Joy and courage are like peanut butter and jelly
What an awesome, amazing, exhausting semester!
Thank you, my dear cohort friends, for the courage to wrestle with the texts and with one another, and for the vulnerability of “showing up” even when not everyone agreed.
Thank you for your encouragement, prayers, and support.
I’m blessed to have been put in THIS cohort. Our time together brings me great joy.
Our last book of this semester, Dare to Lead by Brene Brown, was in my opinion a perfect bookend for our year.
The first book of last semester was Simon Walker’s Leading with Nothing To Lose. In their own ways, each book was about vulnerable, courageous leadership. But I didn’t truly grasp Walker’s definition of vulnerable (undefended) leadership until I read Brown’s explanation that vulnerability and disclosure are not the same thing.
She writes “Some of the most daring leaders I know have incredible vulnerability…and yet disclose very little.” (Brown, 35). I have always thought of myself as a vulnerable leader, but I can also be a private person. I’ve been wrestling lately with how to pull off both without seeming, or being, inauthentic.
So, her statement, found early in the first chapter, captured my attention, and hooked me for the rest of the book.
You see, I had NOT been a Brene Brown fan. I had started to read one of her books a few years ago and got about a chapter into it before I put it down with the too-quick assessment that she was a bit too “new-agey-touchy-feely-pop-psychology-feel-good” for me.
That was not only grossly unfair, but it was my loss.
This book was so helpful to me (and now I imagine her other books would be, too). The stated aspirational goal of her research, “to live in a world with braver bolder leaders” (Brown, 4) was like oxygen to my soul. It reminded me of something Loren Michaels, creator of Saturday Night Live and scores of other hit TV shows, once said “Risk IS oxygen, If you’re not on the edge, how are you supposed to feel alive?”.
Brave leaders shouldn’t be reckless, but it can often seem like they are living on the edge. And courageous cultures help everyone live closer to the edge and feel more alive.
And the feeling of being fully alive when you have the courage to push through fear is what we experience in joy.
Joy is the feeling you get during the first drop of a roller coaster. Joy is what happens when you overcome incredible odds to land a job you fought for but didn’t think you would get. And joy is present when the girl (or guy) you’ve been wanting to ask out for so long says “yes”.
Courage is pressing through all the fear and resistance of two years of doctoral work.
Joy is walking across the stage in a funny hat to get your degree.
Courage isn’t the absence of fear but almost always happens in the presence of it. And joy isn’t the absence of pain but is often what happens when you push through that pain.
Like Forrest Gump and Jenny, or peas and carrots, or peanut butter and jelly (forgive me Jason, Marmite and toast?) courage and joy are meant for each other.
Another book we read this semester underscored this reality. Rare Leadership challenged us to return to joy, and to endure hardship well. Those are two separate points, yet they are inextricable. If we don’t know how to live through (or even lean into) pain well, or as Brown calls it “embrace the suck” (Brown, 10) we will have a hard time ever finding joy.
As we all reposition ourselves for next year’s work on the projects we chose this semester, there will be more resistance, and fear, and pain, but let’s look to the joy ahead of us. Like Jesus “who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame” (Heb 12:2) we can courageously take up our own (much smaller) crosses for the joy set before us.
I want to end with something Brene Brown quotes from Theodore Roosevelt:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again…who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” (Brown, xviii).
We are the doers of deeds. We are in the arena. Let’s keep daring greatly through the dust, sweat and blood, whether we come up short or succeed. And I’ll joyfully see you all at graduation (but first in DC), next year!
About the Author
Tim Clark
I'm on a lifelong journey of discovering the person God has created me to be and aligning that with the purpose God has created me for. I've been pressing hard after Jesus for 40 years, and I currently serve Him as the lead pastor of vision and voice at The Church On The Way in Los Angeles. I live with my wife and 3 kids in Burbank California.13 responses to “Joy and courage are like peanut butter and jelly”
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Hi Tim, You wrote…”She (Brown) writes “Some of the most daring leaders I know have incredible vulnerability…and yet disclose very little.” (Brown, 35). I have always wanted to be a vulnerable leader, but I can also be a private person. I’ve been wrestling lately with how to pull off both without seeming, or being, inauthentic.”
