Keep Calm, Be Silent, and Listen
Leadership and the New Science: Discovering Order in a Chaotic World and Finding Our Way: Leadership For an Uncertain Time, written by Margaret J. Wheatley, present a complementary vision of what non-anxious, collaborative, and transformational leadership can look like in our chaotic and uncertain world. I was reassured by the necessity and normalcy of chaos as Wheatley described the complexity and creative design of our universe. I found encouragement to work with chaos during seasons of change and, as Ignatius puts it, “find God in all things.” The images and poetry within her work speak to the transformative power and inherent possibilities present during times of uncertainty. The new science she unpacks for us also reveals the creative power of our God, who brought our world into being and breathed life into humankind.
In Leadership and the New Science, Wheatley explains how chaos and order work together in our universe, which hints at the interconnectedness of all things. She writes, “…we live in a time of chaos, as rich in potential for disaster as for new possibilities.”[1] I find it fascinating that Wheatley draws from the sciences of biology, quantum physics, chaos theory, and self-organizing systems to explain the importance of relationships, how our world is interconnected clear down to the cellular level, and that chaos and change lead to transformation. She points out that striving for equilibrium and defending ourselves against change are old maps for navigating uncertainty. We need new maps. She advocates for adaptability and creating new structures that support our ever-changing realities.[2] More importantly, Wheatley contends that it is by embracing chaos and change that we find the equilibrium and the transformation we seek. Even if only until the next unexpected problem or crisis comes our way. She writes, “Paradoxically, it is the system’s need to maintain itself that may lead it to become something new and different.”[3]
Finding Our Way took on a completely different tone than I was expecting from a book on leadership. Wheatley writes of a new story in which all our stories connect, how we all must tell them, and offers much of her own as a gift. The book is a series of essays that reads more like a philosophy or spirituality of leadership. It’s both reflective and practical. Building upon the previous book, Wheatley highlights living aware of our interconnectedness and the power of listening. She writes, “Everybody has a story, and everybody wants to tell their story in order to connect.”[4] In a fractured world where broken relationships impact everyone, listening moves us closer to one another. Listening has the power to heal and make us “whole and holy.”[5] Chaos and uncertainty can bring us into a deeper connection with one another if we change our approach and choose to see that we’re hard-wired for connection. Moving closer and listening to one another has the potential to bring the calm we desire. It takes vulnerability to move toward and listen to others whose experiences differ from ours. It takes courage to befriend chaos and uncertainty. Trying to escape uncertainty is futile and, from what I can see, only creates more chaos. We need each other to survive.
Wheatley’s perspective reminds me of Annabel Beerel’s thoughts on leadership, “Leading in times of crises requires multiple skills. These include a calm demeanor, the courage to speak reality, an ability to find clarity amid chaos, a capacity for deep empathy, and sensitive timing.”[6] Both authors point out the necessity of grasping new realities versus avoiding them. They advocate for acceptance and a mindful approach, demonstrating a non-anxious presence and response in a disconnected and reactive world. I also see how what Simon Walker referred to as “the space between” us relates to Wheatley’s work.[7] The space between us is the connection point to which we must attend. Brené Brown’s definition of connection clarifies Wheatley’s understanding of interconnectedness and Walker’s observation, “Connection is the energy between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.”[8] Listening, whole-body, active listening without judgment, giving advice, fixing, or interrupting restores connection. While I don’t have the word count to expand this thought, the experience of being listened to also impacts the brain and body. Everything is connected!
When I think of recent events such as COVID-19, January 6th and the divisive US election season, racial tensions, and the ongoing conflicts in Israel and Ukraine, it’s not difficult to see evidence of the breakdown in relationships due to a mindset that refuses to see our interconnectedness. But this breakdown occurs not just in the global events of the world. It happens in our communities, workplaces, churches, and homes. Disconnection also occurs within the self, creating internal chaos that quickly derails us. Disconnection is an invitation to connection. It’s an invitation to listen.
Listening happens on three levels. We listen to others, to ourselves, and to God, often simultaneously. I see the necessity of leaders to intentionally practice listening and create a culture of connection in their sphere of influence. I also see the need for safe places where leaders feel heard. As Christian leaders, we also need time and space to listen to the inner voice of our hearts and the gentle whisper of God, who desires to strengthen and guide us. Listening requires silence. In a chaotic world, silence is hard to find, but it’s an essential practice if we want to listen well, restore connection, and work with our creator to bring order out of chaos.
