Leadership Development Among the Vulnerable
The late Edwin Friedman delivers powerful leadership principles in his book, A Failure of Nerve. Through his work as a rabbi, family therapist, and leadership consultant, Friedman identifies “that the climate of contemporary America has become so chronically anxious that our society has gone into an emotional regression that is toxic to well-defined leadership.”[1] Incorporating insights gained from sociology, neurology, psychology, and social science, Friedman constructs pathways leading to what he calls self-differentiated leaders. These are leaders who are “able to separate themselves from the emotional processes [that lead to chronic anxiety] before they can even begin to see (or hear) things differently.”[2] This process of
differentiation means the capacity to become oneself out of one’s self, with minimum reactivity to the positions or reactivity of others. Differentiation is charting one’s own way by means of one’s own internal guidance system, rather than perpetually eying the “scope” to see where others are. Differentiation refers more to a process than a goal that can ever be achieved. [Ultimately, this differentiation] refers to a direction in life rather than a state of being.[3]
Having read this book now three times in the past six months, I continue to be amazed by the depth of Friedman’s concepts and the connections to so many leadership principles. One example is Lieberman’s work in The Molecule of More and the drive dopamine provided “Old World” leaders like Columbus to explore and lead an entire civilization to new possibilities. Friedman comments that these leaders had a “capacity to get outside the emotional climate of the day…. A willingness to be exposed and vulnerable…. Persistence in the face of resistance and downright rejection…. Stamina in the face of sabotage along the way…. [and] Being ‘headstrong’ and ‘ruthless.”[4] These concepts are very notable to me in consideration of my NPO: Vulnerable communities struggle to flourish due to a lack of healthy, holistic relationships. In exploring possible solutions to my NPO, I will be working on my prototype this semester to ultimately develop a six-month leadership development cohort to holistically invest in my low-income community. While there are many notable principles from Friedman’s work, I anticipate incorporating the following into my project to challenge the cycle of poverty and chronic anxiety:
- Combat the herding Herding is a sense of “togetherness,” but not always for good. Friedman writes,
Rather than support those who stand tall and take on the most disturbed members, the herding family will adapt to the system-bearer (alcoholic, delinquent, substance abuser, gambler, hot-tempered one) and undercut anyone who attempts to define himself or herself against the forces of togetherness. They often characterize that person as “cruel,” “heartless,” “insensitive,” “unfeeling,” “uncooperative,” “selfish,” and “cold.”[5]
This mentality lends itself to the most dominant personality for the group, whether good or bad. When unchecked and unhealthy, the result is a leadership vacuum and a lack of flourishing. The challenge to break free from this mentality requires one who is self-differentiated. How can I identify these potential leaders to break cycles of poverty and addiction?
- Emphasize the importance of relationships and mentoring. Having been involved in gospel-driven community development work for over two decades, I am convinced more than ever that the restoration of relationships is essential for the wellness of individuals, families, and communities. Friedman writes, “What chronically anxious families require, of course, is a leader who does not give in to their demands… People rarely can rise above the level of the maturity of their leaders or mentors.”[6] I believe this relational connection is fostered by proximity and shared experience and is an essential element to promoting leadership development in a vulnerable community.
- The essential focus on self and identity. While it may appear contradictory within a Christian identity paradigm, Friedman argues that we must focus on the self to lead others effectively. He writes,
A leader must separate his or her own emotional being from that of his or her followers while still remaining connected. Vision is basically an emotional rather than a cerebral phenomenon, depending more on a leader’s capacity to deal with anxiety than his or her professional training or degree. A leader needs the capacity not only to accept the solitariness that comes with the territory, but also to come to love it.[7]
- Encourage the marks of good leadership. Rather than being negatively impacted by chronic anxiety, it will be the goal to develop pathways that will promote the capacity to separate one self from the chaos, gain clarity of vision and principles, not fear vulnerability, to be long-suffering through challenges, and learn how to appropriately react to the opposition that will undoubtedly come with leadership.[8]
Ultimately, the goal of my project will be to encourage, equip, and promote well-defined leadership in anticipation that individuals and families can “evolve out of a state of regression… by their well-defined presence, to regulate the systematic anxiety in the relationship system they are leading and to inhibit the invasiveness of those factions which would preempt its agenda.”[9]
[1] Edwin H. Friedman, Margaret M. Treadwell, and Edward W. Beal, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, 10th anniversary revised edition. (New York: Church Publishing, 2017), 59.
[2] Ibid., 35.
[3] Ibid., 194.
[4] Ibid., 200–201.
[5] Ibid., 76.
[6] Ibid., 95.
[7] Ibid., 20.
[8] Ibid., 96–97.
[9] Ibid., 146.
7 responses to “Leadership Development Among the Vulnerable”
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Eric, I really admire how you’re taking learning from one class and applying it to your project. I also look forward to seeing the final version of your project. This sentence jumped out to me as I read your post: “I am convinced more than ever that the restoration of relationships is essential for the wellness of individuals, families, and communities.” Can you say a little more about that? I believe that’s the ‘hard-to-measure’ key to church health as well as communities. Do you know how you will incorporate a strategy for those kinds of relationships into your project?
Oh boy, that is a longer conversation, but the short of it is that I believe the work of the gospel is about the restoration of relationships. First, with God through Christ, then with ourselves (and understanding our true identity), then with others, and finally, our engagement in the world, which I would refer to as our work of kingdom cultivation.
I am not sure how to assess and measure this yet, but I do have some thoughts and ideas that I hope to explore.
Eric: It’s great that this book speaks so directly to your Project Portfolio. I think there is a lot of material between the covers of this book that you can put into practice with the ministry in which you are working. Do you think the demographics that you are working with would agree with the teachings of Friedman? Are there some parts of his book that don’t relate well to your ministry? Friedman’s principles are so universal I would think nearly all of his insights can be applied. Nice post.
There is a LOT that applies to my context, interestingly. I am particularly interested on the focus of “self” and identity as a pathway to shalom. Thanks!
Eric – Always good to hear more about how the specific texts we are going through relate to your vocational context and NPO. I found myself immediately questioning your statement, “While it may appear contradictory within a Christian identity paradigm, Friedman argues that we must focus on the self to lead others effectively” as to why that is so in the Christian context. The more I look at the life of Jesus, I see so clearly how he was consistent and insistent on his solidarity and abiding with the Father. Looking at the gospels, would anyone say Jesus was being selfish when he went off on his own? Likely a few but not most. And yet, when we do that today, there is immediate questioning of others and even personal guilt (leaving the work, the kids, the responsibilities…) in taking the time apart. I wonder how much healthier we’d be as individuals, the church, and society if the focus on the self in this way were more encouraged and emphasized.
Eric I so appreciated your connection of Molecule of More reference to explorers to Friedman’s “scene setting” in A Failure of Nerve. The agent of dopamine in motivating explorers and pioneers is very intriguing to me.
Regarding your question about poverty and addiction….I can across this a couple of years ago…..
https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong
How might you compare and contrast what he is saying to what Friedman talks about regarding maps of the brain (pages126-138) & malignant cells (pages 150-151)? What ways does the Molecule of More inform (or not) your work with these pages from Friedman?
Wow Eric! You have really processed a great deal of this book. I can see that it will be a major voice in your project. Have you found any aspects of Eve Poole’s “Leadersmithing” in regard to mentoring that you can integrate with Friedman? And what might that look like?