I have been told that dogs in a pack have an Alpha Leader. Let’s call him the “domineering leader.” Unknowingly, I have sought to have that title in my nonprofit http://www.goodsportsinternational.org. That Domineering Leadership works when forging into new territory (i.e. Ukraine) but works rather poorly in more established setting (Hungary 26 years and Slovakia 28 years). Sadly, I have burned some relational bridges in this “domineering” mode. My response? In the last 3 months, I have made myself vulnerable on a personal level (various issues) that remind me of subordinate dog revealing his throat to the “alpha leader.” This vulnerability hopefully will put an equal balance of “power” to those who I have offended.
Sigh…leadership…we crave it, yet it sometimes eludes us.
Shalom
What a challenging response for a leader used to being the alpha. But it seems Christ-like to walk in humility both because of your character and for serving the greater good of those who follow you. Thanks for modeling this, Russ.
Tim, this is such a great and encouraging post for our cohort to end the year with. Thank you!
I, too, found connections between Brown’s description of vulnerability and Simon Walker’s Leading with Nothing to Lose. A third author — one we read over a year ago — also came to mind — Edwin Friedman. The three of them together helped to paint a picture of how a well-differentiated leader (separate but connected) who doesn’t live on the applause of others (instead is connected to an “Other”) can operate with vulnerability yet in a healthy way. He/she knows what, when, and how to disclose that which needs to be disclosed in the right context, yet has the self-discipline to NOT disclose that which does not need to be. Wisdom seems to be the way forward here.
I look forward to connecting in D.C.
Travis, I really resonated with your post in this. I appreciate the tightrope between vulnerability and toxic oversharing… and agree that wisdom is needed.
I also agree that differentiation is such a key.
I’m also looking forward to connecting. See you there!
What a lovely word of encouragement. Thanks for cheering us all on!
I want to hold on to what you said as we move toward our final year: “As we all reposition ourselves for next year’s work on the projects we chose this semester, there will be more resistance, and fear, and pain, but let’s look to the joy ahead of us.” It reminds me of something I heard at our first advance in South Africa: “It’s hard. Lean in.” So simple but a good reminder for hard days.
I’d forgotten that statement. “It’s hard, lean in”. I love it.
My threshold concept in this program has been that I can do much harder things than I often give myself credit for. 🙂
Thank YOU for the encouragement. Looking forward to all our time together in the fall.
“Courage is pressing through all the fear and resistance of two years of doctoral work. Joy is walking across the stage in a funny hat to get your degree.” Or, as John Fehlan quoted Brown, in his blog post, “Embrace the suck.”
I’m feeling that big time.
I also loved the Loren Michaels quote: “Risk IS oxygen, If you’re not on the edge, how are you supposed to feel alive?” This may explain why, even though I am usually filled with fear, I will jump. It makes me feel alive.
Like you warned, I am not usually reckless in my jumping – lots of research and learning beforehand – but it’s still jumping.
I hadn’t hear his quote before but this quote from Michaels will sit in my brain for quite some time. Thank you!
EMBRACE THE SUCK.
That should be our class motto (do we get one of those? I just decided we do).
I see you as a person who is wiling to jump. Even in fear. It’s one of the reasons I appreciate you!
See you in a few months!
Thanks for this encouragement, Tim. As I read your reflection that Chapter 4 was like a breath of fresh air to you, it resonated. Of course, in this current climate, with the nonsense going on all over the political world, finding “braver bolder leaders” is something I think we all are longing for. Your nudge that becoming such leaders will be a joyful act was a lovely thought with which to end the year. Thanks, Tim!
Braver bolder leaders. So needed in our world. So needed in me. Thanks for the encouragement,
You’re correct…our posts WERE very similar.
I just wanted to say that, and in doing so hit enter on my 8th blog reply, and then cheerfully slam my laptop shut, and pour a glass of wine.
🙂
Tim,
What a wonderful post! I am thrilled that you are a new Brene fan. I love these statements that you make. You say, ” Courage is pressing through all the fear and resistance of two years of doctoral work.
Joy is walking across the stage in a funny hat to get your degree. Courage isn’t the absence of fear but almost always happens in the presence of it. And joy isn’t the absence of pain but is often what happens when you push through that pain.” I say…yes, yes, yes, and yes. Thank you for articulating this so well. I appreciate you…but you already know that.
Thanks Jonita, the feeling’s mutual!