Leading is Not For the Immature
“My boss is younger than me!” Have you ever said this or maybe heard it said by someone. This is something that I often shrugged off as a a young leader in my field, because I was thinking, “What did my age have to do with anything?”. I often thought to myself “well good for them”, or “Why does it matter?”. As I grew in my leadership and in my understanding of myself I realized more than the age it really had a lot to do with the maturity of the leader.
Leadership maturity is not just a buzzword; it’s the cornerstone of a thriving workplace. “Rare Leadership in the Workplace” by Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder offers valuable insights into what it means to be a mature leader and how such maturity can positively impact your team and organization.
Leading is a process of development of one’s self and of the leadership environment. Leadership is not for the faint of heart and certainly requires skills, and as Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder write, it requires maturity. They wrote in their book, Rare Leadership in the Workplace,
“Many people who are good at getting work done individually lack the skills and habits to lead well. The lid on the effectiveness of most leaders is not a lack of task-related skills. It is also deeper than processing “people skills.” The real lid on leadership effectiveness is related to maturity skills. Put simply, immaturity sabotages leadership effectiveness; maturity grows it.” (1)
I have worked under the leadership of very task oriented people who found themselves in leadership roles who maybe lacked maturity. I witnessed in these settings the high turn over of staff and the sabotage that frequently occurred. It was an unhealthy workplace and in the end the leader was unable to keep leading as the organization was struggling. She gave her life to the organization and had little experience beyond this small corner of the world.
I have often found that my biggest conflicts come with people who are more immature or have a narrow worldview. This was even true with my father. There was a point as a preteen I said to my mother “I have outgrown him.” I was trying to communicate that I felt as though my maturity and ability to read and understand situations had surpassed his maturity level. We would often butt heads in my teen years as following his leadership from this place of immaturity became a huge struggle.There is certainly something to be said for a leader who leads from a place of maturity and authenticity.
As we grow in our leadership it is important to not just grow our skills and our understanding of how leadership works, but to also find joy and grow in our own maturity. It is in this growth we will become better leaders.
- Warner, Marcus, and Wilder, Jim. “Rare Leadership in the Workplace: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead.” Moody Publishers, 2016.
About the Author
Sara Taylor Lattimore
Sara is adopted, a wife of 17 years, a mother to 2 amazing children who give her opportunities to be a cheerleader, dress up like a princess, play soccer in the mud, and go on amazing adventures. With a Bachelors in political science and sociology, Sara worked for Child Protective Services as a legal caseworker before following a call into full-time ministry in 2008. During her time in full-time ministry Sara has served in medium to large size local congregations, as well as camp ministry. Sara has a passion for serving others, writing, and speaking. In 2016 Sara worked on a joint publication as a Curriculum Writer. Sara wrote the Intergenerational/Family & Day Camp Resources in “Beyond Belief” for InsideOut Christian Resources for Outdoor Ministry- Published by Chalice Press- Release Date 2018. Sara is looking forward to writing her own book next. Sara completed her MDiv from Iliff School of Theology in 2019 and is currently working on her Doctorate in Leadership and Global Perspectives from Portland Seminary. Sara currently serves as Lead Pastor of a local church in Southwestern Montana. She has previously served in ministry positions leading congregations in engaging globally in healthy mission and outreach partnerships, living life missionally, building innovative programs, and building relationships as the Director of Missions and Outreach, College Ministry Coordinator, Family and Children’s Ministry Director, Director of Christian Education, and Camp Program Director. She is an innovator and visionary who looks to find empowering and dignity restoring ways of building communities of belonging, while listening and partnering with others to find ways to also address the needs of the communities she is planted in. Beyond her work, Sara dreams of growing her family through adoption, kayaking with Orcas, going on pilgrimage on the Camino De Santiago in Spain, traveling in an RV across North America, and traveling internationally.12 responses to “Leading is Not For the Immature”
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Sara,
Thank you for sharing vulnerably about your relationship with your father. You share:
“I have often found that my biggest conflicts come with people who are more immature or have a narrow worldview. This was even true with my father. There was a point as a preteen I said to my mother “I have outgrown him.” I was trying to communicate that I felt as though my maturity and ability to read and understand situations had surpassed his maturity level”
I am curious how you came upon knowing that you had outgrown your father as a preteen? You processed this with your mother. I am curious what she said to you/how she encouraged you/or did she reframe things/ or maybe she did none of these things. I am curious what your relationship is like now with your father? Are you able to find some common ground in certain areas?
I am asking all of these questions because I have come to a similar conclusion in my relationship with my father. I am attempting to find empathy for him and love and accept him for where he is at.
I pray that the Lord goes before you in this holiday season where you will more than likely spend time with your extended family.
Kristy, thank you for your questions and for your conversation in class around this topic. My father passed away in the spring of 2020, we did have some opportunity for some healing as I cared for him in his last moments. I will say that my mother acknowledge my statements and I think she saw it too. She was carrying her own struggles with him and I think she didn’t have much capacity to really process with me. I think shame drove my father further away from me over the years as maybe he subconsciously realized the disconnect. I think my knowing came from the moments I was able to handle stressors and pressures with more maturity than him. When I was able to align values with action and understand the consequences of certain actions and make adjustments in response. All of these things he struggles to do at different levels. It also was apparent in the ability to take ownership or responsibility for situations or things, he often struggled to realize his role but quick to point out the flaws or mistakes of others. These things can be related to maturity or personality traits but something to me felt instinctual that with him and I it was a maturity imbalance. I pray for you and your father and the journey that you are on together.
Great post, Sara,
It can be hard when we deal with our own elders, isn’t it? “We would often butt heads in my teen years as following his leadership from this place of immaturity became a huge struggle.”
Some cultures can be so complicated whereby one gets forced to obey blindly regardless of immaturity among elders. They forget as the numbers of our years increase may have nothing to do with real growth especially the ability to lead others.
Jean, Thank you so much for your comment and for raising the cultural component as well. This is definitely and factor worth considering when looking at these types of issues as culture plays such a significant role in our development and understanding of each other and our roles.
Great post, Sara. I love your line, “Leading is a process of development of one’s self.” You really brought maturity into perspective. Leading is certainly not just about bossing people around or even getting tasks completed. Leadership maturity is developing “one’s self” as much as it is developing and guiding others.
Do you currently have employees that answer to you that are older than you? I do and it definitely requires respect on both sides and a mature relationship.
Thanks again for the post. Well done.
Michael, I don’t have employees but I do have church members that are both older than me and have a long standing family history in the church that is older than me. It has been critical for me to continue to develop myself and to know myself well in order to engage in leadership and conflict resolution when leading change in a traditional setting.
Sara – How wise of you to recognize that difference between yourself and your father. It’s difficult when we have markedly different maturity levels than those we are in relationship with.
What do you think has had the most impact on your leadership maturity level since you’ve assumed your new role?
Laura, Thanks for the question! I will say in my new role as a solo leader with know one else to run ideas by I have had to really lean into and trust my ability to understand and read people. I have learned that it is important to know who to trust and who may not be ones I could rely on. This means I must acknowledge where they are in their journey and development and honor that in a gracious way while still leading the church in the process. I have really leaned into my self differentiation and taking to heart the truth that I don’t have to become a part of the chaos, and sabotage is a real thing!
That’s brilliant self-awareness, Sara!
Thank you for your kind words! I have learned a lot from you and our peers!
Sara, great post and great job in the “hot seat.” I appreciate how you recognized that your father had limitations to his growth and maturity. I have gone through a similar understanding of my own parents. I have to admit, there are times when I really just want to throw a tantrum and be the child in the relationship instead of the mature one. How do you remind yourself to take the high road of maturity when you just want to revert to childish tendencies?
Becca, yes there are days when I would love to throw a tantrum too. I think the strength to choose maturity comes from a place of deep empathy and grace. “Once you see it you can’t unsee it” Once you know this maturity difference you know it and then it comes down to will I honor who they are and where they are and give them the grace, while also protecting myself int he process. Grace doesn’t always mean a free pass but it does mean that it is beyond my control and I will trust it in the hands of the one who created us and loves us and knows us better than we know ourselves.