Wheatley’s books beautifully integrate science, spirituality, and social-emotional and psychological health. The books deserve a slower read than I could manage this week. But, for now, I will keep calm, be silent, and listen. I will spend time with my God and practice what Wheatley suggests: start the day peacefully, slow down, be mindful, and practice gratitude.[9]
[1] Margaret J. Wheatley, Leadership and the New Science: Discovering Order in a Chaotic World (San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2006), ix.
[2] Margaret J. Wheatley, Leadership and the New Science, 82.
[3] Ibid., 85.
[4] Margaret J. Wheatley, Finding Our Way: Leadership for an Uncertain Time (San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2007), 219.
[5] Margaret J. Wheatley, Finding Our Way, 220.
[6] Annabel Beerel, Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories (London, UK: Routledge, 2021), 165.
[7] Simon, P. Walker, Leading with Nothing to Lose: Training in Exercise of Power. (Carlisle, UK: Piquant Edition Ltd. 2007), 152.
[8] Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are (Center City, MN: Hazelden Publishing, 2010).
[9] Margaret J. Wheatley, Finding Our Way, 131-133.
About the Author
Jenny Dooley
Jenny served as a missionary in Southeast Asia for 28 years. She currently resides in Gig Harbor, Washington, where she works as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Spiritual Director in private practice with her husband, Eric. Jenny loves to listen and behold the image of God in others. She enjoys traveling, reading, and spending time with her family which include 5 amazing adult children, 3 awesome sons-in-law, a beautiful daughter-in-law, and 8 delightful grandchildren.14 responses to “Keep Calm, Be Silent, and Listen”
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Jenny, you mentioned that “Listening happens on three levels. We listen to others, to ourselves, and to God, often simultaneously.” I’m guessing you are writing about this in your doctoral project, at some level.
On another note, you mentioned that Wheatley and Beerel both “point out the necessity of grasping new realities versus avoiding them.” I’m curious — do you think that one of the two authors addressed the “how-to” of going about the grasping of new realities in practical steps that one can apply in his/her organizational leadership? While I loved Wheatley’s book (in fact, I’m referencing Wheatley’s premise in my doctoral project and including it in my bibiliography), I do wonder how the book’s thesis plays out in a wonderful-but-broken world of leadership and human systems.
Hi Travis, Yes, the listening on three levels shows up a bit in my project. It’s actually more of a spiritual direction posture about listening that I find helpful in all conversations…not that I do it well in all conversations!
Both Beerel and Wheatley wrote about mindfulness. Beerel may have been more practical just because mindfulness was a single chapter, and as I recall had a list of practices (I didn’t bring the book with me). Wheatley’s thesis in my thinking has more to do with a mindset or maybe a heart attitude to slow down and take it all in, so to speak. I’m not sure in a true crises that works, but if a slowing down and understanding the systems within the organization is a regular practice the unexpected is likely easier to manage and maybe more fun!
I’m struck by your line: “[Wheatley] points out that striving for equilibrium and defending ourselves against change are old maps for navigating uncertainty. We need new maps. She advocates for adaptability and creating new structures that support our ever-changing realities.” and then later in your post, you say, “Listening, whole-body, active listening without judgment, giving advice, fixing, or interrupting restores connection.” So my brain is trying to weave the two thoughts together and I’m thinking about how, in my own leadership, to move away from striving for equilibrium during times of uncertainty and rather engage in active listening. I’m going to have to keep thinking about that, but thanks for opening up that line of reflection!
Hi Kim,
The new maps was Wheatley’s wording. It reminded me of what Dr. Clark points out about maps and what different maps help us see and more importantly how things connect.
When you pull those two sentences out of my blog I can see why it’s challenging to make a connection:) I’ve been pondering that myself! Ha! Here’s my trick to make the connection. When I’m overwhelmed with the chaos around me I notice it impacts my body…usually anxious feelings, increased heart rate, etc. Slowing my breathing down calms everything…I know you know this, but I find it’s easy to forget when things get overwhelming. It’s also a reminder of how my emotions are connected to my body. I have control of my breath so by slowing down my breath I feel a little safer, more in control of myself, and then I can listen! I hope that makes sense.
