culture, I would not call it golden bridge, hehe. But as shared earlier in responding to Mr. Graham, I emphasized the importance of relationship which I would call it the ‘golden bridge.’
Allow me to share two examples of golden bridge from my culture. This happened when it involves accidents, and the victim is near death or died. The family of the offender have to go for ‘amusomus’ – meaning to go an ask for forgiveness. The first step is for the offender’s family to seek for a mediator, then the mediator has the elders of the two meets in neutral place. And if this goes well, the offender’s immediate and extended family will go and meet the victim’s family (which consists of the immediate family and the extended family as well.) This mostly happened only if the first step is successful, in other words I would say that if connection happened or relationship is established.
During the second phase, as the offender’s immediate and extended family approached the place of meeting, they crawl on the knees and hands in long lines to display respect and remorse about the incident that happened. Well sorry, I got carried away but this just one illustration of what my culture would call ‘establishing a golden bridge’ in difficult or impossible conversation. Thanks again, Kari.
Good evening, Mr. Graham, thank you for your comment. ‘Impossible conversation’ is just as prevalent in culture context as anywhere else. In my cultural context, I have seen impossible conversations within communities, local politics, and even local churches. Mostly ‘impossible conversations’ that becomes impossible mission or does not work out.
Our text lists the essentials of dealing with impossible conversation and several of them such as listening, connection and relationship, I could say that they were absent from the conversations which does not end well. One that could be useful for me is to connect first by listening attentively and not just waiting the turn to voice my mind. Thank you, Mr. Graham.
Hey Noel,
I really liked the title of your blogpost, Mission Possible. Similar to what Graham and Kari shared, I’m curious—how do you discern when it’s wise to lean into an “impossible” conversation in your cultural context? For instance, are there times when it might be seen as disrespectful to bring something up with someone older than you? I’m always fascinated to learn more about Micronesia, so I’d love to hear what this has looked like for you.
Good evening, Elysse, thank you for taking the time and commenting on my post. Thank you for liking my title, I kinda of steal it from the movie, hehe. Maybe for my next post, I will title it, ‘Mission Possible II’ regardless of the content or the theme of the post.
Well to answer your question about ‘discerning when it would be wise to lean into an impossible conversation, I am not sure. Most often I believe each individual can tell during the conversation, the timing. In my community of Micronesian sometimes I lean into it too much and it does not end well.
But I like the what the book talked about in term of establishing connection or relationship through listening and respect. This works really well in my cultural context since respect (especially for elders) is an important part of our culture. Thank you again, Elysse.
Noel,
Good post and I also saw great connections to last week’s reading. Though Bogassian lays out many different tips, I wonder if you might add any tips to effective communication across difficult barriers. Was there anything that you felt was missing?
Thank you, Mr. Adam, for you comment. I am not sure about what I would say that is missing. One difficult barrier that I mostly encountered was cross-cultural communication and understanding. For this cultural intelligence is fundamental to listening, connecting and establishing relationship. Thank you again, Mr. Adam.
Hi Noel, do you see any differences in leading through difficult conversations in your home culture? How do leaders in Micronesia practically build trust and connection with their teams before difficult conversations arise?
Hello, Ms. Christy, thank you for your comment. Yes, I would say that there are differences due to the cultures and traditions. For example, Saturday evening, I went with my ‘aterenges’ (immediate and extended family) to visit the parents and family of a young lady that one of my nephews took her to his dad’s home and kept her there for a week. Though they are both adult and she decided to go with him, in our tradition, he (my nephew) has to have the permission and the blessings from the girl’s families first.
Last night we took the girl back, express our apologies for the way our family disrespect the girl and her family. Then we asked for the (girl’s) family’s permission and blessings to allow our nephew to have her to be his wife. It was difficult conversation, but it must be done. One thing that makes it easier is that we are part of the culture and we know and understand how to navigate it. Thank you, Christy.
Noel, I appreciate your emphasis that connection and humility are essential for turning “impossible conversations” into “mission possible.” How might a leader practically cultivate connection and humility in situations where team members are resistant, defensive, or deeply divided? Can these approaches be applied in every context, or are there limitations to their effectiveness?
Hello, Mr. Chad, thank you for your comment. These are really good questions, and I will try my best to answer them. You are right in pointing out the importance of connection and humility in addressing impossible conversation for humility cultivates connection and relationship. I believe when it is met with resistance, it basically indicates that there is no connection. And I believe that this could limits the effectiveness for the techniques the book talked about. However, the power of prayer could establish these difficult connections and makes these impossible conversations possible. Thank you again, Mr. Chad.