Jenny, I like the way you have framed listening as a way to manage the tensions of leading in a systematic approach. And, the different spheres in which we need to be listening. REALLY helpful as I think of ways to help leaders navigate some upcoming chaotic waters. It is clear to me that you have done deep work in this space!
Jenn, This might seem a little out there, inviting a group to participate in a short breathing exercise (or even a pause) might feel awkward, but every time I’ve done it something shifted in how we related and listened to one another.
Love that last line of your post, Jenny.
I wonder how differently our days–including our various interactions with people throughout them–would be if we all consistently started our days (with God) peacefully…where we slowed down, were mindful, and practiced gratitude (as opposed to rushing through our devotions to get on with our day!)? How might God’s people collectively impact our rushed, noisy, impatient, scared, and harsh culture if we started the day reminding ourselves that God is God, and we are not…and we can walk purposefully, prayerfully, and peacefully through the day with Him? We sure would end up looking a lot different than our North American culture!
I’d like to be better at this myself! Thanks for the reminder…
Thanks Scott, I have to remind myself too! As I was reading your list of adjectives that describe our North American culture, I was struck by the word scared. In the back of my mind I’m always wondering what people are fearful of or so anxious about that they default to being rushed, impatient, and too busy to notice one another, let alone listen. I can so easily get caught in that myself! I often stop to ask, What am I afraid of? I can slow down a bit after that.
Thanks for this reflection Jenny. It’s such a good reminder that chaos isn’t just something to survive but can actually lead to growth and transformation. I love how you tied Wheatley’s ideas to listening and connection—it’s so needed in our divided, noisy world. The thought of finding God even in chaos, and practicing gratitude and mindfulness, feels like the right kind of challenge for leaders right now, and the focus of my writing for my NPO, which has been dominating my time and energy as of late!
Really inspiring stuff Jenny.
Hi John,
I can’t wait to read your work! It is a challenge for pastors and ministry leaders to embrace the chaos and practice gratitude and mindfulness (which in my conceptualization is simply slowing down to pause, notice, and invite God into it with me). The most common question I get from the ministry leaders I’m working with is, “Why do we have to pause and be silent?”
I’m praying for you and the cohort as we head into the final stretch.
Jenny,
I also felt drawn to this quote, “Everybody has a story, and everybody wants to tell their story in order to connect.” I’m curious, what are your suggestions on how we listen to one another, to each other’s stories even when what we hear is painful to listen to? How do we attempt to find connection when we can’t find commonality?
Hi Jonita,
Thanks for your response and question. It’s not an easy one to answer. Practicing empathy comes to mind. Empathy does not mean agreement, but it does mean being able to validate another person’s emotions by naming their feelings and understanding their origins and intensity. We don’t often get there because our own emotions rise up. It takes getting underneath their story attempting to understand their experience while remaining non-anxious. Brene Brown says, empathy is a vulnerable choice but it fuels connection, so its important to practice. When people feel heard and safe, they’re more likely to have a better conversation, but not always.
Not to contradict myself, but I recall Edwin Friedman writing about how empathy might not be the appropriate leadership tool in every situation as not all people respond to empathy or manipulate the one who empathizes. So he suggested leaders remain well-differentiated and responsible. So I like practicing empathy to understand, but I also know that in some cases it might not be the best tool. In the end, I’m responsible for me and my actions, and if I’m leading, for those who expect me to do so without getting derailed by other’s strong feelings or demands.
I don’t know if that helps. I’m preaching to myself here! 🙂 Empathy is hard! Sometimes the only commonality we can name is that we’re all human and deeply loved by God. But that’s a start.
Hey Jenny. I loved everything about listening and silence. this definitely helps us to connect. But the WOW moment came when you wrote, “Listening happens on three levels. We listen to others, to ourselves, and to God, often simultaneously.” I’m wondering when I listened to all 3 simultaneously. In fact, I have never thought about that but I’m going to think about it now. Thanks for educating me…AGAIN!
Hi Todd,
I think I sound like a broken record on listening and silence these days. But that’s my project in a nutshell. The listening on three levels is more of a spiritual direction concept. While listening is happening on three levels it’s hard to keep track and remain present to the person speaking. It requires slowing down and paying attention even after the conversation is over. Sometimes it’s just the awareness that while listening to someone else I am hearing something for myself and from God too. Maybe it’s more about reflection at that point. Anyway, glad it was helpful. When it comes to listening I’m a work in